Regarding the Ninja Turtles trailer at 1:31 PM

I always wondered what bald Whopee Goldberg looks like without hair.

I'll keep it short. There's two kinds of nerd-group reactions to the idea of Michael Bay directing sodomizing destroying annihilating eradicating eviscerating producing  Ninja Turtles movie. One is that, as General Garza from Expendables put it once "is no good". The second is a backlash against the backlash. A lot of us have been around the block plenty to know that us geeks can be a petulant and thankless lot, and some of us are kind of hopeless optimists.

And if you can't trust a fictional hispanic being played by a Brazilian, who can you trust?

This trailer, it is clearly not going to turn most of the General Garza's of the world into ardent supporters. In fact, it neatly matches every half-hearted joke one could make about this franchise in relation to said Bay. In fact, I kind of joked with my brother that, within the first quarter of the trailer Transformers could have popped onscreen and i wouldn't have bat an eyelash.

I'm not even gonna complain about this being bad. I'm just loving how Michael Bay can just match every single criticism we could lobby against his shit. We think we're playing him, but he's playing us. He knows what's up.

First he hits you low with expectation lowering  terrible leaked scripts. Slowly he builds it up with Megan Foxes and a whitewashed Oroku Saki called Erik Sach's.  And then, by the time you're watching one of these gorillas in a half-shell bend a Humvee with his body, it's over: you're just glad they're not aliens.

Michael Bay Joke Punchline  opens this August. Evil remains triumphant.

Regarding the Ninja Turtles trailer at 1:31 PM

I always wondered what bald Whopee Goldberg looks like without hair.

I'll keep it short. There's two kinds of nerd-group reactions to the idea of Michael Bay directing sodomizing destroying annihilating eradicating eviscerating producing  Ninja Turtles movie. One is that, as General Garza from Expendables put it once "is no good". The second is a backlash against the backlash. A lot of us have been around the block plenty to know that us geeks can be a petulant and thankless lot, and some of us are kind of hopeless optimists.

And if you can't trust a fictional hispanic being played by a Bazilian, who can you trust?

This trailer, it is clearly not going to turn most of the General Garza's of the world into ardent supporters. In fact, it neatly matches every half-hearted joke one could make about this franchise in relation to said Bay. In fact, I kind of joked with my brother that, within the first quarter of the trailer Transformers could have popped onscreen and i wouldn't have bat an eyelash.

I'm not even gonna complain about this being bad. I'm just loving how Michael Bay can just match every single criticism we could lobby against his shit. We think we're playing him, but he's playing us. He knows what's up.

First he hits you low with expectation lowering  terrible leaked scripts. Slowly he builds it up with Megan Foxes and a whitewashed Oroku Saki called Erik Sach's.  And then, by the time you're watching one of these gorillas in a half-shell bend a Humvee with his body, it's over: you're just glad they're not aliens.

Michael Bay Joke Punchline  opens this August. Evil remains triumphant.

15 reasons why Christopher Nolan sucks. at 1:24 AM

After so many years, I have finally made another video. In this one, I denounce the total hackery of one of Cinema's greatest rip-off artists with 15 hard hitting reasons why he should be dragged out in the streets and beaten to within an inch of his life. If your panties aren't already way too tight, click on the vid yo find out.

On an unrelated note, happy whatever day this is.

15 reasons why Christopher Nolan sucks. at 1:24 AM

After so many years, I have finally made another video. In this one, I denounce the total hackery of one of Cinema's greatest rip-off artists with 15 hard hitting reasons why he should be dragged out in the streets and beaten to within an inch of his life. If your panties aren't already way too tight, click on the vid yo find out.

On an unrelated note, happy whatever day this is.

Top 100 game franchises that need to come back more than Shaq Fu at 1:08 PM

Pictured here, Yao Ming's grandfather at a recent game.

The news has not escaped me that giant oaf and maybe still Basketball player Shaquille O'Neil has joined forces with a game studio to make a new Shaq Fu game. With players footing the bill, off course. Because, like, Shaq doesn't want publishers getting in there and ruining his artistic vision, probably.

