L.I.E.S.: The Boba Fett spinoff script at 2:33 PM

"See, he ESCAPED! Totally not an overrated idiot! "

Hi! It's your boy El Mayimbe from Latino-Re...I mean, Batzarro from Best Geek Ever. How silly of me. That would have been a lie, and I'm not here telling lies, just L.I.E.S, Leaked In Early Secrets. 
You may have heard that  Chronicle Director Josh Trank got kicked out of moved on from the Star Wars spinoff for pulling an Andrew on the set of Fantastic 4 to move on to original projects. And  that that movie was recently announced to be a Bobba Fett Spinoff. Well, your boy managed to get the truth from Trank by disguising himself as a giant used needle, and he described the movie for totally real. And now I'm ready to reveal a bit from the first couple of pages.

INT. Tatooine Dunes
We see two HOODED FIGURES approaching an enormous whole in the ground. It is obviously a SARLACC PIT.
Figure 1: Are you sure it's dead?
Figure 2: I'm the one who has to climb down there.
Figure1: I need this to be done soon. I want to know you can do it...
Figure 2 removes his hood, revealing the man's handsome, rugged looks.
Figure 2: What does it say on my shop?
Figure 1: "NOH WAN, exterminator and landscaper."
Figure 2: NOH WAN, that's right. That's me: NOH WAN. I've spent more time exterminating  sarlacc infestations that you've spent under the sun. Trust me, I know how long the poison takes to kill them, Mr Sticks.

NOH WAN and FIDEL STICKS stand awkwardly staring into the hole.

Fidel Sticks: You know what it doesn't say in your sign? Anything worth making a legend out of
 
Noh Wan: What's that supposed to mean?

Fidel Sticks:  You kill sarlaccs for a living. You're no Boba Fett.

Noh Wan: Boba Fett? Who's that?

Fidel Sticks: You haven't heard the legend of Bobba Fett, boy? He was the galaxy's deadliest bounty hunters. He was known to be able to capture his enemies no matter what. Why they say he could shoot you in one eye blindfolded.  They've written songs to his name. He's a folk hero. He's certainly not known for being a total bumbler and for the amount of time he spent on Sarlacc Pits.

Noh Wan: Would you just pass be the harness, old man? I don't have time for stories that may or may not have happened.

Fidel Sticks  hands Noh Wan a harness.  Cut to: INSIDE SARLACC PIT.  NOH WAN is slowly being lowered inside  the SARLACC. He is clearly disgusted by the smell.  Soon the cable stops lowering him.

Noh Wan: Come on, Fidel!  I'm not at bottom, yet!
Fidel Sticks: The thing broke down again!
Noh Wan: Just don't hit the...
Apparently Fidel Sticks did hit the ..., as suddenly NOh Wan plummets into  the ground from a considerable height into a PILE OF BONES! He thrashes in pain from the fall,  then begins musing.

Noh Wan: This isn't worth the money. This isn't worth the time!  I wish I could...
(Amongs the bones, Noh Wan notices what looks like a helmet. He removes the  bones from over it, and it reveals the BOBA FETT ARMOR whole, dusty.  He removes the helmet, and it has an inscription inside.

Noh Wan: Boba...Fett...


WOOO! And the rest of the story, and how Noh Wan assumes the identity of Boba Fett, finds a mysterious black girl claiming to be Qui Gon Jin, and they fight a droid that wears Darth Vader's old, burnt up suit, is it not written on the Books of the Kings of Judah? No, probably not, it's most likely the rest of the script for Star Wars: Boba Fett vs Droid Vader! 

Now, obviously every script is subject to change, which could allow me, in theory to make up a thing and then, when confronted with the final version, say it was just a preliminary  version. Why should you believe this? Well, because there is Love In Every Star! Or L.I.E.S, for short!

