Race to the Finish at 7:55 PM

 Here's my N-Word license. I believe everything is in order...

Long time no see.  Now, friends, I want to talk about something, and it's a bit of a touchy issue. I want to talk about race.

There are certainly some default reactions I expect some of  you will have regarding this topic. And it's about those reactions I want to talk about.

See, in a recent event a chat was had regarding racial equality, and representation and all that...on video games. It was a long Video, but I had the sense a lot of you just didn't watch it. Which is fine. It's a bit of an abstract thing, not in any way related to the veracity of cake or other Lulz inducing affairs. Still, the reactions I saw where disapointing, to say the least. Many of you felt that race just doesn't matter at all. After all, we're living in a "post-racial" world, where the President is black and Limp Bizkit is allowed to walk the streets.

But I think a lot of you missed the whole damn point.

You see, it's not just about how many black people star in videogames and how much you can totally identify with the character, even though he's skin color isn't yours. It's about having a wider range of experiences in videogames.


I mean, I think we all want newer experiences in videogames, correct? Sure, we can still sweat the Tolkien Ripoffs and JRPGs, the WW2 Shooters and Fighting games, the Kart Racing Games, but whenever something different is announced, something that hasn't been done, you feel that hype. "Hey, it's that new detective game that's all down to earth and junk. Never seen that before" or " Hey, it's the Space/Norway mythology game, that's different" or "Hey, Steampunk, cool".


Well, there are a wide array of cultures from which to derive stories and concepts for games, and it IS a loss for us, as gamers, and for the industry in general, to not draw from them. What could anyone have to say against that? "No, too much difference! Take it away, it burns!"

I don't think industry types wake up in the morning hoping no Hispanic leads a game. But they are sticklers for what works, or seems to work. The world doesn't start at "Greek Myth" and end  at "Apocalyptic Future". And even though you "don't care about that stuff", tell me if you'd rather Assassins Creed be a WW2 shooter, and Heavy Rain be fantasy hack and slash.  Diversity in characters and settings hurts no one at least, and makes something fairly straightforward and generic into something special.

Race to the Finish at 7:55 PM

 Here's my N-Word license. I believe everything is in order...

Long time no see.  Now, friends, I want to talk about something, and it's a bit of a touchy issue. I want to talk about race.

There are certainly some default reactions I expect some of  you will have regarding this topic. And it's about those reactions I want to talk about.

See, in a recent event a chat was had regarding racial equality, and representation and all that...on video games. It was a long Video, but I had the sense a lot of you just didn't watch it. Which is fine. It's a bit of an abstract thing, not in any way related to the veracity of cake or other Lulz inducing affairs. Still, the reactions I saw where disapointing, to say the least. Many of you felt that race just doesn't matter at all. After all, we're living in a "post-racial" world, where the President is black and Limp Bizkit is allowed to walk the streets.

But I think a lot of you missed the whole damn point.

You see, it's not just about how many black people star in videogames and how much you can totally identify with the character, even though he's skin color isn't yours. It's about having a wider range of experiences in videogames.


I mean, I think we all want newer experiences in videogames, correct? Sure, we can still sweat the Tolkien Ripoffs and JRPGs, the WW2 Shooters and Fighting games, the Kart Racing Games, but whenever something different is announced, something that hasn't been done, you feel that hype. "Hey, it's that new detective game that's all down to earth and junk. Never seen that before" or " Hey, it's the Space/Norway mythology game, that's different" or "Hey, Steampunk, cool".


Well, there are a wide array of cultures from which to derive stories and concepts for games, and it IS a loss for us, as gamers, and for the industry in general, to not draw from them. What could anyone have to say against that? "No, too much difference! Take it away, it burns!"

I don't think industry types wake up in the morning hoping no Hispanic leads a game. But they are sticklers for what works, or seems to work. The world doesn't start at "Greek Myth" and end  at "Apocalyptic Future". And even though you "don't care about that stuff", tell me if you'd rather Assassins Creed be a WW2 shooter, and Heavy Rain be fantasy hack and slash.  Diversity in characters and settings hurts no one at least, and makes something fairly straightforward and generic into something special.

