Scolding Review: Tin Man part 1


Asylum always knew Iron Man would be a hit.

5 years ago, I sat in a theater, with only a confused old lady and a smooching couple to watch Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. It was a story I thought made sense to tell, with people I knew playing characters I liked. We all know how that turned out.

Well, for those who don't the story was a complete affront to the source material. How could these film makers take something we were all familiar with and twist it, dial it down until it becomes this unrecognizable gray mass of flavorless blandness? It was then and there that I felt for the first time stirrings about a movie strong enough to get me to write about it.

But is reinvention always bad?  With straight versions of Batman and the Marvel heroes we're getting today, sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get any weird takes on things anymore. You know, your German Impressionist Batman movie where it's like it's not even about Batman. Your Hulk where it's about how Hulk is angry with his parents and he does wuxia with trees. Your Vampirella where Vampirella is Talisa Soto.
If you're concerned about the lore of Vampirella being tarnished...your a perv in denial.

For example, with public Domain stories now there seems to be a rush to bring them to screen as  rubbery action movies. Snow White and the Huntsman,  Hanzel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, I Frankenstein, Alice in Wonderland, and more recently Maleficent. It's a trend that's yet to bring us anything but clunkers, seemingly.

But perhaps not all is bad. There is one version of a public domain story starring SF TLOC's own Bison, Neil McDonough and the sister of that lady from Bones and Alan Cumming that may yet prove that there is hope. It is the Sci Fi(before they put a bunch of "Ys" in there) original Minisiries Tin Man.

I know. Sci Fi original doesn't lend it a lot of credit. But let's give this a chance. It's also a perfect time to exploit all the Oz I've been reading.

The story starts with some ominous words in a dreamlike sequence. But it is a dream, one that is happening to our heroine  DG played by Zoe Deschannel. DG spents the whole first episode of the miniseries without anyone calling her anything else. You can fill the letterd yourself!
Why do I work in a retro cafe?

Death Gum is working  a waitress in Kansas, and as many heroes are wont to do in these stories, she wants more to life than what she has. Her parents try their hardest to be Aunt May and Uncle Em.

However, in another place, the evil, crosseyed queen of a land is demanding her men, The Not-SS, to find an Emerald, which she needs before a magical eclipse deadline. In desperation, she sends her men to find Doing Good, though a teletransporting  whirlwind. They arrive, and try to shoot our heroine and her family with their magic laser guns.   But Day Grunt gets thrown into the vortex, which takes her to the magical land of...Outer Zone.

Get it? O.Z.! OZ! Because it's silly, Oz is like, in Australia or something! Well, this movie's certainly about Oz, and they even needlessly credit Baum, but they still feel the need to rename just about all the characters. In some cases it makes sense because a lot of Oz's  characters  don't have names. In others, Well, you're trying to hard to sell us this action-fantasy Oz, Sci Fi.
I mean, I like big butts, but they have to look big relative to the size of the chick!

So Devil Goat gets trapped by Pygmies, who aren't quite sure if they are native americans or  africans, costume wise. They accuse her of being a spy, take her plocket of remember parents, and threaten to flay her. She takes offense to the locket part. However, hiding just above her is Alan Cumming, who they apparently felt they just had to tie to the roof.

Nightcrawler her is the Scarecrow of our Oz, an android called Glitch with severe glitches whose brain was stolen from his head. He certainly draws a few  chuckles. Together both of them escape as  the Notzi army prepares to destroy the NOt-Munchkins Kashyyyk trees.

Azky is not happy that her henchmen did not succeed, so she steals his soul and promotes his subordinate, a man called Zero, to a higher rank. They have some kind of hairy sasquatch man tied to a machine, which sucks his future predicting powers into the machine so it can be shown in her little tv. You know, in the original book the Wicked Witch only had one eye, but with that eye she could see  across the distance like a telescope with no depth perception. Here they honor that by making the witch a little crosseyed.
Azkhadelia's not impressed with the Xbox One price drop.

Danger Guts and Glitch come across a scene of some bad guys  putting the hurt on a family. She tries to help by running at them with a  broken branch, but then it turns out it was all a hologram, designed to  torture our newest party member,  Wyatt Cain, played by Neil McDonough aka Dunn Dunn Dugan from Captain America and Legend of Chun Li's Bison. This was before that, though. Can you believe I wanted to see this series just to know if he'd be good in that? Oh, man, was that ever silly.

