Frequently Stupid Question: Why must my comment be moderated?


Yes, good question. I, personally, am not afraid of people straight up challenging my authority or expertise on any number of subjects. Shit, if you wanted to say I'm being a poopiehead jerk, then I'd let you write that.  Shit one time, these guys really wanted their picture of  a (redacted) doing (redacted) taken down. I don't care. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

But those weren't the comments I was getting. I was getting comments like this.

I want your comments. Your REAL comments. Not some fucking plugs to virus sites.



Oh. OK.

Equipo Drawnder wants YOU (to join him in PRGamejam)

El Sabor de una nueva generacion!

Now, I've peripherally, telescopically participated in a handful of  Gamejams already.  I'm no stranger to danger. But on September 10, on my own island, ON MY OWN HOMETOWN, there's a Gamejam. And I already signed in, because I know that feeling of kicking yourself for not participating on an event clearly built for you.

The PR Gamejam  takes place in Bayamon Puerto Rico, and I already got MY ticket, my Yoyo Gamemaker "Demo" and some backup ideas. Now all I need is you.  You don't HAVE to know code or anything. If you're a creative person who thinks they can come up with something, I want you on my team. If you can somehow produce music, maybe in FL Studio, I want you on my team. If you can create art and animation, I want you on my team. And fuck it, if you can do code or use Yoyo Game Maker, I want you on the team. Why wouldn't I want you on the team?

So if you're in Puerto Rico(or are some kind of Gamejam game chaser who would travel to an island currently facing a drought just to show us up at videogames) I want you on Team Drawnder.

Equipo Drawnder te busca a TI (Para unirsele en el PRGamejam)

 

Mira, yo he participado en Gamejams a veces, de lejitos.  A mi no me importa, yo soy loco. Pero en Septiembre 10, en mi isla, en mi mismo pueblo de Bayamon, hay un Gamejam. Y ya yo me inscribi, porque no me gusta lamentarme de dejar ir las oportunidades.

Asi que ya tengo mi boleto, mi copia de Yoyo Gamemaker y algunas ideas. Lo que falta eres tu.  No tienes que saber programar ni nada. Si es una persona creativa, lo quiero en mi equipo. Si puede producir musica, sobre todo en FL studio, lo quiero en mi equipo. Si puede crear arte o animacion, te quiero en mi equipo. Y a la porra, si ud puede trabajar codigo y eso, sobre todo en Game Maker, lo quiero en mi equipo. Claro que si.

Asi que si estas en Puerto Rico, o es un creativo errante, viajando por el mundo, participando en Gamejams, lo quiero en Equipo Drawnder.

Ñangara GT is about the Jalopy my dad gave me.

DRIVE LIKE CRAZY!




Sunday, me and my brother where riding nowhere in particular. He struggled with the ditches, bumps and imperfections on the road, which is one of those topics that are as true in 1995 as they are in 2015 here in Puerto Rico. He told me, "Hey, you should make a game about driving in the island, and trying to avoid the bumps on the road." And I told him, right then and there, that I would take that idea to heart and make the game. And so I began thinking and planning.

It's Wednesday, and the game...is done. I ended up modeling the car itself after a car my dad sort of gave me, which was a...it needed a lot of fixing.

Well, not quite DONE, done. I wanted more dynamic opposing cars and different handlings  and such. But I guess that'll be for later. For now, check out Ñangara GT on Gamejolt.





El Domingo my hermano y yo salimos a novelelear. Y el luchando por no caer en los hoyos de la carretera, uno de esos temas que nunca cambian aqui en la isla. Me dijo "oye, debieras hacer un juego sobre manejar aqui en Puerto Rico." Y yo le dije ahi mismo, que sin verguenza alguna le hiba a robar la idea.  Y asi empeze a pensar.

Es Miercoles, y el Juego ya esta.

Bueno, okay, le falta. Queria añadirle mas detalles y eso. Pero esto sera luego. Por ahora, disfruten de Ñangara GT.

Scolding Review: Run, Wonder Princess AKA Korean Bootleg Wonder Woman Part 1



Your move, DC.

We've all seen them. Weird bootleg foreign movies that don't quite seem to understand their source material.  Movies where Spider-man is the bad guy and where Superman and Spider-Woman do a dance off and get married.

How cooky, right? You know what's not cooky? When the source material is so untouched that the bootleg becomes the second best attempt at the material. When you're like, shit, I wish this would become public domain, so we could have a proper take on this.

