Why Wonder Woman can can be good and you can like her for it part 2! A call to villainy! at 9:31 PM

Prepare for Trouble!

Another common complaint is that Wonder Woman's enemies are lame and therefore she has nothing to go on in an adaptation. Which is a bit of a peeve for me.

Look, not every property out there getting adapted is full of iconic, fully fledged villains. Hell, some of the stuff adapted in the form of rogue vectors, or seditious pixels. While that's an extreme, you'lll notice those things do not stop those things from getting adapted. My opinion is, if you're adapting something stupid, you have nowhere to go but up. It's YOUR job to make it work.

So if Wonder Woman's enemies are laughable because one of them is a racist caricature slapped on a giant egg, and that's the villain you have to go with for some reason, you still should make the material engaging through writing, acting, directing, etc.

So I will put forth  Wonder Woman's villains and explain how they could be used in the movie. I'm giving this to you for free, W.B., because I'm charitable when it comes to things crawling out of my head.

But, that's your leg-stump! That hurts!

The Cheetah:
There are 4 versions of the Cheetah. Rich Bitch. Nephew of Rich Bitch. Furry bitch. And Furry dude bitch.
While The Cheetah is Wonder Woman's most iconic villain, having a villain who is essentially all physical threat is troubling when your heroine is mostly a powerhouse.  If given the choice, I would go with Priscilla Rich, the first Cheetah: A woman of wealth suffering from double identity issues.  You can play an aspect of the story where she's Wonder Woman's friend sincerely, but the other side of her, the darker side, hates her. The Cheetah is secretly orchestrating the events of the movie behind the scenes, but Priscilla Rich is Wonder Woman or Diana's personal friend. And it all comes to a head  in the climax where Wonder Woman learns her friend all along was the bad guy.

I'm like a bird: I always fly away!

The Silver Swan: There have been 3 Silver Swans, though sadly only 1 Blue Snowman. The least stupid ones, are women who are offered a chance at not being ugly in exchange for killing Wonder Woman, adopting the persona of Silver Swan, who can  fly and shoot hurtfull music like Limp Bizkit strapped to a jetplane.

Swan would be visually cool, especially if Wonder Woman is the flightier, stronger type.

That armor is metal, and I don't mean the alloy it's made of.

Ares: Ares the God of War...hmm...On one hand, i already explained how much I didn't want  it to become a Greek Mythology movie with Wonder Woman in it. On the other hand, Ares presents something interesting that actually ties in with one of the important themes of the character: Wonder Woman is on a mission of bringing peace to the world. However she is essentially a warrior, and must engage in violence at a moments notice. Ares is the God of War, and he grows stronger the more furious and angry people in the world are. It would probably lend itself to an interesting ending, where you have to defeat the villain, but the angrier you are, the stronger he is, and our heroine has to pull a  "clear your mind" moment.

Grooooow, MY MONSTER, GROOOOW

Giganta: I don't know what Giganta is up to this days (actually, I do and it's stupid), but Giganta, a woman who can gro the size of a building, seems a bit like a physical only threat. But, boy oh, boy, what a threat that is. As much as I get angry at the idea of a whole film being given to Doomsday, I could see it being given to Giganta, because at least you gotta wonder how Wonder Woman will get out of it.

Is she really disfigured if she has no figure anymore?

Dr Cyber: Dr Cyber seems custom made to be a top villainess: Scary yellow Dr Doomish Mask, cloak and cape, big criminal organization with countless goons to punch, and plenty of technobabble.  You get an actress with graavitas to voice, and it sells itself,really.

Veronica Cale: No. NO! Yeah, I know, you like it because you don't have to put money into creativity of creating costumes and amazing special effects. Just Lex Luthor with a vagina. Fuck that. Fuck it! Put villains in this, this shit isn't Catwoman! You want people to like it, don't put villains that are just people.

Bullshit. I see at least TWO sissies!

Villany Inc: While you would have to go against my previous suggestion of an origin story, starting with Villainy Inc, a Legion of Doom solely devoted to taking Wonder Woman down a peg, is, would allow you to use all those villains that aren't good enough to have the movie for themselves. Maybe you have a leader, who is like, the actual antagonist, and the others are sort of less important.All you need to know is The Blue Snowman, CyborgGirl, and others such hate Wonder Woman and want to take her down, while the leader is playing them all for chumpstresses.

The problem is, if you jump in  at a point of the story where a Super villain team up makes sense, you are already selling a superhero world to the audience. Again, why I suggested to start at the beginning. Then again, I also suggested making an Anime.


These are just the ones I think potential. Like I said, maybe you can put a shitload of characterization on Eviless and make her like, really cool.

(Part 1)

Why Wonder Woman can can be good and you can like her for it part 2! A call to villainy! at 9:31 PM

Prepare for Trouble!

