Dick Move, America

Hello,  and welcome to thinkpiece #34457864845 basically asking, you know, What the hell happened?


It's over...it's all over.

We had all pretty much assumed after Donald Trump openly admitted on an open mic to  the inappropriate sexual conduct he'd been accused off for years(and for which his trial is still ongoing), that he'd mostly lose this election. It was a bit silly that that was the thing that was gonna do him in, after his incredibly poor displays on just about every issue a President should face.

And instead he won. He won despite running like he wanted to lose. Despite offending pretty much everyone on every side of the aisle, and saying things that would have gotten other politicians to lose  many many times,  he won.


I would not be surprised if  every single person who voted for Donald Trump did harbor  racist, Islamophobic, and so and so feelings and that that was the reason they voted for him. But that's not even  why I'm shocked. I'm shocked that none of you lot who voted for him realized how impractical, if not outright impossible, the fake ideas Donald Trump used to sell his campaign are.


A giant concrete wall would be incredibly expensive for something  coyotes would merely tunnel under. Rounding up and deporting Muslims would also be something that is incredibly expensive, with very little actual payoff in security terms.

I kind of get it that some of you liked him because he wasn't a normal politician. Because he was different, more so than because he seemed imbibed with the very spirit of douchbaggery itself. But different isn't  always good. You know what would be real different? Sticking a flaming  pine cone up my  anus while headbutting a porcupine. It would probably make history as the first time anyone's ever done that, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a painful, terrible idea with huge consequences.

You see, I thought you would see through this obvious bullshit even through your racism and hate. I kinda had what you'd call  "faith". I had faith on you too see what it is for what it is. I had faith on America, you could say. Ha!

Because even if Donald Trump's terrible ideas are just that, ideas that won't come to fruition, then what else is there?  He's gonna be naming judges, heads of agencies and members of the Fiscal Control Board. He's gonna be signing or rejecting bills from other, more capable people. Mr Celebrity Apprentice will be representing your country now, and we don't even know what his stances are because he's made more flip flops than a  Taiwanese sweatshop worker.


I mean, how could you ever believe that the golden throne having businessman who started off by inheriting money from his father was going to be the one standing up to big interests in Washington? Like, you really thought that? You really think a corrupt businessman ran for President because he wanted to put a stop to corrupt businessmen? This isn't just putting a fox to guard a hen-house, you're actively sticking your chickens inside a fox.

So here's to you naive people who put this obvious snake oil salesman on the highest office in the land.  You just made a big mistake. A huge mistake. The worst mistake, it is tremendous. You guys literally don't know what you have done. And a special shout-out to those of you who didn't vote because "both candidates are just as bad". Those of us that can't vote will now suffer for your myopic attitude and stupidity. Even the people who were racists voting for Donald Trump I respect more than you, because at least THEY took the idea of choosing a leader seriously. More than them, more than Clinton and Wasserman Shultz, more than the misguided conservatives who got this cartoon villain to win the primaries, it is YOU I blame for whatever happens next. It was a time for action, and you chose inaction. You chose unwisely.

And Donald Trump? Congratulations. You played this country like an harp from hell. I hope you enjoy the ego stroke that comes from this. The expectations are really low, so if you play your cards right and don't break too many things, you might be remembered as not-the-worst-president-in-history.

But then again, that's the kind of lack of cynicism that led me to believe that you wouldn't even make it in.  I wonder how good it feels to be the winner when your victory worries everyone.

So what's next? We're all disappointing in the system that allowed this. We're all tired and sad and angry.What are we gonna do, move to Canada?
Not me, though, I'mma get myself back to the Madre Patria if anything.

Well, no, stupid. What inaction wrought inaction won't dissolve. Now is the time to REALLY get involved with politics! Like, for really, real! In two years, there will be another vote. Not a sexy Presidential vote, but a vote nonetheless. A vote that can make a difference, if you let it. Like a great man said, you can't undo that, but you can diminish the effects of it. And he should know about putting annoying orange creatures where they don't belong.

 Don't wait for the news to tell you to start worrying about it to start worrying about it.  Pressure your congressmen. Don't let them pass the kinds of laws that Donald Trump promised.

They say evil wins when good men do nothing. I think we've seen that upfront by now. The question is, are you ready to do something?

An Abdomination before The Lord

No longer known as "Most Unlean"

Quick, change the channel!


 They say the best media taps in the fears of the days it was made.

We want YOU, to join the Foot Clan!


DJ Krang in the HOUUUUUUUSE!
Look, Shredder, I know sometimes we use the term ripped to describe someone muscly, , but there's something  unhealty about your arm there.

"I'm sorry that you...seem to be confused..."

Leo is in no humor for this shit today.

Needs more anime speedlines.

I don't know about you, but "having my show interrupted" was a serious concern growing up.

Riskcists

Racism! Movie! Casting! Hollywood! Social Issues! Click!


So...ahem...I'll start. Disney is now in a full on live action frenzy! After the apparent success of Malifecent, Cinderella, The Jungle Book and Pete's Dragon,  they've started announcing thinmgs left and right to be rehashed but with actors. Lion King(uh...live action?) Tinkerbell, Aladdin and even Mulan.