Enter South Korea. Still somewhat bitter about the old war wounds of the Korean war, and the older yet war wounds with Japan, the country had, nonetheless, begun to develop an up and coming animation industry that has only grown since the 70's . With the caveat that there was a nation wide ban on foreign animation. But bureaocrats and war resentment don't always beat the desire for a good story, so Bootleg animation outfits rose up, taking the Japanese and American forbidden fruit, tracing around it to create...weird things. Things where robots from Mazinger and Batman could show up at any time, without any rhyme and reason, to tell a story that had jack shit to do with either.

So, this all culminated in  1978's  Run Wonder Princess, a pretty blatant bootleg Wonder Woman movie. And, if you don't have the patience to watch the whole thing here, I'mma tell you all about it, sort of.

You see, my Korean is a bit...nothing. So I'm going to be guestimating a lot of the movie until somebody puts some subtitles on it or something. If you're a Korean and want to send me the complete, proofread script for this movie, contact me in the comments, because I think this deserves a fan dub. In the meantime, I'll have to survive on pop culture refference rations.

So our adventure starts out in space, where hot dog spaceships battle a golden UFO. The UFO pretty adeptly kills the shit out of all the Hot Dogs. Then Wondy jumps down from her UFO and the credits start.
Rotisserie FIYA!
Now, don't be mistaken and think the similarities between Wonder Princess and "traditional" Wondy end at the costume. From the intro we see her both do a Linda Carter twirl AND deflect some bullets with her bracelets.

And now cut to Korean Cape Canaveral, where an old guy in a goatie and a subhuman child with a baby panda are helping shoot Korean Steve  Trevor into space. The exact relationship regarding Steve, Old Man and Kid I can't tell exactly. They might be father, grandfather and son, or maybe the kid isn't related to either of them. I can't really tell.  Either way, they successfully launch Steve into Space.
I told them "cover the brows, not the mouth."
But on the ground, Doctor Willy is plotting against them, and shoots the space ship down  with a couple of missiles. Okay, look, the...Doctor Willy might be based on some anime guy I don't know, which might very well also be the base for this guy.  I feel something like that could be in the works. Drop me a line, if so. Meanwhile, let's settle on how this guy...

Well, I was young and needed the trouncing...

...looks like Dr Willy, okay? Okay. Everyone is sad that Dr Willy  apparently killed  Steve Trevor in space(whoa, I think I hear Fan-fiction.net calling), and he even gloats about it, but Steve isn't quite dead, as his ship managed to survive, but he's also pulling a Sandra Bullock and running slowly out of life. But lucky him, he gets rescued by Wondy in her Super Visible Flying saucer.

Both get to Earth with Wondy already donning  the secret identy Diana Prince Stuff.  So they head toward's grampa's home. There, Steve scares the hell out of the little boy, and also hugs the old man. So maybe he IS family with him, I guess.

And there's a huge ass parade and everything, and nobody wonders why this man who was shot with missiles in space is always hanging with an unidentified lady in military uniform.It's not until  a toast with some higher ups that Steven tells ALL about it.

You see, after he almost died, he was taken to an alien planet, and fell in love with the princess of that planet, who totally isn't this nerdy, zero background having chick he always hangs out with now. They enjoyed lavish feasts and rode on giant chickens.  But then he missed home, which I sincerely hope isn't that big fucking planet  right visible from the alien world.
I have seen things you wouldn't believe...

And so, he's back, from outer space. And there is much rejoicing. Except for DR Willy, who is livid. So he calls for a new plan, involving the kidnapping of Grampa Trevor and Steve by the Hard Hats an 80's gimmicky band that never attacks without first shining a light on their opponent.


IT'S THE POWER COMPANY! Your actual power spending was low...but the surcharges will more than make up for it! Nyahahahahahahaaaa!
So they take them on their wagon, but Wonder Woman takes notice, and transforms. She chases the wagon, and gets in front of it and stops it.  I could swear the whole thing is straight ripped from the Lynda Carter series, too. So they get out of their van, remove their vision obscuring helmets, and  prepare to fight.  They do a couple of things, including  Wondy crushing a knife with her own  hands, and the rest of the fights is merely implied, with Grampa   Trevor pointing towards it and  just the sounds of the fight. Hey, some people thought it was genius when Godzilla did it last year.

