Rigorous application of logic Episode II at 11:08 AM

 In this new series I will dedicate a whole post to a flawed character, concept or story, as compared to real life.

 The trope of the cop who always gets his man is one we've come to respect, regardless of how
irrealistic it is.You admire begrudgingly admire Tommy Lee Jones for being a hardass in
trying to catch Harrison Ford. "Here's a determined cop who we wish really existed." you might think. But
when filtered through the angle of real life, these characters are flawed.

Like tonight's subject, Javert.

You best bring me two more hoagies\ and 3 large ice cream cones

 

. And you better make it hasty\ or I'll hit you with a phooone!

 

Inspector Javert is a 17th century French Judge Dredd, up to and including declaring himself
the law. Thematically, he represents the kind of impersonal "justice" that Jean Valjean feels
that took him 19 years of his life.He accepts no bargains, no please, and has no mercy. When told that a person stole because a child was starving, is response is "You'll starve again!" When told that a child  will die if he arrests a woman, he quickly declares goes "Tell it to the judge". Javert just don't care.

So naturally, when  a parolee on his care, the aformentioned Jean Val Jean, runs the hell
away, he's on the case. He hunts the guy for 8 years, eventually finding him under a false
identity as the mayor of the town. Long sung story short, he chases the guy across France
for 20 years.When the guy disproves his chief operating theory that "criminals all suck", he
jumps into a river to his death.

Now discuss: Is Javert just the most badass detective ever? I mean, he chased a man for 20
years because he stole a loaf of breeeeead. Sure, he might have earned himself some "false
identity" and "fraud" and "assaulting a officer" along the way, but for the first 8 years,
this was the extent of his crime.

Convict A-B-A-C A-B-B! YOU HAVE UNLOCKED THE BLOOD CODE! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

 

Now, how many criminals do you think Javert was supposed  to actually arrest. How many
parole breakers? How many rapists and thieves and Lindsay Lohan's where there to arrests in
the 17th century? Probably many, right? And here old Javert spends 8 years of his life
investigating  a parolee for a minor infraction.Can you imagine reporting back that you spent damn near a decade looking for some old man who stole some bread once?

However, outside of Public Enemy 24601, Javert just doesn't seem to be very effective. His attempt to  infiltrate the Revolutionaries failed utterly. Upon finding the subject of his obsession, Javert completely failed to stop the old man, like 3 times, even when having the advantage of a weapon. Even more heinously, when Valjean was almost robbed by the real deal criminals, the Thernadiers, he let them go as soon as he realized Valjean had been there. He's litterally letting real criminals go to pursue this dumb chase.

You know, this could be any other movie they're in.

Javert ain't no badass. He's just an ineffective, obsessive nut.

Rigorous application of logic Episode II at 11:08 AM

 In this new series I will dedicate a whole post to a flawed character, concept or story, as compared to real life.

 The trope of the cop who always gets his man is one we've come to respect, regardless of how
irrealistic it is.You admire begrudgingly admire Tommy Lee Jones for being a hardass in
trying to catch Harrison Ford. "Here's a determined cop who we wish really existed." you might think. But
when filtered through the angle of real life, these characters are flawed.

Like tonight's subject, Javert.

You best bring me two more hoagies\ and 3 large ice cream cones

 

. And you better make it hasty\ or I'll hit you with a phooone!

 

Inspector Javert is a 17th century French Judge Dredd, up to and including declaring himself
the law. Thematically, he represents the kind of impersonal "justice" that Jean Valjean feels
that took him 19 years of his life.He accepts no bargains, no please, and has no mercy. When told that a person stole because a child was starving, is response is "You'll starve again!" When told that a child  will die if he arrests a woman, he quickly declares goes "Tell it to the judge". Javert just don't care.

So naturally, when  a parolee on his care, the aformentioned Jean Val Jean, runs the hell
away, he's on the case. He hunts the guy for 8 years, eventually finding him under a false
identity as the mayor of the town. Long sung story short, he chases the guy across France
for 20 years.When the guy disproves his chief operating theory that "criminals all suck", he
jumps into a river to his death.

Now discuss: Is Javert just the most badass detective ever? I mean, he chased a man for 20
years because he stole a loaf of breeeeead. Sure, he might have earned himself some "false
identity" and "fraud" and "assaulting a officer" along the way, but for the first 8 years,
this was the extent of his crime.

