Best Geek Ever!: January 2011

M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 10

A comic I was working on last year, but didn't finish has reappeared. Not being able to post it on Indie-planet, I settled for posting it here.

The story concerns Goverment agents who police Superheroes and other Superbeings. Care for it? It's after the jump.

In this page, the truth makes you crazy.

Both. Both farted.

Folks, some heroes are born, others are made.

The Jurassic Park series is fraught with them, from great white hunters who risk nature's prehistoric savagery to save lives, to a young girl who didn't make the gymnastics class because she needed that little push that kicking a velociraptor to death can give.

If you think African American teenage girls and Velociraptors makes this better, that's because it does.

But I'm here to tell you nonE of those guys are the hero of the series. There is only one hero in this franchise.

And it's this guy.

The Tyrannosaurus Rex. And this is the part where you go, "Oooooh! The T Rex wasn't a hero! He was a lumbering beast who ate anyone who didn't run as far away from him as possible". Don't be naive. The T Rex is the deadliest, biggest dinosaur in the first two films. If it wanted to kill and eat every single person in the film, he'd just have. Should he even bother with people? Clearly we're mere snacks to a creature that size.

In the first film, in fact, he only ate that lawyer, who need I remind you, abandoned children to a T-REX.

Unlike CERTAIN people, T Rex are all about the youngsters.

And sure, in the second movie he killed that guy who was rescuing the dangling people and those others in the group and that guy in San Diego. But they took his friggin' kid! He didn't kill people who weren't either stupid Ingen assholes or involved with his kid's disappearance. Or tourist. Fuck those guys.

It's all about the family with this guys.

In the third film, he actually fought the grittier, darker Spinosaurus, but took a dive, give the new guy a chance. Spinosaurus then broke all the sacred rules of dinosauring, including busting through perfectly burstable enclosures.

GET OF MY TRAIN!

But the biggest evidence comes from the first film. You know this scene: A couple and some kids where escaping from velociraptors, the ninjas of the dinosaur world, by dangling dangerously from hanging dinosaur bones. One by one, each of the bones gives way and falls to the ground. The people, uninjured, try to escape, but the raptors surround them. It's only a matter of time before one of them pounces, and one of them does. Except a Tyrannosaurus catches him in his mouth.

Kids today need to be reminded Dinosaurs used to do awesome stuff all the time before...this.

Now, Jurassic Fight Club taught me that dinosaurs probably wheren't great strategists. With their small brains, they could only turn on the idea of eating, and turn it off to mate. So what is the point of a Rex stealthilly making his way into a building(which must have taken some work), sneaking up on a scene where predation is about to occur, and actually attack the predators? Eating the humans could have been just as well. You scare away the raptors with a display, then eat the humans.

Then the Rex goes to work on the other raptor, giving the group time to escape. He does not EAT the raptors, he simply shows them up throwing them like the fucking ragdolls they are. And once alone, this happens.

Not the hero Jurassic Park deserves, but the hero Jurassic Park needs.

Clearly, this is not a mindless beast of carnage, but a misunderstood savior, a good samaritan who never intended harm on the kids or the archeologists. And though our languages are different, in another world we might call him hero.

Horrendous Theory: The real hero of Jurassic Park

at 9:06 PM

Both. Both farted.

If you think African American teenage girls and Velociraptors makes this better, that's because it does.

But I'm here to tell you nonE of those guys are the hero of the series. There is only one hero in this franchise.

And it's this guy.

F.A.R.T. Back for moar.

at 9:18 AM

It's once again time to check the latest attempts at less than greatest attempts at Fan Art DA has to offer! That's right, it's the return of Fan Art Review Time! Or whatever the hell the T used to stand for!

Our first choice brought me back on the game. If I saw this anywhere else than on DA I would shrug it.

At least they didn't take previously made jobs and called them their own.

Yes, pasted an image of the 911 terrorist attacks, and wrote to it's left it was an inside job.

I don't want to waste your time with my opinion of 911-iz-inside-jobz, but come on. It's called "Deviant Art", not "Deviant propaganda". You want to say 911 was really done by Leopard Women from Venus riding giant saurians? FINE. Just put it in ART FORM. Don't just put this shit up there!

