Best Geek Ever!: October 2009

Fan Art Review Time Vol II: F.A.R.T. Harder

Lads and gents, the section that vivisects the worst fanworks Deviant Art Has to offer is back. But the section has a confession to make. You see, the F.A.R.T has been living in denial, and it's time to come out of the closet.

Now don't act so so surprised. You saw Apocalypse Shadow's necklace: those where signs: F.A.R.T. is gay. So let's lisp our way into this edition's entries.

As always, I only do this in the spirit of betterment of the community. And Clicks. But mostly betterment.

Total Drama Lesbiaaans! For all the ships you could do of of that show... Lindsay/Izzy is one of them.
And I could buy it from Izzy too. What I can't buy is that the author would post this up.

Most of Lindsay and Izzy's body has become wireframes, as if they where burnt bodies that they put clothes on and posed. The characters also have no faces but for their very blue and green eyelashes.

The author even has better pieces than this. Why upload something so amateurish and incomplete? Look, someday we'll have a big site called "Mommysfridge.com" and we'll upload anything we want there. But meanwhile please, no more bitmap atrocities like this.

On to my criticism...FUCKING FINISH IT! Really, I've seen your other work. You can do more than stick figures!

It surprised me a bit, too. Generally shipping doesn't involve the same character falling for itself, because then you gotta wonder if it's incest, masturbation or some new paraphilia that doesn't have a name yet. But one of this is apparently not Fry. Take it away, artist!

"Using the Clone-O-Mat that the Professor fixed, Fry copied himself into four and it ran out of power Two of Fry's clones teased the other one named Tori (who likes cute stuff) and had fun with Amy, Bender and Zoidberg who laughed at the poor Fry duplicate He befriends the original Fry and becomes a cute friend of his, bacause Leela's confused and reckons which one's the real Fry"

So yeah, one of this guys is the clone of the other. Turned out to be a gay clone. Who turned his original into a gay.

"Well Played, sir"

The lines aren't too bad. Some proportional loss around the neck. Expected stuff, because the deceptive simplicity of Groening type design bellows a steep learning curve.

But what really angers me isn't the turning of a straight guy into a gay guy. My beef is that apparently this character belongs to someone named Jenny Ngo, I assume the name behind the screenname.

Look, Jenny, I don't know how copyright works in Africa, but I'm fairly certain you don't own Fry, or the concept of being a homosexual. And really, that's all there is to your original character.

I suggest if you really want your gay Fry to be special, at least fab him up a bit, aye? While you at it, give him a partner that isn't his blood related, because incest still hasn't been lobbied into acceptability.

What? It SO is on the pattern. Have you seen the way Obi Wan talks in this show? It's gayer than Ziro the Hutt eating a rainbow while entering a hair salon in San Francisco.

But what we have here is an attempt at epic, as the cut up, crushed remains of Ahsoka, Obi Wan, Anakin, and Padme are surrounded by the lyrics of Chad Kroegger's "Hero". Never mind that it was the soundtrack to Spider-Man, let's turn this into an AMV!

First up, the author of the piece didn't know how to pull off the look of the show.Second, while the background isn't half bad the characters are completely flat and disproportionate like hell. There is some shading in there, but come on! Shading can't save this. Thirdly just look at those expressions: Ahsoka looks like she smells shit, Obi Wan looks to be saying something while being mad(probably describing the cost of Nichole Richie's house for a VH1 show, no doubt), Padme looks Asian and Anakin looks like he's about to kill himself with his lightsaber.

I would honestly suggest study of human anatomy. You can't just jump from 0 to the flash-turned-CG of Clone Wars.

Either way, you guys can get better if you get out of the closet of laziness, uncreative design, and Star Wars Guro. And remember that F.A.R.T. is here to stay, so get used to it!

Folks, I want full disclosure here: I'm not a professional level artist or storyteller. My artwork is rushed. Why am I saying that? Because I want to push the Fan artists into some standards.

Because, really, how else can we grow, as artists, if our works aren''t challenged? With that said, let's go. Even though this is protected by the "review fair use" I still want to link to the artists pages on the screenies. Because I'm that damn nice.So click on the images for full view on Deviant Art.

"Not Shadow, but an incredible simulation!"

I guess in fairness sakes the line-art and coloring and other elements here aren't badly performed. Although this fails to comfort to Sonic character design proportions, unless this guy is a giant, towering over Big the Cat. My Beef with this piece is with the concept: An original character named Apocalypse Shadow.

Now look, here: You can't just grab Shadow, scar him, slick his quills a bit, give him a last name and a heart necklace(because it matches with his eyeshadow?) and call it an O.C. "Oh, look at my original character, it's called Spider-man X! He's exactly like Spider-Man, except with cute little earrings!(c) to me!"

Did the artist ever stop to think how such a character would even FIT on the franchise? You know, having the same name and looking mostly exactly the same as a preexisting character? We don't need Apocalypse Shadow. We got regular old Shadow already. If we can't even give new names and colors to our Sonic OCs, what's the point?

Seemless.

Look, I'm going straight to the point with this: Painting over screencaps is lazy, LAZY sub-art, but even it can be done better than this! Honestly, If one was to use MS Paint to do wish fulfillment art where your made up character makes out with Danny Phantom, you might as well go all the way and draw everything yourself because there's no way that's worse than this .

In the interest of being constructive, though, I'll give the artist some advise: Cut the image and work on a copy away from it, then paste it. That way you'll be able to edit with more freedom. However there IS free software that is better than MS Paint. Get Pixia. You can use layers with that.

And what the hell is that thing over the Nickelodeon logo? Some kind of squiggly hammer?

Many ethical questions arise.

For those of you unfamiliar the character on the left is Becky Botsford A.K.A. Wordgirl and on the right is Bruce Boxleitener, who would become Dr 2 Brains, I guess Wordgirl's archenemy.

When did we get to the point that a preteen super-heroine and one of her villains from a PBS kids show get to be shown as if romantically involved? No, pedophilia isn't Kawaii, isn't canon, and it's not right. How do you feel a super-heroine who arrests you for stealing cheese react to the very idea of a relationship with a grown up?

"Oh what is it that you said that I believe it was er..

..Sick fuck!!"

As for the art, It's far from done. I don't think either of these guys is this white, unless the artist was watching a Bizarro version of the show. Hell, that might explain the underage shipping as well.

As for my closing argument, all of these artists could get better at their craft. It all depends on how much effort they put into it. So think up some new ideas, pick up a couple of books on drawing and stay the hell away from my family and you guys will be on your way to the top!