So much swimming, to die on the shore at 10:15 AM

>is mentioned<

>And if you're<

 

I'm sorry Lindsay. You turned off the comments to avoid the conspiracy nuts and it was a noble effort. But Youtube just won't let it.

Horrendous Theory: The Sith's Inside Man at 5:54 PM

Beeb-Boop Beep Satan...I mean Beep!

There's been a lot of Star Wars talk lately. And it always comes back to how poorly plotted those damn prequels where. How come one guy who can feel waves of the force can be so dumb as to not feel the evil in the evilest guy in the galaxy sitting across the room? How can  the villain's  plan be this all encompassing and yet this detailed, this informed?

I may have the  answer for that last one. The Emperor has an throughout the prequels that relayed information to him. And he was there almost the entire way. R2D2.

Dun-Dun DA!

R2D2 first enters the plot of the movies as a repair droid who served on Naboo's royal air force, which is stationed pretty much in the Castle. This is a perfect position to send inside information about Naboo to the emperor, who could then give it to the Trade Federation.

When our heroes escape t through the blockade, he is one of several droids who have to repair the shield generators. The others get  destroyed in eerily accurate fashion for being in a  spaceship moving real fast against a mothership shooting directly at it. If videogames have taught me something is that shooting something is at it's easiest when it's heading towards you. So R2 "fixes" the problem, by hooking up two cables together and they get to Tattoine, but not before he gets access to the Queen, and he can just hang tight and listen to all the secret Throne Room gossip.

He Watches...From the Shadows...

This is where it gets a bit complex. Quigon Jinn, who is already not the sharpest knife in the drawer, starts getting himself involved in a bid to fix the ship in order for it to get to  Coruscant, by getting a part from a shady scrap dealer, and somehow decides to  acquire a young boy. Keep in mind, Quigon is the only person who agrees with taking the boy. Everyone else feels it is a bad idea.  Obiwan thinks he's another  mouth on the  mission, The Jedi Council feel great danger, the audiences hate him. The only ones who feel  he should be there are Quigon Jinn and George Lucas.  And what do you know, first step down the ship it's R2d2, following Quigon for purposes of helping identify the part. Which he doesn't. Could R2D2 have been manipulating Jinn? Remember, Jiinn was not strong enough to manipulate some bucktoothed  junk salesman. His mental capacities aren't legendary.

Then, out of all the planets in the galaxy, of all the towns in Tattoine, an Sith assassin manages to track them down to the exact place they landed in. An assassin who was earlier shown to be WITH Darth Sidious/Palpatine, presumably in Coruscant. SOMEONE told Sidius that the important people the Trade Federation was looking for  where on some planet. I think it was R2. Sure, he's never shown to have that kind of intergalactic transmitting capabilities, but we'll soon learn R2D2 has many things we never knew about.

Eventually, though they make it to Coruscant, successfully play into a tyrant's ploy for power, and go back to  Tattoine to singlehandedly stop the whole thing anyway. R2D2 stays with the boy and "he" accidentally flies a starship and uses it to blow up a bigger ship.  Yes, a little kid who grew up on some third world hut, is apparently able to figure out a superadvanced ship, while his robot companion just boops and beeps, totally not manipulating the ship.

Autopilot, yeah sure. "Oh, this autopilot is totally taking me to a battle that will cement my status as  a Force sensitive! Stop It!"

And so, "Anakin" successfully eliminates the main problem of the first movie. So R2D2 sticks with Obi Wan and Anakin for 10 years, until someone tries to murder Amidala, now a senator.  He's the only one she lets in her room before her next assassination attempt, which is a shame, because his course of action  upon witnessing the murderbugs a robot lets in is to not move and tell no one. Think about it, R2 himself could have killed them, as he's not possible to poison. Could have run 'em over with his wheels or  one of those things that come out of him. He's clearly not only observing it, but  he must have told the bad guys where she was in detail.

He then goes on to participate on Anakin's breaking of his Jedi vows and his fall to the Dark side. This is pretty creepy. Think about it: This guy is killing children within his sight! And he doesn't intervene, he doesn't tell anyone. He's not unfazed. You assume he's friends with someone, that he has some kind of ethics. If he's willing to sit out events like this, why not assume he'd actually manipulate them?

