Space Jam 2 is a no win situation at 5:59 AM

Okay, Bugs, refference Monica Lewinsky while you, Lola drive a Miata into MC Hammer's repossesed home. I'll listen to some Natalie Umbruglia and you Michael, you...you're fine.

I always stand to say that adapting something that's not good is no excuse for your version to not be good. While the veritable infestation of  sequels, remake, prequels and adaptations is nothing short of Hollywood just not being willing to take a risk, that doesn't excuse poor output. If the material is intellectually lightweight or down right godawful, that only gives room for those with skill and love of the craft to swim against the tide and provide us something worthy.

An adaptation of Starship Troopers basically running the premise of the book backwards is always going to be an easier order than a shot by shot remake of Psycho.
With that said, Space Jam 2. It's talked about, it's rumored, Lebron James is rumored to star in it.  Now the real question is, can you really ruin Space Jam?

Maybe he's gonna play the villain here?

You see, Space Jam is a pretty unique thing, and I don't mean that as praise. We get cynical now when they annonce an Asteroids or Emoji movie, things that get suggested and announced but for whatever cause reason prevails and it never happen, but Space Jam is the adaptation of a  Shoe commercial, tying in the life of then world's greatest Basketball star Michael Jordan.  And apparently nobody groaned enough, because it not only existed, but it made some money.

So in a world where rehashing is the safe route to money and nostalgia runs rampant, it's a no brainer to remake something that is both fondly remembered and made money. But here's the thing, it's not as safe as it seems.

You see, when Space Jam came to be, things where different. Michael Jordan was a household name, and summer movies where not  all CGI action adaptations of  comics and Cartoons. Space Jam 2 won't be competing with The Mirror has Two Faces and The English Patient or whatever. It'll be competing with a Yet another Batman movie  and another Marvel movie. Does this really have enough nostalgia fuel to battle that?


But what about the story? What about it? Look, even if you look upon the movie fondly,  do me a favor, and tell me what elements of "Basketball Star goes  to play Basketball with 1940's cartoon characters against  evil aliens" bear repeating.  Do you really want to see what the writers had to come up to get Lebron James playing B-Ball against Witch Hazel?

Do they retread on the first movie and have Space Jerk Danny Devito send even more goons to try to out-hoop the Toons? Do they make a new set of circumstances that would get a Basketball Celebrity into a court with them?

We want more?

Basically this has a pretty good chance of being just as bad as Looney Toons Back in Action, with the added crap bonus that some people actually expect this to be good on account of nostalgia. All you'd have to do to make a better movie than Space Jam is make something not so...Space Jammy. There is no formula to replicate, there is no actual THING to be brought back from the movie, unless you can somehow bring  Michael Jordan and Bill Murray and it's all winding up to be dissapointment.

And the thing is, we don't have the right to be dissapointed by Space Jam 2. Unlike the first Jam, we'll all be aware of who's directing it, writting it cameoing in it and how dissapointing it is before the thing hits the ground. You can't hide behind our love for Sports Stars or Cartoons anymore, Space Jam.
But still, I look forward to all our dissections of this illfated attempt.

Bound to be more fun than the film itself.

Charlse Barkley's Shut Up and Act.

Unlicenced Lawyer : Van Damme's Guile at 9:46 AM

There once was a time, then a Street Fighter movie did not exist. Not a single one. There were not enough cartoons and animes and comics about Street Fighter to fill a Wikia. There was no Alpha, no Ex, no "Assassin's Fist" and certainly no "VS Tekken". There was only "2", 12 characters whose lives as far as we knew revolved solely around hurting each other in.

Ok, there might have been some.

In that world, full of optimism and potential, the announcement of a Street Fighter movie did exist. Back then, we weren't "tired" of remakes and adaptations(I guess with the record breaking millions these adaptations are making now, you could argue our tiredness can only carry us so far.) A Street Fighter movie was not a horrible suggestion: it was the alternative to no Street Fighter movie.

So the movie was made in 1994. They made some...choices with it. Some of those choices do not sit well with the most hardcore fans, who's clinging to a "sola interactiva" philosophy is as commendable as it is ill advised.

"They ruined T. Hawk!" yelled no one.

There's plenty of deviations that I would not have done, should this have been MY Street Fighter movie. As many, the 20 years since have mellowed my views on it, perhaps nostalgia catching hold, but that doesn't mean we can't have a better version. However, I am here to speak on behalf of one of the movies most fought about elements, it's lead character  Guile, played by Jean Claude Van Damme.

It's easy to see why they would be angry. Of all the National charicatures in Street FIghter, Guile is easilly the harder to screw up: A big, American military man. Why they went with a guy with a heavy Brussels accent, we might never know. We do suspect it having to do with getting a big name in there. Yeah, they where obviously only thinking about only the almighty dollar. But what do we know about Guile? Well, he looks like this.

Wait a minute: American military, huge muscles...early 90s... things that were popular... people with jowls and pronounced chins...

If you think about it, it makes sense to think that, when trying to represent an "American" martial arts/stock character, Capcom's designers would look at what was popular in American Cinema, and nothing was more popular than Arnold at the time. You can accuse Capcom of being ripoff artists, and you'd be right about that. But not only where they not the only ones, but they where pretty good at it, too. They put John Matrix in the hair of some nazi guy from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and then boom! New character.

In this sense, Jean Claude Van Damme is the perfect choice for Guile:  a thickly accented action movie star. There's no way they would have gotten Arnold at the height of his career to play a big, cartoony setting like this, at a time where he was selling movies for himself. And besides, as far as having someone  doing stuff like this:

It makes sense to bring in a guy who can do stuff like this:

I say we have all been a bit unfair to Street Fighter: The Movie in this sense. Now, was giving Van Damme a moving speech a bad idea? Maybe. Was making his pants blue instead of Green a betrayal of SF cannon? Perhaps. Should The Boxer have been working for Bison and the Russian Guy have not been? Definitively.  Is the movie perfect? No. Is Van Damme the Worst Possible Guile? Not on your life, bud.

Now, who wants to hear about how I think Charlie should be played by Tom Cruise?

You know I'm right!

Team Rocket Awarness Month: 90s Extreme at 6:02 AM

WOmen actually wore actual shoulder-pads in the 90s.

Okay, this is not the best a 90s Liefieldish Team Rocket could look. I admit it needs more shoulder-pads, Feathered hair, and pouches and it's not traced. Maybe next year.

Team Rocket Awarness Month: 90s Extreme at 6:02 AM

WOmen actually wore actual shoulder-pads in the 90s.

Okay, this is not the best a 90s Liefieldish Team Rocket could look. I admit it needs more shoulder-pads, Feathered hair, and pouches and it's not traced. Maybe next year.

Justice League: Task Force Videobrain review at 9:43 PM

We don't need another hero-hero-hero...

 Attempts at describing the game that haunted my Sega Nomad for years. I wasn't sure about doing this in English, since It's already too much like other reviews. I thought it might be a little different if I put on the Spanish. Hate the subtitles? Want me to speak English? Chime in!

Justice League: Task Force Videobrain review at 9:43 PM

We don't need another hero-hero-hero...

 Attempts at describing the game that haunted my Sega Nomad for years. I wasn't sure about doing this in English, since It's already too much like other reviews. I thought it might be a little different if I put on the Spanish. Hate the subtitles? Want me to speak English? Chime in!