5 Things you should stop if you're planning at 11:52 AM

It's the Chinese year of the crank.

I sometimes wonder what kind of people does my blog reach. Do they quickly scroll down to that picture of  Lady Yoyoboing and then quickly hit back? Does anyone even read this shit? Do I suck? I'm not insecure. Knowing how much I such is essential to reduce my suckage output.

Either way, if you are reading this you, like me, might want to make the odd projects now and then, like my terrible Smallville game, or my hopefully less terrible book "Fighting Hero of the Galaxy". If your project is any of the below things, perhaps you would allow me do dissuade you. I don't think you'd listen to me, but perhaps influenced by my words, you'd maybe put a little more effort on...

5 )Mario/Sonic/Zelda Fangames

Finally. After so many years. A Mario REVIVAL.

Let's be blunt here: We don't need anymore fangames based on sprites that are as old as me. I think Mario, Sonic, and Zelda are so completely played out in fan made content that Nintendo and Sega might as well stop trying.

I get it: you guys love Sonic. I loved Sonic. I wanted to make Sonic Fan games before many of you were born. But If you want anyone to give a fuck about your Sonic fan game, you have to make it something really special. What's your plan, then? Is it "just" a Sonic game, but now we can play as green Sonic and  Gray Tails. Think about it.

I thought the other day: Hay, how about if I make Super Mario 64...but in 2D! How cool would...let me google search...Goddamn.  Again, I don't say you suck for doing a fangame based on serieses that have 2 official entries a year, but find a niche. Find an angle, or do another, more dormant franchise. Because just Mario just ain't special no more.


4) Medieval Fantasy Story

Do you want to make a fantasy story? Are there dragons, wizards, and the types of humanoids Tolkien put into his books? If you want your book/rpg/screenplay to stand out, my advise is to start over.

 I freely admit that I've never been fully captivated by the Medieval Fantasy stories. I kind of tolerate it as one of the basic narrative genres. But guys, these things are overdone.  We call these stories fantasy stories, as if the Knight-Princess-King-Dragon was the only kind of story in the past you could put heroes, heroines, lords and monsters in. What about africa? What about the non greek cultures of the pre classic period? What about a mythology that isn't as played out?

I'm just saying, go read up on other mythologies before diving into tired and true tales of orcs and goblins and crap. If you still want to make a story about medieval fantasy, fine. At least now you can make that a little less tired?


3) A "retro" take on a modern franchise

Get it? Because it totally could have happened but didnt!

 Look, you can hit the links above to prove me a hypocrite, but the truth is, "retro" aesthetics are becoming the domain of lazy designers who don't want to pay for animation. Yeah, I said it. You guys make it look like a Snes game because that way you can make an ugly looking game while getting praise for retroness. Earthwom Jim and Custer's Revenge both equally count as Retro, but only one of them has sweet animation.

So let's take a moratorium on making retro versions of  modern day blockbusters. I mean, it's funny and all, but we should perhaps step back and consider that it wasn't so long ago that what we do for laughs and nostalgia used to be called "shitty Game Boy Color Port". Nobody Fondly Looks back on the real "Retro" Virtua Fighter and "Retro" Battle Arena Toshiden and "Retro" Crazy Taxi. Is your retro take good on it's own, or is it just a shitty port?

2) Angry Birds anything that isn't a videogame.

 Because we can't top the level of franchise-ception that is Angry Birds Star Wars Jenga. I'll kill myself if they make a movie version of this.

1) A Supehero who is a deconstruction of Superman/Batman

Not a dream! Not an imaginary story! Not...really that clever...

No. No. Non. Don't do it. No more. Everyone and their grandmother litterally knows Superman. Everyone has already wondered what if the boyscout where evil. Or an asshole. Or a Nazi. Or a rapist. Or insane. Or ubersane.  Or gay. Or bi. Or black. Or Asian. We do not need anymore versions of Superman. And you can just copy that and paste it and replace Superman with Batman.

I like this guys, don't misunderstand me. But  there are other superheroes out there.  Come on. Don't be lazy. And that's basically my advise for everyone else.

5 Things you should stop if you're planning at 11:52 AM

It's the Chinese year of the crank.

I sometimes wonder what kind of people does my blog reach. Do they quickly scroll down to that picture of  Lady Yoyoboing and then quickly hit back? Does anyone even read this shit? Do I suck? I'm not insecure. Knowing how much I such is essential to reduce my suckage output.