Then he throws C3PO into a factory to almost certain dissasembly. And he flies above it all with his rockets. It's important, this rockets have never been used in the service of anyone else. But we're already seeing a picture of a character with no scruples, who, while all his "friends" go on to a death duel with supermonsters, he's off minding his own business.  I guess he sort of helps C3PO from the situation he put him on later. We all know about these two. But from the looks of it, it's a rather abusive relationship.

It is an order! Marry them...NOW!

So R2 goes on to witness the wedding of Anakin. Of note: He's not just ANAKIN'S robot. He works along with Obi Wan. So, it doesn't ever come up, like for accident or something. Or  He doesn't tell anyone?"Beep Eep, Oooooo! What's that, Artoo? Married to Padme?"

By the next movie, the only 5 people know of the marriage: the couple, R2 and 3pio and Senator Palpatine. How this last one knows, hhmm... I just can't say...

But here's a picture suggesting the answer.

So the mission to rescue Palpatine kicks off Ep 3, and R2D2 is, as always, the one surviving robot. It is here he hints at his multiple combat capabilities. Besides flying, he can shock things with a taser, and douse them in fuel. He can even do a thing I don't understand.

But whatever it is I would never want something this dangerous happening near me, at crotch level.

This abilities never come up in dangerous situations. Even when it does, it's usually on a ship, where R2 himself is in danger. When it's about helping other people, it's like he's very selective...

So, when the real bad shit goes down, R2 immediately sides with Darth Badguy on the murder of The last of the Separatists, as well as Obiwan. It's actually a little surprising that Obi Wan later picks him up and gives him to Jimmy Smits who has C3Po mindwiped and not him.  This means that, going in to the original trilogy, R2 knew everything: Luke's Father, the whole conspiracy everything, that Obi Wan is a Jedi... He never uses any of that. He never uses any of his abilities again. He's evil, I tell you!

Or this movies are badly written. I don't know. Whichever makes most sense,  I guess.

Horrendous Theory: The Sith's Inside Man at 5:54 PM

Beeb-Boop Beep Satan...I mean Beep!

There's been a lot of Star Wars talk lately. And it always comes back to how poorly plotted those damn prequels where. How come one guy who can feel waves of the force can be so dumb as to not feel the evil in the evilest guy in the galaxy sitting across the room? How can  the villain's  plan be this all encompassing and yet this detailed, this informed?

I may have the  answer for that last one. The Emperor has an throughout the prequels that relayed information to him. And he was there almost the entire way. R2D2.

Dun-Dun DA!

Horrendous Theory: Something Something Halo something 9-11 at 11:11 PM

Welcome, my friends to a very special episode of Horrendous Theory.

This episode is not about an actual theory I have, but rather abut something that has bugged me for almost a decade. It can be accurately described as a scary coincidence, more than anything. But then again, there are those who do not believe in coincidences.

Like, why would he even?

See, it's been nearly 10 years since the terrible terrorist attacks that shocked New York and shook the world. Since it is a tradition to say where one was that day, I was at school, though I heard a teacher mention planes had crashed into the Twin Towers. Which I remember where mentioned by J, of the Men in Black Animated series, to be the biggest building in the Manhattan. Then I got home, and things where badder than I ever suspected.

So much more badder

Thousands of lives lost, a literal center of trade turned to rubble and the increasing feeling that war was going to begin any time now replaced any optimism we might have had for the young millennium. Religious zealots had brought war against the American people. Whatever you thought was gonna happen before didn't matter.

But I guess, for me, it wasn't too bad a year. 4 months' later I bought an Xbox and eventually it's greatest launch title, Halo: Combat Evolved.

The feeling of being an invincible super soldier went right along the growth of  increased militarization regarding real life. I actually talked about  the possibility of being drafted over enlisting with a friend of my brother while playing it. 'Course, even then I knew real military conflict was harder, and yet more boring than a campaign on legendary.

No Banshees on sight, yet.

But you can't deny the appeal of Halo's story: Fighting to defend humanity from the religious extremists of the Covenant, barely surviving the attack on Reach that...

Wait, what? Religious Zealots? An devastating attack no one saw coming? Military response? But...Halo...has an eerily similar plot to the one from...9-11. I mean, there are key differences but it's still sort of the same.

For one, real life didn't throw The Flood in there to spice things up. Except, you know...

