The 7 games in the Street Fighter series Capcom wants you to forget




Street. Fighter. 5. For a few years there, it felt like the series was never going to move beyond 2, but boy oh boy, has time flown while kicking and spinning in place.

It's kind of amazing that the granddaddy of modern fighters is only five games old. After all, later serieses like Mortal Kombat, Tekken and Soul Calibur are looking at 10, 7 and 6 entries.

I guess you could say Capcom prefers quality over quantity. But it'd be more accurate to say it's easier to make a bunch of bad games, then produce some new shotos and everyone will forget. Here's the five games you can fondly look back on and say "yep, them sure was bad times."

Street Fighter

Dropping the Mike.


It's kind of hard to fault the original SF for being a shitty fighting game, because a lot of what made fighting games non shitty did not yet exist or was very hard to do. In fact, the game was originally controlled by punching it, which means it actively counted on your hate.

But it's on this list, because in it's anniversary, Capcom released a big box of filled with pretty much every game, anime and movie based on Street Fighter BUT Street Fighter. That's a sad way to spend a birthday.

 

 

 

Street Fighter Movie

THE ONLY FIGHT IN THE GAME.

No, not Street Fighter THE movie( The Game...see below). Street Fighter Movie is an FMV game with some fighting game frosting, based on The Anime of Street Fighter 2. You play the role of a robot quietly stalking fighters and learning their moves, and near the end you can have a fight with Ryu.

So, you know, the next time they give Chun Li her own movie, remember that they gave a generic robot from the anime a game all to himself, and that's more solo game that they ever gave Ryu or Guile.

Street Fighter Mouse Generation

Why, yes, that IS Barrack Obama. It was...it was a weird time. Liking an American President hadn't been easy in 8 years and...

Sometimes I play fighting games on a keyboard, okay? Sometimes you can't wait of your arcade sticks arrive to take your MUGEN for a spin.

But a few years ago, Capcom tried for something even less good, with Mouse Generation. The game, playable online, had you do motions with the mouse.

It also had a feature to swap the parts of the characters, so you could put Chun Li's legs to Bison's torso, creating presumably a self hating abomination.

You could also swap body parts with characters from anime like Cyborg 009 and fish and shit. And now you can't, because it's offline.

 

Street Fighter Ex

I...mean to high five you ! It's not my fault my hands are blocky Hulk gloves!

 

 Street Fighter 4 is considered the serie's entry point into the 3rd dimension. After all, we all remember Street Fighter 3's beautiful 2d sprites.

However that's because most fans tend to outright ignore Ex, a fighting game that awkwardly bumbled the series into the poligonal world of the Playstations 1 and 2.

For 2 games(or 3? Is Ex + Alpha it's own game?), the series had the classic fighters in a morose, endingless, floaty mess of a game. In the end Arika, who developed the game for Capcom, went it's way and took every character they made for it.

Street Fighter the Movie

No.

When you do a big movie you do a tie in game. But what if the source material IS a game? Then you leave it alone.

Hell naw! You make a game of the movie anyway! And so, since Street Fighter the movie was based on a precise fighting game, the one that set the bar, naturally they got the developers of unplayable mess Time Killers to handle the game. That's like getting M Knigt Shyamalan to direct Star Wars. The fact he's directed stuff before is evidence only to him being wrong for it.

The gameplay is the worst of any Street Fighter until you can prove you played Mouse Generation. An infinite can be a simple as "hurricane kick then dragon punch."

 

Streef Fighter The Movie also takes a cue from Mortal Kombat, with digitized sprites (that's fancy talk for "photographed images")of the cast that was willing/alive. It doesn't feel like playing the movie, though. It feels like somebody vomited Mortal Kombat all over my Street fighter.

Street Fighter 2 Tiger Handheld

WHERE'S SAGAT? HE'D LOVE THIS!
Swift strategy, multiple characters, excellent music...this and many more elements that made Street Fighter 2 a success where completely absent from the Tiger handheld .

For those who were born after the towers fell, Tiger handheld machine were basically as powerful as calculators, and their games just as fun. For around 20 dollars, you could get this individual games, and while there were many original games, many were licensed franchises.

