Showing posts with label fighting game. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fighting game. Show all posts

Finded Lyrics: Primal Dance

More Primal Rage! Here are the lyrics to Primal Dance.

I like this one. It's  about how you picked Vertigo and cleared the game.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ohio47GDTkg


There is  risk
To your life
But to win
You've  got  to fight

Feel the thunder
Hear them roar
Once you taste it 
You'll  be coming back for more

Feel the Thunder
You want more
You'll  be dancing a primal floor
Once the rhythm 
Meets your fists 
You'll  be adding your name to the list



There is risk
To your life
But to win
You've  got to fight


Feel the thunder
Hear them roar
Once you taste it
You'll  be coming back for more


When the continents redivide 
You'll  be ruler of the other side
Let your people 
Dance and sing
You have conquered
And you will be the queen

  Feel the Thunder
Hear them roar
You'll  be dancing on a primal floor


When the battle 
Rules the Urth
Feeling primal feel the rage


Have the rhythm a primal floor
You want more 
Feel the roar
Domination is the game
You can win 
Stake your claim

Hear them roar
You'll  be dancing  on a primal floor
It's  the rule
 So's The game
 You can win
Stake your claim

Finded Lyrics: Rock and Rage

 You'd  be forgiven   for assuming  Primal Rage was pretty popular on it's  day. What with it being ported to pretty much every console made before  2000 that wasn't  N64 and all.

The Dinosaur Mortal Kombat Klone lacked in easilly executable commands it made up for in tenacity, as it had a huge push, including, it turns out, a CD of remixed game music! With lyrics and stuff!

But as I searched the lyrics and couldn't  find them I decided to be the change I was waiting for and get at least some of them out. So here's  Rock and Rage, about being a huge ragemonster!

(Note: Yes, it's part of the mythos that they always write Earth stupid like that.)

I wanna rock
 I wanna rage 
I wanna rock and roll all day
 I wanna fight
 I wanna play
 I wanna rage all day

 Rising from the ruins of Urth we conquer
 Fire as rain is falling from the sky 
Find the ethical approach to slaughter 
Kill them! Eat them! Conquer! Or you'll die! 

I wanna rock 
I wanna rage
 I wanna rock and roll all day
 I wanna fight 
I wanna play 
I wanna rage all night all day
 Powered by a passion pure and primal
 No room left on Urth for civil lives
 We just have to fight for our survival
 Kill them! Eat them! Conquer! Or you'll die!

 I wanna rock
 I wanna rage
 I wanna rock and roll all day
 I wanna fight
 I wanna play
 I wanna rage all day 

I wanna rock
 I wanna rage
 I wanna rock and roll all day
 I wanna fight 
I wanna play I wanna rage all day

 I wanna rock 
I wanna rock
 I wanna rage
 I wanna rage 
I wanna fight
 I wanna fight 
I wanna play
 I wanna play

 I wanna rock
 I wanna rage
 I wanna rock and roll all day
 I wanna fight
 I wanna play
 I wanna rage all day all night All day

Mortal Kombat Giberish Finally Decoded!


¿Por que no?


For more than half my life there´s been a question in my mind: What the hell did Raiden just say?



Scooby Doomy Doo? Shyamadama doo? I GATTA DIE? The hell is that? It wouldn't be until I was older than I realized that the character is saying nothing at all. Unlike when I thought Ryu was saying "Atack-tack-doo-ken" and Psylocke was saying "Uphold the pudding", there wasn't any language barrier or loud competing arcade sounds to overcome, here. It is gibberish made up  by voice actors clearly having too much fun. Like with the Sims, the point here isn't to give you what the  character is saying, but what the character is trying to say.

Well, no Wreckless for you, Psylocke.

Except, I once rented Mortal Kombat 4. And with that game, I was sure...SURE! That that game was using Spanish terms. So I looked up all the voices, which someone was kind enough to put on a video.



Mortal Kombat 4 is not as much gibberish as you might have believed. Within this audio clips, voices can clearly be heard saying things like "Oh I'm gonna throw you over there!" and "AAAAW MY LEG!". But If you're a Puerto Rican, like me, you'll find some other things. Let's look at them.


2:52 "Dejame Quieto". It  means "leave me alone".

3:04 "Carajo Coño". These are two curse words that often can be seen whenever a Puerto Rican is angry. Although overusage has left their litteral meaning worthless, "carajo" is the lousiest place on a  ship where you send people you don't like(although there is debate about it's meaning, with some thinking it is a place on the map or a reproductive member.), and "coño" is pubic hair. Both of these are used to express frustration.

By the way, these are major curse words, equivalent on weight to your English "Fuck" and "Dick". "Stuff you don't say on TV"  bad. Usted no jode con un dios!



3:09 "Cuidame" It means "Take care(of me)". Uh...what?

3:13 "Toque el piano" it means "(I) played the piano". Nice to know, but I'm still planning to rip out your arms.