But as  I said, I DON'T have a theory. What could I say, that Halo did 9-11? And Halo was about religious alien zealots years before it hit the Xbox. I guess if you already believe there was a super massive conspiracy to cause the attacks of 9-11 for some reason, you could neatly tie this up under  "see, it was planned all along!". But, me, I can't in good conscience say that the similarities between this fictional videogame events and the very real tragedy that happened on that day. Not without evidence, I can't.

It's still freaky, though.

Horrendous Theory: Something Something Halo something 9-11 at 11:11 PM

Welcome, my friends to a very special episode of Horrendous Theory.

This episode is not about an actual theory I have, but rather abut something that has bugged me for almost a decade. It can be accurately described as a scary coincidence, more than anything. But then again, there are those who do not believe in coincidences.

Like, why would he even?

See, it's been nearly 10 years since the terrible terrorist attacks that shocked New York and shook the world. Since it is a tradition to say where one was that day, I was at school, though I heard a teacher mention planes had crashed into the Twin Towers. Which I remember where mentioned by J, of the Men in Black Animated series, to be the biggest building in the Manhattan. Then I got home, and things where badder than I ever suspected.

So much more badder

Diary of a Truancy Inspector #2 at 8:03 PM

 I found this written in  ketchup in my  roof this morning. It's from my conspiracy minded pen pal, Truancy Inspector.

 I  did not take it well, that you posted my letter to you. Not because I didn't meant for it to be publicized. I will  chew anyone's ear off, except if the meat is sheeple.

No, I took offense to the font used. It doesn't have the heart magazine cut out letters do. We need to save the print magazine industry. From Satan.

I need to be dramatic. People don't pay attention to what is really going on. Political upheaval in the middle east? Oil running out? A sports awards show in Cartoon Network? All distractions from the encroaching Ragnarok that will come in the form of Ghostbusters 3.

Look at the Masonic Symbols  to the left and right of smoking...

You may have heard it. It's on. It's off. It's on. It takes place in hell.The ghost of Bill Murray is in it.It's off again. And now they are saying Ashton Kutcher, the star of Butterfly Effect and Open Season, will play a role in it.

There is a perfectly reasonable explanation, and like all reasonable explanations, it involves time travel.
It seems someone from a future where Ghostbusters 3 didn't happen traveled back to our time to ensure it did happen. The timeline was altered. The movie will happen. Thus creating a new timeline where Ghostbusters 3 exists and it's utter awefullness ignite riots that destroy civilization in most of the world. Small pockets of intelligence survive, and manage (with the help of an older version of our time traveler) to create a time machine so that the first time traveler can be stopped.

We are witnessing that battle, and the very fate of humanity hangs in the balance! Every time the movie is off, it's because a time traveler snuck into Bill Murray's house and stole the script, putting in it's place the script for  Yogi Bear. Every time it's on, it's because another time traveler put the script back in Murray's coffee table

As for Kutcher, he's an agent for the  movie-stopping secret agent. His whole career has been a setup or it.
How else are you gonna explain a filmography this bad?

Diary of a Truancy Inspector #2 at 8:03 PM

 I found this written in  ketchup in my  roof this morning. It's from my conspiracy minded pen pal, Truancy Inspector.

 I  did not take it well, that you posted my letter to you. Not because I didn't meant for it to be publicized. I will  chew anyone's ear off, except if the meat is sheeple.

No, I took offense to the font used. It doesn't have the heart magazine cut out letters do. We need to save the print magazine industry. From Satan.

I need to be dramatic. People don't pay attention to what is really going on. Political upheaval in the middle east? Oil running out? A sports awards show in Cartoon Network? All distractions from the encroaching Ragnarok that will come in the form of Ghostbusters 3.

Look at the Masonic Symbols  to the left and right of smoking...

You may have heard it. It's on. It's off. It's on. It takes place in hell.The ghost of Bill Murray is in it.It's off again. And now they are saying Ashton Kutcher, the star of Butterfly Effect and Open Season, will play a role in it.

There is a perfectly reasonable explanation, and like all reasonable explanations, it involves time travel.

F.A.R.T. Back for moar. at 9:18 AM

 

It's once again time to check the latest attempts at  less than greatest attempts at Fan Art DA has to offer! That's right, it's the return of Fan Art Review Time! Or whatever the hell the T used to stand for!


Our first choice brought me back on the game. If I saw this anywhere else than on DA I would shrug it.