Either way, if you are reading this you, like me, might want to make the odd projects now and then, like my terrible Smallville game, or my hopefully less terrible book "Fighting Hero of the Galaxy". If your project is any of the below things, perhaps you would allow me do dissuade you. I don't think you'd listen to me, but perhaps influenced by my words, you'd maybe put a little more effort on...

5 )Mario/Sonic/Zelda Fangames

Finally. After so many years. A Mario REVIVAL.

Let's be blunt here: We don't need anymore fangames based on sprites that are as old as me. I think Mario, Sonic, and Zelda are so completely played out in fan made content that Nintendo and Sega might as well stop trying.

I get it: you guys love Sonic. I loved Sonic. I wanted to make Sonic Fan games before many of you were born. But If you want anyone to give a fuck about your Sonic fan game, you have to make it something really special. What's your plan, then? Is it "just" a Sonic game, but now we can play as green Sonic and  Gray Tails. Think about it.

I thought the other day: Hay, how about if I make Super Mario 64...but in 2D! How cool would...let me google search...Goddamn.  Again, I don't say you suck for doing a fangame based on serieses that have 2 official entries a year, but find a niche. Find an angle, or do another, more dormant franchise. Because just Mario just ain't special no more.


4) Medieval Fantasy Story

Do you want to make a fantasy story? Are there dragons, wizards, and the types of humanoids Tolkien put into his books? If you want your book/rpg/screenplay to stand out, my advise is to start over.

 I freely admit that I've never been fully captivated by the Medieval Fantasy stories. I kind of tolerate it as one of the basic narrative genres. But guys, these things are overdone.  We call these stories fantasy stories, as if the Knight-Princess-King-Dragon was the only kind of story in the past you could put heroes, heroines, lords and monsters in. What about africa? What about the non greek cultures of the pre classic period? What about a mythology that isn't as played out?

I'm just saying, go read up on other mythologies before diving into tired and true tales of orcs and goblins and crap. If you still want to make a story about medieval fantasy, fine. At least now you can make that a little less tired?


3) A "retro" take on a modern franchise

Get it? Because it totally could have happened but didnt!

 Look, you can hit the links above to prove me a hypocrite, but the truth is, "retro" aesthetics are becoming the domain of lazy designers who don't want to pay for animation. Yeah, I said it. You guys make it look like a Snes game because that way you can make an ugly looking game while getting praise for retroness. Earthwom Jim and Custer's Revenge both equally count as Retro, but only one of them has sweet animation.

So let's take a moratorium on making retro versions of  modern day blockbusters. I mean, it's funny and all, but we should perhaps step back and consider that it wasn't so long ago that what we do for laughs and nostalgia used to be called "shitty Game Boy Color Port". Nobody Fondly Looks back on the real "Retro" Virtua Fighter and "Retro" Battle Arena Toshiden and "Retro" Crazy Taxi. Is your retro take good on it's own, or is it just a shitty port?

2) Angry Birds anything that isn't a videogame.

 Because we can't top the level of franchise-ception that is Angry Birds Star Wars Jenga. I'll kill myself if they make a movie version of this.

1) A Supehero who is a deconstruction of Superman/Batman

Not a dream! Not an imaginary story! Not...really that clever...

No. No. Non. Don't do it. No more. Everyone and their grandmother litterally knows Superman. Everyone has already wondered what if the boyscout where evil. Or an asshole. Or a Nazi. Or a rapist. Or insane. Or ubersane.  Or gay. Or bi. Or black. Or Asian. We do not need anymore versions of Superman. And you can just copy that and paste it and replace Superman with Batman.

I like this guys, don't misunderstand me. But  there are other superheroes out there.  Come on. Don't be lazy. And that's basically my advise for everyone else.

Fighting for your attention at 12:26 PM

Fighting for your attention at 12:26 PM

Fighting for your attention at 12:23 PM

Fighting for your attention at 12:23 PM

5 things to expect now that M.U.G.E.N. 3D exists (headsplode) at 2:25 PM

First of all, I apologize for calling EF 12 Mugen 3D. I realize the makers of EF 12  might or might not enjoy comparison of their project to Elecbyte's popular fighting game making engine. However, for people like me, who know about M.U.G.E.N since before Spider-Man 2,  that's the shortest, fastest way to describe what EF 12 is. What it MEANS to us.

If you don't know what I'm talking  about, EF 12 is a new, free program to make 3D fighting games(But 3d as in polygonal, not 3d as in "costly movie tickets and a raging headache). Fighting games, you may have heard, are kind of my jam. And frankly, a 3D fighter maker is something I google for every once in a while.