Another common complaint is that Wonder Woman's enemies are lame and therefore she has nothing to go on in an adaptation. Which is a bit of a peeve for me.

Look, not every property out there getting adapted is full of iconic, fully fledged villains. Hell, some of the stuff adapted in the form of rogue vectors, or seditious pixels. While that's an extreme, you'lll notice those things do not stop those things from getting adapted. My opinion is, if you're adapting something stupid, you have nowhere to go but up. It's YOUR job to make it work.

So if Wonder Woman's enemies are laughable because one of them is a racist caricature slapped on a giant egg, and that's the villain you have to go with for some reason, you still should make the material engaging through writing, acting, directing, etc.

So I will put forth  Wonder Woman's villains and explain how they could be used in the movie. I'm giving this to you for free, W.B., because I'm charitable when it comes to things crawling out of my head.

But, that's your leg-stump! That hurts!

The Cheetah:
There are 4 versions of the Cheetah. Rich Bitch. Nephew of Rich Bitch. Furry bitch. And Furry dude bitch.
While The Cheetah is Wonder Woman's most iconic villain, having a villain who is essentially all physical threat is troubling when your heroine is mostly a powerhouse.  If given the choice, I would go with Priscilla Rich, the first Cheetah: A woman of wealth suffering from double identity issues.  You can play an aspect of the story where she's Wonder Woman's friend sincerely, but the other side of her, the darker side, hates her. The Cheetah is secretly orchestrating the events of the movie behind the scenes, but Priscilla Rich is Wonder Woman or Diana's personal friend. And it all comes to a head  in the climax where Wonder Woman learns her friend all along was the bad guy.

Son of a Pitch: Duke Nukem Returns at 10:57 AM

Way to miss the point of the joke.

Well, amazingly, after 12 years of development hell, constant do overs, and legal disputes, Duke Nukem Forever is available, and aparently it doesn't meet the expectation of a game with over a decade of problems based on tired old premise.

In one way, Duke Nukem should feel right at home in a universe that likes Family Guy, what with it's crude attempts at edge and  and hanging on to the nostalgia of better products in a slipshod attempt at holding your attention. ON the other hand concepts like "adult content" and referential humor just aren't enough to sell a game anymore. Not in this age. Since the last  time Duke was around, Grand Theft Auto 3 was released,  Halo was released,  and far too many Call of Duties where released. The Bar is set higher.

Younger Duke Nukem, already trying too hard...

And yet Duke Nukem insists on doing the same tired parody and irreverence bullshit. It's like someone you've known all your life suddenly blowing a raspberry on your belly and going "whosabigbabie!Ppffffft!". The industry is grown up, Uncle Nukem. It's been married for 3 years now!

We have games where you can play as a naked drug dealer now. Stop telling me what your balls are made off.

So where does that leave the franchise? Where should Duke, a sauropod in the world of Homo Sapiens go now? Should he continue to parody people who are now too busy starring in Basic Cable T.V. and hiding their mistresses? My answer is yes...and no...

See,it's like Doom...and I feel like a "but" should go in here...

Instead of playing something really outdated and cool and radical and all that shit, we should play something outdated as something outdated and crazy that doesn't fit a "modern" videogame. You can still have Duke act like he's the greatest thing ever, but every other character be eyerolling at his mind-numbing catchphrases and thoughtless sexism. Make Duke a Quixotic figure, a man who grossly missunderstands the real world. ANd then you can have a rich world with three dimensional characters that have to deal with their only hope being Schwarzstallonsnipe Campbell Van Damme.

We fight as one (highly derivative character)!

Sure, in a way, this is forcing the audience to identify with characters that aren't Duke Nukem, but it's also a clever opportunity to deconstruct the First person mythos in a clever way. Instead of forcing the player to like Nukem, they either get to agree with every character in the game, or decide they're all haters and play the Duke persona "straight". And it;s also an opportunity to set "old school" vs New School. How would a guy who clearly comes from a different world react when faced with modern concepts? It could lead to some good satire of not only the stranger parts of yesteryear's gaming, but of today's prevalent concepts and attempts at edge.

And it's overdue, really.

It's the only way I see it working. You could try to "update" Duke, but that would just wash him of his (not so) original characteristics. And what are you gonna do? Make him a parody of Christian Bale and Sam Worthington? And hey, if a franchise that was never respectable like Bloodrayne can suddenly gain newfound design and respect, why can't Duke Nukem be reimagined?

Son of a Pitch: Duke Nukem Returns at 10:57 AM

Way to miss the point of the joke.

Well, amazingly, after 12 years of development hell, constant do overs, and legal disputes, Duke Nukem Forever is available, and aparently it doesn't meet the expectation of a game with over a decade of problems based on tired old premise.

