Scolding Review: Run, Wonder Princess AKA Korean Bootleg Wonder Woman Part 2 at 7:52 PM

DC replied to my challenge last time, sending me this link as well as a bag of dicks for me to eat. Well played.

In our last episode of Run Wonder Princess, the Bootleg adaptation of Wonder Woman where she's a Princess from  Space rather than an immortal amazon, Princess Wonder Woman fought Nick Fury, who was a zombie robot created by Dr Willy to capture Steve Trevor, but she was sadly defeated by a Dragonzord. I'm mostly not making that up.

Wonder Princess  recieved a vision or memory or something from what I'm guessing is her father, King Hyppolita.  If he's not telling her to never give up, then I'm a monkey's uncle.

Remember the scent of mother...ther...ther...

But they're already gone by the time she awakes. They are being held by Willy in his cave fortress, which she knows not the location of. How will they get out of this one? Well, as they are being escorted, Steve flat out punches a motherfucker in the mouth, and runs away. He Hijacks  a Hot Dog ship as their full assault comences..
However, Wondy is ready with her UFO, and she joins the battle. It's actually as sweet as when we first saw it in the intro, except on no longer IN SPAAAAACE.
Steve, who was flying in formation with the bad guys, starts team killing them.

With the evil army destroyed, it's time to take on the final shell shock. They infiltrate Willy's base, and isn't too long before they run into the two remaining zombie robots. One of them is armed with two laser shooting swords, and the other armed with a prehensile mace flails and gun shield. It's a SHIELD that SHOOTS MANY GUNS. Like, Fuck FInal Fantasy and it's gunblades. THIS is the real combo, right here.

So it's a pretty good fight, with some good moments. I mean, this is a bootleg, it doesn't look as good as anything from DBZ or Naruto, but this is Wonder Woman being caught by a flail in mid air, getting pulled down on the ground, then being shot by a shield as she falls, with her blocking the shots with her bracelets, and then kicking the guy. It's not Lion and the King, either.

Refrect!

To finally finish it all, He throws the gun shield at Wondy, Captain America style, except it keeps going after her and it's filled with spikes. She uses her lasso (SHE HAS IT!) to redirect it right into the  robot guy, killing him. The other guy shoots swords(SHOOTS MOTHER FUCKING SWORDS) at her, but she blocks it with the shield. He then runs away, but she throws the shield at him as he runs and kills him.

Meanwhile Steven "Universe" Trevor runs into a horde of robots. They're a head  away from being that robot from "The Flying House". It's a japanese show about time traveling christian children. Uh...anyway, Wonder Woman then throws her tiara at them, killing most of them. You see, this is a show about people who did like Wonder Woman and knew about the stuff she did.The rest she melts with the laser that comes out of her tiara. Uh...well, that's...not very Wonder Womany as far as I know, but it's...cool.

Heavy is the head that wears the lazors.

Steve tries to strike out on his own and rescue grampa, but he's not strong enough and Lady Wonder has to do it. Come on, movie, haven't we emasculated this guy enough? He's trying to save his whatever, give him at least THAT.

Willy and Sun ride the Dragonzord in the last battle scene. It's a pretty amazing scene. There's fire everywhere.  Wonder Woman hangs on to the dragon's mouth, but  Willy shoots her in the belt, knocking her, AND the belt down. She tries to reach it, but he gets it first. Then when he tries to leave with it , Steve struggles with him and takes away the belt, throwing it back to her. She, finishes off the dragon with a toss of her tiara, and it explodes and sends Willy flying off into an area sorrounded by fire.

Hi guys, I know I was dead a few minutes ago, but I´m going to look at this for a bit, okay?

I'm pretty sure the following conversation goes on:

Grampa: Good. That asshole's gonna be nice and roasty.
Wondy: No! I have to save his asshole. It's what a real hero would do.

She goes on to I guess try to save him, but he's an adamant villainous jerk, till the end, so he burns to death. And for the record, Wondy, you could have flown right over the fire and picked him up against his will. Come on. You flew earlier. Come on. From the dialogue's tone, I'm going to guess he's maybe related to her somehow? Like maybe a niece or something?  I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking about this a little too much. I don't know Korean.
 
Anyway, immediately we see Wonder Woman's Saucer leave Earth, as her theme  plays us out.

Goodbye, Wikus. I'll come back in 10 years!

