Unlicenced Lawyer : Van Damme's Guile at 9:46 AM

There once was a time, then a Street Fighter movie did not exist. Not a single one. There were not enough cartoons and animes and comics about Street Fighter to fill a Wikia. There was no Alpha, no Ex, no "Assassin's Fist" and certainly no "VS Tekken". There was only "2", 12 characters whose lives as far as we knew revolved solely around hurting each other in.

Ok, there might have been some.

In that world, full of optimism and potential, the announcement of a Street Fighter movie did exist. Back then, we weren't "tired" of remakes and adaptations(I guess with the record breaking millions these adaptations are making now, you could argue our tiredness can only carry us so far.) A Street Fighter movie was not a horrible suggestion: it was the alternative to no Street Fighter movie.

So the movie was made in 1994. They made some...choices with it. Some of those choices do not sit well with the most hardcore fans, who's clinging to a "sola interactiva" philosophy is as commendable as it is ill advised.

"They ruined T. Hawk!" yelled no one.

There's plenty of deviations that I would not have done, should this have been MY Street Fighter movie. As many, the 20 years since have mellowed my views on it, perhaps nostalgia catching hold, but that doesn't mean we can't have a better version. However, I am here to speak on behalf of one of the movies most fought about elements, it's lead character  Guile, played by Jean Claude Van Damme.

It's easy to see why they would be angry. Of all the National charicatures in Street FIghter, Guile is easilly the harder to screw up: A big, American military man. Why they went with a guy with a heavy Brussels accent, we might never know. We do suspect it having to do with getting a big name in there. Yeah, they where obviously only thinking about only the almighty dollar. But what do we know about Guile? Well, he looks like this.

Wait a minute: American military, huge muscles...early 90s... things that were popular... people with jowls and pronounced chins...

If you think about it, it makes sense to think that, when trying to represent an "American" martial arts/stock character, Capcom's designers would look at what was popular in American Cinema, and nothing was more popular than Arnold at the time. You can accuse Capcom of being ripoff artists, and you'd be right about that. But not only where they not the only ones, but they where pretty good at it, too. They put John Matrix in the hair of some nazi guy from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and then boom! New character.

In this sense, Jean Claude Van Damme is the perfect choice for Guile:  a thickly accented action movie star. There's no way they would have gotten Arnold at the height of his career to play a big, cartoony setting like this, at a time where he was selling movies for himself. And besides, as far as having someone  doing stuff like this:

It makes sense to bring in a guy who can do stuff like this:

I say we have all been a bit unfair to Street Fighter: The Movie in this sense. Now, was giving Van Damme a moving speech a bad idea? Maybe. Was making his pants blue instead of Green a betrayal of SF cannon? Perhaps. Should The Boxer have been working for Bison and the Russian Guy have not been? Definitively.  Is the movie perfect? No. Is Van Damme the Worst Possible Guile? Not on your life, bud.

Now, who wants to hear about how I think Charlie should be played by Tom Cruise?

You know I'm right!

Original characters: Do steal. at 1:43 PM

Original characters: Do steal. at 1:43 PM

THIS BLOOD'S FOR YOU! at 10:23 AM

"Lesse...Puch, pouch, pouch, pouch, gun, gun, gun, gun guuuun...sword, sword sword, sword dagger, boom! New character!"

We should count ourselves lucky. Used to be  superhero adaptations to the big screens ran into 3 key stumbling blocks, and most never rose up from there: "How could we put this on the big screen?" "How do we change this so its not stupid anymore?" and tertiarylly "how much money does it take?"

Now that Hollywood found the answers they've gotten to adapting superheroes left and right. But Kick Ass  aside, most of them have been the big popular ones from the big 2.

But perhaps thats all changing soon.

Rob Liefeld, celebrated creator of Deadpool and Cable is aparently about to have one of his million 90s superhero teams optioned for the big screen. The group is Bloodstrike, a commando of vampire blood fueled super commandos. Not to be confused with Youngblood, another Liefield team already optioned for film by complete monster Brett Ratner. Or Bloodwulf, Liefelds Lobo knockoff. Or Bloodbank, a character I just made up, but could totally be a Liefeld character.