They get the man out of his torture sarcophaguss, he shaves, and dresses up in his Walker Texas Ranger outfit, and goes into reluctant hero mode. He wants revenge on Zero, and he believes it is best for Glich(whome he outs as a convict, though maybe he means "fugitive?") But we all know he won't leave cutie pattotie Deep Game and lovably quirky Glitch behind.
"Hey, you, multiple attackers! Go away before I hit you with this twig I found!"
"Shit, it's Emily  Deschannel! Run!"


"Actually I'm her sister Zoey!"

"No rush, men."
They try and head towards Central City where the Mystic Man whom Cain used to protect might have their answers, and on the way run into an incapacitated Raw, our Cowardly Lion. He has been entombed by this horrible giant spiders that chase the group until they jump out into a river.
I feel this picture is a Meme that hasn't happened yet.

For the record, There is in the original book a giant spider, which the Lion Kills. Accuracy points, ahoy!

Even then the  bad guys come after them, so they run away and finally find Derp Glow's parents in a village of robots. The twist it, they're robots too! and they're not her parents! Due Gin is, apparently, an Outer Zone native, and her real parents took her to Earth to protect her until she was ready. She takes it all pretty well, overall. Yeah there's no huge breakdown at finding out her parents are robots, but I don't know if there's tone for that, here.
Perhaps  your encouragement levels are dangerously low, huma...I mean honey...

Our party rest up, and hitch a ride into Central City, which is like 1950s new york if they built a castle around it. There they run  into the Mystic Man, a showman hooked on Witch-Vapor drugs who is too high to even properly  refuse to help. Dino Gel eventually slaps him, and the mark robot man left in her awakens the man to reveal where they should go next.

Whoa...It's a giant Billboard of Anne Hathaway's face!


The party heads north, following Dedo Grande's dream-clues, until they get to a snowed in, locked up castle. There they find out the big twist: Her parents where Monarchs, she's a princess, and Azkhadelia is her sister! Her sister killed her as a kid, until her magic mom revived her.

Unlocky for all them, Azhkhadelia finds them using the flying monkey-bats she shoots out of her breasts. No, really.


Fly, my titties, fly!

After running through a couple of obvious green screen rooms, the Mobats(instory name foreal) have captured them all, except for Cain, who gets shot out of a window. This is how episode 1 ends.

I don't want to make my final determination, since this is merely the first episode, but I want to watch the next episode, no joke. The series, while sometimes it's effects are hockey, doesn't try to go too far into being "the serious action Wizard of Oz" one might believe.  It's like a quirky, stupid RPG about Oz. It seems pretty self aware of what it is, and I commend it for it. But is it all downhill from here? We'll see.

Mind over creative matter



A few weeks ago, it was announced that a plane simulator had been flown outstandingly by non-pilots using a helmet that directly obeyed their mental commands. "That certainly seems like it could change aeronautics..." I thought. "...but how does that make my dreams come true?"

I wasn't thinking about dreams of a future utopia or equality or anything like that. I meant the weird mental mini-movies that play when you're asleep. For the longest time I've wanted a device that can record what my brain does in it's off hours, so that I can show everyone my dream where Marty McFly is a lady in a blue jumpsuit who Kristen Keruk tries to bribe with  some futas. Well, maybe not that one. That one's for me.
You're not a sex object in my dreams, be-be!

The point being, the technology is still not there to put what we see in our minds into reality. However, there is another use I see for this.

You see, that simulator the pilots flew was made with lots of typing of code, and moving of mouse, to generate what looks  like a plane flying over what looks like a ground. But what if it wasn't? What if, you just put on your little helmet, and go thinking of how you want that plane to look. You go thinking how you want the plane to react. And it just goes arming the program as it goes.
"All you guys, you're fired! We're cutting down the staff to one guy!"

Computer modeling is an art, but if we could remove the required hand coordination, to make a character you'd just sit there squinitnng until the monster you want pops up onscreen. You just squint some more to create a synth voice that sounds like Idris Elba. You animate the movie with your mind, and then as you watch it, you think of the music it should have as  an FL studio ish program creates the music you want the movie to have. With enought Squinting you could totally make your Pacific Rim fanmovie. 
"Da! It feel so good to be alive! We where lucky to eject in time!"



