Love Letter: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic at 6:37 AM

Dead or Alive Xtreme Schutta Volleyball

I suspect that by the point this goes up, we'll be knee deep into the backlash phase of the Star Wars Episode 7 Hype. The point where about half the people who were neutral-to-excited about it are now tired of the the social media saturation of it. You know, like with Frozen. Look, guys, it was  just okay, stop singing let it go.

Still, some excitement is warranted. Star Wars is good again, apparently.  I mean, a lot of people think that the prequels where a Dark Time for the franchise. But I remember the time fondly.

Not, because of the movies, mind you. Some people may be find because of the prequels, but I'm not among them, even though the old movies werent  all that easy to find on the 3 channels we had. I liked them well enough, but it wasn't a particular obsession of mine.

However, Star Wars GAMES are some of the Star Wars experiences I am fond of, particularly Shadows of the Empire for the N64, and Knights of the Old Republic.

Kotor is probably the game I most played on the original Xbox, having beaten it around 10 times, until I lost count. It sort of became a running joke, with people walking into my room, only to say "You're playing THAT again?"

"You don't understand the lesbian option with Juhani is RANDOM!"

Yes, again. For those too young to remember, KOTOR was the first and best Star Wars RPG, developed by Bioware, which made me a life long fan and drew me to Mass Effect,  Jade Empire, and...KOTOR 2...so, yeah, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

In it, your generic character wakes up in a ship under attack by the Sith 1000's of years before Darth Vader was even around, so you really don't have to worry about setting up how anybody's droid was built. From there, you discover secrets, become a Jedi, meet lots of cool characters, and decide whether you want to be a heroe, anti-hero, or straight up villain.

So, this game has lots of good things, but lots of things that people forget were not so good. The game had a dearth of animations. It got really bad. The repeated alien quips got on my head, too, especially since every single one began with Star Wars' version of "bitch".

"Schutta better have my money."

It's visual customization options make about your character felt less like Mass Effect and more like Deadly Arts. Some graphics looked pretty great, some graphics looked like shiet. And sometimes it was a little to scene by scene to the movies.

 However, the story and characters are where the game sold me. HK 47, a snarky killer droid, Mission Vao, a street urchin,  Canderous Ordo, a war veteran and Bastila Shan, a conflicted Jedi, among others, made the journey felt worth it.  There wasn't a character in there that I felt like kicking off the ship.

The morality system, with it's multiple choices. Oh, my god. It truly managed a balance of giving you moral options without these options being "feed the puppy" vs "kick the puppy". And somehow it allowed you to actually defeat the bad guys as a dark Jedi motherfuckers.


The gameplay was pretty good, too. I am no fan of RPG's, but discovering and unlocking different abilities felt great.  The partially turn based, but partially no combat delivered a significant amount of strategy, while also making it FEEL like  you where in control.

I loved going to the different planets, and seeing the different things and societies, and the different situations you could encounter. It wasn't just "play the action bits of the Star Wars movies" like most Star Wars games, although it did that, too. It was inviting  you to explore this grand universe full of peoples and factions and intrigue and backstory, and made it all compelling through some good gameplay and solid characters. That's why Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, I love you.

The game is out on Android because...I guess Phones can run Xbox games now. I'm old and so's my phone.

Love Letter: Mysterious Power at 10:21 AM

If you've been in following me for any amount of time, you know I've more than once mentioned Touki Densho: Angel Eyes. It's no accident. It's one of those games that I love and feel they aren't talked about enough.

Fists? Check. Anime eyes and hair? Check. Breasts? Oh, yeah.

Stop me if you've heard this before, but before Tecmo merged with Koei and even before it saved itself from insolvency with Dead or Alive, it made a 2D fighting game featuring an all female cast. It was not, I gather, a success , or at least successful enough to warrant a sequel or to release it in the West. Probably because it was a 2D fighter in a time where the Tekken type 3D brawlers where getting everyone's attention.



However, it was pretty good. The designs where sharp, and the graphics nice and the gameplay was innovative. I wouldn't even be writing about it if I hadn't seen two of it's characters in my early 2K searches for M.U.G.E.N. characters.



And while the other one was good, it's redhead extraordinaire Mysterious Power that convinced me I HAD to try this game.

What? You can read, you know it wasn't Raiya.