The 10 Marvel vs Capcom 3 characters that would shock. at 10:24 PM

Folks, the rumor mill is a-churning again with  scuttlebutt a 5th iteration of the Tag team Superheroes vs  Karatemen wonderseries Marvel vs Capcom is coming. Now, I'm a big fan of this franchise, and as such, I would  like to go on and on forever about who I want, or not in it. In fact, I already did something such.

But one thing Capcom's Marvel games have done  well, is manage to add characters that are just off the grid enough that they are surprising. Sure, Wolverine, Spider-Man,  and Hulk are obvious guys to add to such a series, but is there anyone out there who sat in front of his garish 90's comic wondering why Marrow hadn't been in a fighting game yet? Did anyone request Capcom that Shuma Gorath(a Dr Strange villain) be in a game? And why add Spiral, when series mainstay Jean Gray/Phoenix stays offscreen?

So, assuming MVC3 is really underway, there's certain characters you are sure are going to be in on it. Like I said, Wolverine. There's other characters who are likely to be, if only because they've gained popularity, such as Deadpool. But if I know my Capcom Crossover series correctly, there's gonna be at least one or two characters who will be odd choices. Here's my list for the Marvel ones.

Claws enought...

10) Lady Deathstrike

 A demented old flame of Wolverine's from his Japan days, Lady Deathstrike wants to kill Wolverine (yeah, that's a good way to spend your time...), so she had her body turned into cybernetics, including huge ass talons coming out her fingers.  In fact she was already in a fighting game, but that one sucked.

Deathstrike's combination of reach and speed would make her a formidable opponent, and hey, she's Japanese, which I'm sure is the only reason Silver Samurai was in Children of the Atom. Then again, if you already have Wolverine, maybe you don't need more clawed guys.

 No way he can have legs that muscular without using them! Steroids!

09)M.O.D.O.K.

Now, come on. Don't tell me you can't visualize this guy pelting the opponent with his energy rays and punching with his little arms.

 Maybe it's Maybelin!

08)The Black Cat

The Black Cat is a Spider-Man supporting character.  While obviously lampooning on Catwoman, Black Cat at least gained a bare minimum of powers.

And hey, Black Cat/John Talbain team up would rock ass.

 Speech Bubbles-narrating obvious scene!

07)Ironfist

 A Kung Fu Superhero, Iron Fist could mistically harden his fists. I though martial arts focused on the speed in which you hit, and not how hard your mitts are, but whatev. Ironfist, much like Psylocke from years ago, is a shoe in for a spot.

This is what Dragons who get high see.

06)Fing Fang Foom

Allright, Fing Fang Foom is a giant alien dragon. So maybe he'd work better as a boss than as a playable character.  Hey, at this point, the series has already used Apocalypse, and Thanos. Unless you think Galactus is a better choice.

 D,DF, F+ 3P for Heavy Handed Allegory.

05) Iron Patriot

From a fairly recent storyline, Norman Osborn, A.K.A. the Green Goblin substitutes Tony Stark as the Head of  being an evil asshole to heroes(B.e.a.t.h.) initiative. So he puts on this Ironman-ish armor.

Look, if the Green Goblin was in MVC3 I'd be like "cool". But If Iron Patriot was in there, I'd be like "Dude, too much backstory. I just want to punch Roll."

 Toyota's cars have trouble braking when Rhino Punches the hell out of them.

04)Rhino

Oh, Rhino.  Why can't you get any respect? You have been there since the old days. yet it's always "Goblin this" or "Venom that". Sure, your story and powers are a bit bland, but when it comes to the physical arena fighting, Rhino could be a faster, rushier Juggernaut.

 Marylin Manson has officially run out of ways to pretend he's a Satanist.

03)Daredevil

Now, Daredevil is a fairly well known character. I know. But as far as what would probably be a projectile and hyper combo fest, maybe Daredevil would be an odd choice. As far as gameplay, I see him being a Vega type of character, having all sorts of confusing aerial attacks.