Don't they get it? It's about man's inhumanity to man!

So maybe some of you would consider giving Shaq your money to make a big stupid game starring his big, stupid self. I wouldn't. But  hey, it's just that he ruined one of my favorite Superheroes, insulted my people, and probably eats children in his castle after they climb up the beanstalk.  But besides that, Shaq Fu just doesn't need a remake. Or whatever it is called when you make  a sequel 2 decades after the fact, in a completely diffferent genre, aparently having ditched everything but Shaq's prescence.




You see, I think there is a priority. Not every franchise will get new games, but there are some franchises out there that, by right, deserve to have new games released more than Shaq Fu. Sure, the real punchline is "all of them", but I'll try to keep this small sample list to games that haven't had a new entry in at least ten years, and whose studios are still around to maybe make them. Sorry, Perfect Dark 3 and  Marvel vs Capcom 4. For the record, you do deserve to exist more than Shaq Fu.



1) Valis

VAAAAALIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!

2) Comixzone
3) Vectorman
4) Powerstone
5) Mutant League Football
6) Streets of Rage
7) Ristar
8) Freedom Force

Irrational game's is dead. (sniff)

9) Barney's Hide and Seek
10) Dino Crisis
11) Megaman Legends
12) Toki Densho: ANgel Eyes
13) Deadly Arts
14) Shenmue
15) Bad Dudes
16) E.T. the Extraterrestrial
17) War Gods
18) Charle's Barkley's Shut up and Jam!
19) Shadow of The Beast
20) TMNT tournament Fighters
21) Pokemon Snap
22) Mischief Makers

Pictured: NOT SHAQ FUCKING FU.

23) Rakuga Kids
24) Vigilante 8
25) Star Wars: Masters of Terras Kasi
26) Ninja Shadow of Darkness
27) Gun.Smoke
28) Kung Fu chaos
29) Acro the Acrobat
30) The Sega Genesis X-Men series
31) Outrun
32) Tetris Attack
33) Brute Force
34) Jet Set Radio
35)Chip N' Dale: Rescue Rangers
36) Time Killers
37) Chronicles of Riddick
38) Goemon: Mystical Ninja
39) Saturday Night Slammers
40) BMX XXX

Sex doesn't sell, actually.

41) Gargoyles
42) Space Harrier
43) Dr Robotnik's Mean Been Machine
44) Black and White
45) True Crime
46) Phantasy Star, but the real game and not this "online" shit.
47) Blast Corps.
48)  Moon Patrol
49)Forsaken

Happy Days 2099

50) World Heroes
51)Fighter's Destiny
52) Space Station Silicon Valley
53: Panzer Dragoon
54) Voodoo Vince
55) Sudeki
56) Fusion Frenzy
57) The Grid
58)Star Wars: Knighs of the old Republic and no, still none of this "online" shit.
59) Variable Geo

"I was wondering which one would break first...your table schedule, or your body!"

60) Beast Wrestler
61)Ex-Mutants
62) Capcom's Marvel beat-em-ups
63) Robocop vs Terminator
64)Clay Fighter
65) Crazy Taxi Holy crap, they did it! It's dissapointing, but they did it! Let's say then, Battle Arena Toshiden.
66) Star Gladiators/Plasma Sword
67) Knights of the Round

Hey, Perceval! This isn't 300! Cover them pecs!

68) Combatribes
69) Armorines
70) Dysney's Magical Tetris whatever it was called
71) Dynamite Cop/Die Hard
72) Batman Returns
73) The Urbz
74) Simant
75) Seaman
76) MDK
77) Fear Effect
78) Mace: The Dark Age
79) Battle Raper
80) Kabuki Klash/Far East of Eden
81)Cyberbots
82) Metal and Lace: Battle of the Robobabes

What? A big rouge mech can't be a babe?

83) Galactic Warriors
84) Raging Fighter
85) Those NES Flinstones Games
86) Warcraft, but like the strategy game and not the MMORPG.
87) Paperboy
88) Ikari Warriors
89) The Super Star Wars series.
90) Kameo
91) Dead to Rights
92) Captain America and the Avengers
93) Blasto
94) Rumble Roses
95)V.S.
96) One

Thanks to games like this and V.S., Google Image Search won't ever be "just that easy".