To say nothing of controls for the games themselves. Direct control over your character's exact movements!  Comfort your wounded dog!  Chokeslam your enemies! Slap  every tit in Morrowind!

I feel like Mike Teevee in that Wily Wonka remake. Good, you can fly planes real easy, even though it's hard. However, somewhere along the way of making that easier, these guys seem to have stumbled into a way to make EVERYTHING TO DO WITH COMPUTERS EASIER. Put me down for 20 of those with a USB cable. I have stories about Violet and Merida to tell.

5 things modern fighting games should not be doing.







I remember it like it was yesterday. My father and I walked into this place where he used to buy old issues of various magazines. And out in the corner, there she was. Street Fighter 2. I was intrigued. I had seen coin op games before, sporadically, but Street Fighter was  a new game to me. One that I'd never played before. I begged for money, as children are wont to do. I sacrificed that coin to watch an Hindu Stereotype beat my American soldier stereotype to a pulp.

Since then fighting games have come a long way. THey've evolved, developed intricate storylines and new, radical playstyles.  They've become an entirely different beast.

In some ways. In other ways they're stuck 2 decades ago. My love for fighting games calls me to request that these 5
things become better, so that our beloved genre can continue to flourish and grow. So yes, I am salty that some fighting games still have...


5 Slideshow endings

When the fighting game boom took place, the capacity for them to tell a story was fairly limited by memory and space. There just wasn't enought to put much audios or, god-forbid,  videos. Most of the storytelling was done via little pictures and words that told the story. Any full featured endings or such would have eaten into other parts of the game, basically forcing you to cut out characters and stages to make room for endings to the characters   you were going to have.

This was true of all games back then, and now only true in little cellphone games. And fighting games, apparently. How else can you explain that as far back as 2011 Mortal Kombat was still having the bulk of it's arcade endings be  slideshows with pictures, now merely updated with narration?

I know MK also had an expansive, movie like in-engine story mode, which it inherited form it's predecessor. This does not make it better...it makes it worse. Because you can clearly see they have better in-engine capacities, motion capture,  voice acting and overall storytelling capacity that they did the last time they tried individual  theatrical endings  25 years ago, and they still decided they wheren't going to bother with anything but a narrator telling you what happened.
"And life...had never been sweatier."

If this seems like I'm being petty, think about this: if another, non-fighting game franchise did this kind of ending, whether it was Final Fantasy, Halo or Assasins Creed... would people put up with it? Because Mortal Kombat is one of the most recognizable fighting game franchises in the world, now owned by one of the larges corporations in the world, and they still settled for the storybook bullshit. It's not some little indie  game made by 2 people, why should it's endings
suggest otherwise?

Fighitng game endings give you a goal to fight towards. Mortal Kombat's little movie was a fine endeavor, but you can't even play as every character in it.

But in the fighting game world, even that seems like being extremely generous, when others can sell you...



4 Bare bones packages  with nothing but fighting

Holy shit, a new Killer Instinct! After all these years, Microsoft finally got on that! Now I can see what's been up with B. Orchid and the gang since they time-traveled and fought a devil gargoyle!

Except  somehow they manage to ship a game more bereft of options than  getting mugged by a Pokemon. What? Oh, whatever, at least I have King of Fighters XII.

How does this happen? A fighitng game used to compete by being a package that they tried to pile value on. Story mode, and other modes other than "fight other dudes, until you get tired." Killer instinct Gold was shipped to the Nintendo 64 filled with as many things as they could fit in to offset the fact you where playing Killer Instinct 2 on a controller  designed by the Spanish Inquisition to tear your ligaments.

Why  would something made 11 of years after Soul Calibur from Dreamcast decide that features aren't important? Why is offering replay value optional in this genre?


3 A disturbing obsession with guest characters.
"Hey, a loud, organized fight is technically an assasination if you planned to murder the guy."

Everything was fine in fighting game-opolis. The birds where singing their chip-tunes and the flowers were swaying in repeated animation cycles, their beautiful palettes entirely dependant on the button you pressed to choose them.And then Soul Calibur 2 happened. The sequel to one of the most well revieved fighitng games of it's time, SC2 did something that would innexplicably become a trend in fighitng games till today: It added characters that had nothing to do with the Soul Calibur franchise, specifically undead emo-demon Spawn from the Image comic of the same name for the Xbox, Link from Soul Calibur for Gamecube, and Heihachi, from Bandai's other fighitng game series for Xbox.