3:11 "No me toque" means "Don't touch me". Interestingly, it uses the more proper "toque" which is used with strangers or people of grander stature over the more commonerish "toques". 

3:45 "Ay, Mami". The fighter calls out his mom, in pain.

4:08 "Quien puso ese pedazo de hielo alpino ahi" or "Who put that piece of alpine ice there".  Pretty sure this is the sound for "slipping on Sub Zero's ice", too.

4:12 "Marrallo Parta". This expression is also heard from exasperated and frustrated Ricans the world over.  It is a contraction from the phrase "Que un mal rayo me parta" or "May a bad lightening split me". It's a poor choice of words if you are fighting Raiden.

BGE investigates. The Special Move Problem

Yeah, good luck pulling this shit off in an Xbox 360 controller.




I like fighting games.  For a long, long time I've loved them. My first experience with them was walking into a shop with my dad, and out in the corner, was Street Fighter 2.
After the obligatory parental beggary, I convinced my old man to  lend me of his money to try out this strange machine of wonder, which promised  the excitement of battle.

I lost, of course. I picked Guile because he looked cool, and when you're  7 and playing a random game that's all you need.  I did not know how to play Street Fighter. Guile is a charge character. You're expected to hold back for a few seconds, hold forward, and, not letting go forward push on your choice of 3 out of 6 overall buttons to show a projectile. Which is fair and lovely, once you know it, but as a newbie picking up a game blindly trying to achieve "fun" it's a bit over your head.

He also had a move where you hold down, and then up and a button in a similar fashion. But of course, if you do it wrong, you'll wind up jumping, which is not what you want to be doing in the early 90's because air blocking hasn't been invented yet.


Special Moves as we know them where invented with the first Street Fighter machine, which had pads that you punched and, depending of how much strenght you put into it, would do either regular moves or the now famed Hadouken. But as these pads proved not sturdy enough to withstand the blows of player all over the world, they where replaced with the 6 button layout we all know and love. The Special moves where performed with twirls meant to emulate the movement of Ryu's hands to perform the actual move. And that solved the only problem Street Fighter had and everybody loved it forever.

Diamond in the rough.

Nah, just kidding. A couple years more later Capcom made a sequel to Street Fighter. Now you could play as any of the characters in the game, all of which had different  special moves from Ryu. Well, except Ken. Besides the twirls, we where introduced to the fast tap for characters like Chun Li and Honda, charge attack for characters like Guile, and...I'm told Zangief has Special Moves, too, I'm gonna check back on that.

As you may know, Street Fighter 2 was a huge hit, sucking up money in Arcades, Consoles, and on merchandise. Imitators quickly pulled up on the scene, trying to emulate Capcom's success by emulating Capcom's gameplay and characters. Now, don't get me wrong, imitators doesn't mean that they didn't innovate or that they whern't any good. But basically every fighting game under the sun that was released after SF2 started with a solid Street Fighter base, including the idea and, for the most part, execution of special moves. It just became a thing that fighting games do because that's what a fighting game is.

But I don't think "that's just the way it's always been" is a satisfying answer to why fighting games continue to include special moves. 


I still remember the uproar when Capcom announced MVC3 would have a Simple Mode. The  VS series had always been a simpler take on Capcom's increasingly convoluted Street FIghter series, which continued to pile on technicallities to the allienation of casual fans. But even in that, the concept of being able to pull of special moves without applying rote memorization seemed like giving in to the devil itself.
"Simple"? NEVER!


Rote memorization is so expected, that Netherrealm actually went ahead and added a pay-for-easy-Fatalities option to Mortal Kombat X, to the chagrin of many. But they're not angry they're still expected to learn a secret little jig to perform a key feature in a game, but that someone might bypass it and perform the move without knowing and executing the secret handshake.

When you see what is known as "high level gameplay", rote memorization trumps all.  Once someone figures out the one combo that just  can't be escaped, high level matches start deevolving into a game of who lets their guard down first.
It's either bragging rights in a videogame or keeping those carpals going.

So, do we need Special Moves? There's  no univeral answer, but I'd argue that, no, we don't need them. The 3D side of fighting games that draws more from Virtua Fighter and Tekken, such as Soul Calibur, Dead or Alive has mostly done away with them. The availability of different attacks in there is mostly tied to no more than holding in a direction and pressing one of the attack buttons, or combining two attack buttons. I never had to sit down and read a guide to know the very basic of Tina Armstrong moves.  Soul Calibur  has scores of moves for each character, and most of those aren't tied to twirls and spins.

Now, yes, these games don't have "special moves" as much as "just moves". It's no coincidence that Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat are back to being stuck in a 2D plane. They just couldn't mesh "sidestepping 3D" and "Shooting Fireballs" in a way that makes sense. After all the EX and Armageddon nonsense they're back just pretending that third dimension never existed. But there is another game that does have directional input: Nintendo's Smash Bros.