Man, it really has been awhile. I'm having trouble finding truly disturbing/bad art. Let's check the mines. That is, Sonic Fandom.

Here's 3 things you should imagine Shadow saying 1)Hmp!2) Maria...3) I am the ultimate life form!

This is why we can't have nice things, guys. I wonder how the thought train goes. "Shadow is a cold, Emo hedgehog who is constantly remembering a single girl from his past. So, duh, it's obvious he'd go gay for Sonic The Hedgehog. And they would celebrate their love with giant chocolate covered pickles, right? Wut wut?"

ANd you know, sometimes the pencil can do things that put bitmap to shame. In fact, those times are usually always. S'ides, Sonic shoulld look bigger, since he's closer.

I can't show you the next one in full. Be aware that apparently looking at drawings of naked teens can land you in hot water.

It was old Mr Rapedungeon all along!

Yes, in this commission, someone requested a drawing of Daphne, of Scooby Do fame, naked and crucified. Except she has comepletely abnormal genitalia, which seems to consist of a tongue coming from under where her vagina should be.

What amazes me is that this was commissioned. I understand comissions is where a guy pays money and then you draw what he asks, correct? THe thought that someone payed money for such simple, terribla art is trully disheartening.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

F.A.R.T. Back for moar.

at 9:18 AM

At least they didn't take previously made jobs and called them their own.

Yes, pasted an image of the 911 terrorist attacks, and wrote to it's left it was an inside job.

M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 8

at 7:37 AM

A comic I was working on last year, but didn't finish has reappeared. Not being able to post it on Indie-planet, I settled for posting it here.

THe story concerns Goverment agents who police Superheroes and other Superbeings. Care for it? It's after the jump.

In this page,the tractor beam has a hitchiker.

M.U.G.E.N. Colony Page 8

at 7:37 AM

Eat this! A rant.

at 9:16 AM

Both feature nude women who won't take your meat unless you pay...

When I was younger, I was a fairly picky eater. I would not eat a single bean of most kinds, which, being Puertorican means i threw away roughly half of every plate I ever recieved.

As I grew up, I came to see that whatever food was being offered to me was the result of hard work and sacrifice from my parents, or a blessing that other children in the world would be thankfull for. That the nutrition this terrible tasting treats brought me was the only difference between me, and someone who's DEAD right now.

At this point, the idea of eating solely vegetables, was something I would shun forever.

See, my earlier years where in a rural-ish area (where Val Verde's gonna be) in my grandparent's house, so I knew exactly what that chicken drumstick looks like before it arrives in the plate. In fact, I actively wanted to see the process, but my Grandma(get well, Granny!Jehova este contigo!) would not let me, feeling i was too sensible.

My sister, however, was not born into such an enviroment, this is one of the reasons I think shaped her desition to become a non meat eater(not entirely sure ifi t's veganism of vegetarianism). Thanks to cool rich white people like Paul McCartney and Onision, my sister won't even eat food that was NEAR meat. I wish she was more mature about this. Which is why I am venting. I feel if done right, the whole Vegan thing can at least partially work, but if done wrong it can go very badly.

Now before I start the rant, let me just say that I get it. I don't agree with it, but I get it. You want to be good to "something" or someone or anything and there's much, much suffering int he world. So you take up a thing in hopes you can silence that little voice at night asking if you are good or bad. I know that's why I took up the faith.

And I don't mind what other people eat, or what they eat it for, as long as it doesn't affect me.

That said, it's stupid.

Perhaps I can interest you in THEEZ NUTS!

Stupid, stupid, stupid. And I need to break down how stupid it is. I will do that now.

Let me put it in the form of a question: Are we equal, superior, or inferior to other animals in value?

Let's say your answer is equal. We are equal in value, and thus have the same rights.That means there is such a thing as universal life rights. How far does it extend? Slugs? Amoeba? Protozoa?

Oh, you know how this ends!

So let's roll with it. Every being has a right to live. So what are you gonna do about THIS guy?