So obviously, you slap a Street Fighter sticker in a that sucker and you cash in. For those who didn't buy a console, didn't ever see the inside of an arcade, and whose parents couldn't tell the difference between Mortal Kombat and Myst, this might have been their first "taste" of Street Fighter.

Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter

 
Cylsim forever! <3 br="">
 Okay, hear me out. I'm not saying this game is BAAAAD bad. Just...

You know, X-Men vs Street Fighter was a pretty cool game. It was Street Fighter's first real crossover game, and kicked off the Vs series, of which Tatsunoko, Tekken, and Snk saw entries.

And most importantly, each game in the vs Marvel series had new characters that hadn't been Sprites for other games. Obviously XvSF had Rogue and Sabertooth and Cammy and Guile, Marvel vs Capcom had Venom and Captain Commando, Mvc 2 had The Cactus Guy and Cable.

But MvsSF suffered from a bad case of not giving a fuck, so it had none inherently new characters, unless you think putting a coat of dark on Sakura makes her a "new" character. In fact, it has the same final boss, with a somehow robotier Akuma as dressing.

 

So while I'm sure it's a perfectly playable entry into the versus series, in a RELATIVE way, compared to other games in the series, it FUCKIN SUCKS!

You may have noticed 7 is larger than 5, which may indicate Street Fighter has more misses than hits. So I want to be fair : there's been a fair amount of non-numbered entries that have been fairly good, such as the Alpha series. And most of these games are better than, say, getting punched in the asshole(Not YOU, Sf1 and SF The Movie! Sit down.). In the end, we love Street Fighter, even if one fourth of the cast is Ryu with a different head and the vanilla versions become outdated in 6 months. Even if our favorite characters, haven't been seen in close to two decades. We wouldn't care if Sf made a bad game only if we did care about SF at all.

 

 

7 franchises that could use a Cinematic Universe

Wha...money? This? How


Everybody wants a cinematic universe now. Every time studios sent out a press release with those words, they're saying "please give us as much money as Avengers!" Especially now that A2 is out there, raking all the money by the yachtful.

It's mostly misplaced wishful thinking. But that's not to say nobody can ever pull it off. And there's some franchises where it does kind of make sense.

These are them.

7l) James Bond

Actually, this was announced over a decade ago.
There's been 20 something James Bond films, stretching across 40 something decades. With very few recurring characters and very little continuity to them, there's almost no world building. "James Bond exists, here's a threat to the Western World, James Bond has sex and shoots until the Western World's interests are safe again."

But it doesn't have to be like that. There's bound to be other Double Os out there, doing their thing differently from James Bond. And the villains. My, God! They could totally establish why Jaws has metal teeth, Blofeld is scarred and why shooting people makes Xenia Onattop sexmoan.

6) Resident Evil

"Stay Behind me!" "I KNOW MY PLACE, ALEECE!"
The newest Resident Evil movie was on hold, because Milla Jovovich was too pregnant to play the lady lead Alice, for a few months.

Now, we all know Resident Evil is nothing without Alice. But maybe, instead of waiting till next year to film everytime she gets pregnant, they could make a movie without Alice.

It sounds crazy, but there's other characters in RE besides Alice, who can have their own, similar to the game's story somewhat adventures.

We don't have to cut off our Alice supply cold turkey, though . We can have her cameo pregnantly to explain God himself chose her to be the mother of Jesus mark 2 because she's so awesome.

 

5) Dragonball

NNNgaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Ok...Dragon Ball sucked all the testes of the universe. But that doesn't mean whoever it is has the rights(please don't be Fox...) can't have another go at it.

But the whole Goku story...the well is poisoned, you know? Nobody wants to see Justin Chatwin don the spiky hair again.

But Dragon Ball has dozens of ancilliary characters, races, and worlds to put onscreen, with even more planned!

You could have a movie just set on planet Vegeta, establishing them Saiyan as planet wrecking badasses they are, and ending with Vegeta starting on his month's long journey to fight Goku. You could have an entire movie explain how Master Roshi became the old pervert we know him to be. You could have a movie just of Piccolo training Gohan. You could...oh, shit it's Fox. Nada, forget I said anything.


