6 OTHER things you should stop if you're planning



In my NEEEEIGHTBORHOOOD!

I made a list last year, urging you to cease and desist certain dumbass actions and if it stopped you from making a new Mario game, then good. If it didn't, well then...is there still time?

As long as we're still here, I've got some more things I'll tell you not to do, but I'll secretly consider doing myself.

Disney Princess...stuff

FUCK YOUUUUUUU!


You know what makes most Disney Princesses great? Nothing. Most of them where fairly unremarkable protagonists to fairly dull and predictable stories...that aren't even that unique. I dare you to write a paragraph describing every Disney Princess without using the terms "young", "pretty" and "talking armadillo".

But Disney made all these princesses into a brand, and now they all live in a single unified Princess-verse, as a way to continue selling merch for movies older than all of us to little girls younger than us. And we've allowed these vapid airheads to continue their reign by constantly doing takes on them.

The Disney Princess as (something else) syndrome has covered The Walking Dead, Alternate ethnicities, As superheroes, as fat, as villains. as...

It just isn't fun anymore, you know? Stop telling me every time some two-bit artist re-imagines Belle.

Calling scandals (whatever) Gate

So Scandalous!


You know, before I was born a guy running for president had his team spy on his opponent in a hotel called Watergate. He had to quit being president or be the first president fuckin' getting kicked out.

It was known as the Watergate scandal. But to hear it now, you'd swear he got caught robbing water, because every single little scandal gets the (subject+gate) title. It's a nice way to put a a name on an event and to say it's big.

But if it's not as big as the time THE PRESIDENT OF AMERICA WENT AWAY, maybe keep the gate shit at home. Videogames? Not big enough. Nude leakes? Not big enough. Skull Girls? Bitch please.

Being unnecessarily amazed/appalled when Black people get the roles.

 
He's also British, and as far as we know, there weren't British people in Tatooine.

Ever since Ive been blogging, there's been been black people being cast in roles traditionally white. And it's been kind of the same thing. Some people want the character to be exactly as white as the original, others embrace the race changing, and then there's some politicals and racist.

In a way, I get it. Even the racists. But we've done this dance, and my feet hurt. John Boyega playing some guy in Star Wars isn't something groundbreaking or super pc. There's been prominent roles for Black people in all but the first movie, without even going into the voice of the best and worst of the series.

 
I mean, look at those guys behind Lando. Totally Black, some of them are.

 This isn't Star Trek. You don't have to make mental gymnastics to explain that a man can be black and also a Stormtrooper( or say,be disguised as one). It's no big deal either way. We're not gonna go into fits for every new black character in an old franchise, are we?

Trying to do a cinematic universe.

Ok, it's sad that he died, but he wasn't a good actor. Settled?


Sometimes I get a feeling if a movie with a guy who wears a top hat on his ass, movie studios would greenlight hundreds of movies with guys wearing all kinds of headwear on their lower regions because "that's what people want" or "that's what sells today."

So now that Avengers made Disney a bunch of money, Sony and Universal want some, but making filmic universes for Robin Hood and The Universal Monsters, which are gonna suck all the nuts. Wb is already knee deep into movie plans up to 2020, even though the last Superhero movie they did that didn't star Superman or Batman was Green Lantern.

And despite it being their one job, these execs can't tell why Marvel could make a movie about characters that, before Ironman, where B listers at best, and somehow made them make more money than proven sellers like Spider-Man and Superman.
 

While the Cinematic universe stuff did help, the inherent quality of the works is what made it all work. You can't just knock a half assed movie and expect everyone to show up for the spin off, just because you say your gonna make more. Buuuuuuuut I guess quality's a little too intangible to emulate, huh? Let's do the ass-hat things.

Unbooting things

Girth vs Lenght!

 
 Look, we all get a little iffy when stuff gets rebooted while all it's participants are still around. "Sean Connery's still around! No need for this Roger Moore fella to substitute him.

But once you reboot something, you don't get to go back. You don't get to make Arnie Conan again. You already made Momoa Conan. If it didn't work, that's the breaks. I think that's in the Bible and stuff.