Anyway, here is them.

Actually, I think crazy hairs up there is Bloodwulf. Maybe.

I for one cannot wait to finally see Sheeva, Wolverine and Deadpool onscreen. But I think Iron Monger and Hawkeye are lame so no praise there. I cannot wait to see Liefelds intricate original and stylistic designs come to life. Hopefully they will prove just as enduring as they where then.

THIS BLOOD'S FOR YOU! at 10:23 AM

"Lesse...Puch, pouch, pouch, pouch, gun, gun, gun, gun guuuun...sword, sword sword, sword dagger, boom! New character!"

We should count ourselves lucky. Used to be  superhero adaptations to the big screens ran into 3 key stumbling blocks, and most never rose up from there: "How could we put this on the big screen?" "How do we change this so its not stupid anymore?" and tertiarylly "how much money does it take?"

Now that Hollywood found the answers they've gotten to adapting superheroes left and right. But Kick Ass  aside, most of them have been the big popular ones from the big 2.

But perhaps thats all changing soon.

Rob Liefeld, celebrated creator of Deadpool and Cable is aparently about to have one of his million 90s superhero teams optioned for the big screen. The group is Bloodstrike, a commando of vampire blood fueled super commandos. Not to be confused with Youngblood, another Liefield team already optioned for film by complete monster Brett Ratner. Or Bloodwulf, Liefelds Lobo knockoff. Or Bloodbank, a character I just made up, but could totally be a Liefeld character.

Anyway, here is them.

Actually, I think crazy hairs up there is Bloodwulf. Maybe.

I for one cannot wait to finally see Sheeva, Wolverine and Deadpool onscreen. But I think Iron Monger and Hawkeye are lame so no praise there. I cannot wait to see Liefelds intricate original and stylistic designs come to life. Hopefully they will prove just as enduring as they where then.

Don't Fear the Rip-off: Travesty and Roll Out at 10:32 AM

There is another world.

Under the glitzy, gajillion dollar hollywood super-blockbuster, but over the current of indie documentaries about dying of dyphteria in New Equatorial Guinea, it lies. Tiptoing the line between riding a recognizable product's coat-tales, and just straight up infringing them, knowing full well WB execs don't usually walk into Always 99.

In this world, you get shit like this.

The T-Bots Coloring activity book. Unafraid of any legal proceeding from Hasbro (after all, the concept of shape-shifting androids has already been copied several times without much consequence.)  the distributors burst right in. This is how you do it. Catch the confused step parents right before they can ask which one is Bumblebee.

But you may have some questions, seeing this cover. What exactly is inside? How do they expect kids to know what colors their ravenously plagiarized  characters are? Are there even characters in this? Why don't we let Schoolzone.com fill us in?

Take on the world with “T” Bots Morphing Robots. Give your child a pair of coloring books with a fun techno-twist. They offer a great break from more focused learning activities, plus, perforated, tear-out pages make for on-the-go coloring action and easy-to-display masterpieces

You got all that? This is a break from more focused activities, like eating paste and staring at their own noses. Don't be asking no dumb questions and buy or get out! Also, haha, you already bought it. But if you must know, this is what 55 Cents to 4 bucks get you...

Give me your face! Mine sort of sucks.

I call this guys Bestimus Primo. Presumably the leader of the T-Bots, Bestimus is clearly wondering about where Shia Lebouf  Michael Arangano is gone off to. Say what you will about him having a little Cylon in him, but they sure where commited to ripping of Transformer's motiff of them actually transforming into things, with the details like the wheels intact.(although with no actuall transformation as far as I could see) The could have just gone with some random, Transformer-ish robots and called it a day.

Of course, they gotta have some alternate forms, too. Otherwise it doesn't work.

The turbines are for flying, as penguins are known to do.

Yes! A Robot Penguin. We're clearly skipping right past Beastwars into Transmetals, because Iceborg here would not fool anyone if he apeared at your local zoo, trying to tap dance his way into freedom.

My skimming through the book showed me plenty of pages which uncluded animal forms, including a robot wasp and a robot whale.  Those things have happened, and probably could happen, respectively. But in all honestly, how do you color that? Do you color it off-color, like the kind of bad Waspinator knock off it presumably is? Is the robot whale the color of an actual whale?  