Convict A-B-A-C A-B-B! YOU HAVE UNLOCKED THE BLOOD CODE! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

 

Now, how many criminals do you think Javert was supposed  to actually arrest. How many
parole breakers? How many rapists and thieves and Lindsay Lohan's where there to arrests in
the 17th century? Probably many, right? And here old Javert spends 8 years of his life
investigating  a parolee for a minor infraction.Can you imagine reporting back that you spent damn near a decade looking for some old man who stole some bread once?

However, outside of Public Enemy 24601, Javert just doesn't seem to be very effective. His attempt to  infiltrate the Revolutionaries failed utterly. Upon finding the subject of his obsession, Javert completely failed to stop the old man, like 3 times, even when having the advantage of a weapon. Even more heinously, when Valjean was almost robbed by the real deal criminals, the Thernadiers, he let them go as soon as he realized Valjean had been there. He's litterally letting real criminals go to pursue this dumb chase.

You know, this could be any other movie they're in.

Javert ain't no badass. He's just an ineffective, obsessive nut.

The Tim Burton's wife game at 1:19 PM

Wigs are art.

I watched Les Miserables, and want to make a Scolding Review of it but…won’t. Even though there’s plenty to rip on on it, I simply won’t. But something wonderful came up with the movie, and I want to bring it up.

See, when strange, bighaired women came out to egg on Ann Hathaway’s character to sell her teeth(and way to cheat on toothless singing  Ann Hathaway, Hollywood), I jokingly asked my sister if Tim Burton’s wife had shown up when I wasn’t looking. But later in the movie she did show up.

And it got me to thinking…how do these appearances by TBW stack up in terms of associated elements? How Timburtonwifetastical is each of these? That’s how I came up with a system  to measure it. I call it the Tim Burton’s Wife Game.

Each element  is given a mathematical strength factor, meant to be added up to a total amount of points. You COULD play it as a drinking game, but as each of these are  usually all in evidence by the time Johnny Depp is eating her brains, It’d likely be a fast and heavy game of alcohol poisoning.  What are our factors? Let’s see.

Tim Burton directs the movie.

You don’t get much points for this because Tim’s wife is in all of his movies ever since they got hooked up.

Is TBW’s hair an unruly mess?

I thought this was a Tim Burton thing, but it shows up in a lot of her non-nepoticalapearances. And franky if she isn’t   going for the natural “just woke up” look, she’s bald or sporting a crazy hair hat. What’s wrong with just…hair?

Is she really pale?

I know the woman’s got a pasty complexion, it’s just that most of the time instead of playing around it, they go straight to making her more pale or having  highly contrasting black eyeliner.

Is the movie set in the Victorian years?

“Because I brought a whole truck full of corsets and giant black unseemly wigs and I don’t want it to seem  out of place.”

Is her character affably amoral?

I think I’ve only ever seen TBW as a straight up good character in Big Fish, where she was king of thought of as a villain. When she’s not straight up evil(Sleepy Hollow, Terminator Salvation), she’s generally not an aid to the heroes. Either way, she’s usually some kind of awful person but kind of charming enough not to be immediately hateable.

She dies a horrible death.

Perphaps due to her propensity for the other variables, her characters as a rule often die horrible deaths.This is especially true in her husband’s movies, where again, with exceptions like Big Fish, Planet of the Apes and Corpse Bride her characters have to die, and it’s generally nasty ways like  being killed by a vampire, having your neck cut and being dumped down a laundry chute or being kissed by Christopher Walken. Wait, that last one might not be horrible.

It is a musical/has songs.

Regardless of whether she sings, or just sits it out, TBW’s movies tend to gravitate towards theatricality. This means the odds are good this at least has some songs in it.

Let’s apply this on any film she’s in and see how that works. Let’s say…Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation racks a lowly.2 points, on account of small screentime. Surely she died horribly either because of cancer or because of the whole “nuclear war on robots” thing. But if it’s not in the film it doesn’t count.

Let’s go for something a little more recent.

Dark Shadows lost a lot of points by opting to be set in the 70s, and not casting  TBW as a pale flapper or something. It racks up 6 points.