L.I.E.S. The DC movie schedule revealed! at 8:25 AM

Hello, you Gullible Gents and Overly trusty Dames. It's been a while since I've told you  Leaked In Early Secrets.  The truth is, I've been away on a self imposed exhile. I don't want to go too much into it, but I'll just say sometimes you get challenged to a fight to the death and you do it, but death fights are no fun. People could die on those. In fact, usually when no one dies, things went wrong.

"Let no bad happen" indeed.

So you may have heard some dame say that she got the list of movies DC's planning on making for the next few years. If you believe DC's going to have 3 movies a year, then I'll show you a green dog or 2.

That's not the REAL DC schedule! Let Uncle Batzarro show you how it's done, baby.I snuck into Warner's board room, disguised as a maid.  They didn't know they don't have any retro style maids, so it was easy.

In there, I overheard their true plan, spoken with the kind of confidence that gave us Teen Titans, Greem Arrow in Superjail, Metal Men, Flash and Justice League Mortal as news to chew, rather than as movies to watch.


2015

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

I can't stop poking fun at this title.

(BAAt)man (They haven't written it or anything, but they thought that the idea of having a name that is also the logo, even if the name is screwed, was good enough to greenlight.)

Speedy (They actually mean Kid Flash/Impulse, but nobody corrected them that Speedy is Green Arrow's sidekick)

2016

The Wall ( They figured since Maleficent did mint at the box office, they'd get on that "gritty origin story about a woman" thing with Amanda Waller. In this version Amanda Waller begins as a member of a troubled teen help line called Anti-Suicide Squad, but then she somehow turns it into a paramilitary group)

Lobo (I've put this down at Lobo, but they kept refferung to him as "the guy with the claws" and asking if Hugh Jackman was available.)

"This guy. right?"

Justice League

2017

2Man 2Steel( Tyrese is in the shortlist to play Steel)

Not-Wonder Woman (I don;t know which Superheroine they meant, they kept saying "the other one" and "the really popular one" but every time someone said Wonder Woman they'd say no.)

"I'm pretty sure we've been selling clittoris necklaces on Hot Topic for awhile."

Blue Beetle/Red Tornado (They don't know if this is a good teamup, it was chosen with Dice and crayons.)

2018

Batman's Back (There's no story, just the idea to show Batman from behind in the posters)

Batman's Back in action

Captain Planet ("They've got Captain America, but Captain Planet will be huge overseas.")

Shazam v Sandman: The Revenge of Spider Jerusalem (  They envision it as a huge middle eastern adventure, which they assume would have to involve  Sandman and Spider Jerusalem by default. Spider Jerusalem in this is a huge spider.)

Batman v Santa Clause: Dawn of Jingles (For need of a holiday movie)

2019
Batman: Days of Future Bat (This one is a time traveling crossover betwen Burton Batman and Nolan Batman.)

Wonder Woman (After 2 hours they gave up on guessing who the other really popular heroine they own is.)

Justice League Mortal ("We have to reboot the Justice League franchise sometime, right?)

How you like me now, punks?

So there you go. The truth, only the truth and nothing but  L.I.E.S.! Batzarro: OUT! (Turns into a raven, flies away.

Leaked in Early Secrets- Marvel's Dark, Tall, TALL new villain at 10:54 AM

We are so fuckin' spoiled these days...

Who didn't enjoy Marvel's Avengers movie? I'll tell you: that stupid crazy guy my brother gat paid to haul around. He's always asking if Ron Jeremy is in the Avengers. Dude, get help!

But that aside, everyone liked it, it made industrials amount of money before we even touch merchandising, and all is well in Marvel Land. Except for the books, those aren't selling.

Pachinko Wolverine is still not happy, though.

But you did not come to hear what you know, but Leaked in Early Secrets (my doctor said I should shorten it to L.I.E.S. so I don't get carpal tunnel syndrom. I don't remember if she said it while I did her and her sexy nurse at the same time, or after.) And so, get ready to hear the real, nonest for real future truth about the Marvel Universe.