Eventually the guys get scared and run away, presumably to move in with their aunt and uncle in Bel Air. She runs away before the authorities figure her out.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, the panda catches Wondy changing back into Diana Prince. But, Wonder Woman speaks to the creature's mind, and it speaks to her. Don't laugh, that's actually a canon Wonder Woman power, and as I doubt it was ever expressed on the Linda Carter Series a lot, it leads me to believe this guys where True Fans.

Meanwhile, Willy is abusing Willy JR over the failiure of the Hard Hats. But then he announces that it's the perfect opportunity to launch  THE HIT SQUAD. The Hit Squad is 3 guys who are apparently martial artists and also at some point shot up the town, on their sweet, sweet convertible.
"Shouldn't one of us be driving?" "Nobody likes a backseat shooter, Ben!" "Is this even the backseat, what the hell?"
Anyway, they died trying to escape jail, and then Willy I guess cloned them into robots somehow. Err, did we really need the whole background to this? Not that they used any animation for it but it seems kind of unnecessary background to what are otherwise pretty generic goons.

But don't be mistaken, pretty TOUGH generic goons. You see, Steve and his  Grampy are riding on their motorcade, and guess how the cyberman shows up. Guess. Come on, try.
Surprise, motherfuckers!
No, you didn't expect that, did you. You didn't expect the bad guy to come out of the floor of the car like it's made of cardboard. You can't expect that, no one can. Eyepatch here  kidnaps them both, threatening them AND the driver with a  stick, forcing them to take a detour to the beach. ANd holding it up to their  necks.This is when it the movie starts getting really crazy, in a good way.

Wondy, without anyone telling her in any way, knows about this and just heads there to battle. And this is where we realize the scream  isn't a fluke.

You see, during her first trasformation, Wonder Woman let out a yell, which was a bit disconcerting. It was like a grandmother over dramatizing a screeching vehicle. It was like a baby horse stuck in a baby carrier. It was like Gruntilda getting to orgasm. And I let it by.

I let it by. I did not mention it.  However, now I mention it because she's going to do that yell 20 more times in the movie. Every action she takes will be accompanied by that sound. And you may find it annoying.
"Yee"
Kano tries his best to hit Wondy with the stick, but when that fails, he tries shooting her with the stick. Yes, it's a stick that shoots, so what? He then splits it in two and has two knives. Where do they sell this thing, I want one!

Then a chopper tries to kill her with missiles, but she throws the knife-sticks at it and destroys it! It's the greatest thing in the world! And then, just when you think it's gonna breath from all this high concept insanity, a giant mechanical sea dragon comes out of the sea and chases a flying Wonder Woman, gassing  her unconcious in mid air. And even in that she's like "YIEEEEeeeeeh...uh."

I need a break, guys. I'mma split this one in two. OK? Too much awesome! YIEEEEEE!

6 worst possible versions of characters

Chip and Dale: The Movie!
Characters need to be reinvented. You can't drop old timey Sir Arthur Conan Doyle into a world of CSI Miamis and Opium illegality. Society changes, and even in a period piece, our attitudes towards things ever reflect on stories.

But this is not what this list is about. This is a list of people completely missing what things where about. This is a list of people who WANT to work on the material, in the same way a termite works on wood: eating it and shitting it.

6) Hellboy's finger family.



You gotta hand it to them...



Hellboy is a cult classic comic created by Mike Mignola about a demon raised by a human from childhood who fights supernatural threats. It was pretty popular in the 80's with some early 2000's popularity boost by some damn fine movies Guillermo del Toro made. So obviously they made a video about him and his made up satanic family singing a kiddie song as they wander the wrecked remains of Post-Ap Earth (does anyone say Post-Ap? It seems they should).

You see, there is a channel in Youtube whose exclusive domain is making half-hearted animations of popular franchises set to the same recording of the Finger Family song. That's all they do. And honestly it's not that weird. My instinct is to believe these are some foreigners with more grasp of adobe flash than of english, trying to show their kids some english.  And if you MUST do that, why not use the Ninja Tortoises and Spider-Man?

But then there's Hell Boy. I mean, "Super Red Boy".


 After so much fighting evil, Hellboy grew a stache and settled down with a demoness, and spawned a trio of demon kids, all sporting the long horns he painstainkingly removes to avoid becoming a humanity ending hell terror.

If you think they didn't know that bit of Hellboy canon when designing Mommy Finger and Baby Finger, then why are they standing in a dilapidated city?

5) Breezie's Back, Yo!

