L.I.E.S.: The Boba Fett spinoff script at 2:33 PM

"See, he ESCAPED! Totally not an overrated idiot! "

Hi! It's your boy El Mayimbe from Latino-Re...I mean, Batzarro from Best Geek Ever. How silly of me. That would have been a lie, and I'm not here telling lies, just L.I.E.S, Leaked In Early Secrets. 
You may have heard that  Chronicle Director Josh Trank got kicked out of moved on from the Star Wars spinoff for pulling an Andrew on the set of Fantastic 4 to move on to original projects. And  that that movie was recently announced to be a Bobba Fett Spinoff. Well, your boy managed to get the truth from Trank by disguising himself as a giant used needle, and he described the movie for totally real. And now I'm ready to reveal a bit from the first couple of pages.

INT. Tatooine Dunes
We see two HOODED FIGURES approaching an enormous whole in the ground. It is obviously a SARLACC PIT.
Figure 1: Are you sure it's dead?
Figure 2: I'm the one who has to climb down there.
Figure1: I need this to be done soon. I want to know you can do it...
Figure 2 removes his hood, revealing the man's handsome, rugged looks.
Figure 2: What does it say on my shop?
Figure 1: "NOH WAN, exterminator and landscaper."
Figure 2: NOH WAN, that's right. That's me: NOH WAN. I've spent more time exterminating  sarlacc infestations that you've spent under the sun. Trust me, I know how long the poison takes to kill them, Mr Sticks.

NOH WAN and FIDEL STICKS stand awkwardly staring into the hole.

Fidel Sticks: You know what it doesn't say in your sign? Anything worth making a legend out of
 
Noh Wan: What's that supposed to mean?

Fidel Sticks:  You kill sarlaccs for a living. You're no Boba Fett.

Noh Wan: Boba Fett? Who's that?

Fidel Sticks: You haven't heard the legend of Bobba Fett, boy? He was the galaxy's deadliest bounty hunters. He was known to be able to capture his enemies no matter what. Why they say he could shoot you in one eye blindfolded.  They've written songs to his name. He's a folk hero. He's certainly not known for being a total bumbler and for the amount of time he spent on Sarlacc Pits.

Noh Wan: Would you just pass be the harness, old man? I don't have time for stories that may or may not have happened.

Fidel Sticks  hands Noh Wan a harness.  Cut to: INSIDE SARLACC PIT.  NOH WAN is slowly being lowered inside  the SARLACC. He is clearly disgusted by the smell.  Soon the cable stops lowering him.

Noh Wan: Come on, Fidel!  I'm not at bottom, yet!
Fidel Sticks: The thing broke down again!
Noh Wan: Just don't hit the...
Apparently Fidel Sticks did hit the ..., as suddenly NOh Wan plummets into  the ground from a considerable height into a PILE OF BONES! He thrashes in pain from the fall,  then begins musing.

Noh Wan: This isn't worth the money. This isn't worth the time!  I wish I could...
(Amongs the bones, Noh Wan notices what looks like a helmet. He removes the  bones from over it, and it reveals the BOBA FETT ARMOR whole, dusty.  He removes the helmet, and it has an inscription inside.

Noh Wan: Boba...Fett...


WOOO! And the rest of the story, and how Noh Wan assumes the identity of Boba Fett, finds a mysterious black girl claiming to be Qui Gon Jin, and they fight a droid that wears Darth Vader's old, burnt up suit, is it not written on the Books of the Kings of Judah? No, probably not, it's most likely the rest of the script for Star Wars: Boba Fett vs Droid Vader! 

Now, obviously every script is subject to change, which could allow me, in theory to make up a thing and then, when confronted with the final version, say it was just a preliminary  version. Why should you believe this? Well, because there is Love In Every Star! Or L.I.E.S, for short!

Leaked in Early Secrets- Marvel's Dark, Tall, TALL new villain at 10:54 AM

We are so fuckin' spoiled these days...