If Fox doesn't start filming Daredevil anything by October 10, the rights to Daredevil return to Marvel, where  unless marvel stops making money and they sell it, it shall stay until the mountains wither and the rivers stop. And so, Marvel is already eyeing  the juicy, fruitful Daredevil fanchise for a future movie, right?

Oh, no! Marvel already has all the movies it needs set up to come out in the next few years. And let's face it, If Marvel wanted a street level hero, they've plenty of choice.

No the real sweet part of the deal is bringing back from the diaspora Daredevil's supporting cast. Guys like Kingpin, Bullseye The Hand, Elektra, and other's such have great applications within the movies and stories Marvel is already doing. So where am I going, exactly?

Jennifer Garner is cool, but crude, and Ben Affle-eck, is a party dude!

Well, I tilted my antenna just north of south(I'm bein litterall, I have antenna on my head), and I hear from my sources that whatever preliminary story work on Avengers 2 is being reworked to this new possibility. Thanos is being relegated to the Guardians of the Galaxy, and instead, the main badguy for Avengers is set to be the BIGGEST THREAT OF ALL! A REAL TALL ORDER OF A NASTY! THE ONE WHO LOOKS DOWN ON ALL THE HEROES! STILT-MAN!

Coming this Fall...

Wilbur Day, is a scientists assistant, who steals the invention and uses it to steal even more as the Stiltman, having incredible heights, enhanced durability, and affecting the probablity field of carnivals to make them less boring.

At the end of Captain America 2 they already have a teaser planned out, where Bucky, Cap and The Falcon are enjoying themselves at a circus, when they sort of look up and the ominous shadow of the Stiltman looms over them. There's gonna be a scene in Ironman where Tony Stark is making out with Pepper Potts in the 5th Floor of a hotel, and  STILT-MAN'S HEAD CAN BE SEEN PASSING BY THE WINDOW, UNCONCERNED!

Course, at the end of Avengers 2 Stilt-man calls into a Helicarrier's Intake and explodes, and we see his  funeral, we get a glimpse of his wife, and the following exchange ensues:


Maria Hill: Excuse me, lady? 

Glenda Day: "Lady?"

Maria Hill: We have questions about your husband, Stilt-man.

Glenda Wise: My husband's name was Wilbur day.

Maria Hill: He killed Black Panther and died a monster, lady. He was a monster.

Glenda Day: And I was his wife.  Ms Stilt-Man. Lady Stilt-man!


Wowser! Are yo excited, cuz I'm excited! It's unbelievable.  I mean, hardly believable at all. So great! And so, remember: I cannot tell a lie, but I can tell  many L.I.E.S.! Batzarro AWAY!

Leaked in Early Secrets- Marvel's Dark, Tall, TALL new villain at 10:54 AM

We are so fuckin' spoiled these days...

Who didn't enjoy Marvel's Avengers movie? I'll tell you: that stupid crazy guy my brother gat paid to haul around. He's always asking if Ron Jeremy is in the Avengers. Dude, get help!

But that aside, everyone liked it, it made industrials amount of money before we even touch merchandising, and all is well in Marvel Land. Except for the books, those aren't selling.

Pachinko Wolverine is still not happy, though.

But you did not come to hear what you know, but Leaked in Early Secrets (my doctor said I should shorten it to L.I.E.S. so I don't get carpal tunnel syndrom. I don't remember if she said it while I did her and her sexy nurse at the same time, or after.) And so, get ready to hear the real, nonest for real future truth about the Marvel Universe.

If Fox doesn't start filming Daredevil anything by October 10, the rights to Daredevil return to Marvel, where  unless marvel stops making money and they sell it, it shall stay until the mountains wither and the rivers stop. And so, Marvel is already eyeing  the juicy, fruitful Daredevil fanchise for a future movie, right?

Oh, no! Marvel already has all the movies it needs set up to come out in the next few years. And let's face it, If Marvel wanted a street level hero, they've plenty of choice.

