Unlicensed Lawyer: Pokemon rights at 1:24 PM

Okay, that is one metal Pokemon logo, Peta. Credit where it's due.

Some of you have taken to comparing the act of Pokemon battles, as seen in the multimedia success Pokemon, to cockfighting, a practice mostly illegal in the U.S.A., yet still practiced in it's most darling territory, where I happen to live. In fact, those comparisons are bordering on "not funny anymore".

I am not gonna guess what you think of cockfighting, although I'm guessing a good amount  of you think it's somewhere from "that's not nice" to "that's a barbaric ritual that doesn't belong in the 21rst century". I'm not gonna try to defend cockfighting, but I am going to become an unlicensed lawyer for Pokemon battling.

See, most of you have not considered  that Sinnoh, Johto, Kanto and the rest have different social histories from us, and most of those come from the fact that they have creatures that can shoot fire and water and thunder scattered all over the land.

I mean, think about it: We tamed the bull and put him to work fields, we tamed the dogs and used them to protect our homes: how would we have reacted  if we had somehow tamed a horse that can shoot fire or a psychic duck? Every element of our society would be completely different.

There's no guns in this world for the most part, because who needs guns when you can  summon an invincible penguin that can waterbend? Knocking  a guys Beedrill makes him be at your mercy. I bet war is not fought with hosts and swords, either.

And we would have had to do this long before we had the slightest concept of  human rights, as living in the world of Pokemon seems to be unreasonably dangerous. Maybe you've never been to a rural area and have no idea how common "tall grass" is. But in this  world, walking into it means certain death.

Like a hellish fusion of Australia and the African Bush, , walking into an untamed area  means that every animal within hearing distance wants to kill you. But whereas in Africa it might be a gagoon biter or in Australia it might be dingoes, Animals that LOOK dangerous, here even squirrels, sparrows and caterpillars  want kill you and eat your remains.

My Photoshop powers increased 10 fold since ou last match.

You where walking in the woods, minding your own business on your way to your nephew's birthday party. You didn't walk in looking for trouble, but you found it:  You are face to face with a bear, and you need to preserve your own life. But if instead of having a rifle, that even at close range might not be enough for you not to become bear chow, what if you could draw YOUR OWN BEAR, and have it fight instead? Would you consider the option? Could that even be more humane?

What if you KNEW that every 1 to 11 steps a bear will without any doubt charge you. Would THAT be reason enough to  have a defense bear of your own? Would you need six bears to survive a relatively short  trip unscathed?

What's worse is that Pokemon are no innocent victim's of man. No. Pokemon are actually proven to have conscious thought on a level where they understand  humans a good amount of the time. Sometimes they even work together to screw over wayward kids, even when it's animals you don't think that's cooperate. Don't you see? They aren't attacking because it's their natural instinct and they feel threatened or hungry. They know what they are doing: mobbing the shit out of some dumb kid because HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA STOP THEM?

Okay, you're just a blue wrestler with a lizard for a head. You can't be claiming no animal rights.

Cockfighting? When was the last time  a rooster killed a child by shooting thunder at it and laughed?  If Pokemon are as smart or more than people, then they too should be judged by their actions equally, and be found  guilty of being...well...monsters!

This world doesn't have Pokemon fight because it's fun. They have Pokemon fight because it's the only way to survive in this world. Pokemon  subjugation by humans is the alternative to human subjugation by Pokemon. It's as essential for human civilization as  the wheel or vaccines or electricity. Did they elevate it to a spectator sports? Well, did we not do so with martial arts?

 Most of us are lucky to never having had to fight of a wild animal for sheer survival of self or kin.  Even Grisly Man , who considered being eaten by bears an honor, tried to fight back when the most obvious  possible thing that could happen to him and those  dumb enough to hang with him happened. In the Pokemon world there is only certainty that death follows those that don't have Pokemon. And most of us don't know what that's like to be passing judgment.