Harry Potter 7-1  suceeds in gaming the system by 6 points as well. Had they not stretch the plot thin, we might have seen TBW thrown  into a magical thrash compactor or whatever it is that happened in the final movie.

The consummate Tim Burton’s wife representation, Old Tim somehow managed to game the system to put his wife as the second-to-third most important character in  musical about Victorian England murderers.  The movie pulls a bingo and wins 15 points, the highest score possible.

But what about Les Miserables?

10. My incapacity to tell what Victorian actually is keeps me from awarding the pts for Victorianism(doesn’t count if it’s in France, right?), but it’s still pretty strong.  I encourage you to use this here blank card and check out how other films in her filmography and see how they compare. And remember that one day she’s gonna get cast in a Transformer film as Black Arachnia, and you’ll remember me, who never once uttered her full name, and throw up a little blessing to my person.

The Tim Burton's wife game at 1:19 PM

Wigs are art.

I watched Les Miserables, and want to make a Scolding Review of it but…won’t. Even though there’s plenty to rip on on it, I simply won’t. But something wonderful came up with the movie, and I want to bring it up.

See, when strange, bighaired women came out to egg on Ann Hathaway’s character to sell her teeth(and way to cheat on toothless singing  Ann Hathaway, Hollywood), I jokingly asked my sister if Tim Burton’s wife had shown up when I wasn’t looking. But later in the movie she did show up.

And it got me to thinking…how do these appearances by TBW stack up in terms of associated elements? How Timburtonwifetastical is each of these? That’s how I came up with a system  to measure it. I call it the Tim Burton’s Wife Game.

Each element  is given a mathematical strength factor, meant to be added up to a total amount of points. You COULD play it as a drinking game, but as each of these are  usually all in evidence by the time Johnny Depp is eating her brains, It’d likely be a fast and heavy game of alcohol poisoning.  What are our factors? Let’s see.

Tim Burton directs the movie.

You don’t get much points for this because Tim’s wife is in all of his movies ever since they got hooked up.

Is TBW’s hair an unruly mess?

I thought this was a Tim Burton thing, but it shows up in a lot of her non-nepoticalapearances. And franky if she isn’t   going for the natural “just woke up” look, she’s bald or sporting a crazy hair hat. What’s wrong with just…hair?

Is she really pale?

I know the woman’s got a pasty complexion, it’s just that most of the time instead of playing around it, they go straight to making her more pale or having  highly contrasting black eyeliner.

Is the movie set in the Victorian years?

“Because I brought a whole truck full of corsets and giant black unseemly wigs and I don’t want it to seem  out of place.”

Is her character affably amoral?

I think I’ve only ever seen TBW as a straight up good character in Big Fish, where she was king of thought of as a villain. When she’s not straight up evil(Sleepy Hollow, Terminator Salvation), she’s generally not an aid to the heroes. Either way, she’s usually some kind of awful person but kind of charming enough not to be immediately hateable.

She dies a horrible death.

Perphaps due to her propensity for the other variables, her characters as a rule often die horrible deaths.This is especially true in her husband’s movies, where again, with exceptions like Big Fish, Planet of the Apes and Corpse Bride her characters have to die, and it’s generally nasty ways like  being killed by a vampire, having your neck cut and being dumped down a laundry chute or being kissed by Christopher Walken. Wait, that last one might not be horrible.

It is a musical/has songs.

Regardless of whether she sings, or just sits it out, TBW’s movies tend to gravitate towards theatricality. This means the odds are good this at least has some songs in it.

Let’s apply this on any film she’s in and see how that works. Let’s say…Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation racks a lowly.2 points, on account of small screentime. Surely she died horribly either because of cancer or because of the whole “nuclear war on robots” thing. But if it’s not in the film it doesn’t count.

Let’s go for something a little more recent.

Dark Shadows lost a lot of points by opting to be set in the 70s, and not casting  TBW as a pale flapper or something. It racks up 6 points.

Harry Potter 7-1  suceeds in gaming the system by 6 points as well. Had they not stretch the plot thin, we might have seen TBW thrown  into a magical thrash compactor or whatever it is that happened in the final movie.

