The Case for Old Lara Croft at 7:57 AM

I'm trying to imagine 15 year old me seeing THIS as Lara Croft.

So, that new Tomb Raider sure is probably something, huh? I mean, I can't play it because I'm not made out of Next Gen Consoles, but I guess seeing it have the success it has had means that 2013's Lara Croft is here to stay. Wait, let me check that. Oh, wait, aparently the new game bombed.

 Like Batman Begins, the game took an earnest  look at the what had and hand;t been done with the character and tried to do some king of "realistic" self-serious character study on that lady that once used to shoot dinosaurs out of her infinite ammo twin pistols.

No offense meant by what I'm going to say now. I don't think Nu TR is, pardon the stupid terms, an SJWing of Tomb Raider. It's just a different new take, no less worthy to be called Tomb Raider than any other game.

But I want the old Lara back.

The Lara with the huge lips and perky smile. The Lara with the wide hips and jutting breasts. The Lara that was an adventurer, in the old school way. I want her back. And I intend to make my case for that, here.

Before you say that I'm a big old horndog that just wants to see a woman with an improbable anatomy, let me get this out of the way: I am and that's part of the reason. Why not. What's wrong with wanting a fictional character to be physically desirable to me? You wouldn't ask for a "serious" version of Jacob from Twilight, with all the cheesecake removed.  He was built for cheesecake, and so was Lara Croft. It's why we loved them.

Some might say Lara Croft's body was exaggerated and ridiculous. And I say...yeah, that was kind of the point.

You see, Lara was a caricature. Caricatures, for all of you who haven't heard, is an exaggerated abstraction , where you take a character's most prominent features and blow them out of proportion. Say, for example, you want to make a caricature of Barrack Obama. You would do something like this.





Now, for the ur examples of a caricature of a sensual woman, you have, say Betty Boop...

Betty Boop gets too much head.

Or that chick from the Tex Avery cartoons...

(Sonic 06 joke)

Or Jessica Rabbit, who is a parody of those kind of characters taken to extremes.

They're all wearing one dress between them.

A lot could be made that Lara's sole appeal was her enormous funbags and nothing else, to which I would reply negatively. For you see, if that's the case, how could she have made it into 2015? She wasn't the ONLY sexy female character to exist. Not the least clothed, not the biggest tittied. You'd think the moment the next mynx showed up we'd all declare Lara over and move on. But no.

Because you see, Lara Croft became an icon at some point. You could put her in a crowd, and tell she was Lara Croft. Even if she was dressed completely different.To Prove that, I have devised a social excersise.

Hover your mouse above THIS link. Do not click yet.  When you open it, it will lead you to an image. Find Lara Croft in the crowd. Now click.


If you think I'm lying, I'm going to play a game with you. I'm  making a collage of faces below. Spot Lara Croft. Come on. I double dog dare you. I double my dogs.



Now, which Lara did you spot before?



Now, this isn't an indictment of the new series, it's art direction, or it's gameplay. Again, too poor to judge by myself. I'm just saying, if I where calling the shots, I'd take Lara back to her roots in caricature. The whole world would be exagerated and cartoony and FUN.



I do somewhat question that now that videogames and it's characters can look like litterally anything, show anything onscreen, that Lara now looks like just another woman. Splendorous graphical showcase, but a boring, safe choice, in my opinion.

And we could have BOTH, you know. The Same way Batman acknoweledges the 60's TV series as an old take and not as an old shame, there could be a sub-line of TR games running counter to Nu-Raider. I don't know. Maybe some day.

Original characters: Do steal. at 1:43 PM

Original characters: Do steal. at 1:43 PM

Sex: Now that I have your attention: unconsensual at 12:36 PM

I'll wait until it's 25 dollars...

So...there has been a lot of talk about rape lately, with the New Tomb Raider's already removed sexual molestation scene. It's also appropriate for me to talk about it since the subject of rape is gonna be covered in Fighting Female July. Not the one you'd think, though.

Let's get the basics out of the way:

• Rape is a real thing that really happens.
• Rape is, by definition, unjustifiable.
• Rape is a serious matter.
• Rape is not something you want happen to anyone, but especially not to the more vulnerable members of our society (women, children, old folk) who tend to be the ones most likely to be raped.

Now, as a blogger, I was surprised at how much rape figures in entertainment once you start writting about it(entertainment, that, is.). But at the same time, are characters like Superman not merely modernized, toned down versions of characters like Heracles, who at one point raped and killed a whole society of warrior women? As time went on, people grew more concious that a guy who had his way with a lady in fiction is not too different from a guy who has his way with one's sister.

So rape became the domain of the bad guys. I mean, sure, that makes sense. But then, it became too ugly to even talk about rape negatively. Today, rape is as all encompassing as to include unrequied kisses and sexual relationships with drunk people.

But as a side current, there was merely escalation on the attempts at titillate. Mainstream entertainment, and especially videogames and animationa nd comics, have been trying more aand more to be more sofisticated, and somehow at the same time, have smalller bikinis and loincloths. Lara Crof, in particular, could not have started as a more obvious attempt at manipulating the male hormones to gain audience.

The costume to the right is described as MASSIVE ARMOR. This is our standard.