At least they didn't take previously made jobs and called them their own.

Yes, pasted an image of the 911 terrorist attacks, and wrote to it's left it was an inside job.



I don't want to waste your time with my opinion  of  911-iz-inside-jobz, but come on. It's called "Deviant Art", not "Deviant propaganda". You want to say 911 was really done by Leopard Women from Venus riding giant saurians? FINE. Just put it in ART FORM. Don't just put this shit up there!

Man, it really has been awhile. I'm having trouble finding truly disturbing/bad art. Let's check the mines. That is, Sonic Fandom.

Here's 3 things you should imagine Shadow saying 1)Hmp!2) Maria...3) I am the ultimate life form!

This is why we can't have nice things, guys. I wonder how the thought train goes. "Shadow is a cold, Emo hedgehog who is constantly remembering a single girl from his past. So, duh, it's obvious he'd go gay for Sonic The Hedgehog. And they would celebrate their love with giant chocolate covered pickles, right? Wut wut?"

ANd you know, sometimes the pencil can do things that put bitmap to shame. In fact, those times are usually always. S'ides, Sonic shoulld look bigger, since he's closer.

I can't show you the next one in full. Be aware that apparently looking at drawings of naked teens can land you in hot water.

It was old Mr Rapedungeon all along!

Yes, in this commission, someone requested a drawing of Daphne, of Scooby Do fame, naked and crucified. Except  she has comepletely abnormal genitalia, which seems to consist of a tongue coming from under where her vagina should be.

What amazes me is that this was commissioned. I understand comissions is where a guy pays money and then you draw what he asks, correct? THe thought that someone payed money for such simple, terribla art is trully disheartening.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

F.A.R.T. Back for moar. at 9:18 AM

 

It's once again time to check the latest attempts at  less than greatest attempts at Fan Art DA has to offer! That's right, it's the return of Fan Art Review Time! Or whatever the hell the T used to stand for!


Our first choice brought me back on the game. If I saw this anywhere else than on DA I would shrug it.

At least they didn't take previously made jobs and called them their own.

Yes, pasted an image of the 911 terrorist attacks, and wrote to it's left it was an inside job.

Diary of a Truancy Inspector at 12:30 PM

I receive more mail than you would imagine. I don't share most of it, but I recently received a missive I thought you might want to see. It comes from a man who calls himself simply "Truancy Inspector". I do not endorse, nor solidarize with his words but here's what he wrote.Solidarize is an actual word, right? Crap.

Evening. I saw your recent post. About the upcoming destruction of your land by a massive wave sent by the so called God.

Stop spreading this missinformation and fearmongering. There is no such thing as God, or gods or even the non-canonical "Gosh". Your island needn't fear fear mythological creatures based on self dellusion. Rather, they should fear the earthquake generator the templar plan to use to destroy your populace in a bid to control the plaintain market.


Who am I?  Well, I am not, is the proper answer. I hide in the shadows, off the grid far from their control. They fear me, and how much I don't buy toilet paper all that often. But if you must use a name for me because the abstract concept of the truth has been erased  by THEM and years of missinformation, controlled media and toothpaste in the water call me Truancy Inspector.

St. Tinfoil is my only God!

As for Them, they are everywhere. They control everything: Your TV, your Radio, that one time your dad said he was going to go to your Soccer game, but he didn't and you ended up quitting the league in frustration: all part of their plan.  You may know them as Illuminatti, Freemasons or Knights Templars. That's what they WANT you to know them as. Did you know the Girlscouts go back to  the Sumerian empire? Of course you didn't. They edited it every time I tried to add it to their Wikipedia page. Their influence is both deep and disturbing.

All the citation I need is in the Bible. The REAL Bible.

As I said, they control everything. And slowly, but surely, they plan to bring forth the New World Order.

I don't know exactly what it entails, but they plan to kill most of the human race, and possibly wear them as ponchos, and from the ashes of the old world a new  one will arrise: under their control.

"Same as the old World Order!"

But much like the Riddler, this guys can't stop themselves hinting of they plans. Only in this case, insteado f Batman, there's me, and instead of stopping the plans, I complain you don't believe me.

Oh, but for the sad sacks that cannot see the truth. They will suckle any old story that they can wean from the tits of the NWO: the mass media. FOx News, MSNBC, WNBA AT-ST all of them founded by THEM. If the Shadow Goverment says jump, they say "ow, my head".