She got HER Black Friday shopping done.

02)Red She Hulk

 See for some people it's news there's a girl Hulk. Evil-girl Hulk would probably be too much.

Uatu's singing  would amaze you, but he's not allowed to do that, either.

01)Uatu the Watcher

Now, this would be pretty crazy. Uatu is an intergalactic being tasked with watching reality and...doing nothing about it. Really! He's not supposed to do anything  that affects our reality, which begs the question: Why bother?

Still, Marvel vs Capcom 3 could benefit from having Uatu in there, headbutting the hell out of Wolverine. And ending every fight mourning that he shouldn't have interveined.

The 10 Marvel vs Capcom 3 characters that would shock. at 10:24 PM

Folks, the rumor mill is a-churning again with  scuttlebutt a 5th iteration of the Tag team Superheroes vs  Karatemen wonderseries Marvel vs Capcom is coming. Now, I'm a big fan of this franchise, and as such, I would  like to go on and on forever about who I want, or not in it. In fact, I already did something such.

But one thing Capcom's Marvel games have done  well, is manage to add characters that are just off the grid enough that they are surprising. Sure, Wolverine, Spider-Man,  and Hulk are obvious guys to add to such a series, but is there anyone out there who sat in front of his garish 90's comic wondering why Marrow hadn't been in a fighting game yet? Did anyone request Capcom that Shuma Gorath(a Dr Strange villain) be in a game? And why add Spiral, when series mainstay Jean Gray/Phoenix stays offscreen?

So, assuming MVC3 is really underway, there's certain characters you are sure are going to be in on it. Like I said, Wolverine. There's other characters who are likely to be, if only because they've gained popularity, such as Deadpool. But if I know my Capcom Crossover series correctly, there's gonna be at least one or two characters who will be odd choices. Here's my list for the Marvel ones.

Apocalypse Watch: 5 fictional Characters that could be the Antichrist. at 12:39 AM

Where's my Hoodwinked Sequel trailer already?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back! Rumors of my death where sadly nonexistent. Truth is I kind of don’t have Internet anymore. Couldn’t pay it . But that’s not your fault. Unless you didn’t click on my ads. In which case, fuck you it’s your fault.

But seriously, anyone else watch the whole Armageddon week on History Channel? I know I tried. I mean, I MOSTLY don’t think the world ends in my generation, but there’s something stirring and entertaining about the thought. And If Armageddon is approaching, how will the dystopia be? Like Blade Runner? Like Terminator Salvation? Like Cyborg?

The Van Damme Crucifix is slow to gain adherents.

For a Christian man(wait, don’t run away! I have pamphlets!) like me, though, it’s far more entertaining guessing who the book of Revelation is trying to hint at. And the top guess pick is, of course, the Antichrist, A.K.A. the Beast, A.K.A Bizarro Jesus.

Revelation say's Spawnbob Hellpant's will be a person with great Charismatic Sway, who would refuse the love of women, who would unite the world's kingdom's under his own self. Then after a make believe peace he would start opressing people, making war, claiming to be God, and, although not in the bible, probably kicking puppies and yelling obscenities over a game of Halo 3. Quite frankly, I believe that if such a prophesy is correct, we would most likely NOT know who the guy is, because that's the point!

No, I don't need any help looking at DVD cases at Walmart, MR Anita Christ. Go Away.

But which characters in our favorite fictions could secretly be the one who will bring the end of days? I mean, in real life people tend to pick flavors of the week, and people that they don’t like, or just choices so darn “obvious” it would be a bad disguise for Satan JR to have. But in Fiction, we have the luxury of looking at a few characters and objectively choose. Find out my top picks after this messages!



5) Wolverine

How can this be?


Who among the Marvel Universe is more likely to be described as “Th Beast” than Wolverine? Well, other than Beast…or DARK Beast.

 

 This is what happens when Marvel applies for creative bankruptcy.