One thing's  for sure: the Tbots has trimmed a lot of the more obvious violence of the original, and instead opted more for characters posing and never doing anything more specific than that. While the parents are probably a little relieved that no one is getting his exaust port blown to pieces, perhaps you need to look at the other cover.

"Only one of my arms is guns...I'm such a failiure..."

"Gunblebee" here isn't to become your pet.  He's coming out of the war explosions with his hand out asking if you're perhaps join him in his dance with death. The T-Bot! It's exactly what meets the eyes!

Don't Fear the Rip-off: Travesty and Roll Out at 10:32 AM

There is another world.

Under the glitzy, gajillion dollar hollywood super-blockbuster, but over the current of indie documentaries about dying of dyphteria in New Equatorial Guinea, it lies. Tiptoing the line between riding a recognizable product's coat-tales, and just straight up infringing them, knowing full well WB execs don't usually walk into Always 99.

In this world, you get shit like this.

The T-Bots Coloring activity book. Unafraid of any legal proceeding from Hasbro (after all, the concept of shape-shifting androids has already been copied several times without much consequence.)  the distributors burst right in. This is how you do it. Catch the confused step parents right before they can ask which one is Bumblebee.

But you may have some questions, seeing this cover. What exactly is inside? How do they expect kids to know what colors their ravenously plagiarized  characters are? Are there even characters in this? Why don't we let Schoolzone.com fill us in?

Take on the world with “T” Bots Morphing Robots. Give your child a pair of coloring books with a fun techno-twist. They offer a great break from more focused learning activities, plus, perforated, tear-out pages make for on-the-go coloring action and easy-to-display masterpieces

You got all that? This is a break from more focused activities, like eating paste and staring at their own noses. Don't be asking no dumb questions and buy or get out! Also, haha, you already bought it. But if you must know, this is what 55 Cents to 4 bucks get you...

Give me your face! Mine sort of sucks.

I call this guys Bestimus Primo. Presumably the leader of the T-Bots, Bestimus is clearly wondering about where Shia Lebouf  Michael Arangano is gone off to. Say what you will about him having a little Cylon in him, but they sure where commited to ripping of Transformer's motiff of them actually transforming into things, with the details like the wheels intact.(although with no actuall transformation as far as I could see) The could have just gone with some random, Transformer-ish robots and called it a day.

Of course, they gotta have some alternate forms, too. Otherwise it doesn't work.

The turbines are for flying, as penguins are known to do.

Yes! A Robot Penguin. We're clearly skipping right past Beastwars into Transmetals, because Iceborg here would not fool anyone if he apeared at your local zoo, trying to tap dance his way into freedom.

My skimming through the book showed me plenty of pages which uncluded animal forms, including a robot wasp and a robot whale.  Those things have happened, and probably could happen, respectively. But in all honestly, how do you color that? Do you color it off-color, like the kind of bad Waspinator knock off it presumably is? Is the robot whale the color of an actual whale?  

One thing's  for sure: the Tbots has trimmed a lot of the more obvious violence of the original, and instead opted more for characters posing and never doing anything more specific than that. While the parents are probably a little relieved that no one is getting his exaust port blown to pieces, perhaps you need to look at the other cover.

"Only one of my arms is guns...I'm such a failiure..."

"Gunblebee" here isn't to become your pet.  He's coming out of the war explosions with his hand out asking if you're perhaps join him in his dance with death. The T-Bot! It's exactly what meets the eyes!

Son of a Pitch: Street Fighter 4 M.U.G.E.N. edition at 12:38 PM

Wat Stwengt! Bot Dun Fohgut dea many guyslike ew oll over dewowld.

You know, I've always wanted to make a fighting game. You have no idea. And when I first learned of M.U.G.E.N more than 10 years ago, I thought I'd finally be able to. Well, turns out it was a lot more complicated than I'd thought.



Still, I 've always had M.U.G.E.N. in my mind one way or another. It's been kept alive by a community that is as vibrant as it is overzealous, and even the makers of M.U.G.E.N going into Odinsleep couldn't kill the dream. Some truly amazing games and characters have been made by the community. But I think there's been a huge oversight.