The consummate Tim Burton’s wife representation, Old Tim somehow managed to game the system to put his wife as the second-to-third most important character in  musical about Victorian England murderers.  The movie pulls a bingo and wins 15 points, the highest score possible.

But what about Les Miserables?

10. My incapacity to tell what Victorian actually is keeps me from awarding the pts for Victorianism(doesn’t count if it’s in France, right?), but it’s still pretty strong.  I encourage you to use this here blank card and check out how other films in her filmography and see how they compare. And remember that one day she’s gonna get cast in a Transformer film as Black Arachnia, and you’ll remember me, who never once uttered her full name, and throw up a little blessing to my person.

Swing and a miss! Tim Burton's Batmovies at 10:21 AM

Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow...

 It's about time we talked about Batman. I know this subject is  a fringe one and a taboo in the Internet, but we must break social boundaries of how acceptable it is to talk about Batman.

Dark Knight Rises is probably on it's way out of theaters( and I was entirely unable to catch it.) The end of the Nolan era for Batman, the innevitable reboot nipping at it's heels,  and the seeming endless ways Warner Brother can't get too far into it's Superheroes withouth returning to Batman are all the talk of the town.

Nestled between this conversations is a subtle discussion of Tim Burton's  two Batman films, and their underlying qualities. It tends to divide the geek populace into  two schools of thinking.

"Holy Crap, is your breath fresh!"

A) This movies are good, they opened the way for Superhero movies now, and are a reasonably good adaptation of the Batman mythos in a darker way than the old Adam West show.

B)This movies are bad, nothing like Batman, and are the inspiration for badly adapting Superheroes to the silver screen.

The only one who  likes this pairing is the guy on the left.

Not everyone holds this combination of opinions, but it's mostly what you'll find.

I could tell you that when I saw them I was very young. My dad dragged home a big old TV with awkward  microwave buttons so we could watch the Batman 89 movie before heading to one of my first remembered cinema goings(along with Pewee's Big Adventure. It's not my fault I'm a Burton enthusiast!) to Batman Returns.

While my little kid mind had to register a lot(and return from the lobby confused as to why Batman let  Catwoman lick his face.) of weirdness, I never the less considered it a great movie, and put it alongside Robocop, and Predator and Airplane as the best movies in the world.

But let's not make this about just me, or about the movies. The movies are qualified as being unnacurate to the books by many. And I sort of agree. But so what?

So what if Batman's "no killing code" gets switched to a "lot of times killing code?" So what if the films are rooted in impressionism rather than...whatever stylistic choice you're supposed to have for Batman. So what if the background of the character is changed and the origin, and it's not as dark as anything.



Let me tell you something. When Batman Returns was abuzz in the cinemas, my parents could afford 1 movie IN THE YEAR. The rest was black and white T.V.  And what did my local T.V. channels do as a response? EVERYTHING! They scrambled to run whatever Superhero show and movie they could, as long as we would watch. They Ran the Flash T.V. series and the old 70s Wonder Woman series. They Ran The Incredible Hulk. They ran Ultraman and I could swear they ran Kakero Spider-Man. They ran the Swamp Thing movie and they ran the TV show as well. They fucking ran the Adam West show.

Try harder, internet! I was mocking this before it was cool!

So, back to young me. I began absorbing. I did not know who Flash was in the comics if the movie was good. But I liked Flash. I liked Wonder Woman.  I liked the Adam West show.

Regardless of what the direct influence of Burton's movies, the indirect influence in my case was that a lot of  superhero elements where brought before me, which was good, because I could not even know where comics where sold, and when I saw them on the supermarket, coud not afford them(or my parents would not buy, because Batman looked like this, and had to perform surgery in a sewer on a baby. No, I could not forget that if I tried.).  My understanding of the superheroes would not expand much beyond what TV told me until the year 2000, where I discovered that internet people  would spend their time detailing the fictional life of Storm and Marrow.

What I'm saying is that Burtman(haha!) may be Batman in name only in a way. It may be campier than what we think. It might not fit our nerdy standards of today, where we sit down and pick aparts  which parts of Avengers are 616, which are Ultimate, and which are invented wholesale for the movie. The movies might only be enjoyable to me because I grew up with them. But they shaped me into the sexless, sociopathic nerd that writes too much about Tim Burton's wife I am today.

(Wait, is that a good thing?)