Some are reluctant to call Smash a fighting game. But why wouldn't it be?  It's got strategy, focuses on combat, and has special moves. It's specials, of course, are tied to pushing a Special button and the direction you push. Like the original Street Fighter, the context it tied to the direction you press: Press Special + Down on the air and if your character has a dive attack that's probably where you'll find it. Press Special + Up to dash upward. It's super simple. You can leave out the memory crap and focus on core fighting strategy.

Now, take out the Party fighter stuff. Imagine you had a traditional, Angry Japanese Guy 2d type fighter. You have a special button. You have a special move for Special + nothing, SP + forward, SP + forward + up, SP + forward + down, SP + down, SP + down + back, SP + back, SP + up + back, SP + up and SP + up + forward. That's 8 Special moves, more than you have for most character in SF 2. You could always have 2 special buttons. You could have 2 variations of each move, just like how in SF you can get different kinds of Fireballs according to which punch button you press. Or you could just have 16 specials, if you're so inclined. And you'd still have 4 core buttons left for those punches and kicks everybody loves.






Sure, you and I know how to pull of a Hadoken. We went through it. But out there, there's a younger us, who sees Scorpion and Sub Zero shooting ice and spears at each other, and he thinks it's the coolest thing he's ever seen. He wants to do that. And if we tie up all the cool stuff behind button combinations no one could figure naturally on their own, he might very justifiably take his buisness elswhere, to another game that DOESN'T Require working knoweledge of a 20 + year game genre to have fun.

Want it or not, casuals ARE the future of fighting games, because every one of us started by casually playing a game for fun. And whether you wound up  winning EVO or just tricking people into thinking Megaman X was in Marvel vs Capcom 3, it all depended on whether you had fun during those first times to see if you stuck with it. If we can put aside our pride for a bit, we could grow the community beyond the people we already have. We could grow fighting games as a genre. And that's good for everyone.

A Spiritual Sequel to Marvel Vs Capcom? Yes!

Wherein I outline the secret plot to out-Mahvel Capcom!

The 7 games in the Street Fighter series Capcom wants you to forget




Street. Fighter. 5. For a few years there, it felt like the series was never going to move beyond 2, but boy oh boy, has time flown while kicking and spinning in place.

It's kind of amazing that the granddaddy of modern fighters is only five games old. After all, later serieses like Mortal Kombat, Tekken and Soul Calibur are looking at 10, 7 and 6 entries.

I guess you could say Capcom prefers quality over quantity. But it'd be more accurate to say it's easier to make a bunch of bad games, then produce some new shotos and everyone will forget. Here's the five games you can fondly look back on and say "yep, them sure was bad times."

Street Fighter

Dropping the Mike.


It's kind of hard to fault the original SF for being a shitty fighting game, because a lot of what made fighting games non shitty did not yet exist or was very hard to do. In fact, the game was originally controlled by punching it, which means it actively counted on your hate.

But it's on this list, because in it's anniversary, Capcom released a big box of filled with pretty much every game, anime and movie based on Street Fighter BUT Street Fighter. That's a sad way to spend a birthday.

 

 

 

Street Fighter Movie

THE ONLY FIGHT IN THE GAME.

No, not Street Fighter THE movie( The Game...see below). Street Fighter Movie is an FMV game with some fighting game frosting, based on The Anime of Street Fighter 2. You play the role of a robot quietly stalking fighters and learning their moves, and near the end you can have a fight with Ryu.

So, you know, the next time they give Chun Li her own movie, remember that they gave a generic robot from the anime a game all to himself, and that's more solo game that they ever gave Ryu or Guile.

Street Fighter Mouse Generation

Why, yes, that IS Barrack Obama. It was...it was a weird time. Liking an American President hadn't been easy in 8 years and...

Sometimes I play fighting games on a keyboard, okay? Sometimes you can't wait of your arcade sticks arrive to take your MUGEN for a spin.

But a few years ago, Capcom tried for something even less good, with Mouse Generation. The game, playable online, had you do motions with the mouse.

It also had a feature to swap the parts of the characters, so you could put Chun Li's legs to Bison's torso, creating presumably a self hating abomination.

You could also swap body parts with characters from anime like Cyborg 009 and fish and shit. And now you can't, because it's offline.

 

Street Fighter Ex

I...mean to high five you ! It's not my fault my hands are blocky Hulk gloves!

 

 Street Fighter 4 is considered the serie's entry point into the 3rd dimension. After all, we all remember Street Fighter 3's beautiful 2d sprites.

However that's because most fans tend to outright ignore Ex, a fighting game that awkwardly bumbled the series into the poligonal world of the Playstations 1 and 2.

For 2 games(or 3? Is Ex + Alpha it's own game?), the series had the classic fighters in a morose, endingless, floaty mess of a game. In the end Arika, who developed the game for Capcom, went it's way and took every character they made for it.

