L.I.E.S.: The Boba Fett spinoff script

"See, he ESCAPED! Totally not an overrated idiot! "

Hi! It's your boy El Mayimbe from Latino-Re...I mean, Batzarro from Best Geek Ever. How silly of me. That would have been a lie, and I'm not here telling lies, just L.I.E.S, Leaked In Early Secrets. 
You may have heard that  Chronicle Director Josh Trank got kicked out of moved on from the Star Wars spinoff for pulling an Andrew on the set of Fantastic 4 to move on to original projects. And  that that movie was recently announced to be a Bobba Fett Spinoff. Well, your boy managed to get the truth from Trank by disguising himself as a giant used needle, and he described the movie for totally real. And now I'm ready to reveal a bit from the first couple of pages.

INT. Tatooine Dunes
We see two HOODED FIGURES approaching an enormous whole in the ground. It is obviously a SARLACC PIT.
Figure 1: Are you sure it's dead?
Figure 2: I'm the one who has to climb down there.
Figure1: I need this to be done soon. I want to know you can do it...
Figure 2 removes his hood, revealing the man's handsome, rugged looks.
Figure 2: What does it say on my shop?
Figure 1: "NOH WAN, exterminator and landscaper."
Figure 2: NOH WAN, that's right. That's me: NOH WAN. I've spent more time exterminating  sarlacc infestations that you've spent under the sun. Trust me, I know how long the poison takes to kill them, Mr Sticks.

NOH WAN and FIDEL STICKS stand awkwardly staring into the hole.

Fidel Sticks: You know what it doesn't say in your sign? Anything worth making a legend out of
 

Noh Wan: What's that supposed to mean?

Fidel Sticks:  You kill sarlaccs for a living. You're no Boba Fett.

Noh Wan: Boba Fett? Who's that?

Fidel Sticks: You haven't heard the legend of Bobba Fett, boy? He was the galaxy's deadliest bounty hunters. He was known to be able to capture his enemies no matter what. Why they say he could shoot you in one eye blindfolded.  They've written songs to his name. He's a folk hero. He's certainly not known for being a total bumbler and for the amount of time he spent on Sarlacc Pits.

Noh Wan: Would you just pass be the harness, old man? I don't have time for stories that may or may not have happened.

Fidel Sticks  hands Noh Wan a harness.  Cut to: INSIDE SARLACC PIT.  NOH WAN is slowly being lowered inside  the SARLACC. He is clearly disgusted by the smell.  Soon the cable stops lowering him.

Noh Wan: Come on, Fidel!  I'm not at bottom, yet!
Fidel Sticks: The thing broke down again!
Noh Wan: Just don't hit the...
Apparently Fidel Sticks did hit the ..., as suddenly NOh Wan plummets into  the ground from a considerable height into a PILE OF BONES! He thrashes in pain from the fall,  then begins musing.

Noh Wan: This isn't worth the money. This isn't worth the time!  I wish I could...
(Amongs the bones, Noh Wan notices what looks like a helmet. He removes the  bones from over it, and it reveals the BOBA FETT ARMOR whole, dusty.  He removes the helmet, and it has an inscription inside.

Noh Wan: Boba...Fett...


WOOO! And the rest of the story, and how Noh Wan assumes the identity of Boba Fett, finds a mysterious black girl claiming to be Qui Gon Jin, and they fight a droid that wears Darth Vader's old, burnt up suit, is it not written on the Books of the Kings of Judah? No, probably not, it's most likely the rest of the script for Star Wars: Boba Fett vs Droid Vader! 


Now, obviously every script is subject to change, which could allow me, in theory to make up a thing and then, when confronted with the final version, say it was just a preliminary  version. Why should you believe this? Well, because there is Love In Every Star! Or L.I.E.S, for short!

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