Street Fighter IV. I don't think anyone has made stages, or chars of Street Fighter IV. But why? It's got cool characters and It wouldn't be any more work than any other M.U.G.E.N sprite ripped character. Hell, it's be even less, with the small amount of moves and frames the game has. It's just a Nes game for crying out loud!

Wait, you thought I meant THE Street Fighter IV made by Capcom in 2009? Silly me! I should have been more specific. I meant Gouder Co,'s 1993 Bootleg Street Fighter 4 for the NES.

They put the name on the character select screen just to fuck with you.

Mr Gouder must have known that making a fighting game for the NES was a bad idea. The system didn't have the input speed or graphic capabilities for something as complex as a fighting game. However, he must have liked money and facing legal charges for copyright infringement, because he chose to name his game Street Fighter IV, despite Street Fighter III not existing until several years later. I can just imagine being a kid in 1993 that has spent hours with Ryu, Ken and the rest of the gang from Street Fighter 2, suddenly being faced with a game that promises to skip over a whole sequel. However, the game is, unlike the Kart Fighter Nes Bootleg, only barely related to Street Fighter. This Bootleg went all the way, forging new ground into derivative plagiarism.

Shameku...Shoddyuken!

The cast consists of Shoto ripoff Goho Li, and his identical twin Cliff, Playboy Kitty Tracy and her doppleganger Bunny, Buddhist monk Moon and his smirking duplicate Chunfo, Twin Shotos Rober and Pasta, and tough army guys Ranboo and Stanlong.

They ruled out "Cobro", "Racky" and "Stepormamomwilshootyu" early on.

So what am I asking of the M.U.G.E.N. community? To remake a Nes game that had 4 Ryus and a Erin ripoff? Somewhat. I mean, I know you guys like frankenspriting and shotos. Well, how about if instead of making yet another version of Ryu, we frankensprite a new Street Fighter IV? We could figure all new ways to make Pasta different from Rober. I mean, honestly, there's less Shotos in Bootleg SFIV than there where in actual SFIV, and you guys still can't live without that Akuma.

It is dan all over again...

I, as I said, am no good at M.U.G.E.N. At any part of it. And what I learnt is that what the community most needs is coders. Which is part of what I'm terrible at. But maybe, if more than one of us gets their shit together, we can finally bring Tracy back. Who's with me?

Son of a Pitch: Street Fighter 4 M.U.G.E.N. edition at 12:38 PM

Wat Stwengt! Bot Dun Fohgut dea many guyslike ew oll over dewowld.

You know, I've always wanted to make a fighting game. You have no idea. And when I first learned of M.U.G.E.N more than 10 years ago, I thought I'd finally be able to. Well, turns out it was a lot more complicated than I'd thought.



Still, I 've always had M.U.G.E.N. in my mind one way or another. It's been kept alive by a community that is as vibrant as it is overzealous, and even the makers of M.U.G.E.N going into Odinsleep couldn't kill the dream. Some truly amazing games and characters have been made by the community. But I think there's been a huge oversight.





Street Fighter IV. I don't think anyone has made stages, or chars of Street Fighter IV. But why? It's got cool characters and It wouldn't be any more work than any other M.U.G.E.N sprite ripped character. Hell, it's be even less, with the small amount of moves and frames the game has. It's just a Nes game for crying out loud!

Wait, you thought I meant THE Street Fighter IV made by Capcom in 2009? Silly me! I should have been more specific. I meant Gouder Co,'s 1993 Bootleg Street Fighter 4 for the NES.

They put the name on the character select screen just to fuck with you.

Barely Legal at 9:59 AM

Don't fear the rip-off.

Once Capcom sued another company that made a fighting game. The game, they claimed, followed  the archetypes of Street Fighter characters a little too closely and attempted to infringe on Capcom's intellectual property. In the end, the ruling was made that basically Capcom doesn't own concepts like "karate man", or "Russian strongman", and that anyone could make fighting games with those archetypes as long as those can't be confused with Street Fighter's characters.

So, how close is too close? See, during the early days of Fighting Female February I showed this pic of Seifuku Desetsu Pretty Fighter's schoolgirl having defeated someone at her stage, a beach.