Sure, the idea had been done before. Earth Worm Jim was in Battle Arena Toshiden,  and even Soul Calibur one had a guest character in Yoshimitsu. But those guys wheren't in the cover of their games. Putting them in was a cool thing to do.

Now it seems a fighting game can't be complete without some guests, DOA had a Halo Spartan and some Virtua Fighters, Mortal Kombat had Freddy Krueger, Soul Calibur had characters from Star Wars and Assasin's Creed. Even the frickin Street Fighter/Tekken crossover decided to add some weird manga cats and the guy from Infamous. Don't be surprised when Guilty Gear finally caves in and announcess Shrek.

Is there something inherently wrong with guests? No. But guests would be better if it didn't feel like there was some weird mandate that there has to be at least one guest character. On Kratos' case this might actually be the truth, since he's already been in Soul Calibur  and Mortal Kombat.

To be frank, it feels a little like cheating the fans to, instead of giving the spot to a character from the franchise people haven't seen in a while, or adding new characters to grow the roster, they go "No, you can't have Raibow Mika. Here's Sam Witwer in a robe. He'll not be seen after this, so enjoy."





2 Unlockable Characters
A new character has been unlocked!

Unlockables where a part of a game's replay value. They'd slowly trickle new content to the player as he played, rewarding continued returns.

But this has no place in Fighting games anymore. A fighting game is not supposed to be have finite replayability, like a Campaign in a First Person Shooter. It's supposed  to keep inviting you in to try new things in it and to challenge yourself, like a puzzle game. Unlockable characters kind of limit that by saying, "even though you know and we know that there is a character called Jenny Cho in this game, because she's on the cover and everything and the Internet exists, you need to grind in story mode a bit to play as her."

It's a real kick in the pants too, especially since at least in the old days when something was locked, there was a good possibility for a cheat to be available to unlock it.

1 Not having  sufficient DLC characters

Ultra Street Fighter 4 is Capcom's way of saying "No matter how much Internet and 3D we have, we're still the same cheap bastards that reisued Street Fighter 2 for 4 years, and we'll die before we give up on our comprehensive asset recycling program". The game grabs a bunch of leftovers  from Street Fighter X Tekken, adds Cammy in a mask, and then expects everyone to jump into the 4rth or 5th Street Fighter 4 SKU.

It's arguably slightly less awful than the traditional practice of releasing  the same game with some slight changes and 3 new charactes, because at least this one only costs like half of a new game and you can download it into your Super Street Fighter Megamax Super Duper arcade edition, but it's arguably worse than what it would have been to, one by one, continue to add new characters to the game.

We're already in the DLC age, I don't know why most fighting games play it so coy with this. Street Fighter outright refuses to have stand alone DLC characters. Mortal Kombat only had a handful. Marvel vs Capcom 3 had 2, and then decided to jump back later in the year with a 60 dollar reissue with 6 more characters.

 What I haven't seen is a fighter that doubles it's roster with DLC.  Costumes are fine, but a character adds real value to the game. Are you gonna wait to be beaten to the punch by EF 12, developers? I'd like to see a fighting game franchise forgoe just hitting the reset button to make a new reiteration every couple of fiscal years and just make the one game they have continue to grow in it's roster and features. Some are better at this. DOA5, Injustice, and Skullgirls seem to have had comprehensive DLC schedjules, that don't just seem like they're doing it because their mommy forced them.  Killer Instinct seems to have gone too far into the forest with it's "make everything DLC" plan. Let's hope more games follow the good examples and continue to grow their games rather than ditch out the baby with the bathwater.

L.I.E.S. The DC movie schedule revealed!


Hello, you Gullible Gents and Overly trusty Dames. It's been a while since I've told you  Leaked In Early Secrets.  The truth is, I've been away on a self imposed exhile. I don't want to go too much into it, but I'll just say sometimes you get challenged to a fight to the death and you do it, but death fights are no fun. People could die on those. In fact, usually when no one dies, things went wrong.
"Let no bad happen" indeed.

So you may have heard some dame say that she got the list of movies DC's planning on making for the next few years. If you believe DC's going to have 3 movies a year, then I'll show you a green dog or 2.

That's not the REAL DC schedule! Let Uncle Batzarro show you how it's done, baby.I snuck into Warner's board room, disguised as a maid.  They didn't know they don't have any retro style maids, so it was easy.