Glitch Music: Barknuckles


What would happen if we crossed the zacharine sweetness of The Barney with the kinetism and aggressiveness of the Knuckles? Find out, as I record the sounds that happen when you load  a save of a thing into another thing!

(Glitch Music is what happens when you load a save of a game into another game, producing a music or sound that is from neither.)

6 OTHER things you should stop if you're planning



In my NEEEEIGHTBORHOOOD!

I made a list last year, urging you to cease and desist certain dumbass actions and if it stopped you from making a new Mario game, then good. If it didn't, well then...is there still time?

As long as we're still here, I've got some more things I'll tell you not to do, but I'll secretly consider doing myself.

Disney Princess...stuff

FUCK YOUUUUUUU!


You know what makes most Disney Princesses great? Nothing. Most of them where fairly unremarkable protagonists to fairly dull and predictable stories...that aren't even that unique. I dare you to write a paragraph describing every Disney Princess without using the terms "young", "pretty" and "talking armadillo".

But Disney made all these princesses into a brand, and now they all live in a single unified Princess-verse, as a way to continue selling merch for movies older than all of us to little girls younger than us. And we've allowed these vapid airheads to continue their reign by constantly doing takes on them.

The Disney Princess as (something else) syndrome has covered The Walking Dead, Alternate ethnicities, As superheroes, as fat, as villains. as...

It just isn't fun anymore, you know? Stop telling me every time some two-bit artist re-imagines Belle.

Calling scandals (whatever) Gate

So Scandalous!


You know, before I was born a guy running for president had his team spy on his opponent in a hotel called Watergate. He had to quit being president or be the first president fuckin' getting kicked out.

It was known as the Watergate scandal. But to hear it now, you'd swear he got caught robbing water, because every single little scandal gets the (subject+gate) title. It's a nice way to put a a name on an event and to say it's big.

But if it's not as big as the time THE PRESIDENT OF AMERICA WENT AWAY, maybe keep the gate shit at home. Videogames? Not big enough. Nude leakes? Not big enough. Skull Girls? Bitch please.

Being unnecessarily amazed/appalled when Black people get the roles.

 
He's also British, and as far as we know, there weren't British people in Tatooine.

Ever since Ive been blogging, there's been been black people being cast in roles traditionally white. And it's been kind of the same thing. Some people want the character to be exactly as white as the original, others embrace the race changing, and then there's some politicals and racist.

In a way, I get it. Even the racists. But we've done this dance, and my feet hurt. John Boyega playing some guy in Star Wars isn't something groundbreaking or super pc. There's been prominent roles for Black people in all but the first movie, without even going into the voice of the best and worst of the series.

 
I mean, look at those guys behind Lando. Totally Black, some of them are.

 This isn't Star Trek. You don't have to make mental gymnastics to explain that a man can be black and also a Stormtrooper( or say,be disguised as one). It's no big deal either way. We're not gonna go into fits for every new black character in an old franchise, are we?

Trying to do a cinematic universe.

Ok, it's sad that he died, but he wasn't a good actor. Settled?


Sometimes I get a feeling if a movie with a guy who wears a top hat on his ass, movie studios would greenlight hundreds of movies with guys wearing all kinds of headwear on their lower regions because "that's what people want" or "that's what sells today."

So now that Avengers made Disney a bunch of money, Sony and Universal want some, but making filmic universes for Robin Hood and The Universal Monsters, which are gonna suck all the nuts. Wb is already knee deep into movie plans up to 2020, even though the last Superhero movie they did that didn't star Superman or Batman was Green Lantern.

And despite it being their one job, these execs can't tell why Marvel could make a movie about characters that, before Ironman, where B listers at best, and somehow made them make more money than proven sellers like Spider-Man and Superman.
 

While the Cinematic universe stuff did help, the inherent quality of the works is what made it all work. You can't just knock a half assed movie and expect everyone to show up for the spin off, just because you say your gonna make more. Buuuuuuuut I guess quality's a little too intangible to emulate, huh? Let's do the ass-hat things.

Unbooting things

Girth vs Lenght!

 
 Look, we all get a little iffy when stuff gets rebooted while all it's participants are still around. "Sean Connery's still around! No need for this Roger Moore fella to substitute him.

