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| "Moongirl, help! They're getting on my pants!" |
I've heard that the most
effective sci fi stories deal with our worries. Is technology advancing too
fast? Are we ready for what's to come? Could aliens really be planning to spirit away and bump uglies with our men?
I guess in 1945 Sheldon Moldoff really tapped into that latent fear in Moon
Girl #1's "Invader's from Venus".
The story proper begins in
the aforementioned planet, where an alien species is discussing their
predicament: they are running out of men! This species naturally is distinct
from earth humans in nothing. Not even unhuman colors or pointy ears. Couldn't
they be bugeyed, yet hot? Queen Nameless dispatches Erica, her confidant, and a
squadron of other Venunites to earth to
bring more men, lest their species die off.
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| Did you reuse, reduce, and recycle them? |
And so the girls are off to
kidnap Earth's most precious resource. They just happen to land on the current
hometown of vaguely Middle Eastern Superwoman Moon Girl. There, they observe
Lionel Manning, really The Prince, the
son of Hercules, as he's winning a baseball game, even though he's just the
coach, and he's supposed to be sort of undercover. But when he gets back to the
bus it's totalled. I know what happened!
Sadly, no. Instead, all the
bus patrons have been kidnapped.The big man gets jumped at by some ALFILFs, but
he tosses them like an Apple Nano at a birthday Party. He gets threatened to be
shot with a raygun, but, despite having probably never been shot with a raygun
by rape happy Venusians, he dismisses
out of hand as futile. This senseless bravado impresses Erica, because I guess in
her planet, you just let the guy take your money and then cry about it. Then he
gets shot.
Sure, it's a paralizing
effect, but it's proof that, as the rare
male adult sideckick to a female Superhero, Prince kinda sucks. And what's worst,
when Robin gets caught he doesn't let Batman stood up for a date. At least, I
like to think he doesn't.
Indeed, Claire Lune, Alias
Moongirl, is wondering where he is, when she gets told the bus never gets
there. Naturally, she super runs into the scene of Prince getting all caught,
and starts beating the shit out of people.
After a sufficient amount of
ass is handed, she regains her man(and only her man). Luckilly for any of them
who did not want to become an automatic semen dispenser for life(and seriously,
why baseball.? Have you even seen a baseball player? They're either fat or on
steroids) Erica has a bit of a change of
heart and turns back in hope of nabbing The Prince.
wait, I like this panel, but
it needs some updating.
There, all happy. Hrmm. So
Erica, who won't say she's in love has a new plan: shoot everyone with
paralizing ray until they win.. Okay, here's a plan, you dumb wench: "I'm
a really hot woman, but from space: We're taking volunteers who would like to
hump us all day. No fat dudes." I mean, we've established they see us from
space, why not just ask? What's wrong with saying: "our socierty is dying,
and will die without the charity of your dickings?"
Still, I guess Erica is thinking with her, erm...whatever. She
and her crew surprise The Prince at a dance and try to paralize ray everyone.
Moongirl...well, she kind of beats the shit out of them again. It's kinda
brutal, actually.
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| Is anyone else seeing people getting feet stuck up their ass? Or is it just me? |
Agreeing to let them go in
exchange for the other prisoners, Erica and her friends agree never to come
back with their planetwrecker ways. Moongirls wonders about how women must be
glad none of them galaxy ho's is trynna
steal their mans.
And so it ends.
Naw, just kidding. they come
back in Moongirl #6. What else could happen?
After the previous failiure
of their paralizer ray based schemes, the girls have new and devious plan: cause an earthquake,
then while we're dealing with the aftermath, return to the exact same college
and steal the same guys, but with hypnosis this time. I guess the Rawley college baseball somehow collected the ideal genetic specimens.
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| Jeezus, girls. I know getting a man is aparently hard, but you're just being overdramatic now. |
We get a few pages of
Moongirl stopping toppling buildings, then she runs into her boyfriend walking
behind one of the alien gogo dancers. She immediately assumes the worst (that
he's cheating on her, not that he's about to be taken off planet to the semen
farms.) Of course, she quickly sees other people also following women and backflips into the conclusion Erica and her
girls are involved.
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| I don't know, girls. You don't seem to be taking this very seriously. |
Moon Girl then of course,
flips them like the pages of a particularly
fragile book.
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| Tet a tit. |
Man, i think I found the
recurrung theme of this Venusians.
Erica, unleashes her secret weapon of hypnotized men against Moon Girl,
which against all publication history works.
Moongirl gets grabbed by the legs and arms, tied, and thrown into a
ditch deep in the earth. But not in a Wonder Womaney way where you kinda get
that the guy was getting off on it.
However, Moon GIrl unties
herself and digs her way out, grabs the ship before it flies away,
frees the men, and throws the ship out of control toward space. And,
then, instead of closure...
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| Ma! Pa! Come quick, it's SHELDON MOLDOFF! |
Do not take my tone to mean
I think there's nothing worth salvaging here, Oh, no, au contraire, mon petit.
I totally would revamp the Wolfgirls
from Venus into something. Just, you
know, maybe give them head-tails or something.