In there, I overheard their true plan, spoken with the kind of confidence that gave us Teen Titans, Greem Arrow in Superjail, Metal Men, Flash and Justice League Mortal as news to chew, rather than as movies to watch.


2015

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
I can't stop poking fun at this title.

(BAAt)man (They haven't written it or anything, but they thought that the idea of having a name that is also the logo, even if the name is screwed, was good enough to greenlight.)

Speedy (They actually mean Kid Flash/Impulse, but nobody corrected them that Speedy is Green Arrow's sidekick)

2016

The Wall ( They figured since Maleficent did mint at the box office, they'd get on that "gritty origin story about a woman" thing with Amanda Waller. In this version Amanda Waller begins as a member of a troubled teen help line called Anti-Suicide Squad, but then she somehow turns it into a paramilitary group)

Lobo (I've put this down at Lobo, but they kept refferung to him as "the guy with the claws" and asking if Hugh Jackman was available.)
"This guy. right?"

Justice League

2017

2Man 2Steel( Tyrese is in the shortlist to play Steel)

Not-Wonder Woman (I don;t know which Superheroine they meant, they kept saying "the other one" and "the really popular one" but every time someone said Wonder Woman they'd say no.)
"I'm pretty sure we've been selling clittoris necklaces on Hot Topic for awhile."

Blue Beetle/Red Tornado (They don't know if this is a good teamup, it was chosen with Dice and crayons.)

2018

Batman's Back (There's no story, just the idea to show Batman from behind in the posters)
Batman's Back in action

Captain Planet ("They've got Captain America, but Captain Planet will be huge overseas.")

Shazam v Sandman: The Revenge of Spider Jerusalem (  They envision it as a huge middle eastern adventure, which they assume would have to involve  Sandman and Spider Jerusalem by default. Spider Jerusalem in this is a huge spider.)

Batman v Santa Clause: Dawn of Jingles (For need of a holiday movie)

2019
Batman: Days of Future Bat (This one is a time traveling crossover betwen Burton Batman and Nolan Batman.)

Wonder Woman (After 2 hours they gave up on guessing who the other really popular heroine they own is.)

Justice League Mortal ("We have to reboot the Justice League franchise sometime, right?)
How you like me now, punks?

So there you go. The truth, only the truth and nothing but  L.I.E.S.! Batzarro: OUT! (Turns into a raven, flies away.

Scolding Review: Lurking Evil





I had this once. In the Scruffydragon Forums mostly.

Being a reviewer is weird now that everybody's a critic. I don't really honestly expect my opinion will actually sway you against watching an affront to all that is good like King of Fighters. In a weird way we've  come around to admiting that this shit is a mite bit personal, and that maybe my advise about Terminator Salvation is pointless if you're, say, a Terminator completist or some kind of Moon Bloodgood whore.
So the question I'm posing is,  Are we giving points for effort? You see, my sister bought one of those DVD packs with a dozen lame movies nobody would have bought on their own, full of bad camera angles and killers who  never show up and those stupid endings where everyone gets killed. 
And among these, they put Lurking Evil.
1994? Holy shit, my first guess put this near the 70s!

Lurking Evil is not like these other films, and I suspect it benefits from being surrounded by these other terrible films. Who puts a low budget 90s movie among  0 budget  2k films? Oh, it's not great. However, it is a movie, which is more more than I can say of many of it's bundle-buddies.
The film starts of with two sisters  having a discussion on  what seems to be  some kind of dilapited castle. You see, one sister, which had a baby recently, really wanted the other one to carry a gun, while the second one was understandably worried about packing a piece near a baby.

For you see, these sisters, aren't in castle Fankenstein by accident, but are instead hiding from some kind of unseen horror.  Eventually said horror  peeks it's scraggly hands through a barricade and uses a wire hanger to  pull the baby's crib out to itself. Trust me, a wire hanger is not strong enough to drag an ANYTHING. My sister leaves her keys in her car a lot, I know what I'm talking about here.
 
Steve Tyler's family reunion.
The Pro-gun sister steps in for the save, but she gets bloodied and dragged away for her trouble. Hey, I know the topic of guns in America is a divisive subject, but nobody disagrees that the one advantage they have over knives is not having to get close enough to your enemies to get folded up like a clean towel.

