Son of a Pitch: The Bible Uncut at 5:20 AM

Jesus, Christ, guys, even the animated movie got Jeff Goldblum as Moses' Brother!

The Internet has been a boon for fan effort. Whereas before lots of legwork and mouth talking was required to get a fan movie going, cans can now access both the technical knoweledge and like minded individuals from across the world.

For example, The Star Wars uncut series is the ultimate letter of love to Star Wars movies. Various people are assigned small parts of Star Wars to recreate, however they can and want.The resulting mishmash of styles, genres, genders and tones is truly a sight to behold.

I think the "uncut" format would be great for another work with lots of fans: The Bible!

Unsurprisingly, there was a remake in 2013

While "Religious films" now a days tend to be lower budget preachfests , there was an era where not only did the idea of making Bible movies as grand, screen filling spectacle was considered   normal, but it profitable enough that at least one filmmaker attempted to get the whole Bible onscreen, in a movie that, accounting for intermission, could eat away a whole day of easter.

But the idea of doing the whole Bible, including every story and subplot and  weird fable about plant races, is an insurmountable challenge for any one person or group. Every King in a 3000 + year dinasty is accounted for by name. Long lines of descendants are described. Allegorical visions are described. Rape happens. Foreskins are cut. Long beards are had. Differing interpretations are rampant. Stories are told, and then retold with differing details. Coats are described as being left behind in letters.

But I think we owe it to ourselves as a society to make the bible as a long form video. It would be beneficial to all. Christians who don't read the Bible would be able to do away with all that pesky reading and simply bask in on the knoweledge of what happens in the Bible, and even those who aren't thrilled by seeing Jesus presented as a robot COULD be inspired to look at their own beliefs beyond  a superficial level. Those who don't believe in the bible or God could at least have some insight on the events as presented beyond "And then they did this, that's totally what happened."

Some stories benefit from context, Mel.

And besides, as one of the oldest compilations of stories and the most read book in the world, having the full bible available as a video would be kind of a big  deal for humanity as a whole. The Bible covers the periods of multiple of the most influential empires in the  preclassic and classic eras. We owe it to ourselves. And it'd be kind of fun.

So what do you say, guys? What parts of the Bible would you call dibs on? And no, you can't pick Song of Songs.


That's spoken for. :)


It wouldn't be as simple as that, though.  While Star Wars has a running time, and scenes, the Bible doen't come with a running time, and if it did it'd probably be huuuge. At least the first books tend to be "The whole lives of people", which  is basically a movie all on it's own. Do we split it according to ammount of chapters, pages? We could get each person to do "what they want" but then we're probably gonna get some parts nobody is going to want to do?  If you are interested in forming part of "The Bible: Uncut" chime in below and tell me, what scenes would you do, and how you would make it, as well as any ideas for divying up the chapters.