The Ridiculous Remake-Reboot-Adaptation-Sequel betting Pool at 5:41 AM

It's a whole new year, and with it, sure to come are a whole series of new films based on old shit.  But what else are we going to do with all our loose

Colin Farrels? And so, I have decided to skip to the chase and call out the movies that will destroy our childhoods, as soon as they're being announced and

done and stuff. This are the movies I believe we'll be reading about this year. As such, it is necessary that we give each category of bad idea it's own

section. Here goes nothing.

Live Action-CG abomination based on cartoon.

After the perfectly putrid test footage for Hong Kong Phooey, I realized something: studios just don't care for funny animal universes inhabited by humans.

Hong Kong Phooey HAS to be a toilet water drinking dog, as has to Underdog. What's my bet? I've two.

Pinky and the Brain


Pinky and the Brain is going to be announced this year. However, by the time it's on screens it'll be more about a guy that has to learn a lesson from these megalomaniac mice. WB did everything it could to bury the franchise forever, but perhaps it's time to drag the proverbial corpse out of it's proverbial grave  and humiliate it some more. Taking the name and designs, yet utterly ignoring the show's original attitude and heart.

Also Secret Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel is one of those franchises that was never important enought to bring out but to the most all inclusive company wide events. Essentially

Inspector Gadget, but a squirrel and with a racially offensive sidekick, Secret squirrel is needed to come back by no one. So expect this one in 3D soon.

Perfectly fine stand alone film redone

Gritted up Children's story.

Well, we're all children on the inside? So gimme a story for kids, but make it really morbid for me and my graying beard.

The Christmas Toy

A fairly obscure movie that may or may not have inspired Toy story, the movie followed on the premise of sentient living toys with a catch: if humans saw them, they died. So obviously it was already gritty. That's why they'll remake it extra gritty, with the toys hatching  a plan to blind all the humans in the house with a laser.

Old dormant franchise given a sequel

Sometimes a decade just doesn't feel like a decade. When a film franchise spends  more than a decade out of theaters, the idea of directly continuing it is

almost always a bad one. But this is the year when they announce:

Lethal Weapon 5

Lethal Weapon both belongs to a genre that's not on vogue (buddy cop stories) and has a cast member who's not allowed into big movies anymore on account of being a terrible person. It's also on double digits since the last movie came out. This is the year when the sequel is announced. Or should I say prequel?

Lethal Weapon 0: The Early Years starring Donald Glover and Sam Witwer!

Readapted, this time less bad:

Yo, last time we tried to make a movie about this, it turns out we ruined everything. Let's only ruin most of it now.

Tomb Raider

While I think it's kind of cheating, since this is one of those thing's that gets mentioned every once in a while, this is the year when it goes somewhere.

And since Hunger Games "proved" that you can make a movie with a woman lead and it might sell(you know, if it doesn't suck and the marketing isn't bad and it's got a strong word of mouth for the source material. Like every other movie, stupid executives.) it's just as well that Tomb Raider might finally get out of Dev-Hell.

Wait, what the hell?

Ha! Your hubris will be your undoing! Just when you think I can't get any more dumb ideas, I'll announce:

Sailor Moon: The Movie

With maybe even an Asian or two in there! It IS a team, after all. And they'll need plenty of bad guys to fight.

The Arnold Schawrzennegger "dragging out an old man to pretend he's an action star again" award

I'm not too old for this kids! Watch me reactivate an old franchise and shame myself!

"Escape From" series.

Kurt Russel hasn't been seen in a while in anything big. So let's drag him, almost 30 years older than he was, put him in a tank top and an eye patch and a mullet, and pretend he doesn't  start gasping for air if he talks too loud. See where it gets ya.

Announced, yet unlikely to exist:

Oh, this movies totally for sure gonna come out soon. I was just talking to Roberto Zemeckis's and he's totally letting me do it.


Justice League

:D :) {:]{3| {:[ {;C...

Just kidding(except for the emoticons)

E.T. 2

Spieldberg will finally be ready to free himself from  2 decade's worth of writers block and finally get on with that sequel to E.T. he's always wanted to do. The answers to your questions are CG, In 3D and  May 15, 20NO.

What are your guesses? Let's come back her enext year and compare notes.

The Ridiculous Remake-Reboot-Adaptation-Sequel betting Pool at 5:41 AM

It's a whole new year, and with it, sure to come are a whole series of new films based on old shit.  But what else are we going to do with all our loose

Colin Farrels? And so, I have decided to skip to the chase and call out the movies that will destroy our childhoods, as soon as they're being announced and

done and stuff. This are the movies I believe we'll be reading about this year. As such, it is necessary that we give each category of bad idea it's own

section. Here goes nothing.