We get  credits, and  as you'd expect, there aren't any names you know in there except HP Lovecraft. Apparently this movie's plot is based by one of Love-C's short stories. I wouldn't know if this is accurate or now, because I'm holding on  on reading Lovecraft's collected works . It's on my list, under all the Harry Potter movies, Game of Thrones seasons 1-2, and Angel Blade Punish.
 
I'd like to think the animators don't actually know how many penises a woman has.

The we meet our hero, a rough and tumble former criminal accused of a crime he didn't commit, just as he's coming out of of doing time.  He heads to his closest living relative, who runs the funeral home, and has hidden some drugs and money on   corpses  that our hero is to unearth and sell. But unknown to him, some thugs, a boss, a femme fatale, and a big guy, come immediately after he leaves and force the funeral home guy to tell them about the drugs.
Let's put this one in the refrigerator I stuff all my other drugs in.

We also meet the surviving sister from the prologue and some guy who looks like a young Emile Hamilton from Man of Steel. They talk about their plan to kill the ominous things by blowing up a church. Both of them, and a pregnant lady convene in the church, with a reverend who's not fully in favor of destroying  his working place.
I think the pregnant lady is bait, because honestly if she has any other use here we never see. If I were pregnant in a town full of monsters why...well it'd probably be too late if even the men are pregnant. But, you know, I'd take my monster baby and get the hell out.


So the drinking game is you're supposed to take a drink every time the existence of a monster is driving you mad.

They're mostly done wiring up the place to blow when our hero stumbles upon their cemetary, trying to find his drugs.  The sister kidnaps him at gun point.
But then the thugs show u, kidnap our hero AND the church crew. All that they want is to find their drug corpse. Femme Fatale does show an interest in pregnant lady, asking her who her "gone" baby-daddy was so she could kill him. However, she seems  have some emmity with the sister.
I just want to lick your baby's feet as he comes out. Is that so bad?

They finally drag hero out to dig his granma's corpse, which presumably has the drugs. But then not only does it not have the drugs, but the tomb caves in, and  our hero is carried by the monster, which is basically the Cryptkeeper from tales from the  crypt after staring too much at the sun.

Our hero somewhat or somehow escapes through an inner barricade built to keep out the monsters, upon which all of them see the monster, so we don't have to put up with any more minutes of people not believing in a monster the audience knows is real. The muscle exclains it might be  a bear. You know, one of those famous underground, lanky, furless bears we've all seen on TV documentaries.

However, instead of bailing out on the whole thing, our crime boss thinks it's a good idea to keep searching for the gold.  Muscle gets dragged out of  a tinted glass, which, while probably painful, is a lot classier than getting dragged out of a regular  old glass window.


"I'm not a bear, I'ma twink! Learn your gay sub-groups!"

The explosion crew and hero-man  turn the tide on their captors, and soon have them tied up to the walls. The reverend tries to bargain with the monster to kill him and not everyone else, and tells the monster he's gonna get a good parking space in heaven. The monster tells him God is Satan and rips out his heart.
Tim Burton's Les Miserables.

Sister goes out to get a gasoline truck, heroman 's distracted by Femme Fatel long enough for  crime boss to get out, and  Emil Hamilton gets killed, failing to keep Pregnant lady from getting dragged off underground.
Birthmark, or just a bad burn.

It all comes to a head underground, where the monsters are patiently waiting to eat pregnant lady's baby as soon as it plops out. There doesn't seem to be a reason, but I don't see a reason to take the peel off a grape either. They're the experts on baby eating, I'll defer to their judgement.

Crime boss and Hero fall in, and the monsters are all for eating them now. Except Hero's related to them somewhat, thorugh his birthmark, a steak shaped coloration between his shoulder and his arm. He manages to escape by, and you trust me that no one questions it, lighting an severed arm on fire, and he kind of brings along the pregnant lady and the sister. Crime boss sees his sought after drugs and money and gambles to try and stay here.
"I don't know how I knew it was going to work.

The  sister brings with a gas-truck, and blows the whole damn thing off. All the monsters are killed. The end,



So, you see, maybe in another context, I wouldn't give a crap about some 90s  low-budget horror film. Certainly not enough to write about it. But In the context of this one night, where the other horror movie I watched was 70% "People talking about dull stuff in broad daylight" , it is worth considering. Context is everything, and I can't recommend you watch a shitty movie, just so you can make this shitty movie look better.
So if you're interested in a movie that has action and monsters, and some semblance of a plot, Lurking Evil is kind of that, I guess?  But there's certainly better movies with better action and better monsters. So I guess it depends on how much you love monsters and action vs how much you don't love poor editing, obvious sets, bad acting and senseless story. Do whatever you want, I'll go watch Pacific Rim again.

