Apocalypse Watch: 5 fictional Characters that could be the Antichrist. at 12:39 AM

Where's my Hoodwinked Sequel trailer already?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back! Rumors of my death where sadly nonexistent. Truth is I kind of don’t have Internet anymore. Couldn’t pay it . But that’s not your fault. Unless you didn’t click on my ads. In which case, fuck you it’s your fault.

But seriously, anyone else watch the whole Armageddon week on History Channel? I know I tried. I mean, I MOSTLY don’t think the world ends in my generation, but there’s something stirring and entertaining about the thought. And If Armageddon is approaching, how will the dystopia be? Like Blade Runner? Like Terminator Salvation? Like Cyborg?

The Van Damme Crucifix is slow to gain adherents.

For a Christian man(wait, don’t run away! I have pamphlets!) like me, though, it’s far more entertaining guessing who the book of Revelation is trying to hint at. And the top guess pick is, of course, the Antichrist, A.K.A. the Beast, A.K.A Bizarro Jesus.

Revelation say's Spawnbob Hellpant's will be a person with great Charismatic Sway, who would refuse the love of women, who would unite the world's kingdom's under his own self. Then after a make believe peace he would start opressing people, making war, claiming to be God, and, although not in the bible, probably kicking puppies and yelling obscenities over a game of Halo 3. Quite frankly, I believe that if such a prophesy is correct, we would most likely NOT know who the guy is, because that's the point!

No, I don't need any help looking at DVD cases at Walmart, MR Anita Christ. Go Away.

But which characters in our favorite fictions could secretly be the one who will bring the end of days? I mean, in real life people tend to pick flavors of the week, and people that they don’t like, or just choices so darn “obvious” it would be a bad disguise for Satan JR to have. But in Fiction, we have the luxury of looking at a few characters and objectively choose. Find out my top picks after this messages!



5) Wolverine

How can this be?


Who among the Marvel Universe is more likely to be described as “Th Beast” than Wolverine? Well, other than Beast…or DARK Beast.

 

 This is what happens when Marvel applies for creative bankruptcy.

And the Bible says "And I saw one of his [the beast's] heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast." (Rev. 13:3). That's Wolvie in a nutshell allright.

Yeah, yeah, Wolverine is winning this fight easy.

Then again…


Nobody is shocked anymore when you throw Wolverine in a Woodchipper and he’s back later that day, complaining about his hair. And the Good Book says the Antichrist would be charismatic, and would wow people into following him. Wolverine is not a group leader. Brett Ratner's vision be damned.



Plus, it says the Antichrist would reject the love of Women. That’s not what Wolverine does. EVER.




4) Aquaman

He's got hoes in different area codes!

How can this be?


Frankly, most of the Beasts from Revelation are shown to be coming from the Water. You’d think if anyone could catch them before they wreak havoc, it would be Aquaman. But what if he IS one of the Beasts?

He KNOWS who farted.

Aquaman is a King. He could easily bring the whole world together under him with a little help from his friends, the Great Harlot and the False prophet. Plus who would ever suspect Aquaman of being the Antichrist?




Then again…




Let’s face facts: Aquaman’s legendary reputation as a huge sea pussy precedes him, even in the comics world he inhabits. Nobody would follow Aquaman as leader of anything up here in oxygen-land. And nobody will take it seriously when he makes great wonders because  one of his enemies is called “ The Fisherman”.

I'm still not sure if this is proof against it or for it.

3) Godzilla

No, it does NOT make you look fat.

How can this be?


Hell, he IS a huge beast that comes out the sea and causes pestilence, war, famine, and death, while often coming out looking like a hero. Godzilla’s very name is probably an affront to our God, and him fighting Sword in the mouth Jesus is probably the most metal thing ever.


Then again…

Again, limited Charisma and political skills. And Godzilla would never announce himself God and put himself in the Temple Mount: just smash it while the Mousad do what Japan has failed at for years: Killing themselves a giant lizard.




2) Homer Simpson

How can this be?


I see Homer as sort of the contrary of what Christ was and did but in a good way: Where Christ tells you more or less what it is you should do to live a good spiritual life, Homer Simpson tends to say and do exactly the things that lead him to tribulations, which in essence teaches in itself how bad these choices are.