It was inevitable that these three conflicting ideologies, that of titillation, the concepts of rape in pop culture, and attempted softening of the more over the top elements of videogame culture would collide. To some people we're becoming more liberal and squemish, and to others we're becoming a stern amish society, when the truth is BOTH ARE SOMEHOW TRUE.

So, really, it was innevitable that someday, someone was going to try and rape Lara Croft. Two off the 3 explained mindsets supported it. I know it's easy to go with the outraged response. "This flesh peddlers are trying to sell rape as a way to tittillate. This is not acceptable." But isn't it?

When scavengers in the respective Resident Evil and Terminator apocalypses tried to rape their lead women, was it acceptable because you knew it wasn't going to happen? Is it acceptable in Boys Don't Cry because it really  happend, and if it really happened it isn't being exploited? When is it acceptable? Is God of War's offscreen sexing of concubines acceptable, because they never point out that concubines don't have much of a choice in anything? Is rape just to be left entirely out of interactive media, or just the adventure type games? If they make a Boys Don't Cry game, or GI Jane or  League of Extraordinary Gentlemen game is it okay if it has rape because the source had it? Does it have to be tastefull, and how do you measure what is or isn't tastefull?  I do not ask this questions because I want an answer: It's because if there is a  personal limit, then it needs to be clear each of us what it its. YOU need to answer to yourself this questions before reacting to things like this.



Look, I'll just make the horrendous, insensible jokes, and you fill in the rest, okay?

I'm telling you, in my country, there is a law against the distribution or having of "obscene  material" . And when you go in on what that actually means, it just goes with a really vague "whatever is too offensive to the mayority of peoples.  Now I've been to Hentai Foundry, so I know we might have differing opinions on what we want "My Small Horsies" characters to see doing to each other. But the point is, this kind of thing was bound to happen sooner or later. 10 years ago it was how much naked our BMX Strippers could be, and today is how much rape can we allow on our adventure games. This things don't just spring overnight, guys.

Sex: Now that I have your attention: unconsensual at 12:36 PM

I'll wait until it's 25 dollars...

So...there has been a lot of talk about rape lately, with the New Tomb Raider's already removed sexual molestation scene. It's also appropriate for me to talk about it since the subject of rape is gonna be covered in Fighting Female July. Not the one you'd think, though.

Let's get the basics out of the way:

• Rape is a real thing that really happens.
• Rape is, by definition, unjustifiable.
• Rape is a serious matter.
• Rape is not something you want happen to anyone, but especially not to the more vulnerable members of our society (women, children, old folk) who tend to be the ones most likely to be raped.

Now, as a blogger, I was surprised at how much rape figures in entertainment once you start writting about it(entertainment, that, is.). But at the same time, are characters like Superman not merely modernized, toned down versions of characters like Heracles, who at one point raped and killed a whole society of warrior women? As time went on, people grew more concious that a guy who had his way with a lady in fiction is not too different from a guy who has his way with one's sister.

So rape became the domain of the bad guys. I mean, sure, that makes sense. But then, it became too ugly to even talk about rape negatively. Today, rape is as all encompassing as to include unrequied kisses and sexual relationships with drunk people.

But as a side current, there was merely escalation on the attempts at titillate. Mainstream entertainment, and especially videogames and animationa nd comics, have been trying more aand more to be more sofisticated, and somehow at the same time, have smalller bikinis and loincloths. Lara Crof, in particular, could not have started as a more obvious attempt at manipulating the male hormones to gain audience.

The costume to the right is described as MASSIVE ARMOR. This is our standard.

It was inevitable that these three conflicting ideologies, that of titillation, the concepts of rape in pop culture, and attempted softening of the more over the top elements of videogame culture would collide. To some people we're becoming more liberal and squemish, and to others we're becoming a stern amish society, when the truth is BOTH ARE SOMEHOW TRUE.

So, really, it was innevitable that someday, someone was going to try and rape Lara Croft. Two off the 3 explained mindsets supported it. I know it's easy to go with the outraged response. "This flesh peddlers are trying to sell rape as a way to tittillate. This is not acceptable." But isn't it?

When scavengers in the respective Resident Evil and Terminator apocalypses tried to rape their lead women, was it acceptable because you knew it wasn't going to happen? Is it acceptable in Boys Don't Cry because it really  happend, and if it really happened it isn't being exploited? When is it acceptable? Is God of War's offscreen sexing of concubines acceptable, because they never point out that concubines don't have much of a choice in anything? Is rape just to be left entirely out of interactive media, or just the adventure type games? If they make a Boys Don't Cry game, or GI Jane or  League of Extraordinary Gentlemen game is it okay if it has rape because the source had it? Does it have to be tastefull, and how do you measure what is or isn't tastefull?  I do not ask this questions because I want an answer: It's because if there is a  personal limit, then it needs to be clear each of us what it its. YOU need to answer to yourself this questions before reacting to things like this.



Look, I'll just make the horrendous, insensible jokes, and you fill in the rest, okay?

I'm telling you, in my country, there is a law against the distribution or having of "obscene  material" . And when you go in on what that actually means, it just goes with a really vague "whatever is too offensive to the mayority of peoples.  Now I've been to Hentai Foundry, so I know we might have differing opinions on what we want "My Small Horsies" characters to see doing to each other. But the point is, this kind of thing was bound to happen sooner or later. 10 years ago it was how much naked our BMX Strippers could be, and today is how much rape can we allow on our adventure games. This things don't just spring overnight, guys.