Scolding Review: Run, Wonder Princess AKA Korean Bootleg Wonder Woman Part 1 at 3:38 PM

Your move, DC.

We've all seen them. Weird bootleg foreign movies that don't quite seem to understand their source material.  Movies where Spider-man is the bad guy and where Superman and Spider-Woman do a dance off and get married.

How cooky, right? You know what's not cooky? When the source material is so untouched that the bootleg becomes the second best attempt at the material. When you're like, shit, I wish this would become public domain, so we could have a proper take on this.

Enter South Korea. Still somewhat bitter about the old war wounds of the Korean war, and the older yet war wounds with Japan, the country had, nonetheless, begun to develop an up and coming animation industry that has only grown since the 70's . With the caveat that there was a nation wide ban on foreign animation. But bureaocrats and war resentment don't always beat the desire for a good story, so Bootleg animation outfits rose up, taking the Japanese and American forbidden fruit, tracing around it to create...weird things. Things where robots from Mazinger and Batman could show up at any time, without any rhyme and reason, to tell a story that had jack shit to do with either.

So, this all culminated in  1978's  Run Wonder Princess, a pretty blatant bootleg Wonder Woman movie. And, if you don't have the patience to watch the whole thing here, I'mma tell you all about it, sort of.

You see, my Korean is a bit...nothing. So I'm going to be guestimating a lot of the movie until somebody puts some subtitles on it or something. If you're a Korean and want to send me the complete, proofread script for this movie, contact me in the comments, because I think this deserves a fan dub. In the meantime, I'll have to survive on pop culture refference rations.

So our adventure starts out in space, where hot dog spaceships battle a golden UFO. The UFO pretty adeptly kills the shit out of all the Hot Dogs. Then Wondy jumps down from her UFO and the credits start.

Rotisserie FIYA!

Now, don't be mistaken and think the similarities between Wonder Princess and "traditional" Wondy end at the costume. From the intro we see her both do a Linda Carter twirl AND deflect some bullets with her bracelets.

And now cut to Korean Cape Canaveral, where an old guy in a goatie and a subhuman child with a baby panda are helping shoot Korean Steve  Trevor into space. The exact relationship regarding Steve, Old Man and Kid I can't tell exactly. They might be father, grandfather and son, or maybe the kid isn't related to either of them. I can't really tell.  Either way, they successfully launch Steve into Space.

I told them "cover the brows, not the mouth."

But on the ground, Doctor Willy is plotting against them, and shoots the space ship down  with a couple of missiles. Okay, look, the...Doctor Willy might be based on some anime guy I don't know, which might very well also be the base for this guy.  I feel something like that could be in the works. Drop me a line, if so. Meanwhile, let's settle on how this guy...

Well, I was young and needed the trouncing...

...looks like Dr Willy, okay? Okay. Everyone is sad that Dr Willy  apparently killed  Steve Trevor in space(whoa, I think I hear Fan-fiction.net calling), and he even gloats about it, but Steve isn't quite dead, as his ship managed to survive, but he's also pulling a Sandra Bullock and running slowly out of life. But lucky him, he gets rescued by Wondy in her Super Visible Flying saucer.

Both get to Earth with Wondy already donning  the secret identy Diana Prince Stuff.  So they head toward's grampa's home. There, Steve scares the hell out of the little boy, and also hugs the old man. So maybe he IS family with him, I guess.

And there's a huge ass parade and everything, and nobody wonders why this man who was shot with missiles in space is always hanging with an unidentified lady in military uniform.It's not until  a toast with some higher ups that Steven tells ALL about it.

You see, after he almost died, he was taken to an alien planet, and fell in love with the princess of that planet, who totally isn't this nerdy, zero background having chick he always hangs out with now. They enjoyed lavish feasts and rode on giant chickens.  But then he missed home, which I sincerely hope isn't that big fucking planet  right visible from the alien world.

I have seen things you wouldn't believe...

And so, he's back, from outer space. And there is much rejoicing. Except for DR Willy, who is livid. So he calls for a new plan, involving the kidnapping of Grampa Trevor and Steve by the Hard Hats an 80's gimmicky band that never attacks without first shining a light on their opponent.

IT'S THE POWER COMPANY! Your actual power spending was low...but the surcharges will more than make up for it! Nyahahahahahahaaaa!

So they take them on their wagon, but Wonder Woman takes notice, and transforms. She chases the wagon, and gets in front of it and stops it.  I could swear the whole thing is straight ripped from the Lynda Carter series, too. So they get out of their van, remove their vision obscuring helmets, and  prepare to fight.  They do a couple of things, including  Wondy crushing a knife with her own  hands, and the rest of the fights is merely implied, with Grampa   Trevor pointing towards it and  just the sounds of the fight. Hey, some people thought it was genius when Godzilla did it last year.

Eventually the guys get scared and run away, presumably to move in with their aunt and uncle in Bel Air. She runs away before the authorities figure her out.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, the panda catches Wondy changing back into Diana Prince. But, Wonder Woman speaks to the creature's mind, and it speaks to her. Don't laugh, that's actually a canon Wonder Woman power, and as I doubt it was ever expressed on the Linda Carter Series a lot, it leads me to believe this guys where True Fans.

Meanwhile, Willy is abusing Willy JR over the failiure of the Hard Hats. But then he announces that it's the perfect opportunity to launch  THE HIT SQUAD. The Hit Squad is 3 guys who are apparently martial artists and also at some point shot up the town, on their sweet, sweet convertible.

"Shouldn't one of us be driving?" "Nobody likes a backseat shooter, Ben!" "Is this even the backseat, what the hell?"

Anyway, they died trying to escape jail, and then Willy I guess cloned them into robots somehow. Err, did we really need the whole background to this? Not that they used any animation for it but it seems kind of unnecessary background to what are otherwise pretty generic goons.

But don't be mistaken, pretty TOUGH generic goons. You see, Steve and his  Grampy are riding on their motorcade, and guess how the cyberman shows up. Guess. Come on, try.

Surprise, motherfuckers!

No, you didn't expect that, did you. You didn't expect the bad guy to come out of the floor of the car like it's made of cardboard. You can't expect that, no one can. Eyepatch here  kidnaps them both, threatening them AND the driver with a  stick, forcing them to take a detour to the beach. ANd holding it up to their  necks.This is when it the movie starts getting really crazy, in a good way.

Wondy, without anyone telling her in any way, knows about this and just heads there to battle. And this is where we realize the scream  isn't a fluke.

You see, during her first trasformation, Wonder Woman let out a yell, which was a bit disconcerting. It was like a grandmother over dramatizing a screeching vehicle. It was like a baby horse stuck in a baby carrier. It was like Gruntilda getting to orgasm. And I let it by.

I let it by. I did not mention it.  However, now I mention it because she's going to do that yell 20 more times in the movie. Every action she takes will be accompanied by that sound. And you may find it annoying.

"Yee"

Kano tries his best to hit Wondy with the stick, but when that fails, he tries shooting her with the stick. Yes, it's a stick that shoots, so what? He then splits it in two and has two knives. Where do they sell this thing, I want one!

Then a chopper tries to kill her with missiles, but she throws the knife-sticks at it and destroys it! It's the greatest thing in the world! And then, just when you think it's gonna breath from all this high concept insanity, a giant mechanical sea dragon comes out of the sea and chases a flying Wonder Woman, gassing  her unconcious in mid air. And even in that she's like "YIEEEEeeeeeh...uh."

I need a break, guys. I'mma split this one in two. OK? Too much awesome! YIEEEEEE!