The Suuuuuuuuuun goes doooooooooown...

And I made a joke, and we all laughed. Maybe. Then I went ahead and reviewed Super Strip Fighter 4: Hymen Fighting, I mean, the Whore Warriors, I mean no subtitle, and showed you this similar screen.

Okay, the skirt is short enough, but where is the long jacket?

And I had some more laughs at the expense of a Sailor Moon fighting game that's actually pretty solid. After all, it was pretty amusing that 2 fighting games had a schoolgirl whose stage was the a rocky shore and whose  winpose was similar.

I didn't think much of it. After all,  Japan IS an island, and I've heard girls in sailor outfits are a thing over there.  But then someone in Youtube said that Mari from Strip Fighter was similar to a fighter from  Pretty Fighter. Called Marin.

I couldn't read the kanji Pretty Fighter threw at me, but  further investigation shed light that Marin was, in fact the schoolgirl of that series. This was no coincidence. Amazed, I rushed to my, er...Super Famicon, and put on my, uh...import cartridge, to give  Marin a spin. 

Marin has a spin attack, a projectile called a "Blue Sailor Punch" and an uppercut. Basically she's the Shoto  of the series and an obvious sendoff to Sailor Senshi AKA Sailor Moon(the series, not the titular character.)



  
 Meanwhile, Mari, has those exact 3 things.

  

Of course,  it's easy to see where most new SSFIV(. x .) characters come from. Ran is basically Mai Shiranui from the  chest up, and Rana is Hakan as a girl. Ai and Bell are apparently Abel concept art.
 

Are they sued yet?

But that's kind of what you do in fighting games. You pick and choose characters from other, more known fighting games and give them a twist. Meanwhile, the difference in design is so non-existent between this two girls, that it could pass for a redesign.

StudioS doesn't have the hardest to google publisher name for nothing.

And then there's Mari's B Strip Hyper. Called F.I.S.T. Like the terrible 3D sequel to Seifuku D.  Where this happens:
 
Good one, Strip Fighter. That'll show that dead series from more than 10 years ago who's boss...

So  here's two characters who are similarly called, have the same attack moves, and  have  slight strips of clothing to claim as difference, and with not-so-thinly-veiled-references to the other work. It's obvious. Super Strip Fighter IV ripped off Seifuku Desetsu Pretty Fighter, the obscure girls only fighting game that no one likes for it's own sequel to an obscure fighting game no one liked. 

I mean, I get why one would rip off Street Fighter. People like that game. and buy it and know it. They've made movies about it. However, ripping off Hakufu Indecentsu Puta Fighter  I mean Seifuku Desentsu Pretty Fighter can only be for one of several weird reasons. Which include actually liking that piece of shit.

You are a weird, weird game, Super Strip Fighter IV. Lucky for you...I happen to like weird.

Barely Legal at 9:59 AM

Don't fear the rip-off.

Once Capcom sued another company that made a fighting game. The game, they claimed, followed  the archetypes of Street Fighter characters a little too closely and attempted to infringe on Capcom's intellectual property. In the end, the ruling was made that basically Capcom doesn't own concepts like "karate man", or "Russian strongman", and that anyone could make fighting games with those archetypes as long as those can't be confused with Street Fighter's characters.

So, how close is too close? See, during the early days of Fighting Female February I showed this pic of Seifuku Desetsu Pretty Fighter's schoolgirl having defeated someone at her stage, a beach.

The Suuuuuuuuuun goes doooooooooown...

And I made a joke, and we all laughed. Maybe. Then I went ahead and reviewed Super Strip Fighter 4: Hymen Fighting, I mean, the Whore Warriors, I mean no subtitle, and showed you this similar screen.

Okay, the skirt is short enough, but where is the long jacket?

And I had some more laughs at the expense of a Sailor Moon fighting game that's actually pretty solid. After all, it was pretty amusing that 2 fighting games had a schoolgirl whose stage was the a rocky shore and whose  winpose was similar.

I didn't think much of it. After all,  Japan IS an island, and I've heard girls in sailor outfits are a thing over there.  But then someone in Youtube said that Mari from Strip Fighter was similar to a fighter from  Pretty Fighter. Called Marin.