So, what do you think I'm gonna say? "Wonder Woman's not an ALIEN, how stewpeed!"
No, here's what's REALLY Stupid. Wonder Woman has 3 movies to her as of 2015. The pretty awesome 2011 animated movie, the pretty piss poor TV movie, and this, and THIS is the second best one. For comparison, by 2015,  Batman has  SEVEN, Superman has 6, Captain America has Four, Spider-Man has Five, and the Fantastic Four have...Four. Of course, I generously discounted all animated films because...I'm nice like that.

And yet we constantly heard for years from the owners of the source material that this was way hard and that they're really for reals trying to get it right, even as they prepare to launch 2 Batman movies. There is hunger enough for the material that even foreign bootleggers know that she talks to animals, what the fuck where you dawddling for?  Just about everyone has a a good version of this except for Warner, it seems.

This movie's probably not "good" in the traditional understanding. And while it plays it fast and loose with the source, it's recognizable as a Wonder Woman story, and that's gonna be a bit scarce until Gal Gadot finally stops  playing referee to Superman and Batman's grit wrestling match. See you then!

Scolding Review: Run, Wonder Princess AKA Korean Bootleg Wonder Woman Part 1 at 3:38 PM

Your move, DC.

We've all seen them. Weird bootleg foreign movies that don't quite seem to understand their source material.  Movies where Spider-man is the bad guy and where Superman and Spider-Woman do a dance off and get married.

How cooky, right? You know what's not cooky? When the source material is so untouched that the bootleg becomes the second best attempt at the material. When you're like, shit, I wish this would become public domain, so we could have a proper take on this.

Enter South Korea. Still somewhat bitter about the old war wounds of the Korean war, and the older yet war wounds with Japan, the country had, nonetheless, begun to develop an up and coming animation industry that has only grown since the 70's . With the caveat that there was a nation wide ban on foreign animation. But bureaocrats and war resentment don't always beat the desire for a good story, so Bootleg animation outfits rose up, taking the Japanese and American forbidden fruit, tracing around it to create...weird things. Things where robots from Mazinger and Batman could show up at any time, without any rhyme and reason, to tell a story that had jack shit to do with either.

So, this all culminated in  1978's  Run Wonder Princess, a pretty blatant bootleg Wonder Woman movie. And, if you don't have the patience to watch the whole thing here, I'mma tell you all about it, sort of.

You see, my Korean is a bit...nothing. So I'm going to be guestimating a lot of the movie until somebody puts some subtitles on it or something. If you're a Korean and want to send me the complete, proofread script for this movie, contact me in the comments, because I think this deserves a fan dub. In the meantime, I'll have to survive on pop culture refference rations.

So our adventure starts out in space, where hot dog spaceships battle a golden UFO. The UFO pretty adeptly kills the shit out of all the Hot Dogs. Then Wondy jumps down from her UFO and the credits start.

Rotisserie FIYA!

Now, don't be mistaken and think the similarities between Wonder Princess and "traditional" Wondy end at the costume. From the intro we see her both do a Linda Carter twirl AND deflect some bullets with her bracelets.

And now cut to Korean Cape Canaveral, where an old guy in a goatie and a subhuman child with a baby panda are helping shoot Korean Steve  Trevor into space. The exact relationship regarding Steve, Old Man and Kid I can't tell exactly. They might be father, grandfather and son, or maybe the kid isn't related to either of them. I can't really tell.  Either way, they successfully launch Steve into Space.

I told them "cover the brows, not the mouth."

But on the ground, Doctor Willy is plotting against them, and shoots the space ship down  with a couple of missiles. Okay, look, the...Doctor Willy might be based on some anime guy I don't know, which might very well also be the base for this guy.  I feel something like that could be in the works. Drop me a line, if so. Meanwhile, let's settle on how this guy...

Well, I was young and needed the trouncing...

...looks like Dr Willy, okay? Okay. Everyone is sad that Dr Willy  apparently killed  Steve Trevor in space(whoa, I think I hear Fan-fiction.net calling), and he even gloats about it, but Steve isn't quite dead, as his ship managed to survive, but he's also pulling a Sandra Bullock and running slowly out of life. But lucky him, he gets rescued by Wondy in her Super Visible Flying saucer.