Kennedy killed? Kennedy hadn't even been born when they shot at that dummy full of Cranbery sauce. Besides, we all know he shapeshifted into Tupac and was responsible for the Oil Spill last year.

The Moon Landing? It's obviously fake: They landed in the moon years before that. Why do you thing it's so empty? They colonized it and slaughtered all the moonmen. And a few years later "moonwalking" is invented. Coincidence? Coincidence is their biggest ally that isn't an alien lizard Jewish robot.

Even  now some of you doubt me. I would call you sheeple, but THEY know people who use the term are the real deal and find them on sight. You remind me of a kid I saw the other day: He was so stuck on believeing th official(AKA bullshit) 911 story, he forgot to cover the angle where the building was imploded. Are you really prepared to believe a bunch of weirdos who live in caves are crazy enought to kill themselves because they where told over THE TRUTH: mininukes destroyed the Towers and  building 7 was done in by a Magic Fire Dragon.

Don't believe me? Do your own research, like I did: By reading books that agree with my preconcieved  notions. Sometimes you have to study to arrive at a logical conclusion, but  that's exactly what they want to sucker you away from the truth. Instead arrive at the conclusion first, then defend it from "THEM" at any cost. And remember, once you discover the full Truth, or even a little of the Truth, about  the upcoming earth-long holocaust, do not hold back on being a douche and calling the people you purport to save names. This should gain you many converts to the fold, who must also mistreat  those they want to save.

So, to reiterate: everyone stop believing what you believe now, sheeple, and start believing what this overtly aggresive guy with  creepy youtube vids is telling you. The end is near! Hate the one you're with: s/he's an alien!

Diary of a Truancy Inspector at 12:30 PM

I receive more mail than you would imagine. I don't share most of it, but I recently received a missive I thought you might want to see. It comes from a man who calls himself simply "Truancy Inspector". I do not endorse, nor solidarize with his words but here's what he wrote.Solidarize is an actual word, right? Crap.

Evening. I saw your recent post. About the upcoming destruction of your land by a massive wave sent by the so called God.

Stop spreading this missinformation and fearmongering. There is no such thing as God, or gods or even the non-canonical "Gosh". Your island needn't fear fear mythological creatures based on self dellusion. Rather, they should fear the earthquake generator the templar plan to use to destroy your populace in a bid to control the plaintain market.


Who am I?  Well, I am not, is the proper answer. I hide in the shadows, off the grid far from their control. They fear me, and how much I don't buy toilet paper all that often. But if you must use a name for me because the abstract concept of the truth has been erased  by THEM and years of missinformation, controlled media and toothpaste in the water call me Truancy Inspector.

St. Tinfoil is my only God!

The uncanny Valis at 10:54 AM

So I was wastng my life away ont he internet, you know, minding my own buisness, when I decided I needed a Valis: Phantasm Soldier Google alert. My current one with just Valis just drags in news from European Sports and Phillip K Dick articles.

When I searched the net for it, I found my previous mention of it in a  Topless Robot  article. That was amusing for a bit. But as I scrolled bellow, I caught eye of this...

My own  comment had been replicated, apparently word by word(but with failed punctuation), in some ambiguous website. What the hell is going on? Is it trojan bait directed specifically at me? Is it  a coincidence? Is there a clone of me? Am I important enought that my insight on obscure Japanese platformers is sought out? Is it all the above?

I don't dare click on the site. I don't trust it. But you guys be affraid, for your own nerdy opinions might be next!

The uncanny Valis at 10:54 AM

So I was wastng my life away ont he internet, you know, minding my own buisness, when I decided I needed a Valis: Phantasm Soldier Google alert. My current one with just Valis just drags in news from European Sports and Phillip K Dick articles.

When I searched the net for it, I found my previous mention of it in a  Topless Robot  article. That was amusing for a bit. But as I scrolled bellow, I caught eye of this...

My own  comment had been replicated, apparently word by word(but with failed punctuation), in some ambiguous website. What the hell is going on? Is it trojan bait directed specifically at me? Is it  a coincidence? Is there a clone of me? Am I important enought that my insight on obscure Japanese platformers is sought out? Is it all the above?

I don't dare click on the site. I don't trust it. But you guys be affraid, for your own nerdy opinions might be next!