Who didn't enjoy Marvel's Avengers movie? I'll tell you: that stupid crazy guy my brother gat paid to haul around. He's always asking if Ron Jeremy is in the Avengers. Dude, get help!

But that aside, everyone liked it, it made industrials amount of money before we even touch merchandising, and all is well in Marvel Land. Except for the books, those aren't selling.

Pachinko Wolverine is still not happy, though.

But you did not come to hear what you know, but Leaked in Early Secrets (my doctor said I should shorten it to L.I.E.S. so I don't get carpal tunnel syndrom. I don't remember if she said it while I did her and her sexy nurse at the same time, or after.) And so, get ready to hear the real, nonest for real future truth about the Marvel Universe.

If Fox doesn't start filming Daredevil anything by October 10, the rights to Daredevil return to Marvel, where  unless marvel stops making money and they sell it, it shall stay until the mountains wither and the rivers stop. And so, Marvel is already eyeing  the juicy, fruitful Daredevil fanchise for a future movie, right?

Oh, no! Marvel already has all the movies it needs set up to come out in the next few years. And let's face it, If Marvel wanted a street level hero, they've plenty of choice.

No the real sweet part of the deal is bringing back from the diaspora Daredevil's supporting cast. Guys like Kingpin, Bullseye The Hand, Elektra, and other's such have great applications within the movies and stories Marvel is already doing. So where am I going, exactly?

Jennifer Garner is cool, but crude, and Ben Affle-eck, is a party dude!

Well, I tilted my antenna just north of south(I'm bein litterall, I have antenna on my head), and I hear from my sources that whatever preliminary story work on Avengers 2 is being reworked to this new possibility. Thanos is being relegated to the Guardians of the Galaxy, and instead, the main badguy for Avengers is set to be the BIGGEST THREAT OF ALL! A REAL TALL ORDER OF A NASTY! THE ONE WHO LOOKS DOWN ON ALL THE HEROES! STILT-MAN!

Coming this Fall...

Wilbur Day, is a scientists assistant, who steals the invention and uses it to steal even more as the Stiltman, having incredible heights, enhanced durability, and affecting the probablity field of carnivals to make them less boring.

At the end of Captain America 2 they already have a teaser planned out, where Bucky, Cap and The Falcon are enjoying themselves at a circus, when they sort of look up and the ominous shadow of the Stiltman looms over them. There's gonna be a scene in Ironman where Tony Stark is making out with Pepper Potts in the 5th Floor of a hotel, and  STILT-MAN'S HEAD CAN BE SEEN PASSING BY THE WINDOW, UNCONCERNED!

Course, at the end of Avengers 2 Stilt-man calls into a Helicarrier's Intake and explodes, and we see his  funeral, we get a glimpse of his wife, and the following exchange ensues:


Maria Hill: Excuse me, lady? 

Glenda Day: "Lady?"

Maria Hill: We have questions about your husband, Stilt-man.

Glenda Wise: My husband's name was Wilbur day.

Maria Hill: He killed Black Panther and died a monster, lady. He was a monster.

Glenda Day: And I was his wife.  Ms Stilt-Man. Lady Stilt-man!


Wowser! Are yo excited, cuz I'm excited! It's unbelievable.  I mean, hardly believable at all. So great! And so, remember: I cannot tell a lie, but I can tell  many L.I.E.S.! Batzarro AWAY!

Leaked in Early Secrets- Marvel's Dark, Tall, TALL new villain at 10:54 AM

We are so fuckin' spoiled these days...

Who didn't enjoy Marvel's Avengers movie? I'll tell you: that stupid crazy guy my brother gat paid to haul around. He's always asking if Ron Jeremy is in the Avengers. Dude, get help!

But that aside, everyone liked it, it made industrials amount of money before we even touch merchandising, and all is well in Marvel Land. Except for the books, those aren't selling.

Pachinko Wolverine is still not happy, though.