But once you reboot something, you don't get to go back. You don't get to make Arnie Conan again. You already made Momoa Conan. If it didn't work, that's the breaks. I think that's in the Bible and stuff.



 And Sony, which is rebooting things like it's Windows Vista up here, is actually pre-emptively rebooting it's all female Ghostbusters by announcing, before it even begins filming, that it's gonna do some kind of "The Original Ghostbusters thing", except with Egon is now gonna be Channing Tatum.

Just stop! STOP! You  had years to get the old crew back, and now they're all  old and dead and shit. You didn't! DON'T FUCKING GO BACK!


Saying someone was gay on your show (just offscreen)

Smells like contempt and chamomile.

 
 I don't want to get into the gay subject. There's nothing in there for a moderate, middle of the road, multiple angle looking guy like me.

But one thing I do want to say is, if you want to make a character in a book gay, go ahead and do that. Don't go ahead and make the character gay after the book exists like some coward, though.

I mean, what you imagine the fictional wizard or princess did doesn't get to be important unless it's jotted down or filmed. You don't get diversity brownies for making a character gay way after the series is over, when it's perfectly safe and everyone who otherwise wouldn't have done so has already bought it.

It's like if in Metroid, they never did get into how Samus is a woman except in interviews. "Shit, she's a hamster too. Did I just blow your mind with how PROGRESSIVE(TM) I'm being?"

You did not. It feels like a cheap cop-out to have it both ways. If it's not important enough to the character that he's gay, then why even bring it up? Maybe the character was a Catholic. Maybe the character was a space pirate. Or maybe you're pulling things out of your ass to get people to talk about it. I guess we'll never know!

Disney planning underwhelming sequel to overrated hit Frozen

Who put this thiiiing togetheeeeer? Meeeeeeeeeee...


In a shocking revelation, Disney recently announced it likes money and would go beyond what we'd imagine to get it, up to and including a sequel to that song Let it Go that had a movie attached to it.

If I seem like a pessimist about it, hear me out. I don't understand the Frozen Hype at all. It's not all bad, there's some good bits, but the one thing that kills it for me is the villain.  I'm sorry, but a bland Disney Prince being the villain might have seemed revolutionary while writing it, but it just makes for a bland villain. The stakes aren't there, the Freeze powers aren't used all that creatively. Elsa, perhaps ironically the actually interesting character, is kind of not the focus throughout the movie. I don't like it.

But obviously I'm in the minority, and now a sequel is being made. Hell, as far Disney doing   sequels to it's movies, let's just say it hasn't gone right yet.

Freeze Fever! Let It Snow! is Devious, Frozen Fun



It took me about a 3 weeks or so, but it's down. You can now download, for free,  Freeze Fever, on Gamejolt!




 

A Snow Queen's frozen heart longs only for one thing: A little company! As the evil Snow Queen from the Hans Anderson classic that inspired Disney's Frozen, stake your claim to a young woman's heart and freeze it! Don't let her get near the fire, though, as she might warm away all the coolness you put in! Protect yourself from the  attacks of the peasant populace!

Get it here!

Look who's come crawling back...

Not nearly soon enough.

So...sigh, the bestgeekever.blogspot experiment was kind of a bust. I'd hope I could quickly bring that blog to this blog's humble level of views. But that hasn't happened.

And I'm doing things I want to be seen by thousands, not by...units. So, while that place picks up a reasonable pace, this will be my main place to post. I'll still be reposting my old stuff there, because hey, it's free.

 I also want to announce a new blog I just made called Limited Times. LT  is all about  the copyright issues I've been yammering about since about a year ago.
I've already produced an article for each month, with plans to bring on more later.
It does not mean the topic will be entirely gone from here. At year's end I plan to go all Duke University on your asses and tell you which characters of the geekosphere would already be public domain. It include a character which has a new TV show coming soon, and one Avenger.

Fighting Female July us back. This years main event? Catfight. Is it as bad and sexist as they say? Well, I'll let you know when I get it to run right.

And I'm planning to release a few games on Gamejolt. At least one of them is bound to have  sexy  easter egg. Monsters of the King is still available on Itch.io. It's free, as is Freeze Fever.
So it's good to be back, and I regret having ever left. How are you guys feeling?

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