In one way, Duke Nukem should feel right at home in a universe that likes Family Guy, what with it's crude attempts at edge and  and hanging on to the nostalgia of better products in a slipshod attempt at holding your attention. ON the other hand concepts like "adult content" and referential humor just aren't enough to sell a game anymore. Not in this age. Since the last  time Duke was around, Grand Theft Auto 3 was released,  Halo was released,  and far too many Call of Duties where released. The Bar is set higher.

Younger Duke Nukem, already trying too hard...

And yet Duke Nukem insists on doing the same tired parody and irreverence bullshit. It's like someone you've known all your life suddenly blowing a raspberry on your belly and going "whosabigbabie!Ppffffft!". The industry is grown up, Uncle Nukem. It's been married for 3 years now!

We have games where you can play as a naked drug dealer now. Stop telling me what your balls are made off.

So where does that leave the franchise? Where should Duke, a sauropod in the world of Homo Sapiens go now? Should he continue to parody people who are now too busy starring in Basic Cable T.V. and hiding their mistresses? My answer is yes...and no...

4 other celebs that need their own cartoon. at 2:11 AM

Word has come up the planned animated opus known as "the Governator" is cancelled.

It is sadness all around. Mainly because it showed us our own mortality.  Our biggest action star of the 80s and 90s is a terrible decision maker and the creator of Spider-man can't even get a decent Jackie Chan Adventures-type deal going on before his brain farts out a bunch of uninspired crap with robots. The Dream is Dead!

Off course, it's not the first time  celebrities have tried have stepped into cartoon lands. Mr T did it. Chuck Norris did it.  Even Damon Wayans had one! He's not even the best Wayans!

It's K.I. He writes bad movies as traps for his siblings.

But, you know, Governator was freaking stupid. It's a generic cartoon starring Ahnuld Jokes. Really old Ahnuld Jokes. Here, I made a chart.

Now they're just trying to come up with new stuff and failin. "Sperminator?" How about some "True Lies" jokes! How about "Conan the Marriage Destroyer?" How about "End of Days(In which I hide my secret illegitimate children).

As for Old Man Stan Lee, he's been trying to make celebs into  Superheros for years, and each one has been more embarassing than the last. I guess this is only sad depending on which level of credit you are willing to give Stan Lee. For those of you looking for evidence this man is not the reason you like Spider-Man, then  haven't you given Striperella, or the Backstreet Boys stuff or the threat of that Paris Hilton thing too much control over your life?

So here's a list of celebrities that Stan Lee should get to make "Superheros" from next.

Winona Ryder

TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!

Pitch: "So Stan, you know how it is to have once been well regarded and now being relegated to cameos. Do it to Winona, but in animation. Put your penis back in your pants. Security!"
Synopsis:Winona Ryder is an actress by day, but by night she becomes the cat burglar known as "The Night Ryder!(C)". The Night Ryder must find aliens hidden on earth as expensive articles she probably could have bought during the day.

Then again, drugs often make options where none existed...

Charlie Sheen
Pitch: Say, 3 months and a half ago I read several jokes about cocaine addled, attempted murderer Charlie Sheen's drug fueled musings. I assume this will still be funny in the year this project will take to develop.
Synopsis: In a world ruled by darkness, only one man can stop evil. A rocks star from the planet mars, he has been imbued with Tiger CAN I PLEASE KILL MYSELF NOW?
Tupac Shakur

 Stuff is always less offensive when a dead guy writes it.

Pitch:You know, I think Tupac Shakur's name has only grown into legend ever since he got shot. I can only assume we can make money out of this somehow.
Synopsis: Everyone thinks Tupac died when he was fatally shot dead. His spirit lives on...as the Cosmic MC! Whenever black people are in danger, The Cosmic MC is there. He will defend the West Coast...OF THE UNIVERSE!

Sarah Palin

Kaw KAAAAAAW

Pitch: Have you ever seen this many drugs, Stan? I must have gone into 10 comas, hahahaha!  Still, we aren't paid in drugs to DO drugs. Let's see what the job is! Er...crap. I will be needing 1 more of everything...
Synopsis: Sarah Palin is a respected, apt stateswoman. There's one problem, though...the woman running for president right now is NOT Sarah Palin. The real Sarah Palin has been kidnapped by aliens and abandoned in a frozen prison planet, a clone put in her place to completely botch her chances at winning at any branch of goverment. The real Sarah Palin will use her survivalist skill, political savvy, and no nonsense attitude to rally a rebellion against her oppressors and save the earth in "Palin's Planet!"

4 other celebs that need their own cartoon. at 2:11 AM

Word has come up the planned animated opus known as "the Governator" is cancelled.