Swing and a miss! Tim Burton's Batmovies at 10:21 AM

Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow...

 It's about time we talked about Batman. I know this subject is  a fringe one and a taboo in the Internet, but we must break social boundaries of how acceptable it is to talk about Batman.

Dark Knight Rises is probably on it's way out of theaters( and I was entirely unable to catch it.) The end of the Nolan era for Batman, the innevitable reboot nipping at it's heels,  and the seeming endless ways Warner Brother can't get too far into it's Superheroes withouth returning to Batman are all the talk of the town.

Nestled between this conversations is a subtle discussion of Tim Burton's  two Batman films, and their underlying qualities. It tends to divide the geek populace into  two schools of thinking.

"Holy Crap, is your breath fresh!"

A) This movies are good, they opened the way for Superhero movies now, and are a reasonably good adaptation of the Batman mythos in a darker way than the old Adam West show.

B)This movies are bad, nothing like Batman, and are the inspiration for badly adapting Superheroes to the silver screen.

The only one who  likes this pairing is the guy on the left.

Not everyone holds this combination of opinions, but it's mostly what you'll find.

I could tell you that when I saw them I was very young. My dad dragged home a big old TV with awkward  microwave buttons so we could watch the Batman 89 movie before heading to one of my first remembered cinema goings(along with Pewee's Big Adventure. It's not my fault I'm a Burton enthusiast!) to Batman Returns.

While my little kid mind had to register a lot(and return from the lobby confused as to why Batman let  Catwoman lick his face.) of weirdness, I never the less considered it a great movie, and put it alongside Robocop, and Predator and Airplane as the best movies in the world.

But let's not make this about just me, or about the movies. The movies are qualified as being unnacurate to the books by many. And I sort of agree. But so what?

So what if Batman's "no killing code" gets switched to a "lot of times killing code?" So what if the films are rooted in impressionism rather than...whatever stylistic choice you're supposed to have for Batman. So what if the background of the character is changed and the origin, and it's not as dark as anything.

Why Wonder Woman can be good and you can like her for it (Part 1) at 12:57 PM

Uneven trinity

You might remember one of my earlier efforts in B-spot was an epic, multi-part series on how making a movie about based on Superman is a potentially good idea. In hindsight, it seems kind of silly, and not in that way in which a former doorman spends his days talking about comic book movies and  Tim Burton's wife.

But really, did a Superman movie happening seem like such a stretch that I needed to tell people it is possible to make the character enjoyable? I mean, why not use those efforts to support less likely characters?

So in an effort to  equalize the playing field I propose now to you a different hero who could be good, but that many believe has nary a place on comics, let alone in the big screen: Wonder Woman.

Unlike Superman, people's gripes about Wonder Woman are not that she's sooooo booooring, but that she's got too much going on. Batman  clearly has "eras" you could take the character from. Superman, you know him by heart. But Wonder Woman? Does she fly or does she need a jet? Is she an aloof, innocent foreigner or a tough, no nonsense warrior? Is she a super swashbuckling feminist Superman as a woman, or a crazy bondage chick in stars and stripes?

And if people don't have strong, likeable, understandable characters, movies only make $836,297,228.

They say she doesn't have a thing like Superman( The super immigrant orphan who does the right thing because he grew up poor) or Batman(The Super rich orphan who bought his way into a ninja degree to fight the general concept of crime) or The X-Men( Who Fight for those who hate and fear them against injustice! And a TV producer Jabba the Hutt!) that just makes people LIKE her.


Well, I will begin by telling what elements and how of Wonder Woman should be used, and how, to trigger what is known as " A good movie" based on Wonder Woman.


I will preface by saying: They already did it. The 2009 Wonder Woman animated film is the most entertaining of any of the Animated DC films. Good action, great animation and they where obviously inspired by the best.

Burn in your golden Hell Ares...I mean Genma!

No don't be the judge. My judgment is better.

They did it, because unlike Green Lantern, that tried to cram as much of the mythos on film as possible, they put forward adventure and  character development. So, yeah, no Hypnota action figures to sell, but the movie's good.

OMG! It's Hannu, MOMMY! BUY ME!

So let's begin with the elements.