But you did not come to hear what you know, but Leaked in Early Secrets (my doctor said I should shorten it to L.I.E.S. so I don't get carpal tunnel syndrom. I don't remember if she said it while I did her and her sexy nurse at the same time, or after.) And so, get ready to hear the real, nonest for real future truth about the Marvel Universe.

If Fox doesn't start filming Daredevil anything by October 10, the rights to Daredevil return to Marvel, where  unless marvel stops making money and they sell it, it shall stay until the mountains wither and the rivers stop. And so, Marvel is already eyeing  the juicy, fruitful Daredevil fanchise for a future movie, right?

Oh, no! Marvel already has all the movies it needs set up to come out in the next few years. And let's face it, If Marvel wanted a street level hero, they've plenty of choice.

No the real sweet part of the deal is bringing back from the diaspora Daredevil's supporting cast. Guys like Kingpin, Bullseye The Hand, Elektra, and other's such have great applications within the movies and stories Marvel is already doing. So where am I going, exactly?

Jennifer Garner is cool, but crude, and Ben Affle-eck, is a party dude!

Well, I tilted my antenna just north of south(I'm bein litterall, I have antenna on my head), and I hear from my sources that whatever preliminary story work on Avengers 2 is being reworked to this new possibility. Thanos is being relegated to the Guardians of the Galaxy, and instead, the main badguy for Avengers is set to be the BIGGEST THREAT OF ALL! A REAL TALL ORDER OF A NASTY! THE ONE WHO LOOKS DOWN ON ALL THE HEROES! STILT-MAN!

Leaked in Early Secrets: Resident Evil Retribution Storyboard at 9:01 PM

Another day, Another pack of L.I.E.S. for all you little monsters out there.

Now, I've yet to secure the script for the new Resident Evil movie, but I did one better: I tricked series writer and Milla Jovovich's husband Paul  W.S. Anderson  into describing a scene, which I then turned into  this little story board. How did I do that? Well, it's certainly a more interesting story than anything that actually happened in the movies since Alice and Rain Ocampo almost make out.

Wait, is is she zombie yet?I can never tell!

But seriously, here's the storyboard, with the words of Paul W.S. Anderson himself.

And seriously, when have I ever lied to you?

Leaked in Early Secrets: Resident Evil Retribution Storyboard at 9:01 PM

Another day, Another pack of L.I.E.S. for all you little monsters out there.

Now, I've yet to secure the script for the new Resident Evil movie, but I did one better: I tricked series writer and Milla Jovovich's husband Paul  W.S. Anderson  into describing a scene, which I then turned into  this little story board. How did I do that? Well, it's certainly a more interesting story than anything that actually happened in the movies since Alice and Rain Ocampo almost make out.

Wait, is is she zombie yet?I can never tell!

But seriously, here's the storyboard, with the words of Paul W.S. Anderson himself.

And seriously, when have I ever lied to you?

Leaked in Early Secrets: The secret Mortal Kombat DLC characters. at 10:21 PM

Busy weekend, huh? Mine too. If you're thinking I'm about to say I killed Bin Laden, then noo. Navy S.E.A.L.S. killed Bin Laden. I did have to re-kill his second form  after they threw him on the ocean. Damn Necronomicon.

But besides that, I was at Netherrealm games. I was studying with ED Boon memorable catchphrases one can say to  a hybrid Terrorist Leader/Cthulu. While in there, Boon showed me some sketches of the planned DLC characters for  the new, uncreatively named Mortal Kombat game.

As you might remember,  recently they declared rumored characters who weren't playable before will be, and  as such they are adding Skarlett, a red pallette swap female ninja.  I was shown the sketched, and out of respect I didn't steal them, but I did recreate them from my brilliant memory. I measure respect by the micron.

First in the line is Kizonde. Who? Well, you remember Raiden's friendship in MK2? Where he generated a kid in Raiden garb that yelled " Kid Thunder"! Well, he's all grown up and ready for battle, playing like Frost to Raiden's Subzero. He's a heartthrob, that one but he's filled with angst becaue Raiden abandoned him!