About more to the point, Homer is a character that has for years acted incredibly criminally, negligent to the extreme, and who by most accounts should be dead or in jail several(more) times. Is the devil protecting Homer that one day he may fulfill the prophecy? And he’s already been a political figure, a religious figure, and made deals with Satan.

The KING OF THE WORLD?

Then again…


If Homer is truly the Antichrist, then no wonder The omnipotent God would allow this. He’d be BOUND to screw it up, somehow. He’s Homer, it’s what he does.




1)Princess Leia

How can this be?

So, the evil Galactic Empire has just been defeated in a very...unlikely turn of events. Now the time comes to unite the people of the galaxy. But who will rise to the challenge? I know who: Princess Leia Organa a powerful and Charismatic leader, daughter of an evil Sith who has just learned  of this, and that she has access to the arcane magicks of the Force.



THINK ABOUT IT! This is the same force that lead Evil Emperor  Palpatine to power, and that caused Anakin Skywalker's unnatural birth. The whole thing is suspect! And at this point, most people who could oppose Leia are either dead or Leia's friends. Who's gonna oppose evil Leia, Dash Rendar?

No, Leia will rise to power, and quickly establish herself by bringing the wonder's of the Force into the mainstream. And one day she'll just decide everyone should kneel to her and shit will get serious.



Then again…



I'm thinking the events in Star Wars probably happened in pre-biblical times.Which means the bible can't prophetisize them. Or can It?...


I'm calling this as the plot to Star Wars Episode IX:Satan's Revenge!

IF YOU NO LONGER FEAR GODS, PERHAPS YOU WILL FEAR....THE BEST GEEK EVER!

Apocalypse Watch: 5 fictional Characters that could be the Antichrist. at 12:39 AM

Where's my Hoodwinked Sequel trailer already?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back! Rumors of my death where sadly nonexistent. Truth is I kind of don’t have Internet anymore. Couldn’t pay it . But that’s not your fault. Unless you didn’t click on my ads. In which case, fuck you it’s your fault.

But seriously, anyone else watch the whole Armageddon week on History Channel? I know I tried. I mean, I MOSTLY don’t think the world ends in my generation, but there’s something stirring and entertaining about the thought. And If Armageddon is approaching, how will the dystopia be? Like Blade Runner? Like Terminator Salvation? Like Cyborg?

The Van Damme Crucifix is slow to gain adherents.

For a Christian man(wait, don’t run away! I have pamphlets!) like me, though, it’s far more entertaining guessing who the book of Revelation is trying to hint at. And the top guess pick is, of course, the Antichrist, A.K.A. the Beast, A.K.A Bizarro Jesus.

Revelation say's Spawnbob Hellpant's will be a person with great Charismatic Sway, who would refuse the love of women, who would unite the world's kingdom's under his own self. Then after a make believe peace he would start opressing people, making war, claiming to be God, and, although not in the bible, probably kicking puppies and yelling obscenities over a game of Halo 3. Quite frankly, I believe that if such a prophesy is correct, we would most likely NOT know who the guy is, because that's the point!

No, I don't need any help looking at DVD cases at Walmart, MR Anita Christ. Go Away.

Horrendous Theory: Birthday Girl at 9:35 AM

If you're anything like me, you like watching kids cartoons and making up insane postmodernist assumptions about the characters involved. Hey, it's a gift. Though I'm not the kind of person to actually believe this theories, but I definitively like thinking them.

As you may have also notice, I've kind of taken a liking to the PBS show Wordgirl. It's a show that's quicker, smarter and funnier than lot's of stuff out there. But is it secretly hinting at something darker? Let us see!

This(second part) episode focuses on Eileen, a girl who grows in size whenever she really wants something, and Wordgirl and her overly chill friend Violet  must rescue Wordgirl's sidekick Bob. 

Unless you where too busy thinking that Violet was a stoner lesbian kid, you missed a very sad story of genetical engineering and death.



Eileen, what is her origin? The show doesn't SEEM to tell us, but I think I kind I know.You need to read between the lines.

Name: Eileen=Alien(Yeah, not the first time I've seen THIS nameplay.)

Claims everyday is her birthday and she loves gold stars. This last part is important, because she doesn't seem to go to the same(or any) school as our protagonists.

Her house seems uninhabited, and no adults claim her as a daughter, despite the fact she destroys most of the town.

