Did you wake up one day and wonder..?


"I'm not saying he's a greedy  asshole because he's Jewish, you guys. Duh! He's a greedy asshole who happens to be extemely Jewish! You racists!"


...If Foreskin man had a theme? Because the answer is aparently yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bww5S5e3D_4

And it's sung by none other than Vulva Girl.

Sometimes...I wish the weather would change just for me. But I have to recognize I am neither in control of the weather nor the only one who needs it. But hearing the ridiculous proto disco tunes of  this song, as the singstress declares the most serious issue of how circumscicion affecting her enjoyment of sex with a person for whom she will obviously have to wait for if he's getting  that done just now, that I realize sometimes it stop raining just for me.

Thank you , Lord.

Did you wake up one day and wonder..?


"I'm not saying he's a greedy  asshole because he's Jewish, you guys. Duh! He's a greedy asshole who happens to be extemely Jewish! You racists!"


...If Foreskin man had a theme? Because the answer is aparently yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bww5S5e3D_4

And it's sung by none other than Vulva Girl.

Sometimes...I wish the weather would change just for me. But I have to recognize I am neither in control of the weather nor the only one who needs it. But hearing the ridiculous proto disco tunes of  this song, as the singstress declares the most serious issue of how circumscicion affecting her enjoyment of sex with a person for whom she will obviously have to wait for if he's getting  that done just now, that I realize sometimes it stop raining just for me.

Thank you , Lord.

Leaked in Early Secrets- Marvel's Dark, Tall, TALL new villain



We are so fuckin' spoiled these days...


Who didn't enjoy Marvel's Avengers movie? I'll tell you: that stupid crazy guy my brother gat paid to haul around. He's always asking if Ron Jeremy is in the Avengers. Dude, get help!

But that aside, everyone liked it, it made industrials amount of money before we even touch merchandising, and all is well in Marvel Land. Except for the books, those aren't selling.
Pachinko Wolverine is still not happy, though.

But you did not come to hear what you know, but Leaked in Early Secrets (my doctor said I should shorten it to L.I.E.S. so I don't get carpal tunnel syndrom. I don't remember if she said it while I did her and her sexy nurse at the same time, or after.) And so, get ready to hear the real, nonest for real future truth about the Marvel Universe.

If Fox doesn't start filming Daredevil anything by October 10, the rights to Daredevil return to Marvel, where  unless marvel stops making money and they sell it, it shall stay until the mountains wither and the rivers stop. And so, Marvel is already eyeing  the juicy, fruitful Daredevil fanchise for a future movie, right?

Oh, no! Marvel already has all the movies it needs set up to come out in the next few years. And let's face it, If Marvel wanted a street level hero, they've plenty of choice.

No the real sweet part of the deal is bringing back from the diaspora Daredevil's supporting cast. Guys like Kingpin, Bullseye The Hand, Elektra, and other's such have great applications within the movies and stories Marvel is already doing. So where am I going, exactly?
Jennifer Garner is cool, but crude, and Ben Affle-eck, is a party dude!

Well, I tilted my antenna just north of south(I'm bein litterall, I have antenna on my head), and I hear from my sources that whatever preliminary story work on Avengers 2 is being reworked to this new possibility. Thanos is being relegated to the Guardians of the Galaxy, and instead, the main badguy for Avengers is set to be the BIGGEST THREAT OF ALL! A REAL TALL ORDER OF A NASTY! THE ONE WHO LOOKS DOWN ON ALL THE HEROES! STILT-MAN!



Coming this Fall...

Wilbur Day, is a scientists assistant, who steals the invention and uses it to steal even more as the Stiltman, having incredible heights, enhanced durability, and affecting the probablity field of carnivals to make them less boring.

At the end of Captain America 2 they already have a teaser planned out, where Bucky, Cap and The Falcon are enjoying themselves at a circus, when they sort of look up and the ominous shadow of the Stiltman looms over them. There's gonna be a scene in Ironman where Tony Stark is making out with Pepper Potts in the 5th Floor of a hotel, and  STILT-MAN'S HEAD CAN BE SEEN PASSING BY THE WINDOW, UNCONCERNED!