Live Action-CG abomination based on cartoon.

After the perfectly putrid test footage for Hong Kong Phooey, I realized something: studios just don't care for funny animal universes inhabited by humans.

Hong Kong Phooey HAS to be a toilet water drinking dog, as has to Underdog. What's my bet? I've two.

Pinky and the Brain


Pinky and the Brain is going to be announced this year. However, by the time it's on screens it'll be more about a guy that has to learn a lesson from these megalomaniac mice. WB did everything it could to bury the franchise forever, but perhaps it's time to drag the proverbial corpse out of it's proverbial grave  and humiliate it some more. Taking the name and designs, yet utterly ignoring the show's original attitude and heart.

Also Secret Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel is one of those franchises that was never important enought to bring out but to the most all inclusive company wide events. Essentially

Inspector Gadget, but a squirrel and with a racially offensive sidekick, Secret squirrel is needed to come back by no one. So expect this one in 3D soon.

Perfectly fine stand alone film redone

Gritted up Children's story.

Well, we're all children on the inside? So gimme a story for kids, but make it really morbid for me and my graying beard.

The Christmas Toy

A fairly obscure movie that may or may not have inspired Toy story, the movie followed on the premise of sentient living toys with a catch: if humans saw them, they died. So obviously it was already gritty. That's why they'll remake it extra gritty, with the toys hatching  a plan to blind all the humans in the house with a laser.

Old dormant franchise given a sequel

Sometimes a decade just doesn't feel like a decade. When a film franchise spends  more than a decade out of theaters, the idea of directly continuing it is

almost always a bad one. But this is the year when they announce:

Lethal Weapon 5

Lethal Weapon both belongs to a genre that's not on vogue (buddy cop stories) and has a cast member who's not allowed into big movies anymore on account of being a terrible person. It's also on double digits since the last movie came out. This is the year when the sequel is announced. Or should I say prequel?

Lethal Weapon 0: The Early Years starring Donald Glover and Sam Witwer!

Readapted, this time less bad:

Yo, last time we tried to make a movie about this, it turns out we ruined everything. Let's only ruin most of it now.

Tomb Raider

While I think it's kind of cheating, since this is one of those thing's that gets mentioned every once in a while, this is the year when it goes somewhere.

And since Hunger Games "proved" that you can make a movie with a woman lead and it might sell(you know, if it doesn't suck and the marketing isn't bad and it's got a strong word of mouth for the source material. Like every other movie, stupid executives.) it's just as well that Tomb Raider might finally get out of Dev-Hell.

Wait, what the hell?

Ha! Your hubris will be your undoing! Just when you think I can't get any more dumb ideas, I'll announce:

Sailor Moon: The Movie

With maybe even an Asian or two in there! It IS a team, after all. And they'll need plenty of bad guys to fight.

The Arnold Schawrzennegger "dragging out an old man to pretend he's an action star again" award

I'm not too old for this kids! Watch me reactivate an old franchise and shame myself!

"Escape From" series.

Kurt Russel hasn't been seen in a while in anything big. So let's drag him, almost 30 years older than he was, put him in a tank top and an eye patch and a mullet, and pretend he doesn't  start gasping for air if he talks too loud. See where it gets ya.

Announced, yet unlikely to exist:

Oh, this movies totally for sure gonna come out soon. I was just talking to Roberto Zemeckis's and he's totally letting me do it.


Justice League

:D :) {:]{3| {:[ {;C...

Just kidding(except for the emoticons)

E.T. 2

Spieldberg will finally be ready to free himself from  2 decade's worth of writers block and finally get on with that sequel to E.T. he's always wanted to do. The answers to your questions are CG, In 3D and  May 15, 20NO.

What are your guesses? Let's come back her enext year and compare notes.

Prophesy! at 6:44 AM

And speaking of me being right about everything, it was recently announced Channing Tatum is in talks to play Superman...Lego Superman, that is. I'm more surprised by there actually being a  Lego Movie, but there you go, Batman and Superman are a part of that.

 Reactions are varied, but one thing is for sure...I called it. I wrote this in 2009 in the thread "You're the producer of the Superman Film" in the form of supposed future news.

"Quote:

July 20, 2009 WB announces Superman is "Up in the Sky" A spokesperson for WB has announced that a new take on the Superman franchise. Tentatively titled Superman: Up in the Sky. It is currently in scripting stages by Gabriel Ramirez, who made a pitch to the WB earlier this year. The spokesperson says the executives where so impressed they immediately put Ramirez with a team of writers so the film could be out the gate by 2012. No more details where revealed, even whether the movie is a reboot or a sequel, but that a full reveal was coming in November.