Both get to Earth with Wondy already donning  the secret identy Diana Prince Stuff.  So they head toward's grampa's home. There, Steve scares the hell out of the little boy, and also hugs the old man. So maybe he IS family with him, I guess.

And there's a huge ass parade and everything, and nobody wonders why this man who was shot with missiles in space is always hanging with an unidentified lady in military uniform.It's not until  a toast with some higher ups that Steven tells ALL about it.

You see, after he almost died, he was taken to an alien planet, and fell in love with the princess of that planet, who totally isn't this nerdy, zero background having chick he always hangs out with now. They enjoyed lavish feasts and rode on giant chickens.  But then he missed home, which I sincerely hope isn't that big fucking planet  right visible from the alien world.

I have seen things you wouldn't believe...

And so, he's back, from outer space. And there is much rejoicing. Except for DR Willy, who is livid. So he calls for a new plan, involving the kidnapping of Grampa Trevor and Steve by the Hard Hats an 80's gimmicky band that never attacks without first shining a light on their opponent.

IT'S THE POWER COMPANY! Your actual power spending was low...but the surcharges will more than make up for it! Nyahahahahahahaaaa!

So they take them on their wagon, but Wonder Woman takes notice, and transforms. She chases the wagon, and gets in front of it and stops it.  I could swear the whole thing is straight ripped from the Lynda Carter series, too. So they get out of their van, remove their vision obscuring helmets, and  prepare to fight.  They do a couple of things, including  Wondy crushing a knife with her own  hands, and the rest of the fights is merely implied, with Grampa   Trevor pointing towards it and  just the sounds of the fight. Hey, some people thought it was genius when Godzilla did it last year.

Eventually the guys get scared and run away, presumably to move in with their aunt and uncle in Bel Air. She runs away before the authorities figure her out.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, the panda catches Wondy changing back into Diana Prince. But, Wonder Woman speaks to the creature's mind, and it speaks to her. Don't laugh, that's actually a canon Wonder Woman power, and as I doubt it was ever expressed on the Linda Carter Series a lot, it leads me to believe this guys where True Fans.

Meanwhile, Willy is abusing Willy JR over the failiure of the Hard Hats. But then he announces that it's the perfect opportunity to launch  THE HIT SQUAD. The Hit Squad is 3 guys who are apparently martial artists and also at some point shot up the town, on their sweet, sweet convertible.

"Shouldn't one of us be driving?" "Nobody likes a backseat shooter, Ben!" "Is this even the backseat, what the hell?"

Anyway, they died trying to escape jail, and then Willy I guess cloned them into robots somehow. Err, did we really need the whole background to this? Not that they used any animation for it but it seems kind of unnecessary background to what are otherwise pretty generic goons.

But don't be mistaken, pretty TOUGH generic goons. You see, Steve and his  Grampy are riding on their motorcade, and guess how the cyberman shows up. Guess. Come on, try.

Surprise, motherfuckers!

No, you didn't expect that, did you. You didn't expect the bad guy to come out of the floor of the car like it's made of cardboard. You can't expect that, no one can. Eyepatch here  kidnaps them both, threatening them AND the driver with a  stick, forcing them to take a detour to the beach. ANd holding it up to their  necks.This is when it the movie starts getting really crazy, in a good way.

Wondy, without anyone telling her in any way, knows about this and just heads there to battle. And this is where we realize the scream  isn't a fluke.

You see, during her first trasformation, Wonder Woman let out a yell, which was a bit disconcerting. It was like a grandmother over dramatizing a screeching vehicle. It was like a baby horse stuck in a baby carrier. It was like Gruntilda getting to orgasm. And I let it by.

I let it by. I did not mention it.  However, now I mention it because she's going to do that yell 20 more times in the movie. Every action she takes will be accompanied by that sound. And you may find it annoying.

"Yee"

Kano tries his best to hit Wondy with the stick, but when that fails, he tries shooting her with the stick. Yes, it's a stick that shoots, so what? He then splits it in two and has two knives. Where do they sell this thing, I want one!

Then a chopper tries to kill her with missiles, but she throws the knife-sticks at it and destroys it! It's the greatest thing in the world! And then, just when you think it's gonna breath from all this high concept insanity, a giant mechanical sea dragon comes out of the sea and chases a flying Wonder Woman, gassing  her unconcious in mid air. And even in that she's like "YIEEEEeeeeeh...uh."