Street Fighter the Movie

No.

When you do a big movie you do a tie in game. But what if the source material IS a game? Then you leave it alone.

Hell naw! You make a game of the movie anyway! And so, since Street Fighter the movie was based on a precise fighting game, the one that set the bar, naturally they got the developers of unplayable mess Time Killers to handle the game. That's like getting M Knigt Shyamalan to direct Star Wars. The fact he's directed stuff before is evidence only to him being wrong for it.

The gameplay is the worst of any Street Fighter until you can prove you played Mouse Generation. An infinite can be a simple as "hurricane kick then dragon punch."

 

Streef Fighter The Movie also takes a cue from Mortal Kombat, with digitized sprites (that's fancy talk for "photographed images")of the cast that was willing/alive. It doesn't feel like playing the movie, though. It feels like somebody vomited Mortal Kombat all over my Street fighter.

Street Fighter 2 Tiger Handheld

WHERE'S SAGAT? HE'D LOVE THIS!
Swift strategy, multiple characters, excellent music...this and many more elements that made Street Fighter 2 a success where completely absent from the Tiger handheld .

For those who were born after the towers fell, Tiger handheld machine were basically as powerful as calculators, and their games just as fun. For around 20 dollars, you could get this individual games, and while there were many original games, many were licensed franchises.

So obviously, you slap a Street Fighter sticker in a that sucker and you cash in. For those who didn't buy a console, didn't ever see the inside of an arcade, and whose parents couldn't tell the difference between Mortal Kombat and Myst, this might have been their first "taste" of Street Fighter.

Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter

 
Cylsim forever! <3 br="">
 Okay, hear me out. I'm not saying this game is BAAAAD bad. Just...

You know, X-Men vs Street Fighter was a pretty cool game. It was Street Fighter's first real crossover game, and kicked off the Vs series, of which Tatsunoko, Tekken, and Snk saw entries.

And most importantly, each game in the vs Marvel series had new characters that hadn't been Sprites for other games. Obviously XvSF had Rogue and Sabertooth and Cammy and Guile, Marvel vs Capcom had Venom and Captain Commando, Mvc 2 had The Cactus Guy and Cable.

But MvsSF suffered from a bad case of not giving a fuck, so it had none inherently new characters, unless you think putting a coat of dark on Sakura makes her a "new" character. In fact, it has the same final boss, with a somehow robotier Akuma as dressing.

 

So while I'm sure it's a perfectly playable entry into the versus series, in a RELATIVE way, compared to other games in the series, it FUCKIN SUCKS!

You may have noticed 7 is larger than 5, which may indicate Street Fighter has more misses than hits. So I want to be fair : there's been a fair amount of non-numbered entries that have been fairly good, such as the Alpha series. And most of these games are better than, say, getting punched in the asshole(Not YOU, Sf1 and SF The Movie! Sit down.). In the end, we love Street Fighter, even if one fourth of the cast is Ryu with a different head and the vanilla versions become outdated in 6 months. Even if our favorite characters, haven't been seen in close to two decades. We wouldn't care if Sf made a bad game only if we did care about SF at all.

 

 

Fighting for your attention


Fighting for your attention


Fighting for your attention


Fighting for your attention




What do you remember of the year 2000? I remember watching Scary Movie and regretting it,  Shouting to Papa Roach on the radiom, and joining an online forume called Scruffy Dragon. Despite what the name might suggest, it was a forum dedicated to M.U.G.E.N. projects. Using a borderline stolen fighting game engine, this  rag tag group of fans where working on a great endeavor: Marvel vs DC.  By coopting the Capcom Sprites for Marvel characters, half of the animation job seems to have been done for them. But to get the DC, other, or the same, sprites had to be altered, in a process called "Frankenspriting." The project continued, with no end in sight.  Years passed. 2 years. 5 years. 10 years. The project moved steadilly, and with ever ambitious choices for it, and terms like "phases" thrown in for good measure. I'd have waited forever for  such a game, and seems I might as well wait forever. I'd read about it, download the stages, but I can't say I'd played Marvel vs DC.

Last year I went on la little  bit about Friendship Is Fighting, the  fan game that carries on into the bizarre phenomenom that  has enraptured thousands of grown ass men to   a show for girls about ponies. Including me, I guess.  Since then  a small beta test has leaked. This also would sometimes happen at Scruffydragons, and the drama would quickly escalate into long threads filled with accusations.But I can say I played FiF, if only against a stationary player 2.

So, here's this: I want to tip my hat to Mane 6, for not taking 10 years to make a fangame. It is to your credit that this game, in the time it's taken, is already ridiculously good. The presentation is great and consitent, the graphics are beautiful and the animations are fluid, and I suspect your levels of dedication are key to this. I don't know how you that last part, though I suspect tracing of actual animations. If a group of dedicated people can get together to create soimething like this, who knows what else could be done?

