5 female characters your girl could look up to(but you won't let her) at 2:49 PM

Grrr power!

Look, mom, we know what your thinking: Your girl can't grow up a self-respecting female in a world ruled by the patriarchy. And geek world...is one of those worlds.

More than half of all geek products are created by, approved by, and for the consumption of, men. And more than half of it is done without any heart at all, so it's no wonder there isn't exactly a thriving supply of such materials geared for, or even considering the possibility young girl could enjoy them.

There are such, but as you can read in my article, there is a force that tries to shoot down even those that get out. That force, is you, mom.

So while the next five characters could find their way to you girl's heart, you won't let her because they aren't JUST right. So tighten your flannel pants and put down the scissors, mom. It's 5 female characters that your girl would like, if you wern't so busy making her watch LMN movies and reminding her men suck.

5)Wordgirl
Never heard, huh? It's because Wordgirl is a children's show on PBS. It features a young girl from the planet Lexicon who in her spare time becomes Wordgirl, a pint sized Super heroine with a penchant for correct vocabulary, while maintaining a secret identity as Becky Botsford, a mild mannered bookworm adoptive child . This show is awesome, as written by some of the Saturday Night Live scribes. And no, the learning doesn't get in the way of the fun, Mr "I can't be caught dead watching a PBS cartoon".
Why your girl could look up to her:
Wordgirl is the female superheroine you always ask for, but who's comics you never read. Independent, smart, sarcastic, and strong but not in a "I'm always kicking men in the balls, I'm so empowered" way. Wordgirl defeast most villains without help from any other characters, except for her space monkey sidekick, Capt Huggy Face. I mean, he's a MALE monkey, but still.

Why You won't let her:

Because Wordgirl's weakness is cutesy, 'girly stuff', like cute cats, and a show ominously called "The Pretty Princess and Sparkling Pony Power Hour" . "What?" You'll ask." Can't she like more "scratched knees" activities(aside from punching robots)?"

He's probably saying a sexist joke about how many women it takes to stop a meteor.

Also, Wordgirl adopts a 'friendly' approach towards some of her male foes(Dr Two Brains, The Butcher) but not as much with her female rogues(the awesome Lady Redundant Woman and Granny May). There's a special place in hell for women who like some men better than some women.

This is not related. I just like this picture.

4)T. Bonne

T. Bonne is a pirate and rogue from the Megaman Legends series, who has also ha her own game and cameos elsewhere. She's part of a family of pirates. I didn't make that too far into Legends, but I know she builts robots and other machines to perform her devious tasks, which include thievery.

A face worthy of a most wanted list.

Why your girl could look up to her:

She is 15-16 year old genious, and mostly clasilly dressed too.
Bolted, metal panties over pants. That's some symbolism right there!

T Bonne is one of those few Megaman characters that get their own game, and that's badass.
Why You won't let her:

Because of her secret crush with phallic symbol-armed Megaman Volnutt.You know what they say about big feet? Well, that can't possibly apply here.

Not only is she in love with a man, but a man who is willing to shoot her laser blasts in the face? Gurl, that's wack!

3)Mitsuko(Bloody Roar)
If she's a smart fighter, she becomes a cerebral boar!

Bloody Roar is a fighting game where humans turn into muta-animals halfway into the match. Don't ask why. Mitsuko is one of the game's less prolific characters(because of the patriarchy!), a big old Japanese woman in overalls whose transformation is a boar.
Why your girl could look up to her:
She's huge and unseemly and dressed in overalls. She's not attractive to your average man. Turning into a boar just seals the deal: she's a lesbian. The only kind of woman that isn't weak, by femi-standards.
Why You won't let her:
Because it turns out, she's not a lesbian. She's just looking for her daughter. Oh, no, traditional family! It BUUURNS! Goddess help us!

Also, she turns into a fucking boar. That's just stupid, no matter your gender. Boars suck.

2)Amanda "The Wall" Waller Rule 34 exception.

Amanda is not actually the main heroine most of the time, which is amazing, what with being a black, overweight female comic book character. What she IS most of the time, is a handler for various teams in the D.C. universe. She would also be in the Supermax film and the Suicide Squad film, if those where ever going to be done.
Why your girl could look up to her:
Amanda Waller is the most bad ass motherfucking burocrat the world has ever seen. She will do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission. I've seen the bitch stare down Superman.