97)Awesome Possum kicks Dr machino's Butt.
98)Battletoads
99)Turok, I think?
100) Street Fighter: The Movie

I just made clickbait and didn't even realize it until I'd finished. Is there a series you;d like to see that's not on the list, or did I miss a recently announced new Rumble Roses game? Lemme know!

Top 100 game franchises that need to come back more than Shaq Fu at 1:08 PM

Pictured here, Yao Ming's grandfather at a recent game.

The news has not escaped me that giant oaf and maybe still Basketball player Shaquille O'Neil has joined forces with a game studio to make a new Shaq Fu game. With players footing the bill, off course. Because, like, Shaq doesn't want publishers getting in there and ruining his artistic vision, probably.

Don't they get it? It's about man's inhumanity to man!

So maybe some of you would consider giving Shaq your money to make a big stupid game starring his big, stupid self. I wouldn't. But  hey, it's just that he ruined one of my favorite Superheroes, insulted my people, and probably eats children in his castle after they climb up the beanstalk.  But besides that, Shaq Fu just doesn't need a remake. Or whatever it is called when you make  a sequel 2 decades after the fact, in a completely diffferent genre, aparently having ditched everything but Shaq's prescence.




You see, I think there is a priority. Not every franchise will get new games, but there are some franchises out there that, by right, deserve to have new games released more than Shaq Fu. Sure, the real punchline is "all of them", but I'll try to keep this small sample list to games that haven't had a new entry in at least ten years, and whose studios are still around to maybe make them. Sorry, Perfect Dark 3 and  Marvel vs Capcom 4. For the record, you do deserve to exist more than Shaq Fu.



1) Valis

VAAAAALIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!

2) Comixzone
3) Vectorman
4) Powerstone
5) Mutant League Football
6) Streets of Rage
7) Ristar
8) Freedom Force

Irrational game's is dead. (sniff)

9) Barney's Hide and Seek
10) Dino Crisis
11) Megaman Legends
12) Toki Densho: ANgel Eyes
13) Deadly Arts
14) Shenmue
15) Bad Dudes
16) E.T. the Extraterrestrial
17) War Gods
18) Charle's Barkley's Shut up and Jam!
19) Shadow of The Beast
20) TMNT tournament Fighters
21) Pokemon Snap
22) Mischief Makers

Pictured: NOT SHAQ FUCKING FU.

23) Rakuga Kids
24) Vigilante 8
25) Star Wars: Masters of Terras Kasi
26) Ninja Shadow of Darkness
27) Gun.Smoke
28) Kung Fu chaos
29) Acro the Acrobat
30) The Sega Genesis X-Men series
31) Outrun
32) Tetris Attack
33) Brute Force
34) Jet Set Radio
35)Chip N' Dale: Rescue Rangers
36) Time Killers
37) Chronicles of Riddick
38) Goemon: Mystical Ninja
39) Saturday Night Slammers
40) BMX XXX

Sex doesn't sell, actually.

41) Gargoyles
42) Space Harrier
43) Dr Robotnik's Mean Been Machine
44) Black and White
45) True Crime
46) Phantasy Star, but the real game and not this "online" shit.
47) Blast Corps.
48)  Moon Patrol
49)Forsaken

Happy Days 2099

Open letter to a black guy dressed as Ryu. at 12:19 PM

Try some Pepto, man.

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Trust me that if I could reach you through email I could. I recently received you, and your friend's request to take down your picture. I took it down. I have no problems with that.

However, your reasons for doing so make me want to know more about it. Here at BGE, we, and by we I mean I, do not stand for harassment or mockery, and if my posting of the pic contributed to that for some reason, that would be incredibly sad.  I want to interview you on the events that lead you, to request me to take down your picture. I wish we could live in a world where  dressing up as one's favorite character leads to harassment.  Maybe together we can inch our world a little closer to that. Cheers.