So here's my theory: It all started 10 years ago. In some lab outside Preposterocity (yes, that's the name of the town. Don't wear it out:) the military industrial complex is attempting to mix human DNA with that of aliens from another planet. This particular aliens are able to increase their mass to show dominance, and are telepathically linked to those of their own species as well. A whole batch of clones where created, though, based on the DNA of one scientist. Let's call her Dr Helen.

DR Helen managed to get the right DNA mixture of human and aliens, which resulted in children who are able to increase in size when they get  a goal in their mind, and also develop and learn  in ridiculous amounts of time. A baby can develop into a preteen in 6 months. But they don't live much beyond that. Helen, and the folks at the Military industrial Complex want to know exactly what practical combat applications a giant preteen can have. So when clones his a certain mark, they take one them out of stasis, implant memories and put pretty dresses on her, then let her loose on the city. They know it will lead to the subject getting all agitated and turning, which will make Wordgirl fight her.


 At the end of the day, the body begins to fail. The alien DNA rejects the human DNA, and she dies. Then the cover-up happens, as she is thought to go "home"(she's never shown to be convicted, in a show where "Energy Monster" is.)

And a couple of months later a new clone is let loose. She possesses some memory of past events, but has no concept of time. She thinks it's her birthday.

It really Is her birthday everyday: She was born out of a capsule under the watchfull eye of her "Mommy" DR Helen. The gold stars remind her of  the military men she sees earlier in the day, and of her home planet across space. She is blissfully unaware of her status as an abomination, a product of science and a doomed life.

Or maybe I read too much into it.

Horrendous Theory: Birthday Girl at 9:35 AM

If you're anything like me, you like watching kids cartoons and making up insane postmodernist assumptions about the characters involved. Hey, it's a gift. Though I'm not the kind of person to actually believe this theories, but I definitively like thinking them.

As you may have also notice, I've kind of taken a liking to the PBS show Wordgirl. It's a show that's quicker, smarter and funnier than lot's of stuff out there. But is it secretly hinting at something darker? Let us see!

This(second part) episode focuses on Eileen, a girl who grows in size whenever she really wants something, and Wordgirl and her overly chill friend Violet  must rescue Wordgirl's sidekick Bob. 

Unless you where too busy thinking that Violet was a stoner lesbian kid, you missed a very sad story of genetical engineering and death.

F.A.R.T. Vol 3 My F.A.R.T will go on at 9:05 AM

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been busy lately to post anything here or on TGWTG. I've had  official University Stuff to do, and I'm lazy and easilly distracted. Worse , I don't know how long until they cut my Internet for lack of payment. So, if this is to be our last post together, let's spend it in style.

Let's go to a fancy place. A place with candles, overpriced food and french waiters. Let's go on a date.

Below, some Fanart that fell into my web. I will tell you exactly what I think  of the piece.

This piece is simply titled Romance. I like the soft pastel tones. Also, THAT'S SOME FUCKED UP SHIT RIGHT THERE!

It's what amounts to a ghost holding hands with what amounts to a rat. Necrobestiality? Spiriphilia? Really, help me out here? The ramifications of such a relationship are astronomical!



Also, it's funny to imagine the sweet nothings Haunter and Rattata will say. "HAUN-HAUN! TER HAUN! RATTA-TA! TATTA RATA!"

My knoweledge of  Twilight is limited, so I can't say if this ever happened in the books. Edward had a tentacle for an arm, and the world's worst mullet, right? And he and Bella where conjoined at the head?

I don't want to diss the style of this either, because frankly, the artist seems to have gone for a  "Rugrats" kind of abstraction. I still think Eduard had two legs, though...

My first instinct with this was to accuse it of being traced. Something about it just reeks of trace. But I was too lazy to check it out. So, if not traced, this is a pretty good drawing.

Except well...Jasmine isn't that white. Never was. Even Aladdin's skin was darker. What happened? Could you not be bothered to look  up pictures of the characters to see what their skin was like?

This is what Jasmine looks like. You want me to go show you what Aladdin like? Honestly, you could google image the background for your art, you might as well go for broke and get the characters right. I never thought I'd say this, but you just whitewashed Disney.

I am saddened by the odd chance this relationship may end. But we must endure, for true love is eternal, no matter how mismached, deformed, or ethnically challenged the lovers may be.

F.A.R.T. Vol 3 My F.A.R.T will go on at 9:05 AM

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been busy lately to post anything here or on TGWTG. I've had  official University Stuff to do, and I'm lazy and easilly distracted. Worse , I don't know how long until they cut my Internet for lack of payment. So, if this is to be our last post together, let's spend it in style.