Seriously I LOOKED. NO HENTAI OF AMANDA WALLER EXISTS!

Seriously, she is mostly known for running the team "The Suicide Squad", which coerces villains into doing missions for the Governmate agency Checkmate, and occasionally jettisons them into another planet to die. While it doesn't usually have the most powerfull villains in it's unconstitutional employ, it still takes some balls to bark orders to insane, murderous villains that never tired of being punched by Flash.

From Left to Right: Guy who BROKE BATMAN, Amanda Waller, Guy who tried to shoot at Batman, Monster who could crush Amanda Waller whenever he wanted.

If Amanda Waller lived in the world of Pokemon, she could be a master in seconds, and already be commanding armies of Mews to kill take down all all the Team Rocket Cells. Not only does she have to convince Psychos that can shoot laser out their armpits to fight other psychos, but she has to coordinate those psychos so they don't fail the mission, even though they are expendable(well, it's called the Suicide Squad, and not because it was created by Albert Suicide).

Why You won't let her:
Well, exactly what makes her so good! Amanda Waller is not without emotions or conflicts, but most the time, if the order is to pull the trigger, she will. Well, she won't, but she'll order someone to do it. She's kind of amoral when it comes to work. And work is getting Deathstroke to work with Poison Ivy in some third World Country.

Don't test her pimp hand, bitches!

With female characters, that kinda amorality doesn't make you look like a conflicted antihero. It makes you a look like bitch. Just don't tell her that, cause she'll send the Weather Wizard after you!

If berating counted as a Superpower...

But can you blame her for being straightforward? She's probably had to read pages upon pages of documentation about how some guy punched reality out of whack or how Supergirl was really an earth-born angel instead of a liquid metal being from another dimension or Superman's Cousin. She's got a job, orders, and the willingness to execute them. Which I guess means she isn't empowered.

1)Lara CroftFlatchested was the big breasted of the PSX era

Well, maybe you've spent too much time watching Rachel Maddow on MSNBC if you don't know, but Lara Croft is the lead and protagonist of a games series called Tomb Raider. She's a millionaire adventurer and treasure seeker. An expert marks(wo?)man and a mountain climber. She is...the most interesting woman in the world.
Why your girl could look up to her:

If your girl ever grows up to be a millionaire, she could do worse than trying to imitate Lara Croft. Say what you will about her, she's a strong, resilient character who doesn't constantly need a man to save her, or even a love interest. Always looking for fun, not by shopping, but by looking for the Holy Grail and punching alligators in the process.

She was also played by Angelina Jolie in the films.

Why You won't let her:
She's got breasts.Big ones too. And as we all know, things that are atractive to men are anatema to being strong, independent or even a feminist. Men suck, so of course, the more like a man a woman looks, the more independent and strong willed she is. Right?


Now that's a woman right there! I don't mean the empire making, millionaire, socially concious one, either! She's got breasts too!

5 female characters your girl could look up to(but you won't let her) at 2:49 PM

Grrr power!

Look, mom, we know what your thinking: Your girl can't grow up a self-respecting female in a world ruled by the patriarchy. And geek world...is one of those worlds.

More than half of all geek products are created by, approved by, and for the consumption of, men. And more than half of it is done without any heart at all, so it's no wonder there isn't exactly a thriving supply of such materials geared for, or even considering the possibility young girl could enjoy them.

There are such, but as you can read in my article, there is a force that tries to shoot down even those that get out. That force, is you, mom.

So while the next five characters could find their way to you girl's heart, you won't let her because they aren't JUST right. So tighten your flannel pants and put down the scissors, mom. It's 5 female characters that your girl would like, if you wern't so busy making her watch LMN movies and reminding her men suck.

10 characters that should be in Amingo's slot at 9:03 PM

When Marvel vs Capcom 2 came out, there had been nothing like it. 56 characters. There was something for everyone!

Sure, a lot of these characters where essentially ripped out of other games, like we've come to expect since then from M.U.G.E.N. But there where whole newly made characters as well!