And the Bible says "And I saw one of his [the beast's] heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast." (Rev. 13:3). That's Wolvie in a nutshell allright.

Yeah, yeah, Wolverine is winning this fight easy.

Then again…


Nobody is shocked anymore when you throw Wolverine in a Woodchipper and he’s back later that day, complaining about his hair. And the Good Book says the Antichrist would be charismatic, and would wow people into following him. Wolverine is not a group leader. Brett Ratner's vision be damned.



Plus, it says the Antichrist would reject the love of Women. That’s not what Wolverine does. EVER.




4) Aquaman

He's got hoes in different area codes!

How can this be?


Frankly, most of the Beasts from Revelation are shown to be coming from the Water. You’d think if anyone could catch them before they wreak havoc, it would be Aquaman. But what if he IS one of the Beasts?

He KNOWS who farted.

Aquaman is a King. He could easily bring the whole world together under him with a little help from his friends, the Great Harlot and the False prophet. Plus who would ever suspect Aquaman of being the Antichrist?




Then again…




Let’s face facts: Aquaman’s legendary reputation as a huge sea pussy precedes him, even in the comics world he inhabits. Nobody would follow Aquaman as leader of anything up here in oxygen-land. And nobody will take it seriously when he makes great wonders because  one of his enemies is called “ The Fisherman”.

I'm still not sure if this is proof against it or for it.

3) Godzilla

No, it does NOT make you look fat.

How can this be?


Hell, he IS a huge beast that comes out the sea and causes pestilence, war, famine, and death, while often coming out looking like a hero. Godzilla’s very name is probably an affront to our God, and him fighting Sword in the mouth Jesus is probably the most metal thing ever.


Then again…

Again, limited Charisma and political skills. And Godzilla would never announce himself God and put himself in the Temple Mount: just smash it while the Mousad do what Japan has failed at for years: Killing themselves a giant lizard.




2) Homer Simpson

How can this be?


I see Homer as sort of the contrary of what Christ was and did but in a good way: Where Christ tells you more or less what it is you should do to live a good spiritual life, Homer Simpson tends to say and do exactly the things that lead him to tribulations, which in essence teaches in itself how bad these choices are.




About more to the point, Homer is a character that has for years acted incredibly criminally, negligent to the extreme, and who by most accounts should be dead or in jail several(more) times. Is the devil protecting Homer that one day he may fulfill the prophecy? And he’s already been a political figure, a religious figure, and made deals with Satan.

The KING OF THE WORLD?

Then again…


If Homer is truly the Antichrist, then no wonder The omnipotent God would allow this. He’d be BOUND to screw it up, somehow. He’s Homer, it’s what he does.




1)Princess Leia

How can this be?

So, the evil Galactic Empire has just been defeated in a very...unlikely turn of events. Now the time comes to unite the people of the galaxy. But who will rise to the challenge? I know who: Princess Leia Organa a powerful and Charismatic leader, daughter of an evil Sith who has just learned  of this, and that she has access to the arcane magicks of the Force.



THINK ABOUT IT! This is the same force that lead Evil Emperor  Palpatine to power, and that caused Anakin Skywalker's unnatural birth. The whole thing is suspect! And at this point, most people who could oppose Leia are either dead or Leia's friends. Who's gonna oppose evil Leia, Dash Rendar?

No, Leia will rise to power, and quickly establish herself by bringing the wonder's of the Force into the mainstream. And one day she'll just decide everyone should kneel to her and shit will get serious.



Then again…



I'm thinking the events in Star Wars probably happened in pre-biblical times.Which means the bible can't prophetisize them. Or can It?...


I'm calling this as the plot to Star Wars Episode IX:Satan's Revenge!

IF YOU NO LONGER FEAR GODS, PERHAPS YOU WILL FEAR....THE BEST GEEK EVER!

Apocalypse Watch: 5 fictional Characters that could be the Antichrist. at 12:39 AM

Where's my Hoodwinked Sequel trailer already?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back! Rumors of my death where sadly nonexistent. Truth is I kind of don’t have Internet anymore. Couldn’t pay it . But that’s not your fault. Unless you didn’t click on my ads. In which case, fuck you it’s your fault.