Course, at the end of Avengers 2 Stilt-man calls into a Helicarrier's Intake and explodes, and we see his  funeral, we get a glimpse of his wife, and the following exchange ensues:


Maria Hill: Excuse me, lady? 

Glenda Day: "Lady?"

Maria Hill: We have questions about your husband, Stilt-man.

Glenda Wise: My husband's name was Wilbur day.

Maria Hill: He killed Black Panther and died a monster, lady. He was a monster.

Glenda Day: And I was his wife.  Ms Stilt-Man. Lady Stilt-man!


Wowser! Are yo excited, cuz I'm excited! It's unbelievable.  I mean, hardly believable at all. So great! And so, remember: I cannot tell a lie, but I can tell  many L.I.E.S.! Batzarro AWAY!






Leaked in Early Secrets- Marvel's Dark, Tall, TALL new villain



We are so fuckin' spoiled these days...


Who didn't enjoy Marvel's Avengers movie? I'll tell you: that stupid crazy guy my brother gat paid to haul around. He's always asking if Ron Jeremy is in the Avengers. Dude, get help!

But that aside, everyone liked it, it made industrials amount of money before we even touch merchandising, and all is well in Marvel Land. Except for the books, those aren't selling.
Pachinko Wolverine is still not happy, though.

But you did not come to hear what you know, but Leaked in Early Secrets (my doctor said I should shorten it to L.I.E.S. so I don't get carpal tunnel syndrom. I don't remember if she said it while I did her and her sexy nurse at the same time, or after.) And so, get ready to hear the real, nonest for real future truth about the Marvel Universe.

If Fox doesn't start filming Daredevil anything by October 10, the rights to Daredevil return to Marvel, where  unless marvel stops making money and they sell it, it shall stay until the mountains wither and the rivers stop. And so, Marvel is already eyeing  the juicy, fruitful Daredevil fanchise for a future movie, right?

Oh, no! Marvel already has all the movies it needs set up to come out in the next few years. And let's face it, If Marvel wanted a street level hero, they've plenty of choice.

No the real sweet part of the deal is bringing back from the diaspora Daredevil's supporting cast. Guys like Kingpin, Bullseye The Hand, Elektra, and other's such have great applications within the movies and stories Marvel is already doing. So where am I going, exactly?
Jennifer Garner is cool, but crude, and Ben Affle-eck, is a party dude!

Well, I tilted my antenna just north of south(I'm bein litterall, I have antenna on my head), and I hear from my sources that whatever preliminary story work on Avengers 2 is being reworked to this new possibility. Thanos is being relegated to the Guardians of the Galaxy, and instead, the main badguy for Avengers is set to be the BIGGEST THREAT OF ALL! A REAL TALL ORDER OF A NASTY! THE ONE WHO LOOKS DOWN ON ALL THE HEROES! STILT-MAN!

Personal Challenge:A Fat Superheroine

In the next scene she splits a car apart with her fists.


The universe is made of forces clashing. Particles impacting each other,  gravity denying force, survival of the fittest. So too is Democracy.

Whoa, that was a good opener, huh? It makes what I'm about to write seem deeper. Recently some controversy has spilled over, in  the form of this one person tried to get people to hire her as an artist. And then somebody said that her Batwoman looks fat is the short story. I'll let myself steal the image under the veil of context. Sorry.
She must be one of those rap-guys' girlfriends...
I have many opinions on this, in particular. Is Batwoman supposed to be hot? I thought she was supposed to be some kind of Lesbian-ey Lesbian from planet Lesbian. I'm not saying I don't think lesbians aren't hot, just that that isn't the point of the character.

But moving beyond the picture, this has again sparked the debate of depictions of women in the media, particularly comics. I don't know how much I can say about that that hasn't been said, except lately I can't even be bothered to pirate comics.

I think we could have some Superheroeines that aren't extremely geared toward idealistic beauty. Could doesn't mean it'd be successfull, or that people could take to it, but there isn't really  a reason why it can't happen. Then a contest opened up in Deviant Art about the subject of creating  a fat Super Heroine.
In this post, I announce my intention to win the contest(against my own advise), as well the general process in which I  will.

I myself could not defend myself from accusations of being sexist. I Play Strip Fighter IV. FOR FUN. But I also think, much like King David(Or was it Solomon?) there is a time for everything. But never let it be said I don't take challenges seriously. So here is my process.