So, unable to test it out, I will tell you what to expect, based on my 10 years experience as a MUGEN forum lurker with big dreams of Frankenspriting Sakura into Mary Marvel.  I'll clarify: MUGEN is a 2D fighting game making engine that's over a decade old, and has carved for itself a sizable community, despite the engine's lack of official support.

5) More Ryu's that need to exist will.

See? We couldn"t do this without the Airforce, just like Josh Duhamel said.

If you wanted to say "fighting games" to someone who can't hear you, drawing Ryu, Street Fighter's mascot, would probably be the most effective way. The character is basically fighting games personified.

Naturally ,  withing months of MUGEN's existence Ryu's started to pop up. Ryu from Street Fighter 2, Ryu from Street Fighter Alpha, Ryu from the vs series, Ryu from Street Fighter 3, Evil Ryu. Soon every kind of Ryu one existed in some form or another.  And all was well.

But let's be fair here...it's kind of a thing.

Then more kept coming. CyberRyu, God Ryu, Devil Ryu. Ryu Hoshi(who had the ability to call his shoto buds). Even today it's not odd to find some newer, differenter Ryu's come to life. Admittedly, I'm nobody to tell creators what characters to make in their own games. But what about the other characters?

4)Every Character will be on it.

This is fairly normal actually, because it doesn't have  those crazy Hotel Mario chars.

Creating a character in MUGEN was way over my head. However, I was often amazed at the characters people would make, when they weren't making Fiscally Responsible Ryu and Tax Evasor Akuma. Characters from non fighting games, characters edited into other characters, and even some original ones every odd moon made browsing for characters a hoot.

Trust me when I say that that is nothing compared to what EF 12 will be like. Did you know that there is a program out there that can rip the models righto out of a game? That's the way they get Cammy along with  the Spy from Team Fortress in Source film editor.

I don't even want to know what's going on here.

Basically what I'm saying is that getting Liara from Mass Effect into EF 12 will be way easier than getting Every detailed sprite of Magneto to look like Superman. Hell, if I can rip my custom characters from Champions Online into it, then believe me that we're gonna get  all the superheroes in there.

3)Every Character will be naked

I CAN'T EVEN SHOW YOU THE REAL THINGS!

Not...uh...not every character that is IN EF 12 will be naked. But every character that can be naked in it probably will be.

Even in the earlier years of MUGEN, enterprising character makers saw the potential for naked Chun Li's and Naked Psylockes. By turning tight pants and  shirts beige they would make seemingly naked  characters(something I will admit to doing in Create a Wrestler modes before whole hands could be poligonated). Certain characters, like Raiya from Toki Densho and  R. Mika from Street Fighter Alpha only had real estate in the community as Naked edits of the real things.

So, we already talked about Sourceforge, and how people are ripping characters, huh? Well it's already "gone there" and I have full confidence that it EF 12 will be going there, for good or for ill.

2) There will be fights

I mean, obviously, right?

Now in the MUGEN community there are different types of temperaments, but basically a lot of people have a lot of invested emotions in their creations, even if said creations are putting a Fez on Ryu and calling him Morocco Ryu. The idea of other people forwarding, "warehousing", altering without credit and even sharing before release their characters and stages outside of their permission has cause large swaths of flamewars to cover the community. Sometimes, despite releasing characters publicly, some creators tend to have a dim view of those who finally enjoy their work.

How will this affect EF 12? Well, I bet a lot of EF's content creators will come from the MUGEN community. I know I would. EF 12 apparently has the same character sharing capacities.

Why I could imagine someone, say, creating a  3D model of Cyclops, and making it available on a community site. Naturally, if it starts showing up elsewhere as a playable character, how will that person react?

All I'm saying is, there's a war coming. But it doesn't matter because...

1) It's probably way over my head

Could not even get it to run in my first computer.

I don't mean to poo-poo EF 12. It's probably great. I don't have a computer to test it on, though. I'm just recalling the feeling I had when I first heard of MUGEN. A chance to finally put all my crazy Ideas for a fighting game to work. Sadly it wasn't to be. Mugen's requirements were, at the time, a little to high for me. It took a bit of technical knowhow, and even the sprites couldn't work if you didn't put the right pallette's on them. Soon I went back to the sidelines, watching people edit Spider-Man into Batman Beyond.

Will it be the same, now? hard to say. I'll give it a try as soon  as possible. I'm a little wiser now, and I'm even working on  a little thing on Yoyo Gamemaker which...we'll see. Still, if there's a spot for a lurker in the EF12 community, I want it.