 And Sony, which is rebooting things like it's Windows Vista up here, is actually pre-emptively rebooting it's all female Ghostbusters by announcing, before it even begins filming, that it's gonna do some kind of "The Original Ghostbusters thing", except with Egon is now gonna be Channing Tatum.

Just stop! STOP! You  had years to get the old crew back, and now they're all  old and dead and shit. You didn't! DON'T FUCKING GO BACK!


Saying someone was gay on your show (just offscreen)

Smells like contempt and chamomile.

 
 I don't want to get into the gay subject. There's nothing in there for a moderate, middle of the road, multiple angle looking guy like me.

But one thing I do want to say is, if you want to make a character in a book gay, go ahead and do that. Don't go ahead and make the character gay after the book exists like some coward, though.

I mean, what you imagine the fictional wizard or princess did doesn't get to be important unless it's jotted down or filmed. You don't get diversity brownies for making a character gay way after the series is over, when it's perfectly safe and everyone who otherwise wouldn't have done so has already bought it.

It's like if in Metroid, they never did get into how Samus is a woman except in interviews. "Shit, she's a hamster too. Did I just blow your mind with how PROGRESSIVE(TM) I'm being?"

You did not. It feels like a cheap cop-out to have it both ways. If it's not important enough to the character that he's gay, then why even bring it up? Maybe the character was a Catholic. Maybe the character was a space pirate. Or maybe you're pulling things out of your ass to get people to talk about it. I guess we'll never know!

Disney planning underwhelming sequel to overrated hit Frozen

Who put this thiiiing togetheeeeer? Meeeeeeeeeee...


In a shocking revelation, Disney recently announced it likes money and would go beyond what we'd imagine to get it, up to and including a sequel to that song Let it Go that had a movie attached to it.

If I seem like a pessimist about it, hear me out. I don't understand the Frozen Hype at all. It's not all bad, there's some good bits, but the one thing that kills it for me is the villain.  I'm sorry, but a bland Disney Prince being the villain might have seemed revolutionary while writing it, but it just makes for a bland villain. The stakes aren't there, the Freeze powers aren't used all that creatively. Elsa, perhaps ironically the actually interesting character, is kind of not the focus throughout the movie. I don't like it.

But obviously I'm in the minority, and now a sequel is being made. Hell, as far Disney doing   sequels to it's movies, let's just say it hasn't gone right yet.

Freeze Fever! Let It Snow! is Devious, Frozen Fun



It took me about a 3 weeks or so, but it's down. You can now download, for free,  Freeze Fever, on Gamejolt!




 

A Snow Queen's frozen heart longs only for one thing: A little company! As the evil Snow Queen from the Hans Anderson classic that inspired Disney's Frozen, stake your claim to a young woman's heart and freeze it! Don't let her get near the fire, though, as she might warm away all the coolness you put in! Protect yourself from the  attacks of the peasant populace!

Get it here!

Look who's come crawling back...

Not nearly soon enough.

So...sigh, the bestgeekever.blogspot experiment was kind of a bust. I'd hope I could quickly bring that blog to this blog's humble level of views. But that hasn't happened.

And I'm doing things I want to be seen by thousands, not by...units. So, while that place picks up a reasonable pace, this will be my main place to post. I'll still be reposting my old stuff there, because hey, it's free.

 I also want to announce a new blog I just made called Limited Times. LT  is all about  the copyright issues I've been yammering about since about a year ago.
I've already produced an article for each month, with plans to bring on more later.
It does not mean the topic will be entirely gone from here. At year's end I plan to go all Duke University on your asses and tell you which characters of the geekosphere would already be public domain. It include a character which has a new TV show coming soon, and one Avenger.

Fighting Female July us back. This years main event? Catfight. Is it as bad and sexist as they say? Well, I'll let you know when I get it to run right.

And I'm planning to release a few games on Gamejolt. At least one of them is bound to have  sexy  easter egg. Monsters of the King is still available on Itch.io. It's free, as is Freeze Fever.
So it's good to be back, and I regret having ever left. How are you guys feeling?

Game release lineup for 2015

A completely unrelated picture to start the post.