1)My Superhero has to have more than going for her than being fat.
Feel Empowered yet?


You know, I already made a fat Superheroine, the steel armored Girl-Ephant in my critically acllaimed(hey, one guy liked it!) Celemutant #1. I am not a stranger to reusing my thoughts of the past, but I will do a new one because I am just that awesome. Also, they don't want fat themed  Heroines.

But the point it, If you wanted this to be a character people would willingly give money to(and by definition, to you) it needs something more than being Superman, but a woman and also fat. The market for Superman-But-X is closed, okay?

Your superhero needs to be interesting in and of herself. And well...

2) You can't make the central theme being fat.
Uwe Boll is getting an Oscar someday.

You see, if you're going for the sort of people who read "The Mary Sue" and get outraged at something like this, you can't really make the character's central problem that she's fat.

See, the way I see It, Black people don't want a hero who is getting constantly discriminated by everyone and Gay people probably don't want their heroes to be constantly stopped from getting married and adopting kids, so fat people probably don't want a fat heroine who is constantly obsessed with her girth. If you push too much in that direction, you get into a "Helen Degeneres" effect where neither the  afflicted party and  those that aren't all feel it is too much.

And beside, such a theme can probably not hold interest for very long. Sure the character must deal with it from time to time, like Peter Parker dealt with guilt and being poor. But it can't become a somber study of life as a fat girl, especially since because I am a Man, I do not trust myself with such a topic.

3)The character needs to be visually interesting
For something!

 I cannot emphasize this enough. Comics are a visual medium. Your character(that you pretend sells comics) needs to look good and capture the imagination of the reader, probably while selling whatever gimmick you character has. There is some sort of a color code to character personalities, although it doesn't always follow an exact pattern.

Blue is serious characters, like Superman and Cyclopse and Captain America.

Red and other bright colors are for wilder personalities, like Deadpool, Flash and SPider-Man.

Black and gray is for grimmer, darker characters, such as Spawn, Batman, and Raven.

Normally, we could take some shortcuts by making the character visually attractive. But since we're circumventing convention, our design needs to be at it's strongest. The design needs to sell the idea quickly, lest peoples eyes dart over to whatever whackiness is going on in X-Men(OMG Xavier has WOLVERINE CLAWS NOW and he's using them to STAB BOLIVAR TRASK IN THE JUNK!) or Catwoman (OMG CATWOMAN IS HAVING SEX WITH THOSE CATS AND BATMAN IS CRYING ABOUT IT!) and forget about you. You're gotta have a clear, strong hook, and need to sell it quickly and strongly.

4)Your character needs to be explainable
Cannot be summarized in less than 5 sentences.

Your character can be some sort of deconstruction of jungian archetypes present in preclassic litterature and mysticism as juxtaposed by the postmodernist ideals of Generation X. But you can't put that in writting in a comic cover. You gotta cake the pretentiousness in simplism. You need  a fast sell, but a good sell, too. There needs to be some element that's recognizable in there for modern audiences. If you can make people think of Harry Potter, or Jason Statham by glancing at the cover quickly, you're already won their attention, which is what you want. Now, I'm not saying your character needs to be a rip-off of The Last Airbender to win. Just that, if your character gives the impression "Like a  mix between The Last Air Bender and  300 with some Battlestar Galactica thrown in", the character is more likely to gain adherents, who will think it's somewhat original since they've never seen all those elements together(or if they have, not like yours).

Since your character is new, you don't have to tie it down to any pre-existing franchise and you can therefore create your own mythology, your own world. But remember, that the audience DOESN'T  know what's in your head, and has to be guided into the world. You lay the rules out to them, and never assume they know what the hell is going on. They don't.

But most of all, you can't JUST think of your character. You gotta give it a little backstory, maybe a  quick supporting cast. You may not use all of it or may change it. Or maybe neither. Bottom line is, no character operates on a vacuum. Fat or no fat, your character needs setting to execute her amazing adventures in. Otherwise, what's the point?

So I'm somewhat ahead in my creation and hopefully I'll get some scanner soon and show you my work. Stay tuned!

Personal Challenge:A Fat Superheroine

In the next scene she splits a car apart with her fists.