Sony pictures planea ofensiva final contra furries, Pelicula de Sonic

Saben que? Yo no estoy en contra de una pelicula de Sonic.  Y en ese sentido no me puedo decepcionar, porque ya la anunciaron.

Pero tambien anunciaron que sera una mescla entre CG y actores en vivo.

Lo voy a poner bien claro: Sonic es un erizo de caricatura, y funciona mejor en mundos de caricatura. No queremos ver a Sonic  corriendo en Nueva York mientras Aaron Taylor lo persigue. Vayanse al carajo.

"Ya encontre a Colitas!"

Mortal Kombat X confirma a Big Daddy con Little Sister, Sadira, True Ogre, y a La hija de Johny Cage



Bueno, no son los personajes mas originales del mundo, pero es un juego de pelea. Hay websites completos dedicados a explicar en detalle de quien y como se copio cada payaso de Street Fighter. Y Mortal Kombat nunca fue precisamente inmune a esto.

Para que quede claro, me agradan Ferra y Torr,  D'vora, Kotal Kahn y Cassie Cage, aunque francamente  nunca me a gustado mucho eso de los hijos de los heroes. El hijo de Ken pasa con ficha hasta que se ponga a pelear. Y despues del ultimo juego, los prefiero mil veces a que traigan de vuelta esos Ninjas Pallette Swap. Pero me gustaban mas aun cuando se llamaban Master Blaster, Sadira,  Ahu Kin y  Jill Valentine. Eso es todo.

El juego tambien promete retomar la historia 25 años despues de el ultimo juego, aunque con su tramolla de viaje en el tiempo no se si se empieza a contar despues de  todos murieron,  o desde el pasado en que Syndel limpio el piso con los heroes. 

ROMantic shenanigans: Creepy music edition


My cousin Brett has, like, a million roms. I believe he is despicable, and his practice of downloading roms is depriving game companies of much needed income.

However, I recently had a though while in his house all the way in Vieques: what happens if you load a savestate of one game into another. You see, I wanted Knuckles in Sonic one. It didn't pan out, but check out this weird songs I got out of it!


I have yet to catch some of the visual weirdness on camstudio, but trust me, I've gotten some weird shit to happen. You know, when I go to Brett's house.  I recommend when you go to your own cousin'
s house you try some of this shit out, especially loading states from one region to another.

The Mortal Kombat X Bingo


Hey there, boys and girls! Here's a little game I cribbed from Joystiq. I'm gonna throw some guesses at the Recently announced Mortal Kombat X. If I four of these guesses in a row then Bingo, I win.

The Mortal Kombat bingo is applicable until E3 ends.Here's a description of each thing, in case y'all can't read this Simpsons font. Fight!

Fujin is Back

Remember Fujin? Well he hasn't shown up in 8 years, which in itself is a 9 year wait from Mortal Kombat 4. Fujin gotta rise again.

Retkon

They're gonna Retkon the shit out of having killed a bunch of good guys and sent them to hell. Well, they would do that, eventually. My bet is they're gonna do it now.

New Faces

AT E3. I mean, yeah, they announced they where gonna have new characters, but will we see them? Probably, yeah.

F2P DLC POS

Are you gonna have to pay 5 dollars to play as Sheeva? Well, would you?

Kustom Karacters

Fuck and yes. This option's been sorely missed.

Jack Bauer Plays Subzero

Well, why wouldn't he?

Konquest story mode

Well, they aren't just gonna make a little movie this time, huh?

Most of the Kast from MK4 and after

Well, they already did retread the first 3 games (again) so maybe they can get on with things.

Unplayable karakter bekomes playable.

Well, I think they've just about used every asshole that ever was mentioned or rumored. But maybe Kid Thunder will show up.

Simplified Fatalities

Forward, back, back fuck off. Nobody wants to do those little dances anymore. I'll eat my hat if performind finishing moves isn't simplified this time around.

Tanya rides again

We all love Tanya. We want her back.

Zebron
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

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What are you guys watching?