Which makes a bit of sense. China's a pretty big market right now and  Mulan is a known brand they can sell you. Mulan  is about as safe a bet as you can have.

And then you gone and done ruin it.

Rumor had it that Disney ordered an original spec script in which Mulan now teams up with a handsome white guy sailor on her way to defeat the Huns!  Which uh...sounds bad.

So a lot of people took to the webs in protest, hashtagging that shit until Disnerr swore that the cast to Mulan would be all Asian, which, as I recall, was not exactly the case in Mulan Prime, but it was a different time.

So, is Disney racist to want a little White meat with it's lo mein? Am I for saying that?

No, you see, Disney isn't a person, it's a business, no matter what Citizens United says.The only color they see is green. Is this a defense? No. Fuck Disney.

You see,  Disney working under the type of racially charged  assumption that, to put it some way, "ain't nobody gonna want to see a movie with Chinamans alone"  comes from a place worst than hate. It's cowardice. They aren't racists. They are riskcists.


You the this whole thing with the remakes and reboots and adaptations, it got it's start because studios wanted a sure thing.  During the late 90's and early 2000s they started to notice that utter garbage would make money if it had a brand name attached to it, because the economy was good, and you could afford to check out that adaptation of The Phantom on the odd chance they didn't bungle it this time. And sure, usually only when first released and not on home video, but apparently  nobody knows how profit works.
Thud Life.

Of course, this was in comparison to movies that wern't a brand name, which back then there used to be some of, but surely if Powder flopped and Jumanji didn't, then the movie's  inherent qualities and proper marketing and differing levels of Robin Williams had nothing to do with that.

Which leads to this: an era where every movie is a safe movie because every movie is based on something. Every movie is a huge tentpole, which is the only thing you lot will see. Summer movies are released yearwide,and everyone and they mama wants a cinematic universe.

Which means, of course, that a lot of those flop, because  people's ability to see movies is still limited by things like money or time, and even  with nostalgia factoring in, at some point it comes down to " movie or food". I mean I can't see 3 Avengers movies an 2 Star Wars Movies a year. Some people can't, I can't.


So again, if safe is what you want, a live action remake of a  90's Disney movie with overseas appeal and with girl appeal(A Disney Princess!) and boy appeal(huge battles and funny dragon!) is about as safe as you can get  without  crossing over Star Wars and Marvel.

BUT NOOOO! No, it wasn't safe enough! Clearly  you won't make enough moneh with just  THAT. we have to put a White guy in there, because otherwise, everyone will stay away from this story in droves.

And you know what really angers me? That it doesn't funking work. I mean, I'm hardly gonna say movies like Street Fighter: The Legend of Chunli, Dragonball Evolution, The Last Airbender and King of Fighters were gonna be great otherwise, but clearly  that helped nothing. Those movies should have been safe bets. Based on largely beloved franchises wit huge fanbases (and King of Fighters!)  with huge tentpole potential. Instead they fucked it up.


I watched  The Forbidden Kingdom, You should watch the trailer to that. "Jet Li...and Jackie Chan...FINALLY IN A MOVIE!" But then you watch it and the  it's about Michael Angarano doing an Asian version of  A Kid in King Arthur's Court. They just didn't have the confidence people would want to see a Kung Fu  movie starring the world's 2 most known Kung Fu names, so they threw in a White kid.


There. Is. No. Such. Thing. As. A. Sure. Thing. You riskophobes.  There never was. Maybe Mulan is gonna flop, even if you turn have Mulan suddenly run into Darth Vader and Ironman. Maybe it'll be a hit.  You just have to make the best movie possible and hope it works.

 And may I add good luck with that Aladdin movie set in culturally appropriated Middle East and without the possibility if casting Robin Williams because he died. I'm sure THAT won't be controversial at all!

Gynoid: The Quest for Head now available on Itch.Io


Yeah, it could look a lot nicer.

Your boy Batzarro, here, the one who usually doesn't usually call himsef your boy, but here we is, has released a new game for the (NSFW LINK) Lewd Game Jam. The jam, sponsored by perennial ruiners of it for everyone 4Chan, , tasked us with creating a lewd product. Now, I planned for my thing to be at least slightly lewder, but I lost a couple of days to a for real Game Jame, and  a country wide 2 day blackout. Plus, my sister never found the thing I needed.

But I made it and here it is. Play it, love it, get stuck on a door. I will be revisiting this one to and those oh, so desirable graphics I failed to get last time. Till then!

Game Jam going good.



This video of the game me and the siblings are making is practically ancient history. at this point. Still, I'mma show it to you so you don't say your uncle Batzarro is of liers. I R the slpey and neid mah Zeas...


Help me out of a jam...a GAME JAM!

You guys are gonna be 2 jelly.
Yes, the 2016 Puerto Rico Gamejam is begun, and I will be there with my brother and sister to kick ass, kick names, and kick bubblegum! I will be updating periodically since I'm not starting this jam with a busted ass phone! So stay tuned to my Twitter account...or else...you'll miss it...temporarilly. You'll you'll probably have to scroll a lot to find the posts about it.

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