The universe is made of forces clashing. Particles impacting each other,  gravity denying force, survival of the fittest. So too is Democracy.

Whoa, that was a good opener, huh? It makes what I'm about to write seem deeper. Recently some controversy has spilled over, in  the form of this one person tried to get people to hire her as an artist. And then somebody said that her Batwoman looks fat is the short story. I'll let myself steal the image under the veil of context. Sorry.
She must be one of those rap-guys' girlfriends...
I have many opinions on this, in particular. Is Batwoman supposed to be hot? I thought she was supposed to be some kind of Lesbian-ey Lesbian from planet Lesbian. I'm not saying I don't think lesbians aren't hot, just that that isn't the point of the character.

But moving beyond the picture, this has again sparked the debate of depictions of women in the media, particularly comics. I don't know how much I can say about that that hasn't been said, except lately I can't even be bothered to pirate comics.

I think we could have some Superheroeines that aren't extremely geared toward idealistic beauty. Could doesn't mean it'd be successfull, or that people could take to it, but there isn't really  a reason why it can't happen. Then a contest opened up in Deviant Art about the subject of creating  a fat Super Heroine.
In this post, I announce my intention to win the contest(against my own advise), as well the general process in which I  will.

I myself could not defend myself from accusations of being sexist. I Play Strip Fighter IV. FOR FUN. But I also think, much like King David(Or was it Solomon?) there is a time for everything. But never let it be said I don't take challenges seriously. So here is my process.

1)My Superhero has to have more than going for her than being fat.
Feel Empowered yet?


You know, I already made a fat Superheroine, the steel armored Girl-Ephant in my critically acllaimed(hey, one guy liked it!) Celemutant #1. I am not a stranger to reusing my thoughts of the past, but I will do a new one because I am just that awesome. Also, they don't want fat themed  Heroines.

But the point it, If you wanted this to be a character people would willingly give money to(and by definition, to you) it needs something more than being Superman, but a woman and also fat. The market for Superman-But-X is closed, okay?

Your superhero needs to be interesting in and of herself. And well...

2) You can't make the central theme being fat.
Uwe Boll is getting an Oscar someday.

You see, if you're going for the sort of people who read "The Mary Sue" and get outraged at something like this, you can't really make the character's central problem that she's fat.

See, the way I see It, Black people don't want a hero who is getting constantly discriminated by everyone and Gay people probably don't want their heroes to be constantly stopped from getting married and adopting kids, so fat people probably don't want a fat heroine who is constantly obsessed with her girth. If you push too much in that direction, you get into a "Helen Degeneres" effect where neither the  afflicted party and  those that aren't all feel it is too much.

And beside, such a theme can probably not hold interest for very long. Sure the character must deal with it from time to time, like Peter Parker dealt with guilt and being poor. But it can't become a somber study of life as a fat girl, especially since because I am a Man, I do not trust myself with such a topic.

3)The character needs to be visually interesting
For something!

 I cannot emphasize this enough. Comics are a visual medium. Your character(that you pretend sells comics) needs to look good and capture the imagination of the reader, probably while selling whatever gimmick you character has. There is some sort of a color code to character personalities, although it doesn't always follow an exact pattern.

Blue is serious characters, like Superman and Cyclopse and Captain America.

Red and other bright colors are for wilder personalities, like Deadpool, Flash and SPider-Man.

Black and gray is for grimmer, darker characters, such as Spawn, Batman, and Raven.

Normally, we could take some shortcuts by making the character visually attractive. But since we're circumventing convention, our design needs to be at it's strongest. The design needs to sell the idea quickly, lest peoples eyes dart over to whatever whackiness is going on in X-Men(OMG Xavier has WOLVERINE CLAWS NOW and he's using them to STAB BOLIVAR TRASK IN THE JUNK!) or Catwoman (OMG CATWOMAN IS HAVING SEX WITH THOSE CATS AND BATMAN IS CRYING ABOUT IT!) and forget about you. You're gotta have a clear, strong hook, and need to sell it quickly and strongly.

4)Your character needs to be explainable
Cannot be summarized in less than 5 sentences.