He's clearly violating the Moose's right to existence. But how are you going to stop him without violating his rights to existence? Are you gonna put in animal jail? What about animals that aren't omnivores, like lions and houscats? What are you going to feed them in order for them not to die? What are we gonna do about slave maker ants? If we're all equal, how come it's just us who have to be responsible to other species? If animals have our same rights as us, but none of the responsibilities, that means we're not equal. We're INFERIOR.

You know what foxes eat? Hint: it's not tofu, Noob Saibot.

"But" you interject, "we're not living in the wild anymore! Our meat comes from giant meat processing plants that are (all, at same time) cruel and evil and they cut the cow here, and throw the chicken there and stuff. We don't need to eat meat!".

They savages! I get all nutirents I need from dried wood!

You see, the problem I have with this thinking is twofold. First, YOU'RE not living in the wild. More than half of the population of the world doesn't have access to supermarkets, let alone soy milk. Also, you're not living in the wild RIGHT NOW. It's entirely possible that tomorrow an earthquake or a tsunami or global disaster could change what you have access to. During the great depression people made food out of things you wouldn't even look at as food today, and that was less than 100 years ago. If you're a vegetarian that's fine,but don't judge, because your diet could suddenly change to boot leather and your own words faster than you think. You're a Vegan because of the same industrialization and advancements that allow the rest of us to dine on dead animals.

EVERY ANIMAL IS PUPPIES DON'T KILL THE PUPPIES.

Second, by worrying about individual chickens possibly getting their gibs cut off, you are forgetting that we're running out of other species. We grow those chickens specifically to kill and eat them. We have plenty. But once the polar bear is gone, there ain't gonna be no more fuckin' polar bears.

I mean, the polar bears could probably use some of them chicken wings. So it seems to me people concerned with animals should look at the bigger picture. Pick the worthwhile battles. But I guess it's harder to fund a trip to Africa to help stop illegal poaching than to fund a trip to Grampa Nuggets Chicken farm to grief and film a lot.

"But what have you done? At least P.E.T.A. is doing something, unlike you!"

I guess a vegan diet is high in CONDESCENDIUM.

Is that what you're thinking? I have bad news.

Let's say you wake up in the morning, have a "cruelty free" breakfast, put on a clean shirt and pants, head out with your friends in your car hang out,smoke a joint and buy some candy and an IPhone, and go see "The Cove" on cinemas. You return home, and you jerk off to some porn. At least you did something, right?

A great hero to animals and an activist.

But let's read between the lines.

Let's say you wake up in the morning(because your ancestors gutted their enemies), have a "cruelty free" breakfast(that underpaid, illegal inmigrants toiled under the sun for), put on a clean shirt and pants(That a child in China's getting less than 1 cent for making), head out with your friends in your car(That supports the oil business. Nuff said) hang out, smoke a joint(and thus support thousands of murders by the drug cartels) and buy some candy(bought cheaply thanks to fucking indentured slaves) and an IPhone(That a child in China's getting less than 1 cent for making), and go see "The Cove" on cinemas. You return home, and you jerk off to some porn(and thus indirectly support the illegal kidnapping and rape of many people across the world by supporting the existence of porn).

An evil asshole who supports war, torture, murder, slavery and poverty.

See, you did SOMETHING, but in balance, is it really a real something? On the one hand, yes, 2.5 chickens did not die for your nourishment today, but on the other hand you supported war and slavery and rape. OUCH. If faced with a literal choice of supporting slavery or killing and eating a chicken, would this be your choice?

And don't we all "do something?" that doesn't make us saints, or make our actions excusable. I helped my neighbor with her son's projects for school, free of charge multiple times. See, I did do something. Can I act like a manhole whenever someone else don't do it?

This are the nuts I offered you earlier. Are you still interested in this nuts?

I know you feel bad that bad stuff has to happen for you to be where you are. But understand that some of us see life differently. We place a value on animals life and existence, but much like animals, our own species takes priority. We aren't that different, in that sense. In fact, in that sense, we're actually a little better. In the end all life ends, and all matter is consumed eventually.

So go on. Be a Vegan or Vegeta or Raditz or what have you. Just remember that the point is to be less of an asshole, not asshole for something in particular.