I need a break, guys. I'mma split this one in two. OK? Too much awesome! YIEEEEEE!

L.I.E.S. The DC movie schedule revealed! at 8:25 AM

Hello, you Gullible Gents and Overly trusty Dames. It's been a while since I've told you  Leaked In Early Secrets.  The truth is, I've been away on a self imposed exhile. I don't want to go too much into it, but I'll just say sometimes you get challenged to a fight to the death and you do it, but death fights are no fun. People could die on those. In fact, usually when no one dies, things went wrong.

"Let no bad happen" indeed.

So you may have heard some dame say that she got the list of movies DC's planning on making for the next few years. If you believe DC's going to have 3 movies a year, then I'll show you a green dog or 2.

That's not the REAL DC schedule! Let Uncle Batzarro show you how it's done, baby.I snuck into Warner's board room, disguised as a maid.  They didn't know they don't have any retro style maids, so it was easy.

In there, I overheard their true plan, spoken with the kind of confidence that gave us Teen Titans, Greem Arrow in Superjail, Metal Men, Flash and Justice League Mortal as news to chew, rather than as movies to watch.


2015

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

I can't stop poking fun at this title.

(BAAt)man (They haven't written it or anything, but they thought that the idea of having a name that is also the logo, even if the name is screwed, was good enough to greenlight.)

Speedy (They actually mean Kid Flash/Impulse, but nobody corrected them that Speedy is Green Arrow's sidekick)

2016

The Wall ( They figured since Maleficent did mint at the box office, they'd get on that "gritty origin story about a woman" thing with Amanda Waller. In this version Amanda Waller begins as a member of a troubled teen help line called Anti-Suicide Squad, but then she somehow turns it into a paramilitary group)

Lobo (I've put this down at Lobo, but they kept refferung to him as "the guy with the claws" and asking if Hugh Jackman was available.)

"This guy. right?"

Justice League

2017

2Man 2Steel( Tyrese is in the shortlist to play Steel)

Not-Wonder Woman (I don;t know which Superheroine they meant, they kept saying "the other one" and "the really popular one" but every time someone said Wonder Woman they'd say no.)

"I'm pretty sure we've been selling clittoris necklaces on Hot Topic for awhile."

Blue Beetle/Red Tornado (They don't know if this is a good teamup, it was chosen with Dice and crayons.)

2018

Batman's Back (There's no story, just the idea to show Batman from behind in the posters)

Batman's Back in action

Captain Planet ("They've got Captain America, but Captain Planet will be huge overseas.")

Shazam v Sandman: The Revenge of Spider Jerusalem (  They envision it as a huge middle eastern adventure, which they assume would have to involve  Sandman and Spider Jerusalem by default. Spider Jerusalem in this is a huge spider.)

Batman v Santa Clause: Dawn of Jingles (For need of a holiday movie)

2019
Batman: Days of Future Bat (This one is a time traveling crossover betwen Burton Batman and Nolan Batman.)

Wonder Woman (After 2 hours they gave up on guessing who the other really popular heroine they own is.)

Justice League Mortal ("We have to reboot the Justice League franchise sometime, right?)

How you like me now, punks?

So there you go. The truth, only the truth and nothing but  L.I.E.S.! Batzarro: OUT! (Turns into a raven, flies away.

Let's talk about Wonder Woman's body as if it mattered at 4:34 PM

"I wish Hollywood had some tricks to make people look not-as-they-are..."

Wonder Woman is one of the earliest female superheroes, and probably the one most people care about anyway. So going into Batman v Superman : Dawn of Justice, which had her first appearance in live action in decades must be pretty exciting for fans, right?

This is just as pointless as  #bringbackourgirls, except Zack Snyder might actually bring them back.

Oh, you wanna talk about Wonder Woman's body in what's likely to ammount to a cameo in Batman's movie? Fine. I like Wondy's body too.

There's 3 prevailing schools of thought on Wonder Woman's body: Jezebeline, Maximist, and Curvilinears. And none of the people who  profess these styles actually acknoweledge their titles, because I just made them up.

The Jezebelineans would love for Wonder Woman to not-give girls bad body image.  If Diana looks like a model they'll probably complain, even if 90 percent of all female actresses are like that anyway. DC comic heroes are easy to make a stand on while Black Widow rolls around in her  skintight jumpsuit, totally not getting a movie.