Marvel got Cable and lesser known mutant Marrow. Capcom got Hayato from Star Gladiators, Jill from Resident Evil, Tron Bonne, of Megaman Legends fame(or as I call her, Our Holy Lady of the Beloved Drill attack), Sonson(a female version of a character from a really obscure game. Midnight Bliss?) and two new characters, femme pirate Ruby Heart and Humaniod Cactus Amingo.

Way Better than Lilith?

Why? Why put in new characters in a crossover game? You play a crossover game to watch the stars from a company(or whatever) beat the guys from the other. Amingo in particular, makes my blood boil because of various reasons, from the wrongo spanish in his name to how useless he is in battle.

I wanna know how this happened. It's not like Capcom was starving for characters they could put in there. Take a look at this list. Can you picture them looking at that list and saying "oh, yeah, we need a fuckin' giant Cactus!" and then going the extra mile to make sure they get the stupid thing in there, creating sprites and thinking of all the cool moves you can put on him.

So I'm making a list of characters that the MVC2 team could have put in place of Ruby Heart and Stupid abomination against God(er...I mean Amingo). I will try to keep this list within the confines of characters from Capcom who where never put to Sprites, because I am not just pretend substituting a slot, but whatever effort it took to create the whole character. Sorry, Street Fighter Alpha/3 Darkstalkers/ Cyberbots. Also of note, this is not a top 10 list. God knows those are dubious enough. This is a list of characters perfectly able to serve in MVC2, which I think personally, would have been better in lieu of the Fakexican Plant. I will only name characters who existed before 2000 and where made by Capcom. So, let's go!

10) Linn Kurosawa

Linn was a character in the Alien vs Predator sidescrolling beat-em-up, part of a team that was rounded up by two Predators and Arnold Schwarzenegger's character from Predator.

Arnie's also a retard cyborg.

Linn, was apparently a cyborg Superhuman, and would bust shit with her hands, guns, or even a katana. Takes some guts to punch those acid-bleeding Xenomorphs. Linn would recieve a couple of nods and winks later on. It was a licenced game, but it seems to me Capcom owns Linn. Why waste a perfectly good character, huh? I think she'd be perfect for Marvel vs Capcom.

And I'm not alone!

9)Zero

Remember Zero? From Megaman X? He's like Knuckles to Megaman's Sonic? Laser sword? Of course, the game already has four Megaman characters. But a) one of those attacks with a bouquet of flowers and B) AMINGO!

Zero would later show up at SNK vs Capcom. He would have rocked Marvel, though.

That's a 3-hit combo right there.

8)Mike Haggar

A fan favorite from the beat-em-up Final Fight, Mike Haggar is a lean, mean, badass mayor of a mayor American town. Haggar has also made other apearances, including in a Capcom wrestling game. So wrestling and politics, are his part time to kicking the asses of gang members. Quite possibly the most badass character ever to wear suspenders and green pants, Mike Haggar's apearance would have been pretty fan-pleasing.

7)Eliza/Sari

Eliza and Sari are the love interests of Street Fighter characters Ken and Dhalsim, respctively. Not a whole lot is known about them. They are not known to have fighting skills. But in any case, the same could have been said of Jin from Cyberbots. This could have been a chance to take this characters out of the backgrounds and endings they inhabit and into the game. Just sayin' is all.

Tech hit!

6)Resident Evil's Hunter/Licker

Back before Resident Evil went all 28 weeks later on us, there where enemies like this to break up the monotony of the slow, shambling Zombies. Licker's in particular could have been awesome to play as, especially if teamed up with Jill Valentine. Both are forgotten now, but for the RE movies. Let us not got there.

Well, maybe just the licker.

5) The Grandmaster

The Grandmaster is the primary antagonist of the Strider series. Mostly a shadowy figure behind a cloak, I personally didn't know much about him. However, th feeling of beating a guy and hearing him say "to the pits of hell with you!" is all I need. Besides, MVC2 needs more evil guys.

4)Tessa/Tabasa from Red Earth/Warzard

Tessa is a witch from the rare fighting game Red Earth. And she's since shown up in Pocket Fighters, SNK vs Capcom and other games. This kinda breaks my rule, since she had sprites way before MVC2 existed. But in that case, the sprites where too good,the animation too sleek to possibly show up in that game. But they could have made a "Vs friendly" version. With the same time and skill spent making the pirate girl.