I couldn't read the kanji Pretty Fighter threw at me, but  further investigation shed light that Marin was, in fact the schoolgirl of that series. This was no coincidence. Amazed, I rushed to my, er...Super Famicon, and put on my, uh...import cartridge, to give  Marin a spin. 

DC's Plain Ketchup at 12:43 PM

Dollar! The ALL-MIGHTY!

I hate to say I told you so. Wait, no. Love. I love to say it.

So, my good DC fans, I told you so. We debated for 5 years whether a Justice League film was better if built up by individual movies. Sure, the matter is mostly out of our controls. But did not a wiseman say all is in vain?

You guys said a Justice League movie bombing could kill the chances of solo films. So how did that go? Did you enjoy your Jonah Hex and Green Lantern solo films not leading into a single film? Where the theoretical solo films in jeopardy if it bombed? You know the answer to this one.

I told you so. I told if anything had a chance at existance at Dc it was a single strong solo film. I told you if the movies had not existed yet, it was reasonable not to expect them in the future.

Now WB  has suddenly stumbled out of bed, slobber rolling out the mouth.  "Whu..., a Billion dollars? I NEVER expected a well done and marketed movie with popular characters to make money! Do we have some of those characters?"

Oh, please pretend this recent slew of announcements isnt related to Marvel and Joss Whedons excellent Avengers. It's something that they started writting a while ago, they say. THING IS, at this point after the initial cancellation of Justice League : Mortal, there have been so many movies in writting phase its obvious it isnt a problem with capacity, but desire. WB doesn't need to have it's own Avengers. Did the Dark Knight not make them  a bunchload of cash?

I knew this baby would come in handy someday.

You guys got what you wanted, but lost what you had.I did tell you so.

So WB is calling me toos. Hell, I wanted to cash in on Avengers too. Whats the plan? Well, they'll fast track a movie with Lobo starring the The Rock. Then Shazam, also starring The Rock probably. That one won't happen.

At least we'll always have the rage...(snif)

A Wonder Woman movie script will join the pile. Flash might get made. Then Avengers 2 will come out, and once again industrial amounts of wishful thinking will fall out of WB regarding Justice League. And we get to do this all over again.

DC's Plain Ketchup at 12:43 PM

Dollar! The ALL-MIGHTY!

I hate to say I told you so. Wait, no. Love. I love to say it.

So, my good DC fans, I told you so. We debated for 5 years whether a Justice League film was better if built up by individual movies. Sure, the matter is mostly out of our controls. But did not a wiseman say all is in vain?

You guys said a Justice League movie bombing could kill the chances of solo films. So how did that go? Did you enjoy your Jonah Hex and Green Lantern solo films not leading into a single film? Where the theoretical solo films in jeopardy if it bombed? You know the answer to this one.

I told you so. I told if anything had a chance at existance at Dc it was a single strong solo film. I told you if the movies had not existed yet, it was reasonable not to expect them in the future.

Now WB  has suddenly stumbled out of bed, slobber rolling out the mouth.  "Whu..., a Billion dollars? I NEVER expected a well done and marketed movie with popular characters to make money! Do we have some of those characters?"

Oh, please pretend this recent slew of announcements isnt related to Marvel and Joss Whedons excellent Avengers. It's something that they started writting a while ago, they say. THING IS, at this point after the initial cancellation of Justice League : Mortal, there have been so many movies in writting phase its obvious it isnt a problem with capacity, but desire. WB doesn't need to have it's own Avengers. Did the Dark Knight not make them  a bunchload of cash?

I knew this baby would come in handy someday.

You guys got what you wanted, but lost what you had.I did tell you so.

So WB is calling me toos. Hell, I wanted to cash in on Avengers too. Whats the plan? Well, they'll fast track a movie with Lobo starring the The Rock. Then Shazam, also starring The Rock probably. That one won't happen.

At least we'll always have the rage...(snif)

A Wonder Woman movie script will join the pile. Flash might get made. Then Avengers 2 will come out, and once again industrial amounts of wishful thinking will fall out of WB regarding Justice League. And we get to do this all over again.