But seriously, anyone else watch the whole Armageddon week on History Channel? I know I tried. I mean, I MOSTLY don’t think the world ends in my generation, but there’s something stirring and entertaining about the thought. And If Armageddon is approaching, how will the dystopia be? Like Blade Runner? Like Terminator Salvation? Like Cyborg?

The Van Damme Crucifix is slow to gain adherents.

For a Christian man(wait, don’t run away! I have pamphlets!) like me, though, it’s far more entertaining guessing who the book of Revelation is trying to hint at. And the top guess pick is, of course, the Antichrist, A.K.A. the Beast, A.K.A Bizarro Jesus.

Revelation say's Spawnbob Hellpant's will be a person with great Charismatic Sway, who would refuse the love of women, who would unite the world's kingdom's under his own self. Then after a make believe peace he would start opressing people, making war, claiming to be God, and, although not in the bible, probably kicking puppies and yelling obscenities over a game of Halo 3. Quite frankly, I believe that if such a prophesy is correct, we would most likely NOT know who the guy is, because that's the point!

No, I don't need any help looking at DVD cases at Walmart, MR Anita Christ. Go Away.

Horrendous Theory: Birthday Girl at 9:35 AM

If you're anything like me, you like watching kids cartoons and making up insane postmodernist assumptions about the characters involved. Hey, it's a gift. Though I'm not the kind of person to actually believe this theories, but I definitively like thinking them.

As you may have also notice, I've kind of taken a liking to the PBS show Wordgirl. It's a show that's quicker, smarter and funnier than lot's of stuff out there. But is it secretly hinting at something darker? Let us see!

This(second part) episode focuses on Eileen, a girl who grows in size whenever she really wants something, and Wordgirl and her overly chill friend Violet  must rescue Wordgirl's sidekick Bob. 

Unless you where too busy thinking that Violet was a stoner lesbian kid, you missed a very sad story of genetical engineering and death.



Eileen, what is her origin? The show doesn't SEEM to tell us, but I think I kind I know.You need to read between the lines.

Name: Eileen=Alien(Yeah, not the first time I've seen THIS nameplay.)

Claims everyday is her birthday and she loves gold stars. This last part is important, because she doesn't seem to go to the same(or any) school as our protagonists.

Her house seems uninhabited, and no adults claim her as a daughter, despite the fact she destroys most of the town.

So here's my theory: It all started 10 years ago. In some lab outside Preposterocity (yes, that's the name of the town. Don't wear it out:) the military industrial complex is attempting to mix human DNA with that of aliens from another planet. This particular aliens are able to increase their mass to show dominance, and are telepathically linked to those of their own species as well. A whole batch of clones where created, though, based on the DNA of one scientist. Let's call her Dr Helen.

DR Helen managed to get the right DNA mixture of human and aliens, which resulted in children who are able to increase in size when they get  a goal in their mind, and also develop and learn  in ridiculous amounts of time. A baby can develop into a preteen in 6 months. But they don't live much beyond that. Helen, and the folks at the Military industrial Complex want to know exactly what practical combat applications a giant preteen can have. So when clones his a certain mark, they take one them out of stasis, implant memories and put pretty dresses on her, then let her loose on the city. They know it will lead to the subject getting all agitated and turning, which will make Wordgirl fight her.


 At the end of the day, the body begins to fail. The alien DNA rejects the human DNA, and she dies. Then the cover-up happens, as she is thought to go "home"(she's never shown to be convicted, in a show where "Energy Monster" is.)

And a couple of months later a new clone is let loose. She possesses some memory of past events, but has no concept of time. She thinks it's her birthday.

It really Is her birthday everyday: She was born out of a capsule under the watchfull eye of her "Mommy" DR Helen. The gold stars remind her of  the military men she sees earlier in the day, and of her home planet across space. She is blissfully unaware of her status as an abomination, a product of science and a doomed life.

Or maybe I read too much into it.