Wonder Woman:
Basically, give Wonder Woman a stated goal and make it the reason she comes to our world. Her origin does have a thing, but again, this can't be like Green Lantern, where a fully empowered  hero had nothing to do with his God-like powers and no tangible goal until trouble found him far too late on the movie.

Yeah you
I bet you had to jump up and down
Just to put 'em on
Bet you had to wiggle it around
Just to put 'em on...

Do not fear the sexy, but manage it  wisely.  See, this...

She's so tough...yet so impractically dressed and posed...

...might work in attracting the male gaze, but when you over-exploit a character people are supposed to relate to, the audience  loses the character. I'm not saying there shouldn't be sexiness, but it needs to be subtle. Less Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider, more Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil.

The Costume: Now, the costume has a problem with people who want they're magic made up Amazons to be realistic. Apparently a 1 piece suit is impractical. Also, a skirt is also impractical. But pants of some sort...THAT'S what warriors wear!

All the world is waiting for you!

/And the magic that you dooooo!

I know suit design is an art that becomes more complicated when studio execs are tryin to pass their idea of fun, but here's to main thing to go by:
It's recognizable as the Wonder Woman costume. See this...

...Is considered a bad Wonder Woman costume, but it's recognizable as a costume. THIS...

Doesn't look like Wonder Woman AT ALL! See, Wonder Woman is an ICON. You're not just selling the name, you're selling a visual idea of a character. Redesign some elements of the costume. DON'T  make her unrecognizable as a character.

I mean, It's not like you don't have variations on it.

Steve Trevor:
Do put him in. One of the bigger successes of 2009 WW was that Steve Trevor was actually a fellow warrior and adventurer. He wasn't a gentleman in distress, or just some jackass  who's in love with WOnder WOman, but he didn't outstage her either. I don't think  you NEED to have a male character for the male audience to identify with....but it can't hurt.

Plus,  if there is any mythology to explain to the audience, you let the audience know through him.

The Invisible Plane:
Do use, but with caution: Much like Aquaman's...everything he does... the plane is considered highly mockable element of the franchise. I advise turning it into a stealth plane a la X-Men, where the windows remain visible(so you can see the actors in it)

The Lasso: Do use. See, some people think it's lame, but it's what separates Wonder Woman from other Superheroes.

The Power Set
Should she be the golden age "abnormally strong and fast" version, o the post crisis "Flight and Super strenght" variant? My answer is
Flight: Yes: Limited(No Superman style warp speed zooming: That's why you have a jet!)
Strength: Slightly under a ton: Can lift the car with enough effort, but not  actually throw it.
Speed: As fast as a car.
Resistance:  Should be shown to resist inhuman amounts of punishment, but bullets should hurt.

It needs good effects as well

Etta Candy: Hmm... Not necessary. There is potential there, but also...great risk.

Greek Mythology: I wouldn't. I'd rather they try to use one of Wonder Woman's regular villains and pump them. I mean, I prefer the contrast of an amazon fighting  a robot over an amazon fighting a Greek god of some sort.

Origin: Yes, please. While most people have at least heard of Wonder Woman, the origin helps cement exactly why she does all this amazing stuff.  You gotta have the origin. And it's implied, but...

Themyscira: Look, don't risk it: For the audience to know what your character's about, they gotta know where they came from. And this isn't some bullshit prequel to make  money:  You WANT your audience to go along with  the character. Also, I want a Nubia action figure.

Everyone knows Wonder Woman in the same sense everyone knows chicken, but I've met  a couple who don't know exactly how chicken gets to their table, or even any of the details. A good cousin of mine actually told me with a straight face Kentucky had an Akira-style mass of flesh to make chicken  out of, which honestly sounds 3 times harder than growing regular clucking birds and feeding them growth hormones.

It's a journeeeeey...to-the paaaaaaaaast!

What I mean is,  Don't be the pilot. Don't be Superman Returns. Adventures are journeys, let the audience enjoy the journey with the character.
Stay tuned for part 2, where I discuss which villains should be roped into fighting Wonder Woman.

(Followed upon in part 2)

Why Wonder Woman can be good and you can like her for it (Part 1) at 12:57 PM

Uneven trinity

You might remember one of my earlier efforts in B-spot was an epic, multi-part series on how making a movie about based on Superman is a potentially good idea. In hindsight, it seems kind of silly, and not in that way in which a former doorman spends his days talking about comic book movies and  Tim Burton's wife.