This is what I had written before I found out Hasbro sent cease and desist orders to Mane 6. I guess, in a way, we all knew this was one of the possibilities. I would recomend continued, secret work on it, followed by a leak. 


What do you remember of the year 2000? I remember watching Scary Movie and regretting it,  Shouting to Papa Roach on the radiom, and joining an online forume called Scruffy Dragon. Despite what the name might suggest, it was a forum dedicated to M.U.G.E.N. projects. Using a borderline stolen fighting game engine, this  rag tag group of fans where working on a great endeavor: Marvel vs DC.  By coopting the Capcom Sprites for Marvel characters, half of the animation job seems to have been done for them. But to get the DC, other, or the same, sprites had to be altered, in a process called "Frankenspriting." The project continued, with no end in sight.  Years passed. 2 years. 5 years. 10 years. The project moved steadilly, and with ever ambitious choices for it, and terms like "phases" thrown in for good measure. I'd have waited forever for  such a game, and seems I might as well wait forever. I'd read about it, download the stages, but I can't say I'd played Marvel vs DC.

Last year I went on la little  bit about Friendship Is Fighting, the  fan game that carries on into the bizarre phenomenom that  has enraptured thousands of grown ass men to   a show for girls about ponies. Including me, I guess.  Since then  a small beta test has leaked. This also would sometimes happen at Scruffydragons, and the drama would quickly escalate into long threads filled with accusations.But I can say I played FiF, if only against a stationary player 2.

So, here's this: I want to tip my hat to Mane 6, for not taking 10 years to make a fangame. It is to your credit that this game, in the time it's taken, is already ridiculously good. The presentation is great and consitent, the graphics are beautiful and the animations are fluid, and I suspect your levels of dedication are key to this. I don't know how you that last part, though I suspect tracing of actual animations. If a group of dedicated people can get together to create soimething like this, who knows what else could be done?

This is what I had written before I found out Hasbro sent cease and desist orders to Mane 6. I guess, in a way, we all knew this was one of the possibilities. I would recomend continued, secret work on it, followed by a leak. 

7 Simpsons games I want to play

Still Better than Bart vs the Space Mutants


The Simpsons and videogames have a rich history together. I mean, not from videogames of the Simpsons, mind you. Those have been 80% garbage.  But of Videogames in the Simpsons.

 So with more than 20 years of gags, videogames where bound to come up more than a couple of times for America's favorite yellow skinned  family. But whether they're throwaway gags or key part of the plot, here are some Simpsons Videogames I want to play.

But don't JUST read this, guys. We live in an amazing era where tools for making most types of games can be found for at least cheap and often free.  Litterally all of this games can be realized, one way or another. Sure, someone out there is fan enough and crazy enough to bring at least one of this screaming into the real world. I mean, I know it's lazy to ask, but...I'm lazy. Give me...

Dash Dingo
Crikey!

Dash Dingo is an arcade Platformer, a parody of Crash Bandicoot, itself an obvious ripoff of Sonic the Hedgehog, itself a hodgepodge mix of Dragonball an Felix the Cat with a little Star Wars in there. It(Uh...Dash Dingo I mean) first shows up in the episode "Lisa gets an A"

While Videogames depicted in the Simpsons are usually not realistic depictions of gaming, Dash's eternal grimace is a love letter to badly animated early PS1 games everywhere. It even gets Crash's ultra cheap instadeaths!

Timewaster

It's own...fucking...wikia page...

Nothing is known about Timewaster. It is an arcade game in the background of a few episodes. But it's such a good name it needs to exist somehow.

Could it be some type of bullethell sidecrolling shooter about a time traveler? Or maybe it's about a murderous antropomorphic clock? Hopefully it's better than Time Killers if it does, though. Piece of crap....



Mortank Kombat
I'm just wondering if this is some commentary on Tianmen Square or not...

The Episode "Marge Be Not Proud" is one of the most game centric one of them all, with Bart's obssession with  Mortal Kombat Knockoff Bonestorm.

I am not going to talk about Bonestorm. 2 crazy Shokan beating the tar out of each other while bones rain down on them? Played it. But I will draw our attention to  it's advert.

The Ad has two kids who are bored to tears with their current videogame, until XTREME SANTA breaks  through the wall, and shoots Bonestorm in to their console with a bazooka.

But what where they playing that was so boring? A game (I've dubbed it as you have read, as it has no name and I'm not nearly as creative as I should be) that has Liu Kang, of Mortal Kombat fame, fight a tank! A TANK! With his fists and feet!

 This is a parody of a fighting game done by a parody of a fighitng game ad, and this is what it's saying you find  boring? What's the MUGEN comunity good for if not making ridiculous one second gags into full products?

 Death Kill City 2: Death Kill City Stories
A baseball bat AND a tire iron?