I DO want to se a magic trick!

3) Regina (Dino Crisis)

Of course, the problem here is that Dino Crisis is just Resident Evil with Dinosaurs. Which means Regina would amount to a Jill clone. On the other hand...

I was walkin down the street/feeling real neat...

2)Geki (Street Fighter)

There's lot's of characters I am not letting in this list simply because their sprites would'nt have to have been remade. One of those is Vega, the clawed Matador you may also know as Balrog. The other is R. Mika.

The world wasn't ready...

Ahem, but back to Vega. He was inspired by this guy from the first Street Fighter game. Sure, a clawed Ninja isn't as awesome as a Clawed Ninja Narcissist Spaniard Matador. But it would have done good for this underrepresented character.

Okay, only barely better than a Cactus.

1)Tiffany Lords(Rival Schools)

No words.

In any case, Capcom, consider this guys the next you make a crossover fighting game, whether it be SNK, Marvel, Tatsunoko or Whatever else, whenever you feel the urge to add new characters.
And ask yourselves: is this character better than Tiffany Lords?

10 characters that should be in Amingo's slot at 9:03 PM

When Marvel vs Capcom 2 came out, there had been nothing like it. 56 characters. There was something for everyone!

Sure, a lot of these characters where essentially ripped out of other games, like we've come to expect since then from M.U.G.E.N. But there where whole newly made characters as well!

Marvel got Cable and lesser known mutant Marrow. Capcom got Hayato from Star Gladiators, Jill from Resident Evil, Tron Bonne, of Megaman Legends fame(or as I call her, Our Holy Lady of the Beloved Drill attack), Sonson(a female version of a character from a really obscure game. Midnight Bliss?) and two new characters, femme pirate Ruby Heart and Humaniod Cactus Amingo.

Way Better than Lilith?

Why? Why put in new characters in a crossover game? You play a crossover game to watch the stars from a company(or whatever) beat the guys from the other. Amingo in particular, makes my blood boil because of various reasons, from the wrongo spanish in his name to how useless he is in battle.

I wanna know how this happened. It's not like Capcom was starving for characters they could put in there. Take a look at this list. Can you picture them looking at that list and saying "oh, yeah, we need a fuckin' giant Cactus!" and then going the extra mile to make sure they get the stupid thing in there, creating sprites and thinking of all the cool moves you can put on him.

So I'm making a list of characters that the MVC2 team could have put in place of Ruby Heart and Stupid abomination against God(er...I mean Amingo). I will try to keep this list within the confines of characters from Capcom who where never put to Sprites, because I am not just pretend substituting a slot, but whatever effort it took to create the whole character. Sorry, Street Fighter Alpha/3 Darkstalkers/ Cyberbots. Also of note, this is not a top 10 list. God knows those are dubious enough. This is a list of characters perfectly able to serve in MVC2, which I think personally, would have been better in lieu of the Fakexican Plant. I will only name characters who existed before 2000 and where made by Capcom. So, let's go!

5 worst game character names. at 9:31 PM

Yeah? If that's your name, what are the other two?

In this day and age, names are very important. A catchy enough name can catapult a character and turn him/her into an icon, regardless of skill or other abilities. Videogames in particular have a proud history of colorful names. From Pacman to Mega/Rockman Lara Croft, the deciders of these names have had to live on with the choices they made.

But for every character with a name that is forever synonymous with games, there are a whole bunch of sad guys who get silly, silly names.The name you either can't pronounce, or just don't want to. I'm making a list about them. I'm not including characters that had no chance outside of the name. Awesome Possum could have been called Rock Strongo, and he'd still be terrible.

No, I'm going for the mostly cool character's who where otherwise given horrible, horrible names.

Thug life?

5)Sol Badguy(Guilty Gear)

Okay, Guilty Gear is den of scum and villany(in names). Trying to put some musical refferences in there has lad to names like Ky Kyske, I-No(Ay, no!) and Jam Kuradoberry. Ugh! But out of all those, I choose Sol Badguy.

Sol is a 400 hundred year old badass with a mysterious past who fights with a sword and flame attacks. I guess Sol, name for our star, is not entirely pompous for him. It's the last part that irks me. Badguy? And it's his last name? That means that there must have been a Mr Badguy and a Mrs Badguy as well.