For them, there is a Wonder Woman.

For the record I like her movies. She's no Camryn Manheim, though.

They'd probably say I'm exaggerating. I am. But if you're gonna cast Wonder Woman exclusively for the Jezebelian crowd, without any accounting for anything else, this is your stop.

Maximists take this ficticional amazon's ficticional history seriously. "She's an AMAZON! She should have oak stumps for legs and abs that can take a tomahawk missile!"

For them,there is a Wonder Woman.

Don't know.

I mean, Superman and Batman are ripped. Why can't Wonder Woman be super ripped? Huh? Why is it? Is it because that's not nearly the most important thing when it comes to bringing this character to life? Huh? Is it?

The Curvilinears just want to see an accurate depiction of Wonder Woman's breasts. The character's long history has seen many changes in tone and style, but NEVER have her breasts been what we'd consider "small". They plan to be starring at that cleavage for a good amount of time, and they want to make good on that investment. For them, there is a Wonder Woman as well.

Va va va boom!

I guess that makes me a  Curvilinear as well. huh.

But in the end the people at WB chose this chick.

Those are some nice headlights.

There's bound to be a bunch of reasons why she got cast. How much money  she could bring to the movie chief among them. She's not the ideal actress for Wonder Woman we all picture in our head, but that just us. Some of us thought Thomas Jane would make an excellent Shadow the Hedgehog, and some of us thought HHH would make a fine Thor, and some of us thought  Heath Ledger would ruin the Joker forever. In the end we're proven wrong, we like the actor and we move on.

Or the Sonic movie never happens and we start to hate on  Jane over The Mist. Goddamit!

 

In either case, here's some of the questions you should be asking instead: How much screen-time will Wonder Woman actually have? What exactly will be her role in a movie titled Batman v Superman? Will she actually show in costume in the film? Will she use her magic lasso? Her invisible plane? Will we see Themyscira? Will Themyscira be actually a river near Turkey, like in real life?  Why is there not a sequel to the wonderful animated Wonder Woman movie? Why is there no Wonder Woman movie period, and instead we have to settle for her playing  a support role to Batman and Superman? Just asking, man.

Why Wonder Woman can be good and you can like her for it (part 3) Casting at 11:43 PM

It never gets old.

I think casting is a highly important part of a movie. A lot of it isn't even just who you pick, but how they fit with the director, other actors, and material. I guess what I'm saying is, even though I'm about to say who I think would be great in the roles the movie would offer, I'm not saying this is definitive or anything.

So here I go casting WOnder Woman.

Wonder Woman

How the fuck does the Smallville suit look better than the one in the pilot?

Not anyone can just play the character, despite the fact everyone wants to play her. However, there are at least 3 categories I think would make for a Good Wonder Woman.

1) A charismatic actress:
You're gonna need a character to tell the audience with a straight face about her magic Lasso and her purple healing ray. Not every model can do that. In fact, if there was one trend in Superhero movies this year, it's deadpan acting from under performing models hired as love interests. Don't put in Megan Fox just because you'd tap that. I would do Halle Berry, but no way in hell would I watch Catwoman in full.

2)An athletic young body:On the other end of the spectrum, I'm not advocating to put Judy Dench on the suit either. This is an action driven adventure story after all.However, I don't think shee needs to be as particularly endowed as any of the comics versions. Not that that's even possible.

3) Convincingly kickass: Not every girl you put on black leather feels like she can kick ass. She needs to be convincing when putting her frown on.

So who's got it?

Noomi practices her rapeface.

 Noomi Rapace: For one, she's already made a name for herself playing a tough woman in the Millenium series. Sure, looking at her doesn't give you a vibe she's the most beautiful woman ever, and I haven't  looked at her body too much. But since she's go the acting and she's got the toughness, that's  2 out of 3.

Let them roam free!

I'm not fully convinced Hendricks can play  a hammy character like a centuries old Amazon, but ...well, we already discussed it.

Wait, are you  asking me to photoshop you?

Kate Beckinsale already carried an action franchise pretty much all by herself. While the movies themselves are not exactly Oscar material, Kate Beckinsale does pretty well at the role.


Stever Trevor:

Mhay THEEF AR STUCK!