It's nice to turn something that was supposed to be funny into something mopefull and overdramatic, isn't it MTV?

Next in the line, From the  darkest pit of the Netherrealm, It's Zebron! Furious by Johny Cage's endorsment of Fur trade, he wants nothing more than to rip off his skin and wear it. In fact that's his Fatality.

He's from Madagaskar.

Next up is King Jerrod, former ruler of Edenia, who was thought to be dead, but hid away in Seido and trained to one day get it all back form Shao Kahn...Monte Kristo style.

I asked if it was inspired by Gouken. They laughed and asked their lawyers what to answer.

And last but not least we have Nimbus, an African American Muay Thai master because that's the only martial arts black people are any good at in fighting games. What's really different about him, though is his use of clou...klouds as weapons.

Komfy!

 I expect more in the future, but I don't know. With the pool of existing  or rumored Mortal Kombat characters shrinking, I fear soon they might have to invent new ones. That's a scary thought.

That's more or less it for this installment of L.I.E.S. Remember, if the Truth hurts...there's always  L.I.E.S.

Leaked in Early Secrets: The secret Mortal Kombat DLC characters. at 10:21 PM

Busy weekend, huh? Mine too. If you're thinking I'm about to say I killed Bin Laden, then noo. Navy S.E.A.L.S. killed Bin Laden. I did have to re-kill his second form  after they threw him on the ocean. Damn Necronomicon.

But besides that, I was at Netherrealm games. I was studying with ED Boon memorable catchphrases one can say to  a hybrid Terrorist Leader/Cthulu. While in there, Boon showed me some sketches of the planned DLC characters for  the new, uncreatively named Mortal Kombat game.

As you might remember,  recently they declared rumored characters who weren't playable before will be, and  as such they are adding Skarlett, a red pallette swap female ninja.  I was shown the sketched, and out of respect I didn't steal them, but I did recreate them from my brilliant memory. I measure respect by the micron.

First in the line is Kizonde. Who? Well, you remember Raiden's friendship in MK2? Where he generated a kid in Raiden garb that yelled " Kid Thunder"! Well, he's all grown up and ready for battle, playing like Frost to Raiden's Subzero. He's a heartthrob, that one but he's filled with angst becaue Raiden abandoned him!

It's nice to turn something that was supposed to be funny into something mopefull and overdramatic, isn't it MTV?

Leaked in Early Secrets: Iron Fist in da' Hood at 8:08 PM

dl

Hey, guys! I'm gonna make this  edition of L.I.E.S.  quick because I need to go back to pleasing Penelope Cruz, but here's a pic I took of a very official ESRB document.  I don't even know why it's so offtarget, but it had a pic of Baby Bobbie Hood and Ironfist in it. Here L.I.E.S. the truth.

Leaked in Early Secrets: Iron Fist in da' Hood at 8:08 PM

dl

Hey, guys! I'm gonna make this  edition of L.I.E.S.  quick because I need to go back to pleasing Penelope Cruz, but here's a pic I took of a very official ESRB document.  I don't even know why it's so offtarget, but it had a pic of Baby Bobbie Hood and Ironfist in it. Here L.I.E.S. the truth.

Leaked in Early Secrets: Willll always love EeYouuuuuuu! at 10:51 PM

Greetings. L.I.E.S. is back. Hide the kids and hold the wife.

Or I could hold her. I don't mind.

Hot on the trail of some hot scoops, I ended up in an Ice cream shop, just south of Little Nepal, when who do I happen to overhear? Jeremiah Friedman and Nick Palmer talking with Mark Bauch about their upcoming Bodyguard reboot.

And let me tell you, Hollywood is going after the full package with the remake.When the film you're remaking is 19 years old and most of it's cast crew and stars are alive(if you call being Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston alive. I don't), you really need to pull of some creativeness. Casting, marketing,  home-version director's commentary gushing about how great and iconic the original movie was: It's all being preplanned as we speak.