Acronymed DKC2: DKS, the true gameplay of this game is somewhat difficult to understand. It most certainly is a parody of Grand Theft Auto and it's ilk, with random violence errupting (a robot is fighting a hoodlum when a pink female ninja kills them both, and it's never clear which of the three is being played by anyone) in the titular city eventually only ended after all life on earth  is erradicated, marking THE end of level 1.


It's a cute gag, but I wonder what level 2 is like? I don't want to wonder, just give it to me!

Larry the Looter

Larry the Looter is a sidescrolling action game. As the titular malcontent, you must vandalize and rob until what I assume is some kind of ending, playing to, or perhaps lampooning, videogamer obssessions with collectathons. Why didn't Rockstart come up with that one? Why don't you?

Sure, we have plenty of open world games where you can shoot prostitutes, but we don't have a game explicitely for stealing useless material trappings outside of the Elder Scroll series(wait, that's how everyone plays it, right?)


Cat Fight
My dad never bought my affection....sob...


Cat Fight is a one on one fighitng game featuring an assumedly mostly female cast. Gameplay eschews tried and true tropes and tactics  of the genre like air juggles and combos, and instead  assumes a more realistic take on what women fighting actually looks like: Mostly hairpulls, scratches, slaps, and name-calling.

Well, the DLC would be crazy, that's for sure.
I mean, I've played plenty of female only fighting games, but none of them have presented me with an interesting mechanic for hairpulling!  It would be the most inventive game in the genre since Divekick got a publisher! I would just HAVE to dedicate it a spot on Fighitng Female February next year for sure!

7 Simpsons games I want to play

Still Better than Bart vs the Space Mutants


The Simpsons and videogames have a rich history together. I mean, not from videogames of the Simpsons, mind you. Those have been 80% garbage.  But of Videogames in the Simpsons.

 So with more than 20 years of gags, videogames where bound to come up more than a couple of times for America's favorite yellow skinned  family. But whether they're throwaway gags or key part of the plot, here are some Simpsons Videogames I want to play.

But don't JUST read this, guys. We live in an amazing era where tools for making most types of games can be found for at least cheap and often free.  Litterally all of this games can be realized, one way or another. Sure, someone out there is fan enough and crazy enough to bring at least one of this screaming into the real world. I mean, I know it's lazy to ask, but...I'm lazy. Give me...

Dash Dingo
Crikey!

Dash Dingo is an arcade Platformer, a parody of Crash Bandicoot, itself an obvious ripoff of Sonic the Hedgehog, itself a hodgepodge mix of Dragonball an Felix the Cat with a little Star Wars in there. It(Uh...Dash Dingo I mean) first shows up in the episode "Lisa gets an A"

While Videogames depicted in the Simpsons are usually not realistic depictions of gaming, Dash's eternal grimace is a love letter to badly animated early PS1 games everywhere. It even gets Crash's ultra cheap instadeaths!

Timewaster

It's own...fucking...wikia page...

Nothing is known about Timewaster. It is an arcade game in the background of a few episodes. But it's such a good name it needs to exist somehow.

Could it be some type of bullethell sidecrolling shooter about a time traveler? Or maybe it's about a murderous antropomorphic clock? Hopefully it's better than Time Killers if it does, though. Piece of crap....



Mortank Kombat
I'm just wondering if this is some commentary on Tianmen Square or not...

The Episode "Marge Be Not Proud" is one of the most game centric one of them all, with Bart's obssession with  Mortal Kombat Knockoff Bonestorm.

I am not going to talk about Bonestorm. 2 crazy Shokan beating the tar out of each other while bones rain down on them? Played it. But I will draw our attention to  it's advert.

The Ad has two kids who are bored to tears with their current videogame, until XTREME SANTA breaks  through the wall, and shoots Bonestorm in to their console with a bazooka.

But what where they playing that was so boring? A game (I've dubbed it as you have read, as it has no name and I'm not nearly as creative as I should be) that has Liu Kang, of Mortal Kombat fame, fight a tank! A TANK! With his fists and feet!

 This is a parody of a fighting game done by a parody of a fighitng game ad, and this is what it's saying you find  boring? What's the MUGEN comunity good for if not making ridiculous one second gags into full products?

 Death Kill City 2: Death Kill City Stories
A baseball bat AND a tire iron?

Acronymed DKC2: DKS, the true gameplay of this game is somewhat difficult to understand. It most certainly is a parody of Grand Theft Auto and it's ilk, with random violence errupting (a robot is fighting a hoodlum when a pink female ninja kills them both, and it's never clear which of the three is being played by anyone) in the titular city eventually only ended after all life on earth  is erradicated, marking THE end of level 1.


It's a cute gag, but I wonder what level 2 is like? I don't want to wonder, just give it to me!