Mysterious Power, A.K.A. M Pow A.K.A Mysp is...I think...an English Super Hero woman. Armed with her non-Mysterious energy gun, the self described "Justice Girl" thrives on public adoration and loves to use engrish to the max. Seriously, this shit is hilarious.



This character just has everything that I like in a female fighting game character: upbeat, non-pretentious personality and she's got a sweet costume. Doesn't hurt that she's got a killer bod. But hey, in this industry, it takes more than ass and tits to stand out.



You know, there's elements to a character's personality in a videogame that people take for granted. Through animation, a character is supposed to express more than " I am now punching ". Through animation they are supposed to sell a character. This game and this character are a prime example. Mysterious Power attacks with a confidence and flair that the character engenders.

Just take that street all the way to the end.

I don't know, maybe I'm a sucker for this "foreigner as seen by Japan" characters or something, but, still I just love this character. Sadly, as we've discussed, the game never became a series unlike I guess others. And I don't think the genre revival will have too much of an effect on Koei-Tecmo, who already have the highly succesfull, highly female centric DoA series.

She may be cuter ike this, but keep in mind her gun is bigger too, Still can't fuck with that, homies.

Still, it's a character that, like it's series, is worth remembering in my opinion. Hopefully someone in Tecmo will bring her back in some form, and give those who missed the first outing a second chance. Hopefully they will love her as much as I do.

Love Letter: Mysterious Power at 10:21 AM

If you've been in following me for any amount of time, you know I've more than once mentioned Touki Densho: Angel Eyes. It's no accident. It's one of those games that I love and feel they aren't talked about enough.

Fists? Check. Anime eyes and hair? Check. Breasts? Oh, yeah.

Stop me if you've heard this before, but before Tecmo merged with Koei and even before it saved itself from insolvency with Dead or Alive, it made a 2D fighting game featuring an all female cast. It was not, I gather, a success , or at least successful enough to warrant a sequel or to release it in the West. Probably because it was a 2D fighter in a time where the Tekken type 3D brawlers where getting everyone's attention.



However, it was pretty good. The designs where sharp, and the graphics nice and the gameplay was innovative. I wouldn't even be writing about it if I hadn't seen two of it's characters in my early 2K searches for M.U.G.E.N. characters.



And while the other one was good, it's redhead extraordinaire Mysterious Power that convinced me I HAD to try this game.

What? You can read, you know it wasn't Raiya.

Fighting Female July at 9:58 AM

Folks, women are to me like fighting games. I'm no good at either, but that doesn't stop me from loving them all the same. So, while playing an awful doujin game the other day, I sort of got to thinking about women only fighiting games, about how maybe there wern't enough good ones. And about women in fighiting game in general. So I decided to look further, and in order to condense my findings, I have decided to dedicate a full month to women, and the fighting games they fight at.



So this July look for Reviews of female only fighting games, character love letters, and drawings all featuring the best, worst, and most obscure of what women have been like in fighting games. This July is Fighitng Female July.

I wanted it to be Fighting Female February, but that  did not pan out, and and  I don't love the alliteration enough to delay the whole thing a year. See you in July, girls!

Fighting Female July at 9:58 AM

Folks, women are to me like fighting games. I'm no good at either, but that doesn't stop me from loving them all the same. So, while playing an awful doujin game the other day, I sort of got to thinking about women only fighiting games, about how maybe there wern't enough good ones. And about women in fighiting game in general. So I decided to look further, and in order to condense my findings, I have decided to dedicate a full month to women, and the fighting games they fight at.



So this July look for Reviews of female only fighting games, character love letters, and drawings all featuring the best, worst, and most obscure of what women have been like in fighting games. This July is Fighitng Female July.

I wanted it to be Fighting Female February, but that  did not pan out, and and  I don't love the alliteration enough to delay the whole thing a year. See you in July, girls!

Love Letter: Create-a-Character at 10:59 AM

This love letter is dedicated, not to  some character I like, but to a character I could like. That's right, I'm here to sing the praises of custom character making.

If you came from my Youtube, I don't need to tell you I love creating my own characters for games. But what you don't know is that I was at it since earlier than 2005.

My first real experience with custom characters was in WWF War Zone for the Nintendo 64. I actually did a short term trade with a friend for it, and I loved the custom character option. It was the only reason I rented Deadly Arts, though that was a massive disappointment.

It's not the size of the head on the dog, it's the size of the fight in the  tanktop of the dog.