People love to complain about Sonic. And you know they do when they complain about things in Sonic they'd be praising anywhere else. "Boo Hoo Sonic has too many characters!" X-Men has too many characters, and nobody complains about THAT.

And it's not like every character comes back every time. When's the last time you saw Ray the Flying Squirrel, or Fang the Sniper, or Breezie the Hedgehog?

What, Breezy? She was just a character from the less fondly remembered Sonic Cartoon. She was a robot built by Robotnik to entrap Sonic with her feminine wiles. She was pretty...well endowed.


It's okay, they're both technically looking at her hair.

My point is, there's no way in hell Breezy's gonna come back. Just kidding. She came back last year, to the Archie comics series. She now looks like this.
Man, even chick heaven has fallen angels.
Now, Archie people, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but...Isn't this character missing....EVERYTHING that made Breezy? And I'm not just talking about her fun parts. This version of Breezie is not only NOT a Jessica Rabbit send off, but she's also NOT a ROBOT, and not...ANYTHING. I mean, I know I'm complaining about her not being essentially not like a bad character, but how cheap are you to just slap the Breezy name onto some wholesale new green hedgehog? Humph.

4) A TV show pilot inspires elaborate animated porn.
Way to lay it on thick, Nickelodeon.

The Modyfiers only ever had one episode. For whatever reason Nickelodeon didn't feel there was money in a Mod inspired cartoon. Maybe it's cuz it's been nearly 50 years since mod aesthetics where in. I can't say.

However, it must have been something, because it attracted the attention of Zone, an animator known for making animations I can't show you about Teen Titans, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, and others being turned into pornography, going so far as to selectively use audio clips to uh, make the experience more immersive.

And, you know, tip of the hat to you, Zone. Every time I see someone do that kind of thing, I wish it where you doing it. If it's bad, I don't know, but you're the best at it. You're the Michael Jordan of making it look like Cartoon Network went crazy and decided Cyborg raping Jinx is an okay thing to make.
This is a screen from the cartoon, por si acaso.

But anyway, Zone made an elaborate animation of that ONE EPISODE, managed to some how cut in the dialogue and...It's crazy! Like, Even if you want to fuck a cartoon, why something so obscure, I can't wrap my head around it.

I also can't SHOW you it, but it makes a quick, relatively safe for work cameo in this vid. So basically there's almost as many minutes of Modyfiers cartoon as there are of Modyfiers Parody Porn.

3) The Super Serious Sexual Escapades of...Billy and Mandy?

Fanfictioners gotta fan, awright? I get it. I'd rather remember I liked Dinosaucers than watch a crudely drawn Allo and Ghengis Rex make out, but uh, I'm not everybody.

With that said I'm a big believer in that, even if you're not doing canon, you should approach the work in as similar a tone as possible. I mean, youre story about Mahoney dieing and Tallbooth  avenging him using Soul Edge can be great, but it won't ever be very Police Academy. Or...AT ALL.


But if there's a show known for it's dark humor  and zany nonsense, how far would you go to make a spinoff fan comic that completely removes the humor and zany parts? How abut writing a comic for years?

Well, there's a fancomic for that.


Yes, finally the story can be told. Of how Mandy managed to get Grim in the sack  and bone him, and they had a kid, and she's a fucking psycho. That fits the tone of the cartoon perfectly.

And if this where a single story, like that stupid fanfiction where Jade from Mortal Kombat wrote to Seung Mina about how it was hard to be in school and be bullied, despite the fact neither of these are at school age, from the same  plane of existence, and  Jade is known for ripping people apart, I'd understand. But no, this is a long form version of that, with admitedly good effort put on the art of it, to tell a story. This story.
What's the matter, Bleedman? Manga Brad Pitt too tough for you?

NOOOO!


2)Magneto, Old Pest

Magneto is often considered one of the X-Men's greatest villains, if not one of the greatest overall villains. Over the years the character has gone from a pretty cookie cutter world conqueror to a sympathetic character who is just as likely to rip Wolverine's bones out and drown the planet, to a pretty stand up guy who just wants freedom from oppresion and the love of his estranged children.

But this was before most of that. Before he cosplayed as the King of Spain, he was a simpler character. But still, his appearance in the old timey Fantastic 4 cartoon was still pretty out of character. For could you picture the Master of Magnetism...

Terrorizing a gas station because they don't believe his flying car doesn't need gas?

Displaying his power over no parking rules by declaring that the sign offends him, and limply taking it down?