First off they are casting out of the best of young Hollywood. Sam Worthington is being considered for Kevin Costner's old role, as his trademark low energy, "working on a weekend" delivery will be required for the lead.

What i'm yr Budgrd.

As for Whitney Houston's character, Fergie is the top choice, with many execs seeing her role in Poseidon as key to that remake's success. One exec told me after seeing her there he knew she was someone you want to send hitmen after. Plus, her womb is already preparing a remake of the movie's iconic song. Through the grapevine I heard it would "severely abuse autotune" and "include a painful rap by  Pitbull."

She's laughing because you'll never see her totally average breasts.

And speaking of dogs, the script smells ass is fiercely loyal to the original. It is of course, updated for modern audiences. It is still the story of a Bodyguard and a Singer who fall in love. But this time the killer is a furious internet pirate who is angered at the latest copy protection engineered by Fergie, and decides to kill her. He does this by employing a street gang dressing them as old timey buccaneers to try and do the deed.

Kids like Pirates. Fact.

But Fergie's character is way better than Houston's because she's ultra mega hyper independent and resilient. There's a scene in there where they put a bomb under her chair, Valkyrie style, but she totally survives and says her vagina absorbed most of the blast because she is woman! Then she kicked a dude in the nether regions.

Worthington, though is on a whole 'nother level. He's a bodyguard who has to bodyguard to protect her daughter from his job, but he doesn't know she's already joined the murder pirates. In the film's climax, that takes place in a burnin, sinking pirate ship in Las Vegas, he's torn to choose between the woman he loves and the daughter he loves.

If this sounds like ramblings from a guy who never saw the whole movie, that's because it is you're jaded. If you can't trust Hollywood to remake succesfully a movie who's biggest claim to fame is a song that was attached to it, then I don't know what to say except watch out for the Quest for Camelot remake!

And so L.I.E.S. comes to a close for now.  And remember, If you can't trust some guy with access to the internet ,who CAN you trust? Me that's who.

Leaked in Early Secrets: Willll always love EeYouuuuuuu! at 10:51 PM

Greetings. L.I.E.S. is back. Hide the kids and hold the wife.

Or I could hold her. I don't mind.

Hot on the trail of some hot scoops, I ended up in an Ice cream shop, just south of Little Nepal, when who do I happen to overhear? Jeremiah Friedman and Nick Palmer talking with Mark Bauch about their upcoming Bodyguard reboot.

And let me tell you, Hollywood is going after the full package with the remake.When the film you're remaking is 19 years old and most of it's cast crew and stars are alive(if you call being Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston alive. I don't), you really need to pull of some creativeness. Casting, marketing,  home-version director's commentary gushing about how great and iconic the original movie was: It's all being preplanned as we speak.

First off they are casting out of the best of young Hollywood. Sam Worthington is being considered for Kevin Costner's old role, as his trademark low energy, "working on a weekend" delivery will be required for the lead.

What i'm yr Budgrd.

Leaked in Early Secrets: MVC Silohuettes! at 7:00 AM

My Sources

My friend that knows flash also leaked unto me the next shades them at Cacpom are gonna show for MVC3's next teaser. ARE YOU READY?

I can't tell who this guys are. Can you?

And thus ends another episode of L.I.E.S., where we're all about the truff! Crime in ELLE AY IZ THRU THE ROOF AND THEY....

Er, Good bye.

Leaked in Early Secrets: MVC Silohuettes! at 7:00 AM

My Sources

My friend that knows flash also leaked unto me the next shades them at Cacpom are gonna show for MVC3's next teaser. ARE YOU READY?

I can't tell who this guys are. Can you?

And thus ends another episode of L.I.E.S., where we're all about the truff! Crime in ELLE AY IZ THRU THE ROOF AND THEY....

Er, Good bye.