By the time I  had a Dreamcast, I had decided the fearure was enough to justify a purchase, and bought WWF Attitude. I spent hours creating Characters from movies, comics, women that looked naked. It's silly, I can create a character on paper, but as much as I love Create a characters, I always end up creating characters from other stuff. I just sorta see the potential for them.

What?

Finally, in 2k5, I bought Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. I began creating vids of my Created characters and uploading them through university computers. I actually planned several original characters, but I dropped that. Never could get them.

Hey, we need new Valises eventually!

Sure, sometimes custom characters feel like they don't belong there. But It's all in good fun. I haven't done a good amount of custom character-ing in a while, but hopefully  eventually, the stars will align and I'll make some more!

Love Letter: Create-a-Character at 10:59 AM

This love letter is dedicated, not to  some character I like, but to a character I could like. That's right, I'm here to sing the praises of custom character making.

If you came from my Youtube, I don't need to tell you I love creating my own characters for games. But what you don't know is that I was at it since earlier than 2005.

My first real experience with custom characters was in WWF War Zone for the Nintendo 64. I actually did a short term trade with a friend for it, and I loved the custom character option. It was the only reason I rented Deadly Arts, though that was a massive disappointment.

It's not the size of the head on the dog, it's the size of the fight in the  tanktop of the dog.

By the time I  had a Dreamcast, I had decided the fearure was enough to justify a purchase, and bought WWF Attitude. I spent hours creating Characters from movies, comics, women that looked naked. It's silly, I can create a character on paper, but as much as I love Create a characters, I always end up creating characters from other stuff. I just sorta see the potential for them.

What?

Finally, in 2k5, I bought Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. I began creating vids of my Created characters and uploading them through university computers. I actually planned several original characters, but I dropped that. Never could get them.

Hey, we need new Valises eventually!

Sure, sometimes custom characters feel like they don't belong there. But It's all in good fun. I haven't done a good amount of custom character-ing in a while, but hopefully  eventually, the stars will align and I'll make some more!

Love Letter: The Michelle Rodriguez character at 11:35 AM

She's about to fix rain. Permanently.

You know, I love an action girl. Just ask anyone. It has lead me to some poor viewing choices, such as Ecks vs Sever, and Immortal. But It's also lead me to good choices, such as 2000's Girlfight.

While the movie itself was way less actiony and a lot more dramaty than I'd hoped, it did introduce to me the wonders of Michelle Rodriguez, and her singular creation: "The Michelle Rodriguez character".

I ain't never seen such a cold stare, mon.

Now, you have probably seen this character. It's ussually some sort of military figure or soldier, and played by Michelle Rodriguez.

She has at least one moment to show she doesn't take bullshit from anyone.

Here eyelids are partially closed, so it looks like her eyes are scowling.

However mean she comes off as, she usually proves to be a friend to the protagonist.

She has  high potential for some dramatic death, but not always.

She's usually alive by the end of the film, despite the odds, though.

She carries some kind of rifle or other high powered weaponry.

And as a general rule, she's generally not the object of affection of our leads.

Now, you may think I'm poking fun at how this Domi-rican actress is getting typecast, but I think there's a reason for it: She's really good at this type of role.

See, getting the ingredients to a believable action girl right is hard. Not everyone can pull it off. And even though we like action girls, an unconvincing action girl can bring the whole thing down. You can't just put any  model in a battle suit and put  guns in her hand and call it a day.

"I used to deesign for GODS!"

Michelle Rodriguez plays tough well.It's a shame she doesn't get too many lead roles since. The closest thing to a leading role I see in her IMDB is Blue Crush, which is a surfing movie I didn't see, so I'm guessing she didn't play a mean, military minded no nonsense surfer.

No one else has billing in this series that isn

't Milla Jovovich. E-VER!

I guess the world isn't particularly ready for a tough hispanic female character that isn't all about sex appeal. All the more reason to do give her a lead. Maybe like in a pirate film or something. Something that isn't a supporting role.   While we wait, I do declare, "I love 'The Michelle Rodriguez character'."

Love Letter: The Michelle Rodriguez character at 11:35 AM

She's about to fix rain. Permanently.

You know, I love an action girl. Just ask anyone. It has lead me to some poor viewing choices, such as Ecks vs Sever, and Immortal. But It's also lead me to good choices, such as 2000's Girlfight.

While the movie itself was way less actiony and a lot more dramaty than I'd hoped, it did introduce to me the wonders of Michelle Rodriguez, and her singular creation: "The Michelle Rodriguez character".