Again, Trevor is  an important character for the audience: He's the one who has to ask questions like: "What is Themiscyra"? "How could an Island like this stay hidden?" or "What do you mean, "slaves?" I recommend:

Michael Angarano

Is he looking at amazons?

He played a pretty convincing Shia Lebouf 5 years ago. I'm sure he could do it again.

Hypolita:

You know, our lead's mom is an important character too. I would go with...

Sigourney Weaver. Sure, this would put the "Eternal youth" part of the story in doubt. But With Sigourney Weaver in there, who cares! Make her young like that creepy scene at the end of Wolverine.

He is the GOD OF WOR!

Ares: Like I said, I prefer the Onslaught look for Ares(Uh, which HE rocked first). I prefer if you're gonna have an evil God, you might as well make him ethereal, rather than a dude. That said, I have to say, my choice would be...

Malcolm McDowell. Now, I don't know this guy from a Clockwork Orange like most of you. I know him from playing Metallo in Superman: The Animated Series. And it was just badass delivery of every line. As a voice for an antagonizing  God behind a helmet, he's just nail it.

Cheetah: As a potential villainess, Cheetah was already high on my list. If I had to cast her, though, it'd  go with Amy Smart for the Priscilla Rich version.

Smart move.

Etta Candy:

Doesn't seem like a "Woo Woo situation to me".

Etta Candy is tricky, because comic relief is usefull, but you don't want it to be too much, or too ridiculous. What we need is to make Etta Candy a character whose's humor isn't rooted on the fact that she's fat, but embolstered by this fact.  Make her, say, a fat woman who is ridiculously confident and just gets into trouble for it, despite her good intentions. Then you can have an ending in which her overconfidence actually pays off. As for the whom...

America Ferrera: Sure, she's not actually fat. Just Hispanic. You know, we're naturally shorter and stockier than anglo-whites most of the times. However, I trust America to do well with the role.

Join Me next time, as I try to put  together a list of do's and don'ts.

Why Wonder Woman can be good and you can like her for it (part 3) Casting at 11:43 PM

It never gets old.

I think casting is a highly important part of a movie. A lot of it isn't even just who you pick, but how they fit with the director, other actors, and material. I guess what I'm saying is, even though I'm about to say who I think would be great in the roles the movie would offer, I'm not saying this is definitive or anything.

So here I go casting WOnder Woman.

Wonder Woman

How the fuck does the Smallville suit look better than the one in the pilot?

Not anyone can just play the character, despite the fact everyone wants to play her. However, there are at least 3 categories I think would make for a Good Wonder Woman.

1) A charismatic actress:
You're gonna need a character to tell the audience with a straight face about her magic Lasso and her purple healing ray. Not every model can do that. In fact, if there was one trend in Superhero movies this year, it's deadpan acting from under performing models hired as love interests. Don't put in Megan Fox just because you'd tap that. I would do Halle Berry, but no way in hell would I watch Catwoman in full.

2)An athletic young body:On the other end of the spectrum, I'm not advocating to put Judy Dench on the suit either. This is an action driven adventure story after all.However, I don't think shee needs to be as particularly endowed as any of the comics versions. Not that that's even possible.

3) Convincingly kickass: Not every girl you put on black leather feels like she can kick ass. She needs to be convincing when putting her frown on.

So who's got it?

Noomi practices her rapeface.

 Noomi Rapace: For one, she's already made a name for herself playing a tough woman in the Millenium series. Sure, looking at her doesn't give you a vibe she's the most beautiful woman ever, and I haven't  looked at her body too much. But since she's go the acting and she's got the toughness, that's  2 out of 3.

Let them roam free!

I'm not fully convinced Hendricks can play  a hammy character like a centuries old Amazon, but ...well, we already discussed it.

Wait, are you  asking me to photoshop you?

Kate Beckinsale already carried an action franchise pretty much all by herself. While the movies themselves are not exactly Oscar material, Kate Beckinsale does pretty well at the role.


Stever Trevor:

Mhay THEEF AR STUCK!

Why Wonder Woman can can be good and you can like her for it part 2! A call to villainy! at 9:31 PM

Prepare for Trouble!

Another common complaint is that Wonder Woman's enemies are lame and therefore she has nothing to go on in an adaptation. Which is a bit of a peeve for me.