Let's go to a fancy place. A place with candles, overpriced food and french waiters. Let's go on a date.

Below, some Fanart that fell into my web. I will tell you exactly what I think  of the piece.

This piece is simply titled Romance. I like the soft pastel tones. Also, THAT'S SOME FUCKED UP SHIT RIGHT THERE!

It's what amounts to a ghost holding hands with what amounts to a rat. Necrobestiality? Spiriphilia? Really, help me out here? The ramifications of such a relationship are astronomical!

Fan Art Review Time Vol II: F.A.R.T. Harder at 6:47 AM

 Lads and gents, the section that vivisects the worst fanworks Deviant Art Has to offer is back.  But the section has a confession to make. You see, the F.A.R.T has been living in denial, and it's time to come out of the closet.

Now don't act so so surprised. You saw Apocalypse Shadow's necklace: those where signs: F.A.R.T. is gay. So let's lisp our way into this edition's entries.

As always, I only do this in the spirit of betterment of the community. And Clicks. But mostly betterment.

Total Drama Lesbiaaans! For all the ships you could do of of that show... Lindsay/Izzy is one of them.
And I could buy it from Izzy too. What I can't buy is that the author would post this up.

Most of Lindsay and Izzy's body has become wireframes, as if they where burnt bodies that they put clothes on and posed. The characters also have no faces but for their very blue and green eyelashes.

The author even has better pieces than this. Why upload something so amateurish and incomplete? Look, someday we'll have a big site called "Mommysfridge.com" and we'll upload anything we want there. But meanwhile please, no more bitmap atrocities like this.



On to my criticism...FUCKING FINISH IT! Really, I've seen your other work. You can do more than stick figures!

It surprised me a bit, too.  Generally  shipping doesn't involve the same character falling for itself, because then you gotta wonder if it's incest, masturbation or some new paraphilia that doesn't have a name yet. But one of this is apparently not Fry. Take it away, artist!

"Using the Clone-O-Mat that the Professor fixed, Fry copied himself into four and it ran out of power Two of Fry's clones teased the other one named Tori (who likes cute stuff) and had fun with Amy, Bender and Zoidberg who laughed at the poor Fry duplicate He befriends the original Fry and becomes a cute friend of his, bacause Leela's confused and reckons which one's the real Fry"

So yeah, one of this guys is the clone of the other. Turned out to  be a gay clone. Who turned his original into a gay.

 "Well Played, sir"

The lines aren't too bad. Some proportional loss around the neck. Expected stuff, because the deceptive simplicity of Groening type design bellows a steep learning curve.

But what really angers me isn't the turning of a straight guy into a gay guy. My beef is that apparently this character belongs to someone named Jenny Ngo, I assume the name behind the screenname.

Look, Jenny, I don't know how copyright works in Africa, but I'm fairly certain you don't own Fry, or the concept of being a homosexual.  And really, that's all there is to your original character.

I suggest  if you really want your gay Fry to be special, at least fab him up a bit, aye? While you at it, give him a partner that isn't his blood related, because incest still hasn't been lobbied into acceptability.

What? It SO is on the pattern. Have you seen the way Obi Wan talks in this show? It's gayer than Ziro the Hutt  eating a rainbow while  entering a hair salon in San Francisco.


But what we have here is an attempt at epic, as the cut up, crushed remains of Ahsoka, Obi Wan,  Anakin, and  Padme  are  surrounded by the lyrics of Chad Kroegger's "Hero". Never mind that it was the soundtrack to Spider-Man, let's turn this into an AMV!

First up, the author of the piece didn't know how to pull off the look of the show.Second, while the background isn't half bad the characters are completely flat and disproportionate like hell. There is some shading in there, but come on! Shading can't save this. Thirdly just look at those expressions:  Ahsoka looks like she smells shit, Obi Wan looks to be saying something while being mad(probably describing the cost of Nichole Richie's house for a VH1 show, no doubt), Padme looks Asian and Anakin looks like he's about to kill himself with his lightsaber.

I would honestly suggest study of human anatomy. You can't just jump from 0 to the flash-turned-CG of Clone Wars.

Either way, you guys can get better if you get out of the closet of laziness, uncreative design, and Star Wars Guro. And remember that F.A.R.T. is here to stay, so get used to it!