Your character can be some sort of deconstruction of jungian archetypes present in preclassic litterature and mysticism as juxtaposed by the postmodernist ideals of Generation X. But you can't put that in writting in a comic cover. You gotta cake the pretentiousness in simplism. You need  a fast sell, but a good sell, too. There needs to be some element that's recognizable in there for modern audiences. If you can make people think of Harry Potter, or Jason Statham by glancing at the cover quickly, you're already won their attention, which is what you want. Now, I'm not saying your character needs to be a rip-off of The Last Airbender to win. Just that, if your character gives the impression "Like a  mix between The Last Air Bender and  300 with some Battlestar Galactica thrown in", the character is more likely to gain adherents, who will think it's somewhat original since they've never seen all those elements together(or if they have, not like yours).

Since your character is new, you don't have to tie it down to any pre-existing franchise and you can therefore create your own mythology, your own world. But remember, that the audience DOESN'T  know what's in your head, and has to be guided into the world. You lay the rules out to them, and never assume they know what the hell is going on. They don't.

But most of all, you can't JUST think of your character. You gotta give it a little backstory, maybe a  quick supporting cast. You may not use all of it or may change it. Or maybe neither. Bottom line is, no character operates on a vacuum. Fat or no fat, your character needs setting to execute her amazing adventures in. Otherwise, what's the point?

So I'm somewhat ahead in my creation and hopefully I'll get some scanner soon and show you my work. Stay tuned!

Don't Fear the Rip-off: Travesty and Roll Out

There is another world.

Under the glitzy, gajillion dollar hollywood super-blockbuster, but over the current of indie documentaries about dying of dyphteria in New Equatorial Guinea, it lies. Tiptoing the line between riding a recognizable product's coat-tales, and just straight up infringing them, knowing full well WB execs don't usually walk into Always 99.

In this world, you get shit like this.

The T-Bots Coloring activity book. Unafraid of any legal proceeding from Hasbro (after all, the concept of shape-shifting androids has already been copied several times without much consequence.)  the distributors burst right in. This is how you do it. Catch the confused step parents right before they can ask which one is Bumblebee.

But you may have some questions, seeing this cover. What exactly is inside? How do they expect kids to know what colors their ravenously plagiarized  characters are? Are there even characters in this? Why don't we let Schoolzone.com fill us in?

Take on the world with “T” Bots Morphing Robots. Give your child a pair of coloring books with a fun techno-twist. They offer a great break from more focused learning activities, plus, perforated, tear-out pages make for on-the-go coloring action and easy-to-display masterpieces


You got all that? This is a break from more focused activities, like eating paste and staring at their own noses. Don't be asking no dumb questions and buy or get out! Also, haha, you already bought it. But if you must know, this is what 55 Cents to 4 bucks get you...
Give me your face! Mine sort of sucks.

I call this guys Bestimus Primo. Presumably the leader of the T-Bots, Bestimus is clearly wondering about where Shia Lebouf  Michael Arangano is gone off to. Say what you will about him having a little Cylon in him, but they sure where commited to ripping of Transformer's motiff of them actually transforming into things, with the details like the wheels intact.(although with no actuall transformation as far as I could see) The could have just gone with some random, Transformer-ish robots and called it a day.

Of course, they gotta have some alternate forms, too. Otherwise it doesn't work.

The turbines are for flying, as penguins are known to do.

Yes! A Robot Penguin. We're clearly skipping right past Beastwars into Transmetals, because Iceborg here would not fool anyone if he apeared at your local zoo, trying to tap dance his way into freedom.

My skimming through the book showed me plenty of pages which uncluded animal forms, including a robot wasp and a robot whale.  Those things have happened, and probably could happen, respectively. But in all honestly, how do you color that? Do you color it off-color, like the kind of bad Waspinator knock off it presumably is? Is the robot whale the color of an actual whale?  

One thing's  for sure: the Tbots has trimmed a lot of the more obvious violence of the original, and instead opted more for characters posing and never doing anything more specific than that. While the parents are probably a little relieved that no one is getting his exaust port blown to pieces, perhaps you need to look at the other cover.

"Only one of my arms is guns...I'm such a failiure..."

"Gunblebee" here isn't to become your pet.  He's coming out of the war explosions with his hand out asking if you're perhaps join him in his dance with death. The T-Bot! It's exactly what meets the eyes!

What are you guys watching?