Larry the Looter

Larry the Looter is a sidescrolling action game. As the titular malcontent, you must vandalize and rob until what I assume is some kind of ending, playing to, or perhaps lampooning, videogamer obssessions with collectathons. Why didn't Rockstart come up with that one? Why don't you?

Sure, we have plenty of open world games where you can shoot prostitutes, but we don't have a game explicitely for stealing useless material trappings outside of the Elder Scroll series(wait, that's how everyone plays it, right?)


Cat Fight
My dad never bought my affection....sob...


Cat Fight is a one on one fighitng game featuring an assumedly mostly female cast. Gameplay eschews tried and true tropes and tactics  of the genre like air juggles and combos, and instead  assumes a more realistic take on what women fighting actually looks like: Mostly hairpulls, scratches, slaps, and name-calling.

Well, the DLC would be crazy, that's for sure.
I mean, I've played plenty of female only fighting games, but none of them have presented me with an interesting mechanic for hairpulling!  It would be the most inventive game in the genre since Divekick got a publisher! I would just HAVE to dedicate it a spot on Fighitng Female February next year for sure!

Son of a Pitch: Street Fighter 4 M.U.G.E.N. edition



Wat Stwengt! Bot Dun Fohgut dea many guyslike ew oll over dewowld.




You know, I've always wanted to make a fighting game. You have no idea. And when I first learned of M.U.G.E.N more than 10 years ago, I thought I'd finally be able to. Well, turns out it was a lot more complicated than I'd thought.



Still, I 've always had M.U.G.E.N. in my mind one way or another. It's been kept alive by a community that is as vibrant as it is overzealous, and even the makers of M.U.G.E.N going into Odinsleep couldn't kill the dream. Some truly amazing games and characters have been made by the community. But I think there's been a huge oversight.





Street Fighter IV. I don't think anyone has made stages, or chars of Street Fighter IV. But why? It's got cool characters and It wouldn't be any more work than any other M.U.G.E.N sprite ripped character. Hell, it's be even less, with the small amount of moves and frames the game has. It's just a Nes game for crying out loud!



Wait, you thought I meant THE Street Fighter IV made by Capcom in 2009? Silly me! I should have been more specific. I meant Gouder Co,'s 1993 Bootleg Street Fighter 4 for the NES.


They put the name on the character select screen just to fuck with you.







Mr Gouder must have known that making a fighting game for the NES was a bad idea. The system didn't have the input speed or graphic capabilities for something as complex as a fighting game. However, he must have liked money and facing legal charges for copyright infringement, because he chose to name his game Street Fighter IV, despite Street Fighter III not existing until several years later. I can just imagine being a kid in 1993 that has spent hours with Ryu, Ken and the rest of the gang from Street Fighter 2, suddenly being faced with a game that promises to skip over a whole sequel. However, the game is, unlike the Kart Fighter Nes Bootleg, only barely related to Street Fighter. This Bootleg went all the way, forging new ground into derivative plagiarism.

Shameku...Shoddyuken!






The cast consists of Shoto ripoff Goho Li, and his identical twin Cliff, Playboy Kitty Tracy and her doppleganger Bunny, Buddhist monk Moon and his smirking duplicate Chunfo, Twin Shotos Rober and Pasta, and tough army guys Ranboo and Stanlong.

They ruled out "Cobro", "Racky" and "Stepormamomwilshootyu" early on.








So what am I asking of the M.U.G.E.N. community? To remake a Nes game that had 4 Ryus and a Erin ripoff? Somewhat. I mean, I know you guys like frankenspriting and shotos. Well, how about if instead of making yet another version of Ryu, we frankensprite a new Street Fighter IV? We could figure all new ways to make Pasta different from Rober. I mean, honestly, there's less Shotos in Bootleg SFIV than there where in actual SFIV, and you guys still can't live without that Akuma.


It is dan all over again...




I, as I said, am no good at M.U.G.E.N. At any part of it. And what I learnt is that what the community most needs is coders. Which is part of what I'm terrible at. But maybe, if more than one of us gets their shit together, we can finally bring Tracy back. Who's with me?

Son of a Pitch: Street Fighter 4 M.U.G.E.N. edition



Wat Stwengt! Bot Dun Fohgut dea many guyslike ew oll over dewowld.




You know, I've always wanted to make a fighting game. You have no idea. And when I first learned of M.U.G.E.N more than 10 years ago, I thought I'd finally be able to. Well, turns out it was a lot more complicated than I'd thought.



Still, I 've always had M.U.G.E.N. in my mind one way or another. It's been kept alive by a community that is as vibrant as it is overzealous, and even the makers of M.U.G.E.N going into Odinsleep couldn't kill the dream. Some truly amazing games and characters have been made by the community. But I think there's been a huge oversight.





Street Fighter IV. I don't think anyone has made stages, or chars of Street Fighter IV. But why? It's got cool characters and It wouldn't be any more work than any other M.U.G.E.N sprite ripped character. Hell, it's be even less, with the small amount of moves and frames the game has. It's just a Nes game for crying out loud!