Hey, as long as I'm daydreaming, I might as well put myself in there, huh?

Quote:

August 7, 2009 Could Blomkamp direct "Superman"? The rumor mill is churning! The fine folks at IESB report that the new Superman film could be directed by none other than South African director Neil Blomkamp. Fresh off his newest film, District 9, Blomkamp has definitively proven to have a vision for storytelling. Also making the rounds are rumors that the movie's plot is an all new origin story featuring multiple villains, included some rather obscure ones. Stay tuned.

Ain't no Kamp like the Blomkamp! This guy's gonna be huge someday!

Quote:

November 3, 2009 Blomkamp confirmed as director for new Superman film, leads announced. WB has dropped a bombshell on is unsuspecting journalists. They today confirmed the rumors that Neil Blomkamp(District 9) is directing the film "Superman: Up in the Sky", with Peter Jackson producing.They also revealed the new face for The Man of Steel. None other than G.I. Joe's Channing Tatum. Also joining in are Rosario Dawson as Lois Lane and Steward Head as Lois Lane and Lex Luthor, respectively. The film is set to start filming next summer, and we are told it'll be an origin story where a freshman Superman starts his career by facing Lex Luthor, a high tech mafia, and a cabal of villains all intent on taking Superman down.

In my mind it works out, anyway

Quote:

February 22 2010 Meet the Rogues Gallery of Superman: Up in the Sky My sources inside WB have it on good word what villains will be a thorn on Superman's side come next 2011 . But Don't let them know you heard it from me! We already know Lex Luthor is in, but my sources say the film will also have Livewire, Manchester Black, Silver Banshee, and The Parasite, as well as Crime boss Bruno Manheim . Click on each name for more information. I am kind of worried. Though. We don't want the movie to become encumbered with characters, like X3: The Last Stand. What do you think?

Putting on a group of smaller villains. They are essentially superpowered henchmen in the film."

Suffice to say, the "group of Smaller villains" bit came true in Smallville, with at least two of my called for members joining up."

They said I was crazy. I WAS. But I was also right that Tatum was going to be big later down the road.

And then I did the photoshop.

I still think Rosario Dawson should be Lois, and you can't stop me thinking it.

 In my  fully posted online script for a Superman Reboot, I brought your worst nightmares screaming into the real world. It is I who stared into the abyss and said: "Sure, I could see this guy as Superman." Sure, you guys where right about who should play Superman, and who would play Superman, but I was right about who was considered for Superman and potentially cast as the Lego version of him! Yesh! EEEEYESH-AH!

Prophesy! at 6:44 AM

And speaking of me being right about everything, it was recently announced Channing Tatum is in talks to play Superman...Lego Superman, that is. I'm more surprised by there actually being a  Lego Movie, but there you go, Batman and Superman are a part of that.

 Reactions are varied, but one thing is for sure...I called it. I wrote this in 2009 in the thread "You're the producer of the Superman Film" in the form of supposed future news.

"Quote:

July 20, 2009 WB announces Superman is "Up in the Sky" A spokesperson for WB has announced that a new take on the Superman franchise. Tentatively titled Superman: Up in the Sky. It is currently in scripting stages by Gabriel Ramirez, who made a pitch to the WB earlier this year. The spokesperson says the executives where so impressed they immediately put Ramirez with a team of writers so the film could be out the gate by 2012. No more details where revealed, even whether the movie is a reboot or a sequel, but that a full reveal was coming in November.

Hey, as long as I'm daydreaming, I might as well put myself in there, huh?

Quote:

August 7, 2009 Could Blomkamp direct "Superman"? The rumor mill is churning! The fine folks at IESB report that the new Superman film could be directed by none other than South African director Neil Blomkamp. Fresh off his newest film, District 9, Blomkamp has definitively proven to have a vision for storytelling. Also making the rounds are rumors that the movie's plot is an all new origin story featuring multiple villains, included some rather obscure ones. Stay tuned.

Ain't no Kamp like the Blomkamp! This guy's gonna be huge someday!

Quote:

November 3, 2009 Blomkamp confirmed as director for new Superman film, leads announced. WB has dropped a bombshell on is unsuspecting journalists. They today confirmed the rumors that Neil Blomkamp(District 9) is directing the film "Superman: Up in the Sky", with Peter Jackson producing.They also revealed the new face for The Man of Steel. None other than G.I. Joe's Channing Tatum. Also joining in are Rosario Dawson as Lois Lane and Steward Head as Lois Lane and Lex Luthor, respectively. The film is set to start filming next summer, and we are told it'll be an origin story where a freshman Superman starts his career by facing Lex Luthor, a high tech mafia, and a cabal of villains all intent on taking Superman down.