But really, did a Superman movie happening seem like such a stretch that I needed to tell people it is possible to make the character enjoyable? I mean, why not use those efforts to support less likely characters?

So in an effort to  equalize the playing field I propose now to you a different hero who could be good, but that many believe has nary a place on comics, let alone in the big screen: Wonder Woman.

Unlike Superman, people's gripes about Wonder Woman are not that she's sooooo booooring, but that she's got too much going on. Batman  clearly has "eras" you could take the character from. Superman, you know him by heart. But Wonder Woman? Does she fly or does she need a jet? Is she an aloof, innocent foreigner or a tough, no nonsense warrior? Is she a super swashbuckling feminist Superman as a woman, or a crazy bondage chick in stars and stripes?

And if people don't have strong, likeable, understandable characters, movies only make $836,297,228.

They say she doesn't have a thing like Superman( The super immigrant orphan who does the right thing because he grew up poor) or Batman(The Super rich orphan who bought his way into a ninja degree to fight the general concept of crime) or The X-Men( Who Fight for those who hate and fear them against injustice! And a TV producer Jabba the Hutt!) that just makes people LIKE her.


Well, I will begin by telling what elements and how of Wonder Woman should be used, and how, to trigger what is known as " A good movie" based on Wonder Woman.


I will preface by saying: They already did it. The 2009 Wonder Woman animated film is the most entertaining of any of the Animated DC films. Good action, great animation and they where obviously inspired by the best.

Burn in your golden Hell Ares...I mean Genma!

No don't be the judge. My judgment is better.

Beggin' time! at 12:41 PM

When I started blogging I never dreamed of having the responses I've had. I have as of now 3 followers! I think I wanted in my blog to promote something, I don't remember what, but I probably never finished it. Along the way it degenerated in me copying off  Cracked.com and telling people who think different than me that it is I who thinks different than they.

YOU SUPPORTED THIS!

Last year I monetized my Blog. I dreamt that one day the endless barrage of pop culture garbage I spew would be recycled into something good. You want to know how that went?

It's time to get serious, guys. They don't pay till you get 100 dollars and Marvel vs Capcom 3 is out tommorow, and I barely have 20 bucks! I have to buy the console, too. Stupid RROD. Youse guyses are gettin' sloppsies.  Fortunately, there's a way you can help that's not gonna cost you.

I didn't want it to come to begging, but I always suspected it would. At least I'm under a roof. If you would, out of the kindedness of your heart, click on every single article I've made, that would give me over 100 clicks. In October I made nearly 4000 views for some reason, which translated into a whole dollar. If each of you take the effort to do this, I will continue to be able to live a life of sloth. If you don't, I might either have to get a job or continue trying to support myself in artisan craftsmanship. Do you want to see me paint our local fauna badly, hoping some store will pick it up and sell it at inflated prices to burnt up, underdressed tourists? Have you any idea how ugly a Cotorra Puertoriqueña  painted on a gourd looks when I do it? Huh? Do you!? I have half a mind to make this a blog about arts and crafts and never again type the term "Tim Burton's Wife" again.

Helena Bon-Damnit I can't say it!

So, in closing, I want you to consider: What would you do if your son was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor, 'cause he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man write about games, for a little bit of money and his dad is gone he's actually me? 'cause to you this just a good time, but for me this what I call life! Hm-mm?

Beggin' time! at 12:41 PM

Now count with me... at 12:38 AM

Eating Cheetos and fighting Hydra...in that order.

Starring discount store Barrack Obama!

Actually, I meant to see it eventually.

Sometimes when I wake up stiff, I blame aliens.

The new Hollywood lightbeam diet!

Chin-to-the-eye piercings: Because we ran out of body-parts to needle!

The fire is really appropriate. Thanks.

Jack of all trades?

Depp is clearly drugged from that fat blunt, just like Polanski wanted him to be...

 

A.K.A. Step UP 2 da World

Oh, oh! My Tim Burton's wife senses are tingling!

In this movie, Banderas is an Arab Muslim who fights with/for Vikings. No jokes needed here.

It's good to have that out of my head. Do whatever you want with it, Internet.