Wait, you thought I meant THE Street Fighter IV made by Capcom in 2009? Silly me! I should have been more specific. I meant Gouder Co,'s 1993 Bootleg Street Fighter 4 for the NES.


They put the name on the character select screen just to fuck with you.



Fighting Female February: Strip Fighter 2 is not very good

Different Copyrights? Someone...bought...the Strip Fighter...Franchise?








Look,  I get you. This whole "rape" business in porn fighting games is way too much to  stomach for you. Whatever happened to good old days, where there wasn't enough memory in a game to pull off something like detailed unconsensual penetration by a hermaphrodite on a preteen girl? How did gamers get their rocks off while satisfying a minimum of videogaming? Why don't we take a look back at the PC Engine not-classic Strip Fighter 2 and find out?

See, Strip Fighter was trying to cash in on the Street Fighter name fame since it was cool to do so. I don't understand if they actually meant to use the name to bring attention to themselves or if they where going for the confused uncles and stepfathers of the world. What I do understand is how huge the jump was from 2 to 4. Here's a visual comparison.

Dry Humping(1994)
 
Dry Humping(2010)




Not to talk more about the future game, but playing the old game makes me realize that each special move and stage and grab and winpose has been completely ported. It wasn't a quick cash in on the Strip Fighter name, no siree. Someone, some human being had to look back at Strip Fighter 2, a mail in game for the PC Engine, and play it, to make sure it was faithful. TO STRIP FIGHTER 2.


Is that Kristen Kreuk I see?




But let's not look  at Strip Fighter 2 as a modern game. After all, we'd have to dismiss years of fictional development  including Strip Fighter 3, Strip Fighter SEX and Nardvel Super-eros vs Strip Fighter and Tits-I-Knock-On vs Strip Fighter(I got a million of 'em, folks).  It's not fair for it to compete with your precious Blaz Blue.

Still, if you have Blaz Blue, play that instead. In fact, just about any game you can mention is better than Strip Fighter 2. The gameplay here is wonky. Gameplay wise, you have six buttons, and two to five special moves
  The controls aren't even slightly responsive and  the physics are below standards of even those times.  It's hard to describe how awful the gameplay is on this without giving you a controller. I guess my best description would be that it's like a glorified Tiger Handheld game.



Hey, nice try with the flattering pic, Amanda.




The six original Strip Fighters are here. Bella the Native American, Amanda the Prowrestler, Medusa the mistress of prehensile hair, Yuki the Martial artist, Nina the dominatrix, and Martha the Mohawked.  The design was as far away from the anime escapades of Super 4 as possible. You can even tell people's ethnicities!

The graphics are a mixed bag.  The backgrounds look nice, but the characters are a little too minimalist for something meant to titillate. Further, there are not enough frames in them. This obviously becomes a gameplay issue as well. Music is nice, though.
 

I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant: the Videogame.



If you're here for the smut(and really, what else would you be here for?), it comes  in two flavors:  Special moves that magically disrobe your character, and  striping. The Special moves are a PAIN to pull of because of  control issues. And by the time you're pulled one off(no pun intended) you will be half dead. All for half a second of pixel tits. Not worth it.

Look, I'm gonna hang out here with the timer until you grow up and put some fucking  pants on.




The striping is another deal. After wining a round, you will be treated to a  limited animation girl in light clothes. Wining a second round  removes her clothes. Her vagina is censored, though. Look, buy a porn mag, and  get Rock em Sock em Robots. Everytime you win, pull out a page and look at it for 10 seconds. That's Strip Fighter 2.


Penelope Cruz: The big hair years.



You have "Game Start" and Versus. Since the phrase "Do you want to play Strip Fighter?" is a great way to make enemies, let's explore "Game Start". You beat each girl, and watch each strip, until you win them all. Then all the stripings are repeated. No final boss, no credits no nada. There , we explored it. What? That was pretty much MY experience.

Go home and become a little girl!




Playing Strip Fighter 2 makes me even more amazed that 4 got made. 2 is probably on the lower end of the scale of unplayable fighting games I've tried, probably under TMNT Tournament Fighters(Genesis) and Shaq Fu. Was it the result of a corporate buyout, where one guy was looking at IPs and went: "hey, we now own something called Strip Fighter 2!" Was there a lot of demand for a sequel to Strip Fighter 2? Is Strip 4 even a legal sequel?  Can I make one? So many answers that, unlike Amanda's breasts, will never be bared to me.


If do right, no want to defense.


But in the end, there wasn't a time when Strip Fighter 2 would have been good enough as a fighting game.  Sure, it might have  entertained  horny little kids for about a week or so with it's nude women, but in the end, anything else that has nude women and doesn't fight back so much is automatically better, and virtually any fighting game is better.

What are you guys watching?