Not pictured: Herbert Badguy and Helena Bonham Badguy

It's the mix of pretentious and gen x that earns Sol a spot. It's like having a guy called Moriarity Dudestorm. Sol is actually pretty normal. You know, by Guilty Year standards. He's not even that much of a bad guy!

4)Marina Lightyears(Mischief Makers)

Mareeeeenaaaaa!

This lesser known N64 game by Treasure features a protagonist who's main methods of attacking is grabbing stuff and throwing it at folks, or grabbing stuff and shaking it. If only someone had grabbed and shaken whoever named the girl.

Marina is a robot. So, in fact, her full name is Marina Lightyears-Intergalactic Cybot G. Let's break that down:

By shaking it and throwing it?

Marina: Because her green hair and white clothes remind you of the sea? No, she has something in common with the sea allright: both have no feet.

Liteyears: Yes, because Buzz Lightyear's name needs some plurals up in this bitch!

Intergalactic: At no point is she seen traveling beyond galaxies of her own will. She can dash a little. Does that count?

Cybot: What is a cybot? A cyborg is a human with robo parts, and a robot is.. well a mchanical automaton. Is sh a mix between the two?

G:It's a model, of course! Model's A-F where killed and rapd by their own creator. Stooooop!

Sexual Harassment is funny!

For god's sake, girl, stop touching them!

3)Mission Vao(Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic)
Star Wars has never been a place for middle ground names. Either you're Han Solo, or you're Greedo. Kotor is faithfull to the franchise even in that.

Mission Vao is a young street urchin with a lot of spunk and a can do attitude. She also happen's to be blue and have tails on her head.

Either way, Mission happens to join you on your mission to defeat the Sith empire. Along the way, Mission has her own mission: To find her Brother.She talks about it during her intermissions. He also has troubles with team paranoid Carth Onasi, because of his intromission's on her life.

Mission is a terrible name.
"Very funny, guys. Let's get on with the mission. D'OH!"

So, an insane Asian dictator, a Black Boxer and a Matador walk into a bar...

2) Vega, Balrog and M. Bison(Street Fighter)
You probably know this, but if you don't follow closely:

The character's M. Bison, Balrog and Vega are differently named in Japan. The brutal dictator was known as Vega, the Spaniard was Balrog, and the boxer was M. Bison. M. Bison was a loving sendoff to Mike Tyson, but fears of a lawsuit(or a terrible beating) made Capcom's American base rename the character. So they, instead of making a new name, switched the names of the new bosses. And in either side of the pond, something is always wrong.

Take Japan. Sure, M Bison is kinda clever and also powerfull for a Boxer. But why is a spaniard named for a fierce creature in Lord of the Rings that was a)gigantic and b) wilding a whip!? Seriously, where'd they get that for a thin and agile clawd matador? And Vega for a (at least originally, but SF 4 made him MORE )Asian dictator? Did they put a bunch of names in a bowl?

Hey Lopez, quit wasting time on the phone!

In America they tried to fix it by making the Hispanic guy Vega and the big black guy Balrog(yah, he's a total Tolkien buff. When he's not busy killing in the ring). But that leaves us with a Dictator who may be named Mike Bison. That's not a dictator name, unless you rule southern rural America with an iron fist.

Face the mighty Michael!

Is there something here that other Kombatants don't have?

1)Reiko(Mortal Kombat 4/Armageddon)
Oh, Reiko: The pallete swap ninja that time forgot. He may very well be the most formulaic and generic fighter the franchise has ever had. Just the sight of him can put any Mortal Kombat fan to snooze, when they're done theorizing whether he's the big bad or not.

It's like finding out Darth Vader was Steven Guttenberg all along.

In fact, do a google image search. Just Reiko, don't add Mortal Kombat. I'll wait.

Notice a trend? Reiko is the only male character to appear on the search. All the others are females. That's because Reiko is a Girl's name!

I had no reason to believe Midway(now WB games?) could flunk a name on this level. They never had! Most of the names up to 4 where cool sounding. Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Kabal...all deliberate, badass names.And they mostly seemed to know their Asia folklore. Then they put Reiko in there.

As if he needed anything more to be a joke character.

Finish HER!