No the real sweet part of the deal is bringing back from the diaspora Daredevil's supporting cast. Guys like Kingpin, Bullseye The Hand, Elektra, and other's such have great applications within the movies and stories Marvel is already doing. So where am I going, exactly?

Jennifer Garner is cool, but crude, and Ben Affle-eck, is a party dude!

Well, I tilted my antenna just north of south(I'm bein litterall, I have antenna on my head), and I hear from my sources that whatever preliminary story work on Avengers 2 is being reworked to this new possibility. Thanos is being relegated to the Guardians of the Galaxy, and instead, the main badguy for Avengers is set to be the BIGGEST THREAT OF ALL! A REAL TALL ORDER OF A NASTY! THE ONE WHO LOOKS DOWN ON ALL THE HEROES! STILT-MAN!

What a year! A roundup at 9:18 PM

If it has a link to show it on Imageshack, it's mine!

The New Year is almost upon us! A time to reminisce about what we did right and wrong. I am no exception.

I brought you L.I.E.S, L.I.E.S and L.I.E.S , about Marvel vs Capcom 3.


We discussed, Bestialism and Mechanofilliac Threesomes in Kids cartoons.

Kinky shit.

I found out Harry Potter is all about Lesbian Rape.

Ms Lovitt Meat Pie joke goes here >  <

I discovered Bioware's deep, dark Secret.

Search your feelings, you know this to be true...

And I pwoned some racists.

What did you do? Apparently you wanted to know who I think should star in a Banjo Kazooie movie.

You wanted me to take some generic Viagra and wrote crap in chinese.

You copied my Topless Robot comments.

You ignored my idea for a Wonder Woman Anime.

And you taught me that we're all equally genocidal maniacs.

Ja we can ve serious, Comrade Public Domain!

So what can you expect from his blog in the new year? I will discuss conspiracy theories, Moses, I will return to making fun of people's art and finally decide which is better between Anime and Western Animation. Happy new Year! And remember...

He's filing for divorce, and he's taking the children.

What a year! A roundup at 9:18 PM

If it has a link to show it on Imageshack, it's mine!

The New Year is almost upon us! A time to reminisce about what we did right and wrong. I am no exception.

I brought you L.I.E.S, L.I.E.S and L.I.E.S , about Marvel vs Capcom 3.


We discussed, Bestialism and Mechanofilliac Threesomes in Kids cartoons.

Kinky shit.

I found out Harry Potter is all about Lesbian Rape.

Ms Lovitt Meat Pie joke goes here >  <

I discovered Bioware's deep, dark Secret.

Search your feelings, you know this to be true...

And I pwoned some racists.

What did you do? Apparently you wanted to know who I think should star in a Banjo Kazooie movie.

You wanted me to take some generic Viagra and wrote crap in chinese.

You copied my Topless Robot comments.

You ignored my idea for a Wonder Woman Anime.

And you taught me that we're all equally genocidal maniacs.

Ja we can ve serious, Comrade Public Domain!

So what can you expect from his blog in the new year? I will discuss conspiracy theories, Moses, I will return to making fun of people's art and finally decide which is better between Anime and Western Animation. Happy new Year! And remember...

He's filing for divorce, and he's taking the children.

Leaked in Early Secrets: MVC Silohuettes! at 7:00 AM

My Sources

My friend that knows flash also leaked unto me the next shades them at Cacpom are gonna show for MVC3's next teaser. ARE YOU READY?

I can't tell who this guys are. Can you?

And thus ends another episode of L.I.E.S., where we're all about the truff! Crime in ELLE AY IZ THRU THE ROOF AND THEY....

Er, Good bye.

Leaked in Early Secrets: MVC Silohuettes! at 7:00 AM

My Sources

My friend that knows flash also leaked unto me the next shades them at Cacpom are gonna show for MVC3's next teaser. ARE YOU READY?

I can't tell who this guys are. Can you?

And thus ends another episode of L.I.E.S., where we're all about the truff! Crime in ELLE AY IZ THRU THE ROOF AND THEY....

Er, Good bye.