Beating Reed Richards in a fight to become the leader of the Fantastic 4, as part of his scheme to con the Fantastic Four into sort of letting him steal some money?

Being fooled by a wooden gun into thinking he was powerless, then immediately being put into metal cuffs and put into a patrol car?

No. Not even early Magneto would have done that? Who the hell writes this crap? Why didn't Stan Lee step in an intervene?
Expaylscior!

Oh, shit.


1)Blackheart, aspiring My Chemical Romance member

Here's something Batzarro really hates: When you take a character with striking visual design elements, and say: "fuck this, guy in a suit."

I understand you don't always want to blow your budget away on expensive prosthetics and CGI. But if I come to your Ghost Rider movie expecting a guy who looks like THIS


And you just give me this...

That makes the movie worst. I mean...I admit that all I know about Blackheart comes from Marvel vs Capcom 2. I don't know if he's got a great personality.  But this is the antagonist of a guy who looks like this.


Is this seriously the best you could conjure up to menace? He doesn't look like a demon, he looks peter parker got bitten by a radioactive Hot Topic.

But Let's not be unfair. Maybe that's just his human form. He does have a final demon form during the climax.

Nope. Don't see it.

And what really bothers me is that, in reviews of people who don't know anything about Blackheart's appearance, they don't find him that great at all. Which means that you threw just about the only thing that could have saved this character and replaced it with NOTHING. Blach.

They're killing all fan art and I'm helping them!

Hey, guys, look...I may have used the term "Fanficky" as a pejorative in the past, but...I would never turn you up guys. I just don't have that kind of spite. Just because I don't LIKE your stuff doesn't mean I would volunateer to take it away from you.

What do I mean, by that? Well, there's a new international treaty  called the Trans Pacific Partnership moving along. One that would basically force the participating countries to make laws allowing anyone, not just the copyright holder, to make laws that enable not just the owner of a copyright to sue for copyright infringement.

I mean, if they passed a law like that (And they'd have to if they sign a treaty.) I could legally sue you for creating a fanfiction where Wordgirl is losing a fight to the Crystal Gems, even if PBS and Warner probably don't give a shit about it.



It's kind of brilliant, actually. Morally corrupt and not at all related to what copyright is about, but brilliant. You conscript the people to snitch on themselves and  sue themselves. They don't spend money on it and they don't get any bad press. It's a very Castro Cuba thing to do. I don't even know if I should go into detail of why doing that is litterally the opposite of what copyright should do, or how bad it would be for creativity if anyone who so wanted could put you in a legal lock without really having to have a real reason. Maybe you can imagine it.  Imagine if you anyone could just start getting Pewdiepie, Nostalgia Critic, and Fan- Fiction.com erased from the map just because they didn't like it.  Imagine. Do you think they would?

There's only one problem: How are people gonna know they can screw each other? There needs to be a campaign to get them in the spirit of ruining each other's abilities as a prosumer, so that poor old Megacorps may thrive. And who better to provide it than me? That's why I'm offering them this posters, to get things rolling. No charge, Big Media. We love you!






Of course, this laws would be a tragedy for the internet, if mean spirited people get your video AND channel taken down with uncontested claims of copyright all over the place. But look at the bright side.

You could Sue Johnny Test's makers  on the name of Marvel comics and Sony, who own the copyright to The Malibu Comics and movie Men in Black, to get them to stop using Agent Black and Agent White. You could Sue Marvel because the relation between Deadpool and Deathstroke is totally breaking copyright. You could use DC for putting Superman's leg hidden on a cover.  You could Sue Disney over Atlantis. You could sue Metallica for ripping people off.

And in fact, we should. I mean, it's only fair. It's what they want, right? A world where people sue to defend copyright without asking. If you know of anytime a company has plagiarized another, you should probably write them a letter like this:

Dear _________

I am thankfull for the laws that are being put in place by the  Trans-Pacific Partnership, that will allow me to sue over copyright infringement even if the copyright holder will not. I will use them to sue you over _____________ the very day the laws are put in place, because it breaches the copyright of _______________.  It's kind of out of my hands. I can't stop an International Treaty, after all. If someone would, though, I would not be able to sue.

Sincerely _________________


You could probably contact Disney over here, and Warner over Here,if you wanted to.


I mean, I want to believe we can do more than sit and watch them do this. I'm just a small blog, run by a poor guy. But maybe if this message gets around we can stop everywhere on the Internet becoming like Youtube.

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