Space Jam 2 is a no win situation at 5:59 AM

Okay, Bugs, refference Monica Lewinsky while you, Lola drive a Miata into MC Hammer's repossesed home. I'll listen to some Natalie Umbruglia and you Michael, you...you're fine.

I always stand to say that adapting something that's not good is no excuse for your version to not be good. While the veritable infestation of  sequels, remake, prequels and adaptations is nothing short of Hollywood just not being willing to take a risk, that doesn't excuse poor output. If the material is intellectually lightweight or down right godawful, that only gives room for those with skill and love of the craft to swim against the tide and provide us something worthy.

An adaptation of Starship Troopers basically running the premise of the book backwards is always going to be an easier order than a shot by shot remake of Psycho.
With that said, Space Jam 2. It's talked about, it's rumored, Lebron James is rumored to star in it.  Now the real question is, can you really ruin Space Jam?

Maybe he's gonna play the villain here?

You see, Space Jam is a pretty unique thing, and I don't mean that as praise. We get cynical now when they annonce an Asteroids or Emoji movie, things that get suggested and announced but for whatever cause reason prevails and it never happen, but Space Jam is the adaptation of a  Shoe commercial, tying in the life of then world's greatest Basketball star Michael Jordan.  And apparently nobody groaned enough, because it not only existed, but it made some money.

So in a world where rehashing is the safe route to money and nostalgia runs rampant, it's a no brainer to remake something that is both fondly remembered and made money. But here's the thing, it's not as safe as it seems.

You see, when Space Jam came to be, things where different. Michael Jordan was a household name, and summer movies where not  all CGI action adaptations of  comics and Cartoons. Space Jam 2 won't be competing with The Mirror has Two Faces and The English Patient or whatever. It'll be competing with a Yet another Batman movie  and another Marvel movie. Does this really have enough nostalgia fuel to battle that?


But what about the story? What about it? Look, even if you look upon the movie fondly,  do me a favor, and tell me what elements of "Basketball Star goes  to play Basketball with 1940's cartoon characters against  evil aliens" bear repeating.  Do you really want to see what the writers had to come up to get Lebron James playing B-Ball against Witch Hazel?

Do they retread on the first movie and have Space Jerk Danny Devito send even more goons to try to out-hoop the Toons? Do they make a new set of circumstances that would get a Basketball Celebrity into a court with them?

We want more?

Basically this has a pretty good chance of being just as bad as Looney Toons Back in Action, with the added crap bonus that some people actually expect this to be good on account of nostalgia. All you'd have to do to make a better movie than Space Jam is make something not so...Space Jammy. There is no formula to replicate, there is no actual THING to be brought back from the movie, unless you can somehow bring  Michael Jordan and Bill Murray and it's all winding up to be dissapointment.

And the thing is, we don't have the right to be dissapointed by Space Jam 2. Unlike the first Jam, we'll all be aware of who's directing it, writting it cameoing in it and how dissapointing it is before the thing hits the ground. You can't hide behind our love for Sports Stars or Cartoons anymore, Space Jam.
But still, I look forward to all our dissections of this illfated attempt.

Bound to be more fun than the film itself.

Charlse Barkley's Shut Up and Act.