It is sadness all around. Mainly because it showed us our own mortality.  Our biggest action star of the 80s and 90s is a terrible decision maker and the creator of Spider-man can't even get a decent Jackie Chan Adventures-type deal going on before his brain farts out a bunch of uninspired crap with robots. The Dream is Dead!

Off course, it's not the first time  celebrities have tried have stepped into cartoon lands. Mr T did it. Chuck Norris did it.  Even Damon Wayans had one! He's not even the best Wayans!

It's K.I. He writes bad movies as traps for his siblings.

But, you know, Governator was freaking stupid. It's a generic cartoon starring Ahnuld Jokes. Really old Ahnuld Jokes. Here, I made a chart.

Now they're just trying to come up with new stuff and failin. "Sperminator?" How about some "True Lies" jokes! How about "Conan the Marriage Destroyer?" How about "End of Days(In which I hide my secret illegitimate children).

As for Old Man Stan Lee, he's been trying to make celebs into  Superheros for years, and each one has been more embarassing than the last. I guess this is only sad depending on which level of credit you are willing to give Stan Lee. For those of you looking for evidence this man is not the reason you like Spider-Man, then  haven't you given Striperella, or the Backstreet Boys stuff or the threat of that Paris Hilton thing too much control over your life?

So here's a list of celebrities that Stan Lee should get to make "Superheros" from next.

Winona Ryder

TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!

Pitch: "So Stan, you know how it is to have once been well regarded and now being relegated to cameos. Do it to Winona, but in animation. Put your penis back in your pants. Security!"
Synopsis:Winona Ryder is an actress by day, but by night she becomes the cat burglar known as "The Night Ryder!(C)". The Night Ryder must find aliens hidden on earth as expensive articles she probably could have bought during the day.

The Phoenix Wright Moveset pitch at 11:59 AM

SO CLOSE!

(Confirmation of Phoenix Wright means this is obsolete and that Capcom's actual moves are probably a million times better. However, it also proves the bigger point that it's possible.)
MVC3 is so close, I wish I had money to buy it, or an Xbox to play it. I have feverishly followed the games development, from initial rumors to the leaks. Hell, I did a spot or two of leaking, myself.


But one of the most pervasive debates is regarding Phoenix Wright. One of the most hotly demanded characters, he is also one of the most fought against by some. They say that Phoenix(not the one that's in) can't be in the game because he is not a fighter. Examples are pointed out of characters that where never fighters as a rebuttal. Movesets are offered. The debate rages on.

I will admit, as essentially an anime character, Phoenix would make more sense in TvC 2, if that was a real game that was going to exist. But let's not discount the old Marvel series. I want to show you how I would make  the Ace Attorney for MVC 3.

Sure, I'm no Availation, and this isn't exactly indepth. Heck, I've only beat most of the first game. But We all gotta start somewhere, right?  Let's get rolling!

 
Let us start with the intro. Wright stands behind a court podium that falls down and breaks, bothering him, and setting the tone for his character..

 
Standing pose.  He's fairly confident.

 
Walk Forward. Again, confident.




 Walk Back. Less confident

Crouch. He kneels, and looks at some papers

Attacks after the jump


Normal moves

Air Strong attack: Phoenix bonks the opponent in th ehead with a thinker statue, which was fatal for two PW characters

Air Mid: Wright swipes while trying to catch a loose paper.

weak air: Wright looks at paper, hits opponent with his hand.

Down Strong: Phoenix Dives with his briefcase. It's a slide attack.

Down Mid Wright hits with brad side of the briefcase.

Down Weak: Wright looks at paper.

Air rave: Wright opens a briefcase, launching his opponent up if the briefcase hits them.

Strong Stand: Wright swing his briefcase.

Stand mid: Wright shows opponent paper.

Stand Weak: Wright looks at paper

Special Moves

Magatama Strike: If opponent is hit, they go into Psychelock mode, in which they can't block

Papers in the wind. An antiair technique that sends a whirlwind of papers  flying from his briefcase.

Evidence throw: Phoenix throws evidence that  stuns the opponent. Evidence depends on who is active on the other team I.E. Spiderman's would be a pic of Aunt May, Wesker's would be an empty T virus vial..

Objection: A counter move. If hit, Wright yells his trademark phrase and sends the opponent flying.

Hyper Moves

Hyper Paper Whirlwind: a Stronger version of  the paper whirlwind.

Final Objection: Busty Blond Mia Fey pops up and blasts the opponent away with spirit magic.

Gavel Nightmare: a giant gavel shows up out of nowhere and blasts across the screen. Sure, that was only  nightmare, but according to Ken, so was Marvel vs Street Fighter.

Winpose: Heh...Didn't know I had it in me!

This list is far from complete(or proffesional) but don't forget that if I can think of a foundation for Wrights moves, why can't a proffesional who's payed in more than comments and clicks?