I ain't never seen such a cold stare, mon.

Love Letter: Fender at 11:52 PM

Dude, can you even see?

You know, there's a lot of love for a villain out there that's smart and multidimensional. The schemer, the manipulator, the idealist. The kind of guy you know is only a casting choice away from being a hero. However, straight evil guys, guys who just live on strife, can easily be just as or more fun than those. One such is the first entry into my new series Love Letter, where I gush about the things I like.

The movie Cyborg has a bit of a cult following. Originally an attempt at a sequel to the live action Masters of the Universe movie AND Spider-Man, somehow, Cyborg is one of Jean Claude Van Damme's team up movies that had him teaming up with a cyborg woman in a post apocalyptic scenario before he teamed up with a gay rights icon, videogame characters, or Jean Claude Van Damme. But really, it's the film's villain, Fender that takes the cake.

Then he sets the cake on fire.

Fender Tremolo, as played by surfer Vincent Klyn, is the leader of a gang of marauders that terrorize whoever they can find, apparently for shits and giggles. A tall guy in chainmail and big 80s glasses to hide his freaky eyes,he is as primal and basic as villains come.

The movie by describing the events that lead to the world being thrown back to pretty much the middle ages, and the efforts of some scientists to fix it, and then the narrator turns out to be Fender, who declares he really that he likes the world in it's current state. By screaming. Subverting the narration? My God!

It's clear Fender, like myself, sees the apocalypse as a chance for rapid social ascension by way of "everyone who could have stopped me is dead." When he's not killing people by sticking sharp objects in their mouths, he's searching for Pearl, the titular Cyborg who has the cure for the plague. This drives her to seek the help of Jean Claude Van Damme, who in this movie is a mercenary and protector to those who can pay.

Of course, JCVD has his own past history with Fender, which he recalls as he's crucified by the guy. Back when he was a young, optimist mercenary in the...it's still post apocalypse, I think...Fender put him, his  child and his wife aloft over a well, forcing  Van Damme's other kid to try and save them by HOLDING A BARB WIRE.

Spoiler Alert: Character's who's last name isn't Van Damme die in this scene.

See, Fender isn't just a power hungry madman. He's worst, a sadist. A man who, as they say in my country, will shoot you just to see you jump. The kind of man who knows no remorse or redemption. He's the result of a world with no laws: where you just know some random asshole is gonna try and push everyone until they fall or push back.

The kind of guy you don't want staring at you while you sleep.

But in the end, Fender's just a man, right? When it comes to the movies physical resolution of the conflict, It's easy to remember who's name is atop the poster, and lose that suspension of disbelief. How can some dumb ass leader of a gang defeat the Muscles from Brussels, a trained superfighter who can do the splits on a whim?

Here's how: Fender is immune to pain.

When I was a kid, this scene scared the hell out of me.  I thought Fender really was a cyborg all along. Even thought it just occurred to me he was shown as a young man earlier. Van Damme fuckin' punches the guy, and it's like he's got a button on his face that says: "Primal Scream action Fender!Try me! !" It's never really explained, but I subscribe to the theory of strength by madness. See, unlike certain other people, Van Damme, or at least the makers of this movie understood that if the good guy isn't threatened, the whole thing falls flat.

This is the kind of stuff we want heroes to stop.

And in the end, we feel all the more happier when Van Damme defeats Fender and reunites with his estranged daughter.  Fender really did make this movie. With a story of redemption, revenge, and other played out elements like this, you really need something to make a film above average. Fender may not be the most layered, or innovative villain out there, but he plays it up to eleven and that's why we love him.

Love Letter: Fender at 11:52 PM

Dude, can you even see?

You know, there's a lot of love for a villain out there that's smart and multidimensional. The schemer, the manipulator, the idealist. The kind of guy you know is only a casting choice away from being a hero. However, straight evil guys, guys who just live on strife, can easily be just as or more fun than those. One such is the first entry into my new series Love Letter, where I gush about the things I like.

The movie Cyborg has a bit of a cult following. Originally an attempt at a sequel to the live action Masters of the Universe movie AND Spider-Man, somehow, Cyborg is one of Jean Claude Van Damme's team up movies that had him teaming up with a cyborg woman in a post apocalyptic scenario before he teamed up with a gay rights icon, videogame characters, or Jean Claude Van Damme. But really, it's the film's villain, Fender that takes the cake.

Then he sets the cake on fire.