In my mind it works out, anyway

Quote:

February 22 2010 Meet the Rogues Gallery of Superman: Up in the Sky My sources inside WB have it on good word what villains will be a thorn on Superman's side come next 2011 . But Don't let them know you heard it from me! We already know Lex Luthor is in, but my sources say the film will also have Livewire, Manchester Black, Silver Banshee, and The Parasite, as well as Crime boss Bruno Manheim . Click on each name for more information. I am kind of worried. Though. We don't want the movie to become encumbered with characters, like X3: The Last Stand. What do you think?

Putting on a group of smaller villains. They are essentially superpowered henchmen in the film."

Suffice to say, the "group of Smaller villains" bit came true in Smallville, with at least two of my called for members joining up."

They said I was crazy. I WAS. But I was also right that Tatum was going to be big later down the road.

And then I did the photoshop.

I still think Rosario Dawson should be Lois, and you can't stop me thinking it.

 In my  fully posted online script for a Superman Reboot, I brought your worst nightmares screaming into the real world. It is I who stared into the abyss and said: "Sure, I could see this guy as Superman." Sure, you guys where right about who should play Superman, and who would play Superman, but I was right about who was considered for Superman and potentially cast as the Lego version of him! Yesh! EEEEYESH-AH!

Apocalypse Watch: Val Verde at 1:04 PM

40 years. Plenty of time for it to happen

I don't want to post too much about my faith and stuff, because that's not what this Blog is, was mean to be, or I want it to be about. But...



...Some lady decided to say we are gonna get hit with a Tsunami. Wut?

For those of you who who are Spanish impaired, this nice lady is saying that she got a letter from someone in Venezuela,  who seemingly got a vision from God, where he's saying we've done fucked up now with our Gays and our Baals, and he's sending us the wave, a Tsunami that will apparently reach in as afar as a couple of municipalities/and/or the whole island. And very few will survive.

I'm usually not the kind of guy who believes any prophecy...and I'm not about to start now. People talk for God all the time, because they know  some people are too stupid to see their made up shit. Oh, yeah, this year it's the Tsunami.  "God-through-prophets" has said for years we're gonna get an earthquake/Tsunami/Deadly Hurricane. But I think we should challenge and analyze  prophecy for veracity. The Bible says that, and I'm a terrible Christian.

This? It's full of holes. Apparently God wants us to save  our supplies of Food for the crisis. If the whole island is underwater because of a Tsunami, how is my crushed up remains  supposed to get to  my can of Lima beans? And how come it's us? We've got like a million churches, each more anti-gay than the last. Hell, some of our politicians are trying to make our constitution less gay-friendly. We get a Boys Don't Cry-like crime almost twice every year and the only outrage is from  the Gay movement. Whattaya want, Lord?  What's that?

Kill? You...Oh, CHIIILL.I thought you where ordering me to murder.

Still, it's worth the thought: What's the plan? Sure, there's no plan if it's as dramatic as what she says. I guess, pray a lot and stuff bla bla bla. Sure, it's good for surviving the stuff, maybe. Beyond the prophesy, stuff, though, if our island's whole coast was flooded, we'd be in deep shit. Most of the food and other products we consume are imported, and most of that comes in ships. A flood would probably block the arrival of such necessities as medicine, food, and hairgel(necessary for breeding over here). Within a short span of time life as we know it would be strained. And let me put it this way: We had wounded on a Toy giveaway line. It's safe to say a foodline in here would be catastrophic.

So I need to plan for that.

First, I'm learning as many survivalist skills as possible. I don't want to wait for food, and I probably suck at looting. It's not about having cans of corned beefanyway: I'm gonna have to learn to produce my own food, and I'm hoping it's more in a simple agriculture way than in a "bear grills" kind of way.


Second, I know where to head that the zombies won't find me: the cemetery: My granny has a house that a funeral company built around on. There's land to grow stuff, it isn't too populated, and it's nicely fenced/creepy, which should keep supersticious and cowardly criminals at bay until they run out of bullets. And it's not too far from a river. I don't like not having water. It parches and kills me.

Finally, I'm preparing a backpack with provisions for it. Rope, slingshot and the instructions to starting civilization anew.

Oh, that's right, I'm starting civilization anew.  I know, it's pretty cool.

Note: must learn how to make pants.