Look, not every property out there getting adapted is full of iconic, fully fledged villains. Hell, some of the stuff adapted in the form of rogue vectors, or seditious pixels. While that's an extreme, you'lll notice those things do not stop those things from getting adapted. My opinion is, if you're adapting something stupid, you have nowhere to go but up. It's YOUR job to make it work.

So if Wonder Woman's enemies are laughable because one of them is a racist caricature slapped on a giant egg, and that's the villain you have to go with for some reason, you still should make the material engaging through writing, acting, directing, etc.

So I will put forth  Wonder Woman's villains and explain how they could be used in the movie. I'm giving this to you for free, W.B., because I'm charitable when it comes to things crawling out of my head.

But, that's your leg-stump! That hurts!

The Cheetah:
There are 4 versions of the Cheetah. Rich Bitch. Nephew of Rich Bitch. Furry bitch. And Furry dude bitch.
While The Cheetah is Wonder Woman's most iconic villain, having a villain who is essentially all physical threat is troubling when your heroine is mostly a powerhouse.  If given the choice, I would go with Priscilla Rich, the first Cheetah: A woman of wealth suffering from double identity issues.  You can play an aspect of the story where she's Wonder Woman's friend sincerely, but the other side of her, the darker side, hates her. The Cheetah is secretly orchestrating the events of the movie behind the scenes, but Priscilla Rich is Wonder Woman or Diana's personal friend. And it all comes to a head  in the climax where Wonder Woman learns her friend all along was the bad guy.

I'm like a bird: I always fly away!

The Silver Swan: There have been 3 Silver Swans, though sadly only 1 Blue Snowman. The least stupid ones, are women who are offered a chance at not being ugly in exchange for killing Wonder Woman, adopting the persona of Silver Swan, who can  fly and shoot hurtfull music like Limp Bizkit strapped to a jetplane.

Swan would be visually cool, especially if Wonder Woman is the flightier, stronger type.

That armor is metal, and I don't mean the alloy it's made of.

Ares: Ares the God of War...hmm...On one hand, i already explained how much I didn't want  it to become a Greek Mythology movie with Wonder Woman in it. On the other hand, Ares presents something interesting that actually ties in with one of the important themes of the character: Wonder Woman is on a mission of bringing peace to the world. However she is essentially a warrior, and must engage in violence at a moments notice. Ares is the God of War, and he grows stronger the more furious and angry people in the world are. It would probably lend itself to an interesting ending, where you have to defeat the villain, but the angrier you are, the stronger he is, and our heroine has to pull a  "clear your mind" moment.

Grooooow, MY MONSTER, GROOOOW

Giganta: I don't know what Giganta is up to this days (actually, I do and it's stupid), but Giganta, a woman who can gro the size of a building, seems a bit like a physical only threat. But, boy oh, boy, what a threat that is. As much as I get angry at the idea of a whole film being given to Doomsday, I could see it being given to Giganta, because at least you gotta wonder how Wonder Woman will get out of it.

Is she really disfigured if she has no figure anymore?

Dr Cyber: Dr Cyber seems custom made to be a top villainess: Scary yellow Dr Doomish Mask, cloak and cape, big criminal organization with countless goons to punch, and plenty of technobabble.  You get an actress with graavitas to voice, and it sells itself,really.

Veronica Cale: No. NO! Yeah, I know, you like it because you don't have to put money into creativity of creating costumes and amazing special effects. Just Lex Luthor with a vagina. Fuck that. Fuck it! Put villains in this, this shit isn't Catwoman! You want people to like it, don't put villains that are just people.

Bullshit. I see at least TWO sissies!

Villany Inc: While you would have to go against my previous suggestion of an origin story, starting with Villainy Inc, a Legion of Doom solely devoted to taking Wonder Woman down a peg, is, would allow you to use all those villains that aren't good enough to have the movie for themselves. Maybe you have a leader, who is like, the actual antagonist, and the others are sort of less important.All you need to know is The Blue Snowman, CyborgGirl, and others such hate Wonder Woman and want to take her down, while the leader is playing them all for chumpstresses.

The problem is, if you jump in  at a point of the story where a Super villain team up makes sense, you are already selling a superhero world to the audience. Again, why I suggested to start at the beginning. Then again, I also suggested making an Anime.


These are just the ones I think potential. Like I said, maybe you can put a shitload of characterization on Eviless and make her like, really cool.

(Part 1)