With the release (that I'll probably update eventually, because I made it hurriedly for a gamejam) of Monsters of the King, that marks my 3rd or so published game. I've come to realize that when I'm just making a game that I wanna make, usually like a fighting game or something, I usually don't finish it, but when I put it in my head to make a game for a gamejam, with the date looming over me, suddenly I burst forth and finish it. UNLESS...stuff gets in my way. That's why I'm putting unchangeable dates to all the games I'm planning. So I'm going to grab all the ideas on my head, and put some dates to them, see if I can't get the games done.

Freeze Fever: Let it Snow!
May 1

Do you wanna build a dough man?


Freeze Fever will be released March 1. I've already begun working on it. In FF, you play as The Snow Queen from Hans Anderson's The Snow Queen. You know, the story that was recently popularized by Disney's Frozen, but that has barely jack squat to do with it except for like, two or 3 things?

In my version, The Snow Queen is doing what she does best: trying to turn people to her side by freezing their hearts. You, as the Snow Queen, must keep Gerda from reaching the warmth of a campfire.  Don't let her go!

You cannot Escape, money! No YOU will be the one escaping!

Avenger's Legacy


April 23
The famous public domain hero Avenger is dead, and it's up to you as one of 5 other public domain heroes to found out who did it and why! A multiplayer plataformer action game!
I'm way more focused on whether I could do it than wether I should, okay?
PLANET JURASSIC
June 2
Michelle and Rodriga are former slaves of the lizard like T'saurians. They think they are safe by escaping into a planet, but it turns out to be full of dinosaurs! Using their Genominator bracelets, they must, themselves turn into dinosaurs and escape to a crashed ship! A Beat-Em-Up, very much in the vain of Altered Beast

I'll be BUCKS
Termination
Gynoid
 June 15
In the future, a robotic prostitute with a heard of iron must  overcome a robot insurrection by an AI. A sidescrolling shooter.

un amigo es un peso en el bolsillo





Brownies: Hoof or Mare
July 25
A Girl earns from fairies the power to transform into a magical pony-like being. She must use this power to find the Star Brownies before the evil wizard Bartroh finds them! A Plataformer.

Fantasy Four
August 1

Fantasy Four Follows four heroines tasked with the secret mission of destroying the Cannibal Planet threatening the earth! Four player action! Four Sexy Heroes!

WHO THE HELL TAKES 20 YEARS TO TRANSLATE A GAME!?

Star Odyssey VII: The War Awakens
December 10
Based on my Best Selling Book Fighting Hero of the Galaxy, itself based on the public domain movie Star Odyssey, aka 7 Golden Men from Space, AKA Metallica, , Star Odyssey puts you to play as heroine Olivia Carrera as she races to stop the evil Koboldi race from enslaving all humanity.


Heeeey...why are you looking at me like that? I told you! I can't work on my own deadlines. So I'm letting whatever is going on at the time dictate what I release.  I also did a lot of work on a game called  9 + 1 Deadly Holes with Sexy Kunoichi, a stealth/golf fame, for a gamejam I wasn't able to put the game on(only because stuff happened in real life.) Like Monsters of the King, I just need to add some stages and such and put it all in a pita wrapper and it's a game.

So what do yo guys think? Biting off more than I can chew?

Perspectiva

Homosexualismo, masturbacion, desnudes, sexualidad descarriada...son cosas que se ven en un video musical  de Wisin y Yandel.  Quiero decir, ah, si, la perspectiva de genero es literalmente lo peor que puede pasar en nuestros niños, braaaah! Pero ese dia la maestra no va a ir porque no le pagaron. Proxima pregunta.

In Monsters of the King, YOU are the boss

Friends and neightbors, for years we've guided heroes from the left of the screen to the right, with little thought of just how those enemies came to be possitioned so. Well, wonder no more, because my new game will shed some light on that!



As Sister Brains, it is your job to keep Sir-Jumps-A-Lot from getting to the end of the stage. Lay down enemies, time his jumps, and keep him away from those power ups and a winner will you be!

Took me two weeks. Done for the Backwards Game Jam.  Lots of stuff left on the cutting room floor. Might finish later. Get it here.

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What are you guys watching?