See, I think you should see the good in everything, and while island spanning disaster and famine usually don't rank as  good unless you are making a movie inspired by them, it's also an opportunity for quick social ascension. With our government  in tatters and America very likely abandoning us(and how our already crippling debt and endangered credit would fare, I can't fully blame them.), the island would be ripe for rebirth. I will rechristen the new nation Val Verde.

Yes, Val Verde, like the fictional country you've read about that always shows up in movies. Here is our beautiful flag and  and coat of arms.

In Val Verde, my Latin is good.

I'm sure your flag is a blatant ripoff too.

Then there's also the issue of  chain of command.

Royal Fender(This is me)

           |

           |

    ------------------

                                                                      |                           |

                                                        Minister of                  Minister of
                                                     Defense  (my brother)          Offense(my cousin)
                                                           --------The others-----------
                                            

Hey, Megalomania is as good a hobby as any.

But it isn't all  80s action movies in Val Verde. I, being one of the few who remembered how to agriculture shit, will trade small amounts of food for  prelooted furniture and virgins. Hey, I need to repopulate the island, you know? I'm like Abraham, now:Willing to get a little side action going as long as  they'll remember it  was for the greater goodish...

I'll take it! No, just  the chick!

If this sounds really vacuous and nasty as a way to deal with a serious and sad scenario, think of  it like this: If I survive something like the proposed, I'm not doing it so that those who didn't can tell me what to do from their watery raves. And 'sides, it's not any darker than proposing this is God's will for us if it isn't true. Wich is exactly what I fear this lady might be doing. Don't stick your words in God's tongue, kids!

Apocalypse Watch: Val Verde at 1:04 PM

40 years. Plenty of time for it to happen

I don't want to post too much about my faith and stuff, because that's not what this Blog is, was mean to be, or I want it to be about. But...



...Some lady decided to say we are gonna get hit with a Tsunami. Wut?

For those of you who who are Spanish impaired, this nice lady is saying that she got a letter from someone in Venezuela,  who seemingly got a vision from God, where he's saying we've done fucked up now with our Gays and our Baals, and he's sending us the wave, a Tsunami that will apparently reach in as afar as a couple of municipalities/and/or the whole island. And very few will survive.

I'm usually not the kind of guy who believes any prophecy...and I'm not about to start now. People talk for God all the time, because they know  some people are too stupid to see their made up shit. Oh, yeah, this year it's the Tsunami.  "God-through-prophets" has said for years we're gonna get an earthquake/Tsunami/Deadly Hurricane. But I think we should challenge and analyze  prophecy for veracity. The Bible says that, and I'm a terrible Christian.

This? It's full of holes. Apparently God wants us to save  our supplies of Food for the crisis. If the whole island is underwater because of a Tsunami, how is my crushed up remains  supposed to get to  my can of Lima beans? And how come it's us? We've got like a million churches, each more anti-gay than the last. Hell, some of our politicians are trying to make our constitution less gay-friendly. We get a Boys Don't Cry-like crime almost twice every year and the only outrage is from  the Gay movement. Whattaya want, Lord?  What's that?

Kill? You...Oh, CHIIILL.I thought you where ordering me to murder.

Still, it's worth the thought: What's the plan? Sure, there's no plan if it's as dramatic as what she says. I guess, pray a lot and stuff bla bla bla. Sure, it's good for surviving the stuff, maybe. Beyond the prophesy, stuff, though, if our island's whole coast was flooded, we'd be in deep shit. Most of the food and other products we consume are imported, and most of that comes in ships. A flood would probably block the arrival of such necessities as medicine, food, and hairgel(necessary for breeding over here). Within a short span of time life as we know it would be strained. And let me put it this way: We had wounded on a Toy giveaway line. It's safe to say a foodline in here would be catastrophic.

So I need to plan for that.

First, I'm learning as many survivalist skills as possible. I don't want to wait for food, and I probably suck at looting. It's not about having cans of corned beefanyway: I'm gonna have to learn to produce my own food, and I'm hoping it's more in a simple agriculture way than in a "bear grills" kind of way.


Second, I know where to head that the zombies won't find me: the cemetery: My granny has a house that a funeral company built around on. There's land to grow stuff, it isn't too populated, and it's nicely fenced/creepy, which should keep supersticious and cowardly criminals at bay until they run out of bullets. And it's not too far from a river. I don't like not having water. It parches and kills me.

Finally, I'm preparing a backpack with provisions for it. Rope, slingshot and the instructions to starting civilization anew.

Oh, that's right, I'm starting civilization anew.  I know, it's pretty cool.

Note: must learn how to make pants.