Scolding Review: Run, Wonder Princess AKA Korean Bootleg Wonder Woman Part 1 at 3:38 PM

Your move, DC.

We've all seen them. Weird bootleg foreign movies that don't quite seem to understand their source material.  Movies where Spider-man is the bad guy and where Superman and Spider-Woman do a dance off and get married.

How cooky, right? You know what's not cooky? When the source material is so untouched that the bootleg becomes the second best attempt at the material. When you're like, shit, I wish this would become public domain, so we could have a proper take on this.

Enter South Korea. Still somewhat bitter about the old war wounds of the Korean war, and the older yet war wounds with Japan, the country had, nonetheless, begun to develop an up and coming animation industry that has only grown since the 70's . With the caveat that there was a nation wide ban on foreign animation. But bureaocrats and war resentment don't always beat the desire for a good story, so Bootleg animation outfits rose up, taking the Japanese and American forbidden fruit, tracing around it to create...weird things. Things where robots from Mazinger and Batman could show up at any time, without any rhyme and reason, to tell a story that had jack shit to do with either.

So, this all culminated in  1978's  Run Wonder Princess, a pretty blatant bootleg Wonder Woman movie. And, if you don't have the patience to watch the whole thing here, I'mma tell you all about it, sort of.

You see, my Korean is a bit...nothing. So I'm going to be guestimating a lot of the movie until somebody puts some subtitles on it or something. If you're a Korean and want to send me the complete, proofread script for this movie, contact me in the comments, because I think this deserves a fan dub. In the meantime, I'll have to survive on pop culture refference rations.

So our adventure starts out in space, where hot dog spaceships battle a golden UFO. The UFO pretty adeptly kills the shit out of all the Hot Dogs. Then Wondy jumps down from her UFO and the credits start.

Rotisserie FIYA!

Now, don't be mistaken and think the similarities between Wonder Princess and "traditional" Wondy end at the costume. From the intro we see her both do a Linda Carter twirl AND deflect some bullets with her bracelets.

And now cut to Korean Cape Canaveral, where an old guy in a goatie and a subhuman child with a baby panda are helping shoot Korean Steve  Trevor into space. The exact relationship regarding Steve, Old Man and Kid I can't tell exactly. They might be father, grandfather and son, or maybe the kid isn't related to either of them. I can't really tell.  Either way, they successfully launch Steve into Space.

I told them "cover the brows, not the mouth."

But on the ground, Doctor Willy is plotting against them, and shoots the space ship down  with a couple of missiles. Okay, look, the...Doctor Willy might be based on some anime guy I don't know, which might very well also be the base for this guy.  I feel something like that could be in the works. Drop me a line, if so. Meanwhile, let's settle on how this guy...

Well, I was young and needed the trouncing...

...looks like Dr Willy, okay? Okay. Everyone is sad that Dr Willy  apparently killed  Steve Trevor in space(whoa, I think I hear Fan-fiction.net calling), and he even gloats about it, but Steve isn't quite dead, as his ship managed to survive, but he's also pulling a Sandra Bullock and running slowly out of life. But lucky him, he gets rescued by Wondy in her Super Visible Flying saucer.

Both get to Earth with Wondy already donning  the secret identy Diana Prince Stuff.  So they head toward's grampa's home. There, Steve scares the hell out of the little boy, and also hugs the old man. So maybe he IS family with him, I guess.

And there's a huge ass parade and everything, and nobody wonders why this man who was shot with missiles in space is always hanging with an unidentified lady in military uniform.It's not until  a toast with some higher ups that Steven tells ALL about it.

You see, after he almost died, he was taken to an alien planet, and fell in love with the princess of that planet, who totally isn't this nerdy, zero background having chick he always hangs out with now. They enjoyed lavish feasts and rode on giant chickens.  But then he missed home, which I sincerely hope isn't that big fucking planet  right visible from the alien world.

I have seen things you wouldn't believe...

And so, he's back, from outer space. And there is much rejoicing. Except for DR Willy, who is livid. So he calls for a new plan, involving the kidnapping of Grampa Trevor and Steve by the Hard Hats an 80's gimmicky band that never attacks without first shining a light on their opponent.

IT'S THE POWER COMPANY! Your actual power spending was low...but the surcharges will more than make up for it! Nyahahahahahahaaaa!

So they take them on their wagon, but Wonder Woman takes notice, and transforms. She chases the wagon, and gets in front of it and stops it.  I could swear the whole thing is straight ripped from the Lynda Carter series, too. So they get out of their van, remove their vision obscuring helmets, and  prepare to fight.  They do a couple of things, including  Wondy crushing a knife with her own  hands, and the rest of the fights is merely implied, with Grampa   Trevor pointing towards it and  just the sounds of the fight. Hey, some people thought it was genius when Godzilla did it last year.

Eventually the guys get scared and run away, presumably to move in with their aunt and uncle in Bel Air. She runs away before the authorities figure her out.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, the panda catches Wondy changing back into Diana Prince. But, Wonder Woman speaks to the creature's mind, and it speaks to her. Don't laugh, that's actually a canon Wonder Woman power, and as I doubt it was ever expressed on the Linda Carter Series a lot, it leads me to believe this guys where True Fans.

Meanwhile, Willy is abusing Willy JR over the failiure of the Hard Hats. But then he announces that it's the perfect opportunity to launch  THE HIT SQUAD. The Hit Squad is 3 guys who are apparently martial artists and also at some point shot up the town, on their sweet, sweet convertible.

"Shouldn't one of us be driving?" "Nobody likes a backseat shooter, Ben!" "Is this even the backseat, what the hell?"

Anyway, they died trying to escape jail, and then Willy I guess cloned them into robots somehow. Err, did we really need the whole background to this? Not that they used any animation for it but it seems kind of unnecessary background to what are otherwise pretty generic goons.

But don't be mistaken, pretty TOUGH generic goons. You see, Steve and his  Grampy are riding on their motorcade, and guess how the cyberman shows up. Guess. Come on, try.

Surprise, motherfuckers!

No, you didn't expect that, did you. You didn't expect the bad guy to come out of the floor of the car like it's made of cardboard. You can't expect that, no one can. Eyepatch here  kidnaps them both, threatening them AND the driver with a  stick, forcing them to take a detour to the beach. ANd holding it up to their  necks.This is when it the movie starts getting really crazy, in a good way.

Wondy, without anyone telling her in any way, knows about this and just heads there to battle. And this is where we realize the scream  isn't a fluke.

You see, during her first trasformation, Wonder Woman let out a yell, which was a bit disconcerting. It was like a grandmother over dramatizing a screeching vehicle. It was like a baby horse stuck in a baby carrier. It was like Gruntilda getting to orgasm. And I let it by.

I let it by. I did not mention it.  However, now I mention it because she's going to do that yell 20 more times in the movie. Every action she takes will be accompanied by that sound. And you may find it annoying.

"Yee"

Kano tries his best to hit Wondy with the stick, but when that fails, he tries shooting her with the stick. Yes, it's a stick that shoots, so what? He then splits it in two and has two knives. Where do they sell this thing, I want one!

Then a chopper tries to kill her with missiles, but she throws the knife-sticks at it and destroys it! It's the greatest thing in the world! And then, just when you think it's gonna breath from all this high concept insanity, a giant mechanical sea dragon comes out of the sea and chases a flying Wonder Woman, gassing  her unconcious in mid air. And even in that she's like "YIEEEEeeeeeh...uh."

I need a break, guys. I'mma split this one in two. OK? Too much awesome! YIEEEEEE!

Lost to the Internet: "That European girl was huge" at 3:20 PM

The faking of the lunar landing was cooler than we thought.

At one time, Anime was "exotic".  Different from all the western animation we grew up with, and with enough Boobs and blood in it for the boys to consider past the age of great changing(AKA "Puberty"). But over time, with our internet connections expanding actual access, and we all having a DA account, many are burnt out on the style and consider it a cliche already.

I guess this  applies to me a bit as well. Anime that my cousin  rented such as Vampire Hunter D made me thirst for more, and while my finances whern't on a "import some" level, I did rent certain one's like Ayane's  High Kick and Hyper Speed Grandall and Ninja Scroll. Anything that promised bare female pectorals, really.

That'll do, Hyper Speed Grandall. That'll do.

Once I aquired Direct TV and access to Animax, I did get enough of a look at Anime to realize it wasn't all nipslips and showers scenes. While that was a massive disappointment,  I did develop a love for various series.  And one of those was Ran: The Samurai Girl.

 Better known as "Carried by the Wind", it followed a Sake addicted drifter swords-woman named Ran, and her partner and...enabler, Meow as they drifted from one side of old Japan in search for drinks and money to pay them.

Not surprised It's not exactly as known as Rorouni Kenshin or Hetalia. Not as much spank material or brooding, broody broodsters with long hair. What I'm surprised at , though, is that in a time where the word "weaboo" is used, no one remembers an Anime once made fun of Otaku.

So let's talk about Episode 10: "That European Girl was Huge".

A European girl, minus hugeness.

As the episode starts, our heroines are watching a a sideshow act with an elephant. An animal foreign to Japan, this amuses and surprises the more stoic Ran, while Meow seems unimpressed. When the show ends several merchants selling what I think is elephant themed junk food show up. Ran snaps them up, using Meow's money.

But a fight erupts and our heroines rush to see what the deal is. Apparently a giant European woman is picking up a fight with  a thuggish swordsman who pushed an old lady.

Marzgurl, let the guy alone and go back to reviewing Land before Time sequels...

Now, this isn't just some foreigner who looks tall because she's a westerner in an anime.  This is truly the spawn of the gods because when no one helps the old lady, she yanks the woodden support right out of a building and proceeds to beat the hell out of everyone for not being proper samurai.

Tutorials getting worse, or what?

A quick elbow to the gut by Ran, though, and she falls down like a bag of potatoes. Ran and Meow take her in, and when she wakes up she reveals her name is Stefanie(they will not call her this because it's too hard) and that she came to Japan with her businessman father, and that she's learned all about Japan. Well, almost all.

And they are all called either Suzuki San...Sato san, or Tanaka San!

So in her skewed view, Ran is a Samurai, and then she can train her. Ran wants nothing to do with it and neither does Meow, so they run away from her, but Meows bag full of food breaks, leaving a trail for Stefanie to follow. Stefanie, of course, thinks Meow is a ninja, because she left a trail. When Meow points out her outfit is not of a ninja, Meow comes to the natural conclusion.

Also, you can turn into Kamen Rider! And tentacle-rape girls!

Unable to defeat the barriers of culture and naivete that keep  Stefanie enchanted with becoming a Samurai, Ran gives her a letter that is supposed to make her finally a Samurai when delivered, but is actually a note to the police so that they arrest the confused foreigner. And go away she does,only to later  help a group of Yakuza opposed the Yakuza Meow and Ran  where hired to help.  Then shit gets real.

We need  fresh Samurai! Check the expiration date this time!

Stefanie obliterates both sides of the battle using what I assume is the same column from before and demands a duel to the death with Ran, since she has surpassed the "master" and apparently Samurai are Sith. A fight ensues, and let me point out that in an unusual twist on the  whole slow giant vs nimble sword warrior idea, Stefanie kind of kicks Ran's ass. Meow tries to intervene(but not using her fighting skills. (Should have pointed out earlier she's a kung fu type fighter,I think) and tells  Stefanie this isn't the Way of the warrior, but Stefanie isn't falling for no Ninja shit!

In the end, Ran defeats her by fighting dirty, including what I assume is a callback to that fight from the Princess Bride with a super choke hold. But more than that, I think she was taken down by the deconstruction of her idealized version of Japan.

I don't care if it's a swordfight; sweep the fucking leg and shoot them!

In the end, our heroines convince the foreigner to go home for their own economic and financial well being and she agrees to.

Hulk saaaad...

She agrees to go back to her country and train even harder to become a Samurai using ridiculously inaccurate literature.

I for one, think the internet need to look more at this episode more. For one, in our age of  where whole sites are dedicated to whitewashing of anime adaptations, it tells  kind of a bizarro The Last Samurai, where no, you CAN"T belong to a nation because you spent a winter there. You CAN'T get it in a montage. I can tell you stories of foreigners who. after many years did become Puerto Rican, but it's not as easy as the movies show. And finally...it's a blond, freckled giantess in a Kimono. How many fetishes more does it need to become rule 34? Get on it, Internet!

Lost to the Internet: "That European girl was huge" at 3:20 PM

The faking of the lunar landing was cooler than we thought.

At one time, Anime was "exotic".  Different from all the western animation we grew up with, and with enough Boobs and blood in it for the boys to consider past the age of great changing(AKA "Puberty"). But over time, with our internet connections expanding actual access, and we all having a DA account, many are burnt out on the style and consider it a cliche already.

I guess this  applies to me a bit as well. Anime that my cousin  rented such as Vampire Hunter D made me thirst for more, and while my finances whern't on a "import some" level, I did rent certain one's like Ayane's  High Kick and Hyper Speed Grandall and Ninja Scroll. Anything that promised bare female pectorals, really.

That'll do, Hyper Speed Grandall. That'll do.

Once I aquired Direct TV and access to Animax, I did get enough of a look at Anime to realize it wasn't all nipslips and showers scenes. While that was a massive disappointment,  I did develop a love for various series.  And one of those was Ran: The Samurai Girl.

 Better known as "Carried by the Wind", it followed a Sake addicted drifter swords-woman named Ran, and her partner and...enabler, Meow as they drifted from one side of old Japan in search for drinks and money to pay them.

Not surprised It's not exactly as known as Rorouni Kenshin or Hetalia. Not as much spank material or brooding, broody broodsters with long hair. What I'm surprised at , though, is that in a time where the word "weaboo" is used, no one remembers an Anime once made fun of Otaku.

So let's talk about Episode 10: "That European Girl was Huge".

A European girl, minus hugeness.

As the episode starts, our heroines are watching a a sideshow act with an elephant. An animal foreign to Japan, this amuses and surprises the more stoic Ran, while Meow seems unimpressed. When the show ends several merchants selling what I think is elephant themed junk food show up. Ran snaps them up, using Meow's money.

But a fight erupts and our heroines rush to see what the deal is. Apparently a giant European woman is picking up a fight with  a thuggish swordsman who pushed an old lady.

Marzgurl